


The Past Ain't Always Dead

by Aly_Winchester



Series: Rednecks In Love [2]
Category: Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Blood, Bow/Arrow Violence, Crossbow, Death, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Gore, Gun Violence, Guns, Horror, Hurt/Comfort, Knife Violence, Knives, Language, Major Character Injury, Minor Character Death, Nightmares, Non Biological Brother/Sister Relationship, Post-Season 2, Pregnant Sex, Protective Daryl, Protective Rick, Sexual Content, Unplanned Pregnancy, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Zombie Apocalypse, Zombie Violence, Zombies, pre-season 3
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-11-01
Updated: 2016-11-26
Packaged: 2017-11-17 12:28:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 55
Words: 181,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/551576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aly_Winchester/pseuds/Aly_Winchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[Sequel to <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/4674923">What Doesn't Kill You</a>] A long time ago, Daryl Dixon was in love with Amaleen Blake. That also happened to be when she left him in the middle of the night without so much as a word and broke his heart. Now the world has come to an end and survivors are few and far between. When they happen upon each other again, can they learn to survive together? And when the truth of their past is revealed, can they handle it or will it tear the further apart?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Moving On

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first story for fandom. :) I hope everyone likes it and will leave a review! I'd love to hear thoughts on this. (Rated mature, but might change to explicit later for sexual content.)

Not many people see the inside of Daryl Dixon. Not many people see the man beyond who he chooses to show them. He's never been one to over-share. When he was younger, Merle and their father beat it into him that feelings were for pussies and women. A man did not show emotions outwardly. He didn't say the "L" word, he didn't beg, and he most certainly didn't cry. But when Daryl was twenty-five, he met Amaleen May Blake, a twenty-one year old who was definitely out of his league. Fresh out of college, smart and funny, and beautiful as all get out. Made for some lawyer or doctor who could afford to buy her shit like cars and boats and clothes and houses. Not for Daryl who barely made it out of eighth grade and nothing past that. Safe to say he fell fast.

But two years later, Amaleen had enough of her boyfriend's family hating her. At least that's what the note said when she left him in the middle of the night, clutching nothing but a pillow that smelled like her. But Amaleen left Daryl heartbroken and went clear across the country, up the east coast to a small, rural town in New York. Daryl never knew it was Merle who said anything and when their father died, put complete trust in the man, including the hatred for Amaleen.

Ten years later, that's when the world fell. Walkers turned up all over the country. Merle took Daryl and ran. They fought, they hunted, they lived on the road. They came across a group of strangers who oddly enough took them in, despite their lack of respect for anyone else much less the lives of others. They trekked all through Georgia for somewhere safe, but finally came to realization that it just wasn't. They lost so many people already—including Merle—and they just didn't have it in them to fight for their state anymore. It belonged to the dead and they left with heavy hearts. None of them had left longer than a few days before. Maybe a small run across the boarder into South Carolina for ammo or food.

They finally found salvation in Aubryville, South Carolina. The town was so small that it had a corner store, a church, and a post office, nothing else. They decided to hold up in the church. It seemed walkers stayed away as if it was the consecrated grounds that kept them away. They had no clue why, it wasn't as if they were demons or something, but it was good enough for them. They boarded up the windows and sealed the doors at night. It had a small, windowless kitchen in the back and was big enough for everyone to stay in comfortably.

It was Daryl's turn to guard one night when he saw the first movement outside. He had his bow ready, knowing better than to use a gun considering if this was the only walker in town, they could avoid others with a clean, silent kill versus shooting up the whole place and drawing others to them. They used the bell tower as look-out and he had a perfect shot. Scope or not, he was a great shot. Almost better than Rick. He crouched down and looked between the wooden beams of the railing. His eyes narrowed in concentration and he aimed the bow right at the thing.

Of course it took him only a second to realize that it wasn't a normal walker. In fact, it seemed to be looking around, considering its options not just mindlessly wandering for a scent of the living. And then in the next second, he realized it wasn't a walker in all, but in fact a person. He grabbed his bow and quickly ran down the stairs and into the main room, past most of the sleeping bodies and to Rick asleep next to the door. He refused to let anyone else sleep there. Daryl honestly hated to wake him up, the man seriously had issues sleeping and checked their perimeter every thirty minutes, but if there was a survivor out there, they had to make sure he/she wasn't dangerous and didn't bring a herd of walkers in his/her path. He gently nudged Rick's arm with the toe of his boot and the former deputy was instantly awake, gun in his hand and his eyes unfocused, but swinging around anyway.

"Calm down," Daryl bit out in a soft hiss. "Gotta survivor outside. Gonna shoot 'em when I realized they ain't limpin'. Gotta check 'em out. Ya with me?" Rick's eyes slowly focused and then he blinked quickly as if he just realized Daryl was there. Daryl rolled his eyes and sighed softly in impatience. He hated dealing with others, but they saved his life again and again so least he could do was return the favor. Rick nodded at him and grabbed another gun before walking over to the sleeping couple of Glenn and Maggie. He leaned down to nudge at Glenn and get the kid to his sleepy feet.

"Daryl says there's a human outside. Wanna help?" Glenn blinked same as Rick, clearing the sleep from his eyes and mind, before grabbing a gun and nodding. He kissed Maggie on the head and shooshed her when she started to stir. She fell back into an easy sleep and the three men made for the door, all the while Daryl ignoring that stupid, useless fucking ache in his chest every time he saw people acting like a couple. He hated the bitch for leaving him, he shouldn't give a shit what the rest did with their "significant others."

As quietly as they could, they took away the wood that was blocking the door and opened only one side of the church. They closed it and walked down the steps. Rick pulled out a flashlight and found the silhouette of the person Daryl was talking about. It quickly swiveled their way and Rick made sure to show that they weren't walkers, both with the light and the click of Glenn's gun.

"Hey," Rick called softly, hand on his revolver. Glenn had his gun up and Daryl swung his bow close to his chest. He wanted to look intimidating, but not like he was just going to shoot without asking questions, and he didn't want to be caught with his pants down neither. Rick held up his left hand in a white flag sort of fashion. "You a walker?"

As if walkers could answer back. Daryl scoffed softly. "No." The answer was short, clipped, and whispered. And female. But definitely human. Because...walkers couldn't talk. Simple as that. "Obviously you ain't either."

Rick let out a little sigh and shook his head even in the darkness. "No. My name is Rick Grimes. I was a sheriff's deputy in Georgia. This is Glenn and Daryl. What's your name?"

The female didn't answer. Instead she walked into the light of Rick's flashlight and stole the breath from Daryl. He understood why she didn't answer. One look into those familiar green eyes told him exactly who she was.

* * *

  **-Three Days Earlier-**

"Are you fuckin' serious, man?" Daryl burst out before he could stop it. Of course the others just rolled their eyes. They were used to Daryl's outbursts and annoyances. He glared at all of them as he swung his bow over his shoulder. Apparently it was okay to plan shit while he was out hunting. He threw the rabbits and woodchuck to the ground, ignoring the way the others jumped in mild surprise and to avoid being hit by the dead animals and narrowing his eyes. "I ain't leavin' Georgia. I ain't never leave before and I ain't gonna start now."

"Then stay here if you'd like," Lori said with a frown. "It's not safe for us." She put an instinctive, protective hand over her small baby-belly. "Any of us. Going north is the only option. Rick says if we clear out a path small enough to get our caravan through here," She pointed to a point on the boarder between Georgia and South Carolina, "then it's smooth sailing north."

"Georgia's my home," Daryl said. " _Mine._  I ain't abandoning it just 'cause some lamebrains decide they'd like to snack on it."

"It belongs to them now," Rick chimed in. "This mile of road is the only safe place in the state. Forget the cities, forget the woods. It's all walker territory. If we get out of Georgia and find some small town to set up camp in, we might stand a chance. Sitting on our thumbs won't get us anywhere."

"And running like pussies will?"

"We hafta run," Rick spat. "That's all we can do! If you wanna stay and die, go right ahead. We're moving out come first morning light. If you're goin', be ready. If not, it's been nice workin' with ya." He turned and walked away. Daryl can safely say he likes the "new Rick." Old Rick would've sat there and discussed the pros and cons calmly and rationally for hours. Daryl hated calm and rational, that's why he was a Dixon. He lived for the fight no matter with humans, animals, or walkers. Hand-to-hand combat was what he was good at. So having Rick yell at him and storm off got his blood pumping and really, he wanted to run after the man and pick a fight. But the others would stop him. Either way, he could get along a lot better with short-fused, irrational Rick than the mild, rational one.

Daryl shrugged and walked over to his bike. He didn't want to camp with the others, he never did, so he pulled out extra bows, a gun, and a canteen of water and sat right there on the ground, his eyes locked on the trees. He knew Rick would take care of the other side, that's just how things worked with them. When they were on the road, one would take the front and the other the rear. They were the strongest with the least to lose. At least according to Rick. Daryl just didn't ask what was going on with the whole Carl and Lori situation.

Deep into the night, Daryl was still awake while the others slept. Carl and Lori under a tree, Glenn and Maggie by the fire, Hershel and Beth in the car, Carol curled up in the middle of the leaves, and T-Dog sleeping by Rick's post as he was second look-out to Rick. They took turns switching their points, but Daryl made it clear that if he got tired, he would say something. Nobody needed to ask him and he didn't need a second. He was strong enough to know where his limits were. He was never one for sleep anyway. Took up too much time and he was more clear-headed with only one or two hours under his belt. He was told that wasn't healthy, but he also knew he didn't give a shit.

There were a couple times he thought he heard something and crept towards the woods, but nothing came out of the pitch black. No growling, no more noises to accompany them. He was probably losing it or something. Go figure. When morning came, he was—as usual—the first one up and ready to pack. Rick was looking at him funny as he got his bike ready to go. He just shrugged, not answering, and threw his bow over his back.

Everyone was ready to go a few minutes later and Rick told Daryl to take the rear so he could lead. They lost the RV, but they still had the red pick-up truck and the green Honda that Shane had fixed. Glenn and the Greenes rode in that while the Grimes', Carol, and T-Dog got the truck. Daryl, as usual, rode by himself. Carol had rode with him for awhile, but she distance herself from him when he made it clear that he wasn't up for anything like romance or even friendly entanglements. That wasn't who Daryl Dixon was. Well, not for about ten years, but he wasn't going into that pile of shit. Not with Carol, not with anyone.

They needed to get to the check point between South Carolina and Georgia by nightfall. Way before nightfall. They couldn't camp there and they couldn't break a path in the walkers in the dark. It was just impossible. Rick needed to pick up speed and Daryl revved his engine, hoping the former deputy understood. His father long ago taught him how to tell time by reading the sun. He kept a watch on it and when it was almost five, he beeped his horn and the caravan pulled over. He pulled out his bow, knowing this was a bit of a walker hot spot. Rick was frowning when he got out.

"Man, we gotta pick up speed and pretty damn quick or we gotta fin'a way ta camp fer the night. It's 'bout five so we only gotta coupla hours of complete daylight left." He glanced around at the group and saw the other men exchange a glance while the women shifted. They all knew it wasn't safe to camp there, but they seriously overestimated their timing. Unless they pumped it up to about seventy miles an hour, there's no way they could make it there with enough time to clear the checkpoint and find a safe place to camp.

"Let's try it," Rick finally said. "We'll see how far we can get, push up the speed. If we can't make it, we'll find the best place to camp. Meaning we'll set up a boundary and only get four or five hours before we start driving again" He glanced around the group. "Okay, everyone, let's go."

Daryl silently got back on the bike and impatiently waited for everybody else to get situated again in their vehicles and they were off. Daryl almost wish it was just a simple hunting trip. Or hell even just riding for fun. Not that he'd ever admit that. But he used to steal Merle's bike all the time and just go riding. He shook away the thoughts.

Pushing it up to seventy-five, they made it in time. They stopped about half a mile away and already there were thinned out crowds of walkers. Rick and Daryl instantly jumped into motion, grabbing knives and going after them. Glenn and T-Dog brought up the rear as the strongest two started to make a hole in the crowd.

"Ready?" Rick said, already panting. Daryl glanced at him and nodded.

"Let's do this."


	2. Clearing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the wait! So if y'all haven't noticed, since this takes place between seasons 2 and 3, this is like a replacement season 3. (I started writing this before season 3 came out.) So there won't be a Governor or Michonne or Merle, but I haven't figured out the fate of Andrea, Lori, Hershel, or T-Dog yet. It will all come to me sometime later. :) On a different note, wow, thanks for the feedback I've gotten! I very much appreciate it. :) (Note: Un-beta'd as of right now)

It wasn't a secret that Daryl was good at fighting. His whole life he had been getting into fights over one reason or another. He would admit, though, that most of those fights were Merle's fault and his father only persuaded Daryl to fight harder. Neither of those reasons led to Daryl's childhood being anything except fucked up and the only thing that changed his life at all was Amaleen and she completely turned it around. Her betrayal and the constant reminder of her being his first and only love weighed on his mind, the fact that she got away without telling him and just didn't even bother to tell him the truth was what bothered him the most.

So imagine his anger, the way he acted...Merle, his father, Amaleen. The main stressers in his life and the main reasons he was so damn good at his current job. He just imagined he was hacking at any of the three, putting a bullet or an arrow through them in a way to extract revenge from them fucking him up so bad. 

Daryl and Rick went in guns (and crossbow) blazing. They had their knives tight in their hands and swung them as hard as they could towards the onslaught of walkers that started to come out of buildings around them. _Shit,_ he thought to himself. They all knew it'd be a long, hard fight, but there was more there than even they could anticipate. Daryl could already feel blood splattering him and he could hear the others around there grunting and panting as they dove in.

He saw T-Dog and Glenn start in the fight out of the corner of his eye along with Maggie. Hershel, Beth, Lori, Carl, and Carol back by the cars. Hershel would start firing if things got a little too out of hand. But deep down, Daryl was a man who wanted to protect those that couldn't fight from the things that could hurt them. He'd rather be chewed on by a walker before admitting that, though he had a feeling that a couple of his friends already knew, he was too proud to admit that he'd risk his life for the others around him before he'd save himself.

Daryl was shooting and slashing, his eyes tracking where his arrows went so he could gather them when he was done. He knew he'd lose a couple, but he he could always make some more. He watched as Rick moved, covering his ass the same way Rick was covering him. The same way T-Dog and Glenn were covering each other. He'd never say it out loud, but they were a family and he protected his family. Even if they decided they didn't want him, he was loyal. That was just a flaw he had.

When he heard moans coming from behind him, he turned just in time to keep a walker from getting too close to those standing by the car. Lori looked up at him in shock and he nodded once before turning back to help Rick and Glenn. He didn't know how many walkers were in this little shit-hole town, but he could tell from the way they kept filing out of buildings and houses that most if not all the township had been bit. He could see someone's attempts to board up some of the older, stronger buildings to keep walkers out, but he could see by the broken doors and he shattered windows that the attempt had been futile. 

Daryl grunted as a walker crept up next to him, lunging at him, knocking the knife from his hand. He was fighting it to make sure it didn't get near his skin or try and take chunk out of him, grabbing at the extra knife stuck in his belt. He let out a yell as he was nipped at and plunged the knife into the thing's eye-socket. Carol quickly rushed towards him, grabbing his arm. Luckily no skin was broken and he gently pushed her away with a slight look as he then continued to stab the walker. When he was satisfied with its second death, he stood up, the front of his shirt drenched in sweat and blood. He knew he probably smelled worse than he looked, but when they cleared out a place, he would find the nearest creek and take a dip in it.

He ran around to collect some of his arrows having used most of them to shoot from farther away in effort to pull up the rear behind the other three. He reloaded quickly, but decided to drop the crossbow to swing around to his back and use his gun. He knew he was better with the crossbow, but the gun was easier to load and reload. Rick had already planned to find the nearest sporting good store or police station to grab their weapons, and it looked like it'd be even easier than they had originally thought. 

Finally they started to make a dent after about an hour of fighting. Hershel, Beth, Lori, Carl, and Carol had picked up some weapons and started firing from their position by the car, Hershel taking lead. “Let's push them back a mile that way!” Rick yelled, pointing towards the tree line. “Once we get half a mile out, switch to knives and then get away quietly. I don't want to draw their attention back to town.” The others agreed with him even if they didn't say it. Rick was the leader, they unanimously agreed even if some people fought or had their own opinions. Daryl sure as hell wasn't going to lead and Glenn wasn't up for it. Rick was a born leader.

Lori stayed towards the back with Beth and Carl while Hershel and Carol went to fight with the others. They needed it and they fought quieter than they ever had before. There were even walkers around they that didn't notice them until the wind sent their smell or until there was one of their own dropping to the ground next to them. They were all tired and worn out, but they needed more cleared. At least to be safe for the night, they didn't need to go to sleep and wake up to find themselves surrounded by a herd.

Rick signaled them almost an hour in. He nodded once and pointed back towards the center of town. They all stopped their fighting, softly panting into the night air. Daryl's eyes flickered over the walkers that still milled about, not even looking in their direction. They slowly made their way back to the center of town, their steps dull and full of trepidation. None of them were comfortable with sleeping someplace unknown without having a cover of the perimeter. Daryl already figured he'd be up most of the night so he would offer to take watch. 

Silently they grabbed supplies and went into the nearest building, it looked like it used to be a bank. If they knew they wouldn't get locked in, Daryl would suggest sleeping in the vaults. But it would be better to have windows, so with Glenn and Rick leading the way, guns raised, they made their way upstairs where the offices of the manager and other ranking employees were. They slowly split themselves up and were surprised to only come across one walker, the man they assumed was the bank manager himself as he looked like he was a walker from the twenties. T-Dog took him out easily and he and Glenn threw it out the window.

Rick took Lori and Carl across the hall while Glenn, Maggie, Beth, and Hershel took the room they were in. T-Dog and Daryl looked at each other and then shrugged, heading over to the smallest room at the back. T-Dog instantly laid down while Daryl grabbed his bag and dragged it out of the room. He grabbed his gun and mumbled to Rick where he was going before heading outside.

The sun was just setting and Daryl breathed in, hoping that he could just smell the scent of fresh air, but of course all he smelled was the rotting bodies of the walkers they took down. He grunted as he grabbed his knife out, walking quickly and quietly through the bodies. He didn't care of the others slept, he needed to be clean for once in his life.

Expert tracker that he was, he was able to avoid the most traveled paths—assuming they were walkers and animals both—and made it to a nearby stream without any headaches. He dropped his stuff to the ground and looked around before stripping to his boxers and sliding in. Luckily it smelled clean as it usually had reminisce of walker in it, but it wasn't like he was going to drink it anyway.

As he cleaned the dirt, blood, and grime from his body, he couldn't help but stare up at the dusk sky. It seemed like the world was still the same the more he looked. He could almost hear the grinding of dirty tractor engines and the distant sound of hunters catching their prey. If he closed his eyes, he could almost smell freshly mown grass the the scent of pie from Mrs. Baker down the street. He couldn't help a small smile quirk the corner of his mouth. Even as he heard rustling far off into the woods, he pretended, just for a moment, that it was a random deer sneaking towards him and not the sound of a walker stumbling along the leaves.

He decided it was time to get out when the sun sunk behind the hills. He didn't want to get stuck in the woods without a flashlight, which made his face fall to a frown as he realized how idiotic it was to go out there without one. Getting stuck in the woods with walkers so close by wasn't something he was going to jump at the chance to do.

He grabbed new clothes from his bag and dunked his dirty stuff in the stream before heading back. He knew the women had enough on their hands without having to worry about washing his clothing, too. He was a grown man, besides. He didn't need to be looked after. 

The trip back to town was quicker than the one to the stream. He stayed in his earlier path and made no sound as he crept back into the bank. Once inside, he found Rick's room and told him he was going to find the roof exit and take watch. He saw their fearless leader was too tired to argue, so Daryl left after that and made for the outer offices. He finally found it in a large janitor's closet. Taking his crossbow, a gun with a scope, and a knife he made himself a little perch on the roof and took a seat. He really wished he had some smokes and whiskey, but he just settled for some previously-boiled well water from the farm.

He watched as the sun completely disappeared, leaving the land in complete darkness. It was surreal to look over the landscape and see slight, slow movements of walkers down the road. He looked around and saw no other movement and was satisfied to sit down and make sure that the movement he could see didn't come closer. Taking a “hit” from the water jug, he slowly fell into his rhythm of watch, not once wishing he was one of them asleep downstairs.


	3. Home Sweet Home?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the wait on this one... Hope it was worth it! Comments are love and thanks for reading!

Daryl hadn't bothered to wake anybody up for the next watch and ignored the annoyed look he got from Rick as everybody else rose as the sun did. He had said he would wake Rick and later Rick would wake Glenn, and then Glenn would wake T-Dog, so the duty of watch would be split evenly amongst the group. But Daryl wouldn't have been able to sleep anyway, so why wake the others from something they seriously lacked when he was going to be awake anyway? He didn't even need to take out any walkers, it was a quiet night in that small town. He decided quickly that they were the only humans there, unless they were extremely well hidden. The store across the street still had some stuff left in it that they could clear out, but not a lot. He couldn't tell if it would be useful to them from his perch, but at that point anything was useful. They lost all the supplies they had gathered when they lost the farm. 

"Glenn, Maggie, and Beth...you three go over to the store and grab everything that's usable. T, Daryl...you two and me are gonna go clear out more of the walkers. Carl, Lori, Carol, and Hershel...you three start settin' stuff up here. I wanna stay here for a week or two before we head back out. I was thinkin' that we need this. After everything that happened, we need a rest. If we get rid'a these walkers, it'll be safe as the farm." Everybody silently looked at each other before nodding.

As Rick had made clear before leaving Georgia, this wasn't a democracy anymore. There were no room for arguments. Rick was their leader and if they truly wanted and needed his help—which they obviously did—then they had to let him do his job. Lives were at stake, and they couldn't let Shane happen over again. That was a disaster that could've been avoided. Daryl didn't blame Rick for what happened, he would've done the exact same thing. It reminded him of what happened with Merle, what Rick did then. Both instances were for the greater good. If either were still there, who knows what would've happened. And while he missed his brother, he knew Merle wouldn't change, hadn't ever since Daryl could remember. The survival of those in the group meant more than one life. He saw that now, as much as he really didn't like it.

Throwing his crossbow over his back, he shoved a knife in his belt and a gun in the back of his jeans. He made sure he had enough arrows and bullets because they had no idea how many lingered around town. He knew Rick was confident in Glenn and Maggie being able to take out the walkers in the store otherwise he wouldn't have sent Beth with them or sent them alone. Daryl knew there were only a couple outside, and one or two inside. The rest of those in the streets had been taken out or pushed back to where they were going. Daryl wondered if Rick was thinking of making this their new "farm," making the town theirs. The church wasn't the only building with higher ground, and there were plenty of them to put look-outs in. Split the families up into their own buildings and make this somewhere they actually might be able to survive. 

Shutting the doors tightly behind them, the parties broke up and went on their way, three to the store and three to start thinning out those they pushed back a mile. The three men were silent as they got to work, Rick making gestures for them to follow. They killed as quietly as they could not to draw so much attention. There might be others in the woods that they didn't need happening upon the town while they were there. Guns were always last resort, knives and arrows flying as they worked to take out the herd. It went easier than they thought, but it still took about three or four hours by the time they were done. They put the bodies in piles, as much as they thought they could, to burn later. They would drag out the ones that were littered across the streets in hopes that it wouldn't attract other walkers to the town. 

All three men were sweaty, tired, and sticky with walker blood. They wanted to go back and wash up, but they knew they had to make sure everything was in order first. Glenn, Maggie, and Beth were already back and they had helped Carl, Lori, Carol, and Hershel with setting up the bank. The roof was kept for keeping watch where Daryl had perched the night before, while there were enough rooms that every family could have their own. Glenn and Maggie, Hershel and Beth, Lori and Rick and Carl, and then T-Dog with Carol. Daryl decided just to plop himself in the lobby, keeping himself there in case anything or anyone decided to come in, he would be the first to hear about it. Keep the group safe, there was nobody arguing with him there. 

"I ain't bein' locked in a room upstairs if we're under attack," he mumbled, causing everyone else just to relent and not argue. Rick didn't allow him to take watch that night, and that caused Daryl to growl softly, but as the night went, he still sat at the front lobby windows and watched through them. He pretended that he had gotten sleep as they scouted through other buildings coming across a drug store for more meds, a clothing store, and a bar. It was tempting to go to the bar and look for booze, but Hershel kept them all away from that and for a very good reason to which Rick agreed. He sent Maggie, Lori, and Carol to the clothing store while the rest of them split between the drug store and burning the walkers that had fallen. It was better to do in daytime that way the smoke and the flames wouldn't be seen by anything else passing by. 

It was a boring day and to relieve the tension, Daryl took watch again. It was that night he spotted the figure and roused Rick and Glenn from sleep. Staring at Amaleen, his entire body was tense and slowly his lip turned up to a snarl even though he didn't say a word. Her eyes flickered between the three men, usually landing on Daryl for a couple seconds longer, before turning to Rick again to answer his questions. 

"Amaleen Blake," she finally answered, her back keeping her straight and she slowly held up her hands before reaching behind her for her gun and pulling a knife out of her boot. "I'm not here ta hurtcha, I promise. I was just looking for food, but if there ain't any, I'll just be on my way."

Daryl's body tensed even more. She even sounded the same despite the years in New York. She was still a southerner by heart and Daryl knew that. Still, he decided he didn't want to know that. He didn't want to know her at all. She was the only person to get under his skin, to get behind that defensive wall around his heart, and then tore it down like he was nothing to her. He wanted to send her packing, but one glance at Rick told him that the ex-cop had other ideas. 

Groaning, he shook his head and held his crossbow tighter. "Nuh uh, I know wha' that look means, Rick. We ain't got room fer anyone else, least of all her." He sneered at her causing Rick and Glenn to frown and Amaleen to look away, hiding the pain of Daryl's words from the other men. "Give her a can'a beans and send her on her way." 

Rick looked between the two quickly, seeing there was more to it than met the eye, but he was leader there. The woman needed food, he could tell that from the gaunt look on her cheeks and the way she held herself, almost doubling over her stomach in hunger. And anybody with eyes could see that she was exhausted, in dire need of sleep. At least for one night they could keep her there with them, and the next morning see if there was anything she could assist them with. And Rick could have a chat with Daryl about why he was resisting so hard, he had never seen Daryl glare so hard at someone, even Shane. 

"We'll try it for one night," Rick finally said, causing Daryl to scoff and turn away. "Tomorrow we'll make another decision. But you can have some food and good sleep tonight at least, okay?" The woman looked so thankful that she was ready to cry, and she nodded to the deputy. 

"Thank you so much," she said gratefully. Daryl growled and spun on his heel, stalking back inside even as Rick and Glenn hissed his name to come back. Back up to the roof he went, knowing he wouldn't sleep that night after all, and not wanting to be in the building with her there. It was a calm night out, but he wished there was something he could go down and fight, get his anger out on something other than Amaleen's face. Slowly he saw the other three disappear inside, and he slouched along the building, eyes angry as he searched the dark. 

* * *

Amaleen was led inside to the nearest room where she was given a place to sleep and an open can of cold beans with a spoon. She didn't care what it was, she thanked them again and ate up quickly, trying to slow down but unable to help it. She hadn't eaten anything other than berries and bark in the past week. Her water had long run out and she had no way to make a fire to boil any from the stream. Part of her wanted to ask to join their group, she had been in another and it had been much safer than it was when she was alone, until they got attacked and she ran. But now that she saw who was there in this new group she found, she wouldn't be asking. 

The past came back to haunt her as she stared out the window at the vacant street. As tired as she was, she couldn't sleep right away. The streets were quiet, but she could practically feel the unease and anger from the man two floors above her. Even though she had been gone for a good ten years, she knew that look on his face just like it was yesterday. She had never seen him quite so angry, though, and she knew it had to do with her. She hadn't wanted to cause him that pain, despite how she left, she had loved him back then. She left telling him that she was tired of Merle and Will Dixon's words and she couldn't take it anymore. While that much was true, that was only part of the story. 

Merle's threat to her had been loud and clear: get away from his brother, or he would kill her...and the little life growing inside her. Merle never told her he thought his brother too good for her, but he didn't need to say it outright for her to understand. When she and Daryl met, she was fresh out of undergraduate work at college and looking for a job she could work while she went part time to graduate school. Daryl came into her life and those plans ended, much to the disappointment of her parents, but Daryl had been the man she looked for her whole life. Short-tempered and usually bitter and angry, he was still a good man, treated her like a princess and gave her things she didn't even know she needed or wanted. When she found out she was pregnant, the first person she spoke to was Merle. She and Merle never saw eye to eye, but he knew his brother, and she wanted his advice on how to tell him. 

It was then Merle flipped out, calling her a cheater, a two-timing whore who needed to stay out of his brother's life. "A baby will ruin him," Merle had said, especially because Merle was convinced that a girl like Amaleen couldn't possibly want a man like Daryl, and had cheated on him and gotten pregnant. "My brother ain't raisin' another man's baby." Amaleen had been so frightened of his words after he threatened her that she ran, packed up that night, and left. 

Her son's name had been Alexander Daryl Dixon and only lived to see his fifth birthday. He had a brain tumor when he was born and the doctors all said she was lucky to get five wonderful years with him. Leaving Daryl had been hard enough, but burying their baby born had been the hardest day of her life. A little child that was part of her, and part of the man she loved as well. An innocent child who deserved to live. Part of her hated herself for not being able to make him better, and she hated herself even more when she realized she was glad he wasn't alive to see this new world. She would rather him not be torn apart by biters. 

Still, Daryl never knew about him as Merle made her swear to it. "Let my brother think ya just left, don't tell him that ya whored around on him, too." She promised to never tell him and she would keep that promise, unsure if Merle were still alive or not, but Alexander was gone. What would be the use of bringing up the past and only hurting him all over again? 

Silently she reached into her back pocket and pulled out the crumpled picture she kept there. Herself five years younger, and a small boy that never had a chance. Gaunt and pale from chemo and radiation, not a hint of hair anywhere on his head. Smiling wider than ever. But he was the most beautiful little boy with his daddy's big, bright blue eyes. Amaleen's bottom lip trembled as her thumb traced the picture, her heart aching just like always when she thought of her poor baby boy. 

"Momma loves ya, Alex," she whispered to the picture. "It's okay, baby boy. Momma loves ya." Just like the day he slipped away. Sniffling softly, she tucked the picture in her hand as she laid on her bag for a pillow and used her coat for a blanket, finally falling into sleep where dreams of what might have been if she stayed, if Alex lived drifted through her mind. 


	4. To Stay or Not to Stay

When she woke, Amaleen gasped herself awake, her mind panicking for a moment as she realized that she wasn't settled in a tree to sleep like she normally was. Ever since the world ended, she usually kept herself to the woods, only going into towns if she needed supplies like more food or clothing. Sleep was few and far between, only if she could find a tree she could climb with a limb that was sturdy enough to hold her through the night. Rarely did she find a cabin she trusted, knowing that she could be sleeping while something or someone broke down a door and attacked her. No, she preferred a place where she knew it was safe. It took her a moment to realize that she was safe where she was, that she was in the building that Rick had let her into. The building was secure with a watch up top and so she relaxed, rousing herself from her slumbering position. 

Her body was stiff from sleeping on the floor, but she still felt well rested compared to how she normally felt. Her eyes caught sight of the picture she had let go of in her sleep and she smiled sadly, tucking it away in her pocket as she shoved her arms into her jacket and put her bag over her back. The picture reminded her of who she ran into the night before, the man she longed for for so long, the one that ruined the possibility of being with anyone else. For five years she only had her son, and for the five years after that she was alone. She had finally just gotten over Daryl when the world ended, and now here she was, thrust back at him. It felt like a slowly mending sore getting ripped open again and oozing all the pain she had before when the wound was fresh.

But she had to hold herself together until she could get out of there. She wasn't planning on staying long, just long enough to thank the men that allowed her to sleep under their roof by doing anything they needed her to, before she would disappear in the woods that she came from. Trees hurt less than ex-boyfriends...or people in general. 

Slowly she opened the door and peaked out, hearing soft voices come from the direction of the lobby. Shutting the door behind her, she realized as she walked that they were in a bank. The vault was sealed shut, but she could see the teller booths as she entered. Now-useless money and other various papers littered the floor, blood splatters here and there. There were no visible bodies so either there weren't any, or the group disposed of them when the took over the building. Amaleen was a bit impressed with how the group worked, and was too busy looking around to notice the quieted voices at first. 

When she looked over, there was a group of about nine or ten people staring at her, including the three men from the night before, though one still looked more than displeased to see her still there. One was a kid, the rest a mixture of men and women. She fidgeted slightly and pulled her bag tighter, boots scuffing on the once-polished floor. "Sorry if I slept too long," she finally said. Her eyes turned to Rick and ignored the coldness that lingered behind Daryl, and the ache in her chest knowing that she caused it. "I really want to thank you for opening your—"  _Not home_. "—for giving me a place to sleep. If there's anything I can do, I would be happy to do it, if not I'll get out of your hair."

"Good, see ya," Daryl snapped, turning back to the breakfast he was eating. The others, while probably used to his mood swings, even looked surprised at his outburst. Amaleen glanced at her boots and nodded, stepping forward slowly and inching for the door. 

"Right... I-I guess I'll be on my way then. Thank you, again, very much."

"Bye." 

Her eyes flickered once more to the redneck before she marched out of the building with her head held high, holding back the tears as she made her way for the woods again. It wasn't until she was about to step into the line of trees when she heard her name being called and she whipped around, brows furrowing as she pushed some dark pieces of hair out of her eyes. Rick was jogging towards her, eyes flickering as she knew he had to watch carefully, but he stopped her from going anywhere, too stumped as to what he needed. She didn't take anything from them. Perhaps he really did want manual labor as repayment and Daryl had shooed her off too quickly.

"Amaleen, wait!" he called, breath coming out in soft pants as he stopped in front of her. Eyes wide, she looked at him, waiting for him to speak. "I'm sorry about Daryl." She shrugged and snapped out of her shock at the sound of his name, eyes going for her boots again. 

"I deserve it, it's okay," she said softly. He frowned at her words, but didn't press right away, there would be time for that later. 

"You don't hafta run off s' quick. Let's get ya some breakfast and...if you want to stay longer, you're welcome ta. The group will need ta meet ya, but you don't look like you'll do any harm." 

Raising an eyebrow she slowly shook her head. She could tell Rick was a good judge of character, if being an ex-cop was worth anything, but he was right. She didn't want to harm them, not even a little. She longed to be with a group, but she knew that being at odds with Daryl, who knowing him was probably already an integral part of the group no matter how stubborn he was, would hinder their opinions on her staying. 

"I really appreciate it, but I dunno... With Daryl—" 

"I don't know what that's all about, and you don't hafta tell me, that's not what I'm lookin' for. But if you want to help out and join us, we would love to have you." The next smile was genuine and slowly Amaleen smiled back. If she stayed, she and Daryl didn't have to spend 24/7 together. There were separate rooms and separate jobs and the only moments they would possibly share together would be at meals. She could deal with that, no matter how much she just wanted to blurt out an apology and explain everything that happened. She would hold her tongue for the group's sake, and for Daryl's, knowing she already did enough damage to him. 

"I accept," she said with a soft laugh. "I really appreciate it, thank you." 

Rick grinned wider at her acceptance and held out an arm to lead her back into the bank. Of course she was met with a warm welcome of "oh fuck no!" from Daryl before he stormed off, probably to the roof, but the rest of the group was very welcoming to her. Rick's wife Lori and their son Carl, Hershel with his daughters Beth and Maggie (who she discovered is dating Glenn), and then T-Dog and Carol. They welcomed her to sit down and eat with them and she ate slowly, trying not to just scarf down more than what was due to her. But she was still hungry from a week of barely anything. 

Once she was done with her portion, she stood with Lori and Carol to collect the other dishes to be washed. Pausing, she looked around wondering  what they would want from her. She didn't think there was an ulterior motive for Rick asking her to stay, but everybody had a job in every society and she wondered what hers would be. She wanted to help fight and keep the group safe, but taking a look around, she was seeing that was the job of the guys while the woman took care of things back here. That didn't really bother her either way, wherever they needed her, she would help. 

"I know where the stream is. If you want, we can take these there to wash them, or if you have any jugs, we could fill those up to boil and then wash them after that," Amaleen said, her eyes flickering between everyone else. She saw Rick debating before he finally nodded. 

"That's a good idea. I think boiling is better just to be on the safe side." Amaleen nodded in agreement. "Maggie, you and Carol go with her. The rest of us will sort through what we found yesterday and take a stock of it all so we know." He paused and eyed Amaleen for a moment. "Daryl has watch right now, T you can take over for him in a couple hours." 

Everyone nodded and got to work. Amaleen took her bag back into the room Rick had given her. It looked to her like just a small office with a small window, or perhaps it was once a closet. Either way it was much better than sleeping in a tree where bugs ate you alive and the bark scratched up your legs. She carefully set it in the corner, and double checked that her picture of Alex was in her pocket, before she set out with Maggie and Carol. Maggie was carrying a rifle over her shoulder and a couple jugs, Carol had a knife on her belt and a couple as well, while Amaleen took up the rear with her own knife and jugs. They were all quiet as they walked, Amaleen's eyes on the ground and she gently nudged a pebble with the toe of her boot. 

"So Daryl..." Maggie started, her voice trailing off catching Amaleen's attention immediately. Green eyes looked up in shock to the other brunette and Maggie gave her a sheepish smile. "Daryl is grumpy about ninety-nine percent of the time, but I've never seen him act like that. And the way you act around him, it's not hard to tell. You know each other."

Amaleen sighed and looked down at her boots, kicking another pebble with her toe. She hadn't wanted this brought out in the open so soon, least of all with the rest of the group, but she supposed that they deserved to hear if there would be all of that unresolved tension between the two of them. Daryl was already part of the group, and she wasn't. If the tension got to be too much, then she would be the first one to leave. Not that she would knowingly cause it, though supposed she was just by being there. It's not like she planned on showing up and ruining his life all over again. 

Taking a breath, she finally was able to blurt out, "We used to date." The shock on the other women's faces nearly made her giggle, but she held it back with a cough and thick swallow, but the small smirk did manage to get through and grace her lips. "It was a long time ago, about ten years now. It didn't—" She paused and shrugged, choosing her words wisely. "—it didn't end well. I left him." Slowly her eyes flickered over to Maggie and Carol who both looked to be in thought. "Despite what he might say, I do regret it. But I had my reasons, and what's done is done. Clearly he's not over it, but I understand. I'm not going to ask for his forgiveness, and if he truly wants me gone, I'll leave. I accepted Rick's offer because it's harder being alone than with a group. But he was here first, and if he doesn't want me here, I'll leave." 

The rest of the walk to the creek was quiet as Maggie and Carol thought over Amaleen's words. Amaleen wasn't sure if that was good or bad, but she understood. It was peaceful there and she was surprised to see how many biters they managed to clear away from the towns. She could see the obvious piles that they had burned, and she knew that would help to keep other biters out of the town. This place could be a success, be safe if they really wanted it to. Add a couple walls and have another watch duty across the street on top of the drug store. It would be easy to see from there. Amaleen wondered if she should suggest that to Rick, but she didn't want to step on any toes. She didn't know what their plans were if they had any, so she would just keep her opinions to herself. 

Luckily once they reached the creek, Maggie and Carol started talking again and they had a good conversation. Of course Amaleen wanted nothing more than to get along with everyone and stay, but that might be just a pipe dream. She knew Daryl very well, and he hadn't changed all that much from when she knew him before. He was a good man, but he was stubborn and held grudges.

The three women were giggling as they made their way back to the building, the others in there already had everything sorted and cataloged so they knew what they had, what could be left behind if needed, and what they still needed to get. Daryl still wasn't down from his perch which was okay with her because that meant that she would have room to breathe and possibly show them that she could be an asset to the group despite the fact that she and Daryl were already at odds. 

"I can start boiling if you want," Amaleen said, stripping off her jacket and tying it around her waist. It was getting warm and she had a long-sleeved plaid shirt on over a tank with jeans so she was perspiring a little. Once she started with the water and the fire, she knew that it would get too warm with all her clothes on. Deciding to take the plaid shirt off as well, she tossed that over a nearby chair and grabbed the pot that Carol handed to her and she lugged it out in front of the building. One of the guys had grabbed firewood and she stacked them together and poured a little bit of gas from the jug sitting nearby to light it on fire.

Taking a seat on the ground next to the fire on her knees, she poured in the jugs one-by-one into the pot to boil, setting the pot aside to cool down so that the plastic of the jugs didn't melt once she poured the water back in. Keeping her eyes locked on her work, she didn't realize the figure behind her until her name was said. 

"Amaleen." Jumping in her spot, she quickly recognized the voice as she would for the rest of her life. That was the voice that had said her name so often before, in happiness, in sadness, in anger, in ecstasy. She hadn't realized then how much she missed hearing him say her name, but she pushed down the longing as she slowly looked up at the squinting, angry redneck. 

"Daryl," she said softly, pulling herself into a standing position, wiping her hands on her jeans as she did so. The look in his eyes would haunt her for the rest of her days. The anger was clear, but the look of pain so deep inside she knew that the others probably didn't even see it, was what hurt her. The pain inside her from the night she left had only been pushed aside, never really faded. And looking at him then, it only flared up until it was choking her, cutting off her breath and her hand fisted at her side, longing to pull out the picture she kept so she could keep her baby near. 

"What're ya doin' here?" he demanded. "This's more than just a coincidence. Ya planned it, I know ya did."

She scoffed softly and wrapped her arms around herself in a defensive fashion, trying to pretend that she was just as annoyed as he was, but it was clear to anyone who looked that she was faking. 

"Yeah 'cause the world ended, s' I though why not stalk an ex-boyfriend, would be a helluva good time." He narrowed his eyes at her even more and she huffed, turning to take the boiling pot off the fire and set it on the ground to cool, bringing the next and final jug closer to her. "I was with a group, and they came down here, thought it was safe. But it wasn't, they're all dead. S' I got stuck here just wandering." She knew New York and she knew Georgia, but this was South Carolina and she knew nothing about it, she wouldn't purposely go there.

He looked to be thinking for a few moments before he started grumbling and looked way. Amaleen sighed and ran a hand down her face, tugging at the ends of her hair just like she always did when she was nervous or upset. "Look, I didn't come lookin' for ya, s' if you really want me to leave, then I can. I only stayed because Rick asked me to." She paused. "I-I want to stay, it really sucks bein' out there by yourself, but you were here b'fore me, so just tell me if you want me to leave." 

 _At least this time I'm asking him,_ she thought to herself as she studied his face for his reaction. He still looked pissed off and tense, but finally he gave a grunt and a gruff nod. Without a word, he turned on his heel and left, leaving her alone to her work. She supposed that was all the reaction she was going to get, and she would take it. Taking a shaky breath, she turned to sit down, slipping Alex's picture out. 

"Papa loves ya, too, baby boy," she whispered to it before it went back into her pocket and finished up with boiling the water.


	5. Secrets Never Go Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is sort of a filler, but hope you enjoy! Thanks for reading, comments are love!

Brooding was an understatement for what Daryl was doing. Glaring through the windows to the buildings across the way, his arms were crossed and he couldn't concentrate on anything except for the brunette he knew was still working down below on boiling the jugs of water. As much as he hated to admit it, she would be an asset. He remembers her very well, as soon as she sets her mind to something, she would get it done no matter the worries or consequences. She was a strong person no matter how much she hurt him or he hated her. Rick made the right choice, but no matter what, Daryl would always have a hard time accepting it.

Grunting softly, he moved off to grab his crossbow, gun, and knife. He sheathed the knife, shoved the gun in the back of his jeans, and carried the crossbow with him. He was getting too antsy, he couldn't stay around there any longer. They needed more food than just canned beans and corn, and the best thing would be to go find a deer, or at least a dozen squirrels or so. If they cooked them and preserved them right, it would last longer so they could ration them.

Finding Rick with Glenn and Hershel downstairs talking about how long they should stay, Daryl walked up to them and caught their attention. Rick immediately noticed the weapons on his figure and raised an eyebrow at him. "Gonna go huntin'," he grunted, looking down to make sure he had enough arrows in the quiver, before he glanced between the three other men. "Gonna try and get a deer, or at least some squirrel."

Rick didn't say anything for a couple moments and he could see the wheels turning in the deputy's mind. It was clear Rick's first thought was of his reaction to Amaleen, and that he didn't know why Daryl and her were at odds, and if Daryl had anything to say about it, he wouldn't. It was in the past despite the fact that Daryl still felt it like it was yesterday. And they couldn't let that kind of thing effect them when they were trying so hard to just survive. Amaleen could be an asset and Daryl had to just swallow down his discomfort and hatred and stubbornness and deal with it.

"How long ya gonna be gone?" Rick finally asked. Daryl let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding, fully ready to argue with the younger man.

"Thinkin' 'til tomorrow mornin' at the latest if I find deer tracks. If not, I'll be back by tonight."

Rick nodded at him and Daryl nodded to the other two before he made his way back outside. He passed Amaleen on the way without a word, along with Maggie, Carol, Beth, and Lori who had joined her. They were all giggling over something and Daryl didn't even want to understand women sometimes. He could feel eyes on him as he silently walked into the woods to get his hunt going. The woods were quiet just like he liked them, and he walked slowly, trying not to step on fallen leaves or twigs and make a noise, both so he didn't attract walkers and so he didn't scare away possible food.

Three hours in, he found no sign of deer, but managed to get six squirrel along with a rabbit and two woodchucks. A deer would be best, it would last much longer, but this would be great. They could even use the rabbit and woodchucks to make jerky, he remembered how from when his dad and Merle used to do it, but it would only work if they stayed there for awhile as smoking jerky took time.

Finally after another couple hours, Daryl had a couple more squirrels and he was ready to head back. He would try again for a deer in a day or two, but they had enough between what he caught and the other food they had that it would last if he didn't.

Only Amaleen was still outside when he got back, a cigarette to her lips. An instant craving for one went through him, but he had work to do. Obviously he wouldn't skin them in the middle of the lobby, so he turned his back to her and plopped himself down next to the fire that was still slowly smoldering. It was an awkward kind of quiet between the two of them as he sat his kills down on the ground in front of him and grabbed out his knife. Usually he used a couple different kinds, one to skin and one to cut apart the meat. But he lost his other one and so he would have to make due with the one he had, even though it was uncomfortable to skin with it as it was too long. He just hoped he didn't ruin the meat as he slowly cut through the stomach of the first squirrel, blood flooding the ground by his feet that he would have to wash away later.

He was so focused on his work that he didn't notice her light footsteps until there was a figure next to him and a lit cigarette in his face. Looking over sharply, her face was even and he merely grunted, reaching up with one bloody hand to pluck the stick from her fingers and put it to his lips. She still had hers so he assumed they wouldn't be sharing. He didn't say anything as they sat there, him skinning and gutting the squirrel while she just smoked.

"Are we ever going to talk about this?"

Her soft voice broke through his concentration and he looked over at her like she just smacked him. "And why the fuck would we do that?"

She shrugged and kept her eyes locked on her boots, dropping the spent cigarette into the fire beside her. "I guess that talk should've been ten years ago. I just figured we could try and not hate each other since we're gonna be spendin' some time together."

Daryl looked away and sneered slightly, going back to his work. He didn't say anything, but that was the usual. Emotional shit wasn't his thing and he wanted nothing more than just to walk away before she did or said anything else, but he had work to do. Setting up the fire to work as a smoker, he set some of the rabbit and woodchuck in it and went to work on cooking up the rest of the meat to jar.

Amaleen looked like she was about to say something else, but then Rick walked out and he breathed a short sigh of relief. Looking up at the deputy as he kneeled beside him, Daryl showed him what he was doing and what his ideas were for the rest of the meat. Rick nodded along, eyes flickering over to Amaleen as she started lugging the jugs back inside so that the dishes could be washed and people could fill up their water bottles.

Once she disappeared, Rick kneeled down by Daryl, eyes slightly narrowed as he looked over the redneck's face. Daryl could tell what he wanted to ask, talk about the reason that he was so against Amaleen being there, and he knew that the deputy knew it wasn't because she was a stranger to the rest of the group. His reaction went further than that, but he wouldn't say a word unless he absolutely had to.

"Should be done cookin' it soon. Have it fer dinner. Smokin' is gonna take longer, though," he said, avoiding the subject for all he was worth. He probably should tell Rick considering the man was their leader and he deserved to know what was going on with them, but it also happened a decade ago. That was the same reason that Daryl knew he should just let it go as well, but he couldn't. The one and only person to break down his walls and make him feel something, was the one and only person to also crush his heart under her boot.

"Sounds good," Rick said, glancing over the meat. "The rest we can have Carol and Lori jar up so it's preserved." Daryl nodded along and finally threw the butt of his own cigarette into the fire. "Look, I don't know what's going on and I don't care. You're one of us, Daryl." The hunter looked up sharply, but his eyes were softer than normal just for a moment. "If you want her to leave, you just have to say so. We would choose you over her."

Daryl grunted and looked away again, ignoring the soft redness on his cheeks as he stared at the flames licking the bottom of the pan. It was cooling down more and more each day and the fire would be well needed in the winter months. At the time, though, sweat dotted his forehead as he stared into yellow and orange flames. He didn't know how to respond, his stubborn side wanting her gone, while his humanity and the part that still longed for her, as much as he hated to admit that part still existed, told him he couldn't send her out to be alone again. Despite everything, he would hate it if she died.

"She don't hafta go nowhere," he mumbled to himself, flipping the last bit of squirrel before standing and heading in to get Carol and Lori to start the jarring. Amaleen and Beth were washing dishes, gossiping quietly over something he couldn't hear. Amaleen had been a farm girl just like Beth and Maggie back in the day, so he knew they would have a lot in common.

He caught her eye for just a moment before turning and heading upstairs to relieve Glenn of his watch duty, tired of being around people, he just needed to be alone.

* * *

 

Later that night, Amaleen was left alone again her little cupboard room which everyone unanimously agreed she could have. She saw they all shared and argued that she shouldn't have a room to herself, but considering it was so small and the others were all full, it made the most sense. They had other rooms for storage so it wasn't like they needed that one. She finally hesitantly agreed and set up a small bed out of her bag and a blanket that Maggie gave her, using her coat still as a cover.

She didn't sleep right away, though. She had found a small desk in another room that nobody minded if she took and she put that against the window ledge so she would have somewhere to sit. She had only an hour before she would take over watch for Daryl. Rick looked a little bit hesitant to leave her alone up there, still wondering if they could trust her, but Beth offered to join her so he relented. Amaleen knew she should sleep until then, but her eyes didn't seem to want to stay closed.

Her eyes darted over the moonlit street. There were no signs of biters or any living people out there, which was definitely a good sign. The group did well to hide their cars and trucks in the trees surrounding the bank so in case other people did pass through, it wouldn't be too obvious that there were living people in the building. The fire was long doused out and Amaleen could see a thin sliver of smoke towards the front door from where it was still cooling down.

Alex's picture was clutched in her hand just like always before she went to sleep. Part of her was more guilty now that she was around Daryl again that she never told him about Alex and she had no future plans to. But why would she tell him only to hurt him all over again? He was better off not knowing his son died, she already did enough damage to him.

Finally there was a soft rap on her door and Beth's head poked in. The young blonde looked surprised to see Amaleen awake and the older woman quickly stuffed Alex's picture in her pocket before Beth questioned it. "Watch time already?" she wondered, chuckling softly. Beth gave her a smile and a nod as Amaleen climbed off the desk. She stretched her limbs and grabbed up her knife and gun, letting the girl lead her towards the stairs that would take her up to the roof.

Daryl was slouched on the ledge on the east side. Amaleen could see why, it was easier to see over the expanse of the town as well as into the woods beyond from there.

"Daryl," Beth said, trying not to startle him. Luckily he didn't jump, just looked over at them slowly. Amaleen kept her gaze steady even as his sneer hurt and he stood up. "Quiet?"

Daryl nodded. "Yeah, nothin's out there." He started walking back for the roof access door when he paused. "Stay safe, no guns unless needed." And then he was gone, disappearing into the darkness of the building. Amaleen glanced at Beth who shrugged and then the both of them walked over to sit where Daryl had just vacated. Amaleen thought about dangling her legs over the side, but the last thing she wanted to do was get startled and tumble over. She wouldn't be waking up from a two story fall.

The night was quiet, just like Daryl said. It was odd not hearing crickets chirping like she used to as she fell asleep at night. It was like they were gone, too, run away from the humans that turned on each other. She knew the animals could sense it as well and that's why they were so scarce, besides the biters getting their hands on them to feed when humans weren't close by.

"What happened to your other group?"

The question had her looking up and Amaleen wondered how Beth knew she had been with a group. She supposed everybody had been with a group at some point, even those wandering alone. Amaleen shifted and looked down at her lap.

"Sorry, I shouldn't'a asked—"

"No," Amaleen interrupted, looking over at the young woman who looked worried she had upset the brunette. She shook her head and smiled gently. "No, it's okay." She sighed softly and shifted so she was more comfortable. "They died. That's why I'm this far south, started in upstate New York. Lost my friends on the boarder between New York and Pennsylvania, and ran into another group around Philadelphia. Bunch of kids runnin' from the city. We made it here to South Carolina, and then they were killed by a herd." Amaleen shrugged softly. "I had thought I decided to stay by myself, but then I met your group and realized how bad of an idea that was. Bein' alone gets ya killed." Beth smiled at her sadly, but she saw the girl agreed.

Nothing really happened for the rest of their watch shift, except there was a lone biter that Amaleen thought about going after, but she held herself and Beth still and watched silently as it just ambled its way out of town. Amaleen watched it until she couldn't anymore just to make sure that it didn't turn around and come back. Breathing a sigh of relief, she stayed on edge until Glenn and Maggie came to relieve them. Amaleen told them of what they saw just in case it came back, and then led Beth back downstairs.

Beth went into her room with Hershel and Amaleen went down to her little cupboard. Exhausted then, she laid down in her bed and pulled her coat close, taking the picture out just before she fell asleep, clutching it tightly in her hand.


	6. Nothing Is Ever Safe

The next morning brought nice sunlight, a couple birds chirping right outside the window, and the yell from Rick to get up. Jumping up quickly, Amaleen barely had enough senses in her waking state to shove her picture in her pocket and run out to see what the commotion was about. The man's face was full of fear and he pointed out the window. Everyone turned to look and Daryl's, "ah, Christ!" said it all. Apparently they hadn't cleared out enough as the telltale signs of a herd was rising within the newly rising sun. It couldn't be more than six AM which meant Amaleen only slept about three hours. Glenn and Maggie were just running into the room, clearly hearing Rick's yelling besides seeing the herd coming at the end of their watch. 

"Grab your stuff, let's move out,  _now_!" he hissed. Everybody nodded and got moving, running to grab their personal bags along with the rest of the supplies. Amaleen ran to grab her bag and her weapons and attach them to her body before she helped lug out the water supplies they had along with Beth. Maggie and Carol jogged behind them with the food, and then Lori was carrying their supplies of dishes and blankets, something lighter since she was pregnant, which Amaleen didn't know until right then and saved her surprise for a time when they weren't about to be over-run by biters. 

Everything was packed up including the meat that Daryl still had smoking in the fire pit and for a moment Rick paused to figure out seating arrangements in the vehicles. "Daryl, you take Carol on your bike. I'll drive the red truck. T, Lori, Carl, and Amaleen come with me. Hershel, Glenn, Maggie, and Beth take the Hyundai. Alright, everyone, let's  _move_!" Rick got them rushing off to their spots in the car. Rick and T took the front of the truck, Lori and Amaleen in the back with Carl in the middle. Amaleen watched the others climb into their respective vehicles and then they all moved out with a loud roar of Daryl's bike. 

The growls and groans of the biters had just reached their ears as they sped away. Amaleen's heart was pounding in fear and adrenaline, her hands shaking as she looked behind them, watching biters run after the truck, a couple managing to smack their hands against the bed, but the speed Rick was driving at was too quick for the slow speed of the biters. It was only once they were out of sight and there was only the open road ahead of them that she managed to relax and turn back around. 

Looking down at the boy, he looked shaken up and Amaleen smiled softly, putting an arm around his shoulders causing Lori to look over at them. "Hey, it's okay, yeah? Your dad got us out, and none of us had to even fire a bullet. We'll be okay, right?" Carl studied her for a moment before finally smiling and nodding, causing Lori to smile as well in thanks. She saw Rick smile in the rear-view mirror and slowly she settled against her seat, taking her bag off her back and setting it between her legs along with her knife and gun on top. She had had no time to toss them in the back with the rest of the stuff, but she was still comfortable. After walking most of the east coast, being in a truck was almost a luxury. 

It was clear by the look on Rick's face that he had no idea where they were going. The map was in the glove compartment and T got it out to hand it over to Rick so they could study it as they drove. Amaleen's eyes flickered over it and roughly mapped out the way she came down the coast. She could tell that they were headed north by the way they were headed and the movements of T-Dog's finger. 

"Let's try pushing into North Carolina and stop there tonight," Rick said.

Amaleen nodded and leaned forward to point out the routes. "Don't take this one. It's covered with biters. Stick close to the coast as you can. It's probably safest anyway, water on the east and you only have to watch the west."

"Smart girl," T-Dog said with a smile causing a laugh from the other three. Apparently he had suggested that many times before and nobody really took it into consideration. Amaleen just giggled softly and raised an eyebrow at Lori as they shook their heads at the men. At least Rick seemed to consider it as he laid on the horn to get the caravan to stop moving. Daryl was ahead of them and glanced behind as they slowly stopped while Glenn pulled up the Hyundai behind them. Everyone climbed out, jackets being pulled tighter as the morning wind nipped them a bit. They were far enough away from the town that they could spare a few moments to discuss things. 

Amaleen stood over to the side with Carl and Lori, the boy looking like he was shivering more than the rest of them, so she shed her jacket to drape around him. She giggled softly as he seemed to swim in it, but he smiled up at her as Lori rubbed his arms to keep him from shivering too bad. It wasn't too bad out, at least for Amaleen it wasn't, but she went through a decade of winters in the northeast; nothing that Georgia or South Carolina could throw at her would be as bad as that. 

"Amaleen and T-Dog have convinced me we need to stay near the coast," Rick started with, earning a whoop of excitement from T-Dog and a bark of laughter from Amaleen who then put a hand over her mouth to try and soften it. Rick let out a small chuckle himself and searched his coat pockets before pulling out a marker that had already marked up a lot of the map. "Amaleen said she traveled down this way." He put a line through the route she took. "She said it's all covered in walkers. If we stick closer to the coast, there's water on the east side, and we would be able to watch our backs less."

"Maybe we could even find a boat," Amaleen suggested causing the group's eyes to turn to her and she went a soft shade of pink, not liking the attention, but the least she could do would be to suggest something in an effort to help keep these people safe, especially considering all they've done for her in the past couple days. "I-I mean... There are a lot of marinas abandoned that I saw on my way down. Like big ones, with the boats just sittin' there. We could go out a couple hundred yards into the ocean, enough s' we could still see land, and then when we need supplies just come back into harbor." She paused. "And if we hit Maryland or New Jersey, the winters up there will freeze 'em in their tracks. They're dead bodies walkin' 'round, they'll freeze where they stand and it'll be safer. At least December through March." 

She couldn't tell the look on Rick's face and sort of shrugged, looking over to T-Dog who had pride shining in his eyes. She couldn't help the other giggle that escaped her lips at that look, giving him a wink before turning to look back at Rick. 

Deep in thought, he looked over each face of the group, Amaleen following his lead. The only person who looked the least bit against the idea was Daryl, but perhaps that was just because it was her idea. He was squinting at her and she slowly shuffled towards Carl and Lori more and looked away, her eyes flickering back to Rick. 

"Anyone opposed to giving it a shot?" he finally asked and Amaleen looked up in pleasant shock. Daryl looked like he was going to argue, purely because it was her idea, but finally he just gave up because he knew it was the best plan. Nobody said anything and Rick looked to Amaleen with an easy smile. "Switch seats with T-Dog. We'll lead now, Daryl. Amaleen is gonna help us navigate." She went a little red again, but Maggie and Lori patted her on the back in encouragement. She swallowed thickly, but nodded. She knew how to read a map, but she hoped they didn't think she knew a lot about the states they were passing through. She had been to New Jersey and Pennsylvania a lot for different trips during her New York years, but they were just trips. Still, the map was detailed, and she was doing her best to remember the ports they passed on the way down, remembering three or four of them before they left Virginia. 

Slowly everyone started filing back to the vehicles, Amaleen doing her best to ignore Daryl's glare. She wasn't trying to piss him off, she just wanted to help. It didn't sound like anybody else was in argument, but then again perhaps they just didn't want to speak up. Shrugging it off the best she could, she went over to grab her bag and shove it in the trunk with the rest of the stuff. She let Carl keep her jacket for that moment and made sure she had her knife and gun with her as well as her picture safely tucked in her pocket before she climbed up into the passenger side of the truck next to Rick.

"I think we should be up to New Jersey in about three or four days if we stop and rest every night," she said, unfolding the map across her lap and the dashboard, eyes flickering over it and following it with her finger. "That'll give everyone some sleep and the chance to refuel. It might take us closer to four days if we directly follow the coastline because there's no highway that spans the entire length of it, it's mostly older county routes and back roads. If we go up this route," she pointed to it, "it's the closest interstate we can get to the coast. We were on it for about a hundred miles and didn't see any— _walkers_ —"  _That's an odd name for them_ , she thought, "—along that route. There were a couple hairy places with cars, but they're easy to push to the side, and we can syphon fuel from them and check for other supplies." 

Rick had already started going once she finished speaking, driving around Daryl and Carol on the bike to take the lead, speeding up to comfort. Road rules didn't exactly apply anymore, even with a sheriff's deputy at the helm. "How far to the interstate exit?" he wondered, glancing at the brunette. 

"About twenty miles give or take," she finally answered as she studied the little code on the map to calculate distances. "It's early, so we might be able to get pretty far depending on fuel. If we get too low, there should be plenty of cars to syphon from." 

Rick nodded and glanced over, giving her a smile, one that made her red again. "Thank you," he finally said even as he turned back to watch the road and make sure no walkers got in their way, despite the myth that they would just squish under the car, hitting walkers with one could be dangerous and messy.

"For what?" she asked in surprise, confused eyes looking over to him. 

"You didn't have to help us. You barely know us and we barely know you. But you're helpin' to keep this group safe, in watch last night and now, and I could never thank you enough." 

Amaleen's face got soft and she looked down at her hands where they rested on the map and blinked back the flood of emotional tears that wanted to swell up behind her eyes. There was no use for that in the new world. Nodding softly she looked up, an easy smile on her face. "After all your doin' ta help me, of course I want to protect you guys. I don't want anythin' ta happen ta you guys, and not only 'cause groups are better than bein' alone."

Rick smiled fondly and the conversation slowly faded away leaving Amaleen to scoot down in her seat, leaning against the window to watch now and then they passed a body alongside the road, sometimes animal, sometimes human, usually walkers. It was clear which ones died as walkers and which ones died as humans. In the twenty miles between their previous stopping point and the interstate exit, there had only been one walker they saw alive and it tried to run after them, but of course they were too quick to get by it. Amaleen watched in the side mirror as it slowly halted and began it's pointless meandering all over again. 

Once the interstate exit came up, Rick put on his turning signal and honked, pointing out the window where they were going. There were honks from Daryl and Glenn that said they understood and up the ramp they went. It was a wasteland up there, cars off the side of the road here and there, but most of it was clear from what Amaleen could see. She glanced at the gas gauge and saw that it was about half full and she decided that should get them pretty far before they had to refuel, probably a good two hundred miles at least. That would take three or four hours and she scooted down further in her seat, deciding she needed some shut eye. Yawning, her eyes slid shut and she slipped off into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

When she woke, the truck was slowly coming to a halt. She realized it was Rick's horn that startled her and she looked over to realize they were on empty again. Looking out the window, she squinted in the afternoon sun and realized they had already made it about two hundred miles. Blinking in surprise considering it had felt like she slept for about five minutes, she yawned and slowly stumbled out of the truck, leaning against it as Lori and Carl climbed out the door behind her. 

"Still tired?" Lori wondered and Amaleen yawned. "You sounded like you were sleepin' good with all that snorin'."

T and Rick snickered as Amaleen looked at her appalled. "I did  _not_ snore."

"Yeah ya did," Carl said, starting to snicker along with the other guys. Amaleen narrowed her eyes as she pouted, sticking her tongue out at them all childishly causing more rounds of laughter. 

"We gonna get gas or ya gonna just stand around doin' each other's nails?" 

The voice cut the laughter short and they all looked over at Daryl as he stood there glaring, causing Amaleen to frown and look down at her boots. She really didn't know how she was doing it, making him so angry no matter what she said. Though she supposed she deserved it considering what she did. Only Carol and Maggie looked at her with knowing sympathy, the only two that knew and were sworn to secrecy. Rick might just very well make her leave if he knew what she did to his friend, and Daryl would go ballistic with other people knowing his business. She kept to herself then, leaning against the truck and keeping her gaze locked on her boots. 

"These cars might have fuel in them," Rick said, ignoring Daryl's question as he put his hand on Amaleen's shoulder, causing her to look up. "I need you to take Lori and Carol and go scouting for some clothes and food." Amaleen nodded. "Glenn, and T-Dog, you're on gas duty. As much as you can, fill up the truck first, she's the lowest. Carl, you're staying with me and Daryl to do some watch." Carl's eyes lit up and he nodded grabbing the gun he carried out of his pocket to do his duty. The boy looked truly excited and it made Amaleen smile. "Hershel, Maggie, and Beth, I believe we got everything from the bank, but we need to double check." He pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and handed it to Maggie. "Here's the list of supplies. Go through all the supplies and mark if we left anything behind that we need to get more of." Everyone nodded their understanding. "Alright, everyone, let's move."

They all started filing away, weapons tight as they made their way through the cars that sat around off the side of the road. There weren't as many as Amaleen saw jammed up on the other interstate near Delaware, but it was a bit. Enough that hopefully they could get gas, clothes, and food. Lori and Carol each had a weapon as well so Amaleen didn't feel the need to breathe down their necks as she went looking herself. She opened every trunk and door she could find, finding a backpack in the first car that she could use to shove the stuff she found. She wound up finding a couple jackets, one luckily that looked like it would fit Carl and one that would fit T-Dog. She found other random pieces of clothing, and then a few cans of assorted soup like tomato and vegetable beef. Hopefully the vegetable beef would still be okay, so she threw that in there with some other veggies and a couple boxed "just add water" meals. 

She was so busy reading labels for expiration dates and ingredients that she didn't didn't hear anything behind her until it was grabbing her shoulder. Gasping she spun around, a walker so close she could see every rotted tooth in its mouth. She screamed and ducked out of the way as it growled and lashed towards her, breaking the window behind her in the process. 

"Amaleen?!" Rick's voice called out to her, and she wanted to answer, but it was reaching for her again, causing her to topple over and into the shards of glass that littered the ground beneath the car from the fresh broken window. She screamed out again both in pain and fear, not having any room to grab her knife or gun that were at either of her sides, her fingers doing all they could to keep it away from ripping into her neck. Its teeth snapped, spittle and dark ooze dripped from its mouth and down the side of her face, causing her to turn her head slightly so it didn't get in her mouth or nose. 

With a grunt she pushed it off her so it hit the car and she crawled back, feeling that some blood had seeped out beneath her from her arm slicing across the glass, unable to tell how deep it was at that moment, her palms catching some of it as she tried to get away. It just lurched forward again, or it tried to because as soon as it reached for her, there was a sound of a whizzing arrow and then it poked out between its eyes. Turning her head just in time, it collapsed on top of her, soaking her body and clothes in walker blood. 

Gasping softly, she managed to push it off her just as the others came running for her, and she laid there panting. Rick was the first one to reach for her as Daryl grabbed his arrow from the skull of the walker, and Rick lifted her to her feet effortlessly. "You okay? Did it bite you? Scratch you?"

Amaleen shook her head and then turned her arm for him to see. "The glass," she said, pointing down the bloody shards on the ground. Rick frowned and took a look at it, making her hiss as his fingers passed over the wound. He beckoned someone towards them and Hershel stepped over, instantly stepping into doctor mode as he pushed away the sleeve of the ripped plaid shirt she had on. 

"Definitely from the glass," he said to ease everyone's mind. "It's a clean and straight cut, if it were from the walker it would be more jagged." The women all crowded around her and helped lead her back to the cars, the men taking up the rear and keeping an eye out for any others that might come towards them. "That needs stitches and we should do it here before you lose anymore blood." 

Dread dropped in her gut at his words. She always hated stitches growing up. She had a few scars littering her body—all of which Daryl knew the story behind—from different times she had to get stitches. But she remembered vividly at the age of eight, her grandmother dying in a hospital, and every time after that no matter what she was there for, even the birth of her cousins, she rarely stuck around the hospital. Stitches were the worst and back then they had novocaine. They didn't exactly have that luxury now and she swallowed thickly, her hands trembling slightly as they made it back to their vehicles. She was set up on the truck bed sideways so Hershel had access to the back of her arm. She was asked to take off the plaid shirt which was ruined anyway in walker blood.  _  
_

"It's deep," Hershel said. "We can't do internal stitches, so we'll have to keep an eye on it for infection. Glenn, get my bag from our car, there are some antibiotics left from when Carl and T got hurt, and we can give them to her. We have no pain killers, but those will stop any infections." He looked back to her and gestured to one of the bags which she pulled closer with her good arm and Hershel rummaged around and pulled out a bottle of whiskey. "Would you like to try and numb the pain this way?"

Amaleen looked at it and then shook her head slowly. Her daddy had been a drunk, didn't really smack them around, but he wasn't good for much else. His abuse was more verbal than physical, always calling her a worthless daughter or telling her she would amount to nothing. Usually the words came when she took away his bottle or wouldn't buy him anything else. From the age of thirteen, as the only child in her house, she had worked under the table for their farm and a local grocery store to bring in food for the table. Her mother worked, but she was also sick from heart disease and got weaker and weaker until she died two years before the world ended of heart failure. Her daddy more or less disowned her after that and she wasn't all that sad to see him go. She had sent them money up until then, even with Alex being sick, but it stopped after that, and she figured that had something to do with it.

But Amaleen didn't drink and would take the pain from the stitches without any novocaine or anything else. "Maggie, you help hold her. It's vital that you don't move, otherwise we could harm you more." Glenn brought back the antibiotics and a bottle of water and Amaleen washed them down quickly. Rick came to the back to check on them and watch from there. T-Dog and Carl had the front, Glenn the right side, and Daryl the left. 

"Thank you for saving me," Amaleen said softly, looking up and chuckling softly. "Again." 

Rick smiled and nodded once. "You're welcome. But thank Daryl, too, that was his arrow." 

Amaleen's eyes flickered to the hunter who she could only see the back of. "I will," she whispered. 

She didn't speak after that, soft gasps and pain-filled groans leaving her mouth as Hershel began his little surgery. Maggie and Beth helped to keep her still while Lori eventually found her a belt to bite down on so she didn't scream. Carol helped her drink water when needed, and when Hershel was done, she was panting and all but laying against Maggie as the younger woman helped to keep her up. 

"All done," Hershel said. Rick whistled over the others as Hershel gave him the pill bottle of antibiotics and the water Glenn brought. "Give her one every four hours. There's no infection yet, but let's hope it doesn't come to that. Everyone in the car with her, make sure she doesn't lean against it and rip out the stitches." He covered them over with gauze and some medical tape before giving her a seal of approval to move. Hopping down with the help of T and Rick, she swayed lightly before she was able to stand on her own two feet. She was sort of dizzy, but she figured that was because her arm throbbed. She took another sip of water and nodded that she was okay. 

Everyone started moving again, Rick patting her on the shoulder, before it was just her and Daryl. Before he could walk off, her hand shot out to grab his wrist, and he yanked it away before she could get a good grip looking at her like she was a walker herself. Sighing softly, she pulled her hand back and gave him a small smile. 

"Look, I know you don't like me and I get it. I'm not asking you to. Actually...I don't want you to. But...I still want to say thank you. That wasn't Rick's arrow that killed that walker, it was yours. And I just...I want to say thank you. You could've just let it eat me for revenge, but you didn't. You saved me. And... _thank_ you." 

Amaleen didn't know what if anything her words did to him. He didn't look effected at all, his eye just barely twitching as she spoke. She knew he would never do what she just said he could've done, he wasn't that type of man no matter what she did to him, but she still wanted to say thank you anyway. They stood there looking at each other for a good minute before he grunted and turned away. 

"You're welcome," he said softly, not full of malice or annoyance, but genuine.

She supposed that was better than she could ask for and even as he walked away from her, she still managed a smile and went over to the passenger side. Rick had put a pillow in there for her to lean against and she gave him a narrow-eyed look before he just smirked and pointed as a sign she wouldn't get out of it. Sighing, she got in and shut the door, knowing they both had to follow doctor's orders. Grabbing up the map again, she looked for road signs to make sure they were on the right path, before Rick started moving again. Luckily the gas Glenn and T-Dog had found took it up to a full tank and she knew that would be more than enough to get them through the rest of the day and part of the next. 

 


	7. Get It All Out

By the time dusk was hitting, everyone was exhausted. Like Amaleen thought, the gas gauge was down to half a tank again so it would take them another couple hundred miles the next day before they would have to refill. It was quickly realized that they didn't have any tents, but Amaleen had a tarp in her bag. It would have to do and if they strung it up between some trees, and they slept a little closer than normal, they could all fit underneath it. 

"Are the woods safe around here?" Rick wondered. Amaleen eyed the man and slowly calculated in her head where they were about on the coast. She decided they were three quarters of the way through North Carolina and she hadn't really been to this part of the state when she had passed through. Biting her lip, she looked over at Rick and he smiled at the look on her face. "Hey, it's okay if ya don't know, we'll just have to check it out, okay?"

Amaleen gave him a bashful smile and looked around as Rick beeped the horn to get the caravan to stop. They slowly pulled off the road and into the line of trees that surrounded it. Rick pulled them up into a notch of trees, backing them in so the front was pointed for the road for a quick getaway if needed, and that helped to hide the truck from view as well. Glenn did the same with the Hyundai, and Daryl pulled his bike up behind the truck.

Everyone climbed out and immediately began to stretch out their limbs from being stuck in the truck, save for Amaleen's right arm which she kept to her side as she knew stretching it would also rip out the stitches. Finally once they were all done, they began to start grabbing things, just bare essentials, from the back of the truck for the night: Amaleen's tarp, some food, a jug of water, and their blankets. Weapons were also grabbed and it was decided they should send out a couple teams to walk a one mile radius around camp just to make sure there were no walkers close by, or even other people. 

"Daryl, you're gonna stay here for watch," Rick started causing the hunter's eyes to narrow and everyone else look at him with a surprised expression. It was a known fact that he was a tracker and probably would be most useful with one of the teams, but Rick just sent a look to Amaleen who glared back and looked away, before he continued his assignments. "Glenn and Maggie go east, T and I will go west. Once you're done come right back here. Everyone else just work on setting up camp for the night and getting some food made." 

Everyone nodded and started about their assignments. Rick and T had their rifles ready and headed out west while Glenn and Maggie had theirs and headed out east. Amaleen watched them leave for a moment with a silent "be careful" to them before she turned to start helping. 

Daryl had climbed atop the truck to keep watch and nobody argued with the brooding archer and Amaleen did her best to ignore his presence for that moment. She didn't want to get into it with him then, but it was clear to her that Rick had done this to shove them together, try and make them be somewhat friendly towards each other. It would be better for the group if they could talk out their issues, but Daryl wasn't exactly the most talkative person on the planet. 

"Wait," Amaleen heard as she started to head just off camp to grab some firewood. Hershel was walking towards her and Amaleen smiled, already turning so he could see her arm, knowing that was what he was going for. He gently lifted up the edges of the bandage to peak and looked satisfied. "No signs of infection. Let's hope it stays that way." He paused. "When was the last time you took some of the antibiotics?"

"About three hours ago, Rick gave me some. I dunno if he left them in the truck or if he still has them in his pocket." 

Hershel nodded. "We'll check the truck, but if not, we'll get them from him when he gets back. You'll need to take them again in an hour." Amaleen nodded and went over to take a look in the truck, seeing that the cup holders and glove compartment were indeed empty of any pill bottles which meant that Rick had them.

She passed the news onto Hershel who nodded and said another, "be careful" earning him a nod from her before she set out to get the firewood. She realized quickly that it strained her arm a lot to do that and was wincing when she brought it all back to camp, making Lori frown at her. 

"You okay?" she wondered, looking around Amaleen to check her arm. There was no redness so she didn't rip her stitches. 

Amaleen nodded and dropped it all to the ground, reaching up to rub it gently. "I'm okay, it just felt like it was tearing, but I don't think it did." She sighed. "I guess I can't do that anymore."

"I'll do it," Carol said as she stood up from where she was starting to build a fire ring with stones found to make a pit. "Can you guys finish up here and get the fire started?"

"You got it," Amaleen said with a smile. Carol headed off while Amaleen and Lori leaned down to finish up Carol's work. Once the stones were all set up, they started stacking the firewood that Amaleen had managed to get into a pyramid shape so it would be easier. Lori went to grab the gas to help start the flames while Amaleen looked through the food and grabbed out a can of beans and some of the canned meat to make a stew. 

The flames were soon licking the bottom of the pot and Carol was just coming back with more wood to add to the fire later after it has died down. Lori and Amaleen took turns cooking and finally there was a nice pot of stew for everyone to eat. Since the teams weren't back yet, they made sure to save enough for them while they dished out some to those that were still there. Carol took a bowl to Daryl because they all knew that if she didn't, then he wouldn't eat. 

Carl sat between Lori and Amaleen as they ate, the boy still wearing her jacket which made her remember what she had grabbed on the highway. She jumped up causing everyone to look at her and she smiled easily, showing her there was no cause for alarm, and jogged over to the truck. The bag that she had shoved items into had been thrown back there after Hershel had started work on her arm. Ruffling through the bag, she pulled out the cans to put with the other food, but also pulled out the coats she had found. 

Sitting back around the fire, she set the one for T-Dog next to her, but the one for Carl she turned to him and held up. "What'dya think, kiddo?" His eyes went wide and he immediately stood up and handed Lori his bowl and shucked off Amaleen's jacket, grabbing the one she held up and put on the one she found. It fit him perfectly and he zipped it up, sitting back down to eat. 

Amaleen smiled at him wistfully, if not a bit sadly. Alex would be around his age now, about ten years old. Carl had to be between ten and twelve and she knew they would have fun playing together. But all that Amaleen had left was a crinkled picture and the memories in her heart, both of which she would die to keep. Still, Carl reminded her some of Alex, acting older than he really was, wanting to do everything the grownups were doing, and the woman gravitated towards him.

Looking away before anybody really noticed, she blinked away her tears even as a couple managed to slip through and fall down her cheeks. She scrubbed them away and glanced at the truck where Daryl was looking right back at her, an unreadable expression on his face. She couldn't manage any other emotion on her face rather than exhaustion and she slowly looked away from him, finally smiling and telling Carl how glad she was he liked it. 

"It fits perfectly, too," Lori said, grinning happily at the other brunette. 

"I have one for T-Dog as well," she said, holding it up. "It's too big for Glenn, but too short for any of the other guys." Lori and Carol nodded in agreement. 

The teams came back about ten minutes later and Amaleen took it upon herself to dish them out some food and give T-Dog his jacket, enjoying the look of happy surprise on his face. As she did so, Hershel got the antibiotics from Rick and a bottle of water so Amaleen could take one. He checked her arm one more time before they started to all wander towards where the sleeping bags were beneath the tarp, not laid out yet, just sitting. It took a bit of maneuvering, but finally everything was all laid out so they weren't on top of each other, but they still all had a spot under the tarp. Amaleen still didn't have one, so she used the blanket Maggie let her use the night before and laid that out with her bag once again as a pillow and her coat as her cover. 

"We need to find you somethin' more," Beth said as she laid down in her sleeping bag next to Amaleen's little set up. "It's gettin' colder, you'll catch somethin' if we don't."

Amaleen smiled and sat down, her legs pulled up to her chest with her arms wrapped around them. It would be hard to sleep with her arm and her mind so riled up from both the herd they very narrowly escaped and the walker that almost got her that afternoon. She wanted to go on watch, but Hershel forbid her from doing that, so at least she wouldn't have to worry about waking up for that if she eventually fell asleep. 

"I'll be okay," she said. "I was in New York for a decade, this is nothing." Beth giggled softly and Amaleen looked up as Daryl hunkered down on the top of the truck again, apparently just taking first shift anyway. 

Amaleen turned slightly from Beth and slowly pulled the picture out of her pocket. She put it down on the blanket and let her fingers run over his face.  _I love you, Alex,_ she thought, smiling thoughtfully. 

"Who's the boy?"

The voice startled her and she looked up to see Lori standing there. Amaleen panicked for a moment, snatching the picture up and holding it close to her. Lori's eyes widened just for a moment and then Amaleen stood up. Taking Lori's arm, she nodded her to the other side of camp. She waved away Rick who saw them leave as there was nothing for him to worry about. He looked unsure, but nodded and sat back down next to Carl. 

Standing for a moment with her back to Lori, she finally turned around. Lori didn't know about her and Daryl and that would come up eventually, so why not now. She saw Alex. Taking a deep breath, it all spilled out. Starting with Daryl and their relationship, which was a major shock to the other woman to begin with because Daryl definitely didn't seem like the relationship type. But then it went onto her leaving with Alex in her belly, giving birth, finding out his illness, keeping him as healthy as she could and working like a dog to pay his hospital bills, and finally with his death at five years old. 

Lori looked so stunned she didn't speak for nearly five minutes. Amaleen stood there awkwardly, looking down at her boots, and she almost backed away before Lori's arms shot out and she was pulled into an embrace. Eyes wide, she stood still for a moment before her arms wrapped around the other woman as well, clutching her thin shirt. She wasn't expecting that reaction. Disgust for leaving him brokenhearted, for not telling him about his son. But that wasn't what she heard, she just heard soft sniffles in her ear and with a jolt she realized Lori was crying. 

"Are you okay?" she asked with a soft gasp, Amaleen's fingers coming up to soothe down the woman's back. 

"I'm fine," she said with a sniffle, pulling back then and tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that, honey, especially alone. And nobody deserves to have their baby die before them." Amaleen looked down then again, tears pressing at her own eyes and Lori picked her chin up. "I believe you should tell him eventually, he does deserve to know, but I won't push you. Though, I don't have much room to talk, it took me a couple weeks to tell Rick about this baby." Amaleen smiled gently. 

"I'm sure you had a good reason," she whispered. 

Lori nodded. "I...I'm not sure if the baby is his." Amaleen's eyes widened in shock and Lori gave her a desperate look in hopes the other brunette didn't walk away from her. "I thought he was dead. Before this happened, he was a cop. He got shot and was in a coma. His best friend at the time, Shane, he thought Rick was dead. I thought I was a widow, I was grieving, and I took comfort in him. But then Rick came back and I was so angry at Shane, and I really wanted my marriage, my life back. And then the baby..." She sniffed and trailed off. 

"I'm sure you had a good reason," Amaleen repeated again, more firmly this time, but her voice still soft. She hugged Lori again and they both sniffed out their tears before pulling away. Amaleen reached for her picture and she pulled it out, letting Lori take it to look. "He would be about ten-years-old now. He and Carl would've gotten along great. Carl reminds me a lot of him. Alex—that was his name, Alexander Daryl Dixon—lived so much in his five years even though he had been sick since he was born. So wise and full of knowledge, like I didn't even know how he knew it. And he was never bitter about his condition, even the day he died, that was all me. I was bitter about a lot of things for a long time before I realized that's not what he would've wanted. I could hear his voice, 'Momma, don't be sad, we'll see each other again' and so I let go of bitterness."

Lori laughed softly as she took one more sniffle. "That does sound like Carl. He takes on so much even though he's only a kid. Carol had a daughter, Sophia. She passed away while we were at Hershel's farm, and he took it upon himself to find her."

Amaleen was surprised to hear that and glanced over to Carol in sympathy before looking back to Lori. "Thank you for listening," she said softly. It felt so good to finally tell someone. She barely said Alex's name to anyone in the past five years, only when she was speaking to his picture. It was like a weight off her chest, even though there was still some there because she knew she still should tell Daryl, it did feel a little better. He did deserve to know even though she thought it was better if he didn't. She hurt him so much, and this would be worse than anything she's ever done to him before. But Lori was right, he deserves to know. 

Giving each other one last hug, the women wiped away their tears and walked over to where the rest were sleeping. Rick and Daryl both eyed them as they did so, but the flash of a smile had the men shrugging and letting it go. Lori went over to where Rick and Carl were, Carl already sleeping. Amaleen had a spot over by Beth and Hershel and laid down in her makeshift bed, sighing softly and made sure not to lay on her bad arm. She took another glance at Alex before pushing the picture into her pocket and pulling her jacket closer. Sleep came easy to her that night surprisingly enough, thankful that Lori let her get it all out.


	8. Not So Safe Harbor

The group managed to make it into Virginia and into Maryland and Delaware the next day. There were barely any walkers on the interstate surprisingly, and nobody was arguing their lack. They knew that most were probably migrating to get closer to the food, which consisted of animals in the woods, and the people that tended to stick to small towns because walkers took over major cities. Not that walkers knew that's what they were doing, they were just following their noses to lead them to their next meal.

They stopped just off the New Jersey boarder to set up camp for that night, and finally the next day they were driving along the coastal high way in New Jersey. Amaleen opened the window just a little, now sitting in the back with Lori and Carl as her arm has healed a little more, and she smiled at the fresh ocean scent. Carl peaked over her and smiled wide and Amaleen put the window down more to let him look. 

"Never seen the ocean before, kid?" she wondered. He shook his head and so she pulled him onto her lap, scooted over, and help him sit on the other side of her for a better view. She had seen it plenty of times, and every kid should have their first view of the ocean unobstructed. Carl looked so happy that she didn't mind being in the middle, and it gave her a chance to chat with Lori. 

The older woman was quickly becoming Amaleen's best friend. She had had friends before of course, but none of them really could be called her "best" friend. She talked to them and helped them, but they never really wanted to help her, and most of them had stopped talking to her after Alex got sick. It made her wish she had met Lori before everything happened, her and Rick and Carl. They were such good people, and she knew she could trust them. She could tell anything to Lori and she knew she wouldn't be judged. 

The conversation was easy then, nothing about the heartache from before. It was about before the world ended, about where Amaleen lived in New York, her job, what they liked to spend their time doing. Lori was a bit of a reader and missed books, while Amaleen liked going to open mic night at local bars to share her original songs. Lori was impressed she could play guitar, and Amaleen insisted that she couldn't really sing well, but she knew her songs were something that she could be proud of. 

"I would've loved to hear them," Rick said from the front causing a blush and a soft laugh from Amaleen. 

"If we ever find a guitar..." she said, trailing off. Most of them she still remembered the words to, but she also knew a bunch of covers as well. She spent most of her teen years being obsessed with Journey and Kansas so most of them were their songs. 

Rick honked to have the caravan halt and they all piled out, coats pulled a little closer once the wind chill hit them. Amaleen supposed she should've warned them about that, but with her long-sleeved plaid shirt on, even though it was still ripped on her arm, it was warm enough for her. She took off her jacket to wrap around Carl and Lori rubbed his shoulders just like the first time she gave it to him to wear. 

Rick set the map up on the hood of the truck and waved Amaleen over. She stepped up between him and Daryl, her right arm brushing Daryl causing her a small gasp and hiss at the same time. Her eyes flickered up to him and he was just staring down at her, not glaring for once, and she discreetly stepped closer to Rick, holding her arm gently as it slowly stung and throbbed. Hershel had said that would go away soon. 

"Do you remember the docks ya saw?" Rick wondered, pushing his hair off his forehead as the wind whipped it over his eyes.

Amaleen leaned over, eyes narrowed as she thought and calculated, before finally pointing to the route they had to take to the marina. "It's probably another couple hours up the coast," she said. "But the boats there are big, almost ship-size, and they would be comfortable enough for all of us. Since it's so windy up here, I'm wondering if for the winter it would be best to stay next to the dock. There would only be one way onto the ship and it would be easy to guard. Walkers can't jump over the space between the dock and the edge of the boat, it's probably a good five to ten feet, they would just fall in."

Rick thought for a few moments, staring at the map, before he looked at her and nodded. "I think that's a good idea. We can build a door of some kind to keep them off the gangway, and only open it for runs." Everyone nodded easily and they soon got moving again, Amaleen in the front once more to guide Rick up the coast. It was calm for most part until they got to Atlantic City. Amaleen knew the city itself would be over-run, but there was a marina about five miles north and that's where she was leading them. 

Once they got closer, she told him it would probably be better to swing it around Atlantic City for an extra half an hour drive, but it would avoid driving through a herd of that caliber. She hadn't seen Atlanta, not in a long time, but she heard the stories from Rick and Glenn and T-Dog and knew it was best to stay away from cities. She had caught sight of New York City on her way south just after the end and she knew that she never wanted to see it again. 

Rick went just a bit faster as they drove past the city. The roads were like what you would see in a big city, some towering over the streets down below so they bypassed the most congested part. But they could still see down into the city and Amaleen's breath caught as she saw the number of walkers that milled about in there. Everyone in the car was silent as they watched, even Rick taking his eyes from the road for a moment to peak over the edge. They could see some of the dead watching them, but the road they were on was too far away to do real damage with catching their attention. 

Finally Amaleen was pointing to the marina. There were a couple dozen walkers wandering and she cursed softly under her breath as Rick as slowly and as quietly as he could rolled to a halt outside the gates. "They weren't here last time," she said, her eyes flickering over to their leader. "D'ya think we can get through that many?"

Rick glanced in the rear view mirror at the three in the back and finally he nodded, stepping out without a word. The rest of them followed, and they all jogged behind the vehicles so the walkers didn't catch a whiff and try running at them before the group could get a jump on them. 

"I think we can take them out," Rick said, his voice soft, but firm as he looked at all of them. "Go in groups of two, go for one walker at a time if you can. Don't stray from your partner. Glenn and Maggie, T-Dog and I, Amaleen and Daryl." Daryl's eyes snapped up and narrowed while Amaleen's darted to Lori. Lori slowly nodded her head and gave her an encouraging smile. Amaleen just let out a shaky breath. "Once they're all done, we'll give a signal. Carol drive in the truck, Beth the Hyundai." Obviously Daryl would have to go back for his bike afterwards. "Hershel and Lori keep watch until we give the signal, and if there are anymore than a couple headed this way, give us a signal and we'll come running." They all nodded and made sure weapons were loaded and strapped on before heading for the gate. 

Rick had to cut the lock that held the gate closed with some bolt cutters from the trunk of the Hyundai. He put a finger to his lip to signal silence. "Knives and crossbow first, guns as last resort." It was a given, but they listened and nodded anyway and darted in. Rick and T-Dog went straight, Glenn and Maggie to the right, Daryl and Amaleen to the left.

It was silent as their feet padded over the ground as they jogged. It was supposed to be quiet of course, but Amaleen knew that it was between them more than just because Rick told them to. She almost wondered if this would be when Daryl would decide to take his revenge, but that was proved false when one came up behind her and he turned to take it out with an arrow. Amaleen looked down in shock, not even hearing it, and realizing she really needed to watch her back better, it was the second time that happened. She was so busy watching the others, she forgot herself. Shaking her head, she reached down and grabbed the arrow out of its head, handing it over to him. He studied her for just a moment before he moved away from her silently. 

Taking a short breath, she followed after him, seeing him take down another with his knife, but the next one was too close to be able to reload so she grabbed it by the back of the neck, holding it still so he could stab it through the eye. It fell after that and there was an unspoken agreement as they did that with a couple more. Slowly the group worked its way through all the walkers until finally the marina was empty and the six of them stayed standing by the water's edge for a few moments. 

Amaleen could feel the spray hitting her and she smiled softly, hand dropping to her side, still gripping her knife just to stay safe, but being so near the ocean was calming to her. This wasn't the first time she was in Atlantic City just to get so close to the water. She loved swimming and would do so at the little pond that her neighbors upstate had. Once Alex got worse, the cool water helped him out. 

Slowly she brought herself back to the present and she glanced up at Rick standing to her left, and she saw a slow, actually happy grin take over his face. They had done it, they had taken over this harbor and would make it their own. 

"Let's get the cars in here, and—"

A scream ripped over the sound of the waves and Rick's words. Immediately everyone spun and started running back, hearing some gunshots firing through the calm air. There were sounds of panicked screams, and Amaleen was relieved to hear Lori calling Rick's name. But the screaming still continued and she realized with sick dread that it was Hershel, making her run faster to keep up. 

"Lori! Carl!" Rick yelled, his voice terrified as they made their way across the pavement and through the docks to make their way back over to the cars. 

It was a rush of fast movement, but Daryl wound up being the one to kill the walker. Amaleen was panting and in a panic, trying to figure out what was going on, but she realized quickly that a walker had gotten passed them somehow through the chaos of taking out the others back on the docks, one that only had half a body, and had crawled under the Hyundai. 

Hershel was bit. 

He was still screaming from fear and pain, and Maggie and Beth quickly dropped to their knees by their father, tears starting to flow down their faces. "Dad, no!" Maggie cried. Beth sobbed against Hershel's shoulder, and Rick stooped down by him, grabbing the hatchet from where it hung by his jeans. 

"There's only one way he'll survive..." He trailed off and before anybody could say no, drove the hatchet into Hershel's leg. Amaleen's stomach lurched at the sight and she spun away, quickly holding Lori who was crying as well and shaking. Amaleen could see the woman blamed herself, but Amaleen's fingers crawled through her hair to keep her calm. It wasn't her fault. 

It was only once Hershel's screams stopped that Amaleen turned back around. One more thwack of Rick's hatchet had the bottom of his right leg clean off, the bitten part sitting on the ground. Her stomach lurched again, but she quickly helped to get Hershel into the back of the truck. She didn't even care about the blood soaking her clothes, she faintly remembered she had some clean ones shoved in her bag, but that wasn't important. This could possibly save Hershel, but they weren't sure.

Everyone quickly climbed into cars, Amaleen and Carol squeezed into the backseat with Hershel to hold blankets and towels to his leg to try and stop the bleeding. Rick drove and Carl was in the passenger seat. Daryl took his bike and everyone else except T-Dog and Glenn piled into the Hyundai. Glenn and T-Dog stayed behind to wrap the chain back around the fence and add their own lock to it, which was essential. They had no way of checking the ships at that point, but they had to get out of the open. The docks were safer for them and T-Dog and Glenn quickly checked a small sail boat and cleared it so Rick, Amaleen, Daryl, and Carol all helped to carry Hershel down below.

The boat rocked gently as they went and luckily they found a small bed down there against the left wall. They set him upon it and Carol, Lori, and Amaleen quickly got to work to try and bandage his leg as the others went to see if they could find more first aid supplies. Amaleen's arm suddenly didn't hurt anymore considering what just happened, but her heart did, sick with worry, panic, and dread. This man treated her like she was his own daughter, and she had never had anybody who wanted to do that before. Tears pressed her eyes, but she didn't let them effect her as she kept working, her heart leaping in her chest and choking her. Her hands shook, but she continued to work, needing to do something, needing to help save Hershel's life.


	9. Move 'Em Out

The group decided they needed to do things in shifts. One up on the top deck keeping watch, a couple taking care of Hershel, and the rest to go find a bigger boat that would hold them all that they could clear out for winter. It would preferably be one that would last through the wind and storms during the season, something heavy and hopefully keep them warm as well. They were aware the water might freeze, so it would have to withstand that. 

With Daryl on watch and Carol and Lori taking care of Hershel, Rick led the rest of them back onto the docks. Despite the victory of taking this place, everybody was more than somber. Hershel and his well-being were on everyone's minds. It was clear they would rather be back there with him, but they had to keep this place safe and find shelter for them. Hershel wouldn't want them crowding around him when they could be helping in other ways. 

T-Dog and Glenn took the front with Rick and Amaleen taking the back, Carl close between them. Maggie and Beth flanked the sides, all of them keeping their eyes out for any kind of threat, human or walker. They hadn't seen any signs of other humans, and Amaleen hoped they kept it that way. Humans could be more dangerous than walkers.  _Fight the dead, fear the living,_ she thought wryly.

Shaking her head, she followed them to the first boat, more of a ship really, that they came across. It wasn't as big as a cruise ship, but it wasn't like the other sailboats that littered the marina. Amaleen supposed it could be considered a yacht, but it was a big one. Glenn and T-Dog went slow, feet barely making a noise on the gangway as they walked towards the top deck. There didn't seem to be anything out of place there so they continued. Rick was walking backwards to make sure nothing snuck up on them. None of them eased up, though, even with water on three sides of them. There were still doors around them and they would have to figure out what was behind them. 

Each one was opened one by one, most of them storage, but a couple of them led down. They looked to be more for crew than they were passengers, so Rick tied each of them up with wire found on the ground so nothing or nobody could come up through and surprise them. 

They found the main door that took them down. The captain's nest was up a flight of stairs and everyone paused as Rick checked that, and he came back down with keys and a map of the boat in his hands. Amaleen nodded to him before they opened the door to go down into the bowels of the boat. It wasn't confusing like a military ship luckily, the plans laid out easily. There were three floors below deck, the first one having about fifteen or twenty doors on it as guest rooms, the second having about ten crew rooms, and the bottom floor being just an open floor for storage. 

Glenn and Maggie guarded the door that went down to the bottom deck while the rest checked in the cabins above. Luckily nothing surprised them, but there were a couple bodies that lay through the rooms, knives going to their heads just to make sure they didn't rise. Once that was done, they knew they could check the for supplies later, and they headed towards the door where the bottom deck was. Rick counted to three and then nodded. Glenn and Maggie pushed open the door and they all went down, Amaleen turned towards the back this time just to make sure. 

As they got to the bottom of the stairs, she hadn't realized everybody had stopped short, and she backed right into Rick. She squeaked out softly in surprised and spun around, seeing immediately what they were all looking at. About thirty walkers, all standing around rotting away. Some were in crew uniforms, some were civilians, all turning to see the new dinner bell that rang for them.

"Holy shit.  _Run_!"

* * *

Daryl's keen eyes flickered over the vast expanse of the docks, his face even. He hadn't seen anything since the walker that bit Hershel and he wanted to keep it that way. Faintly he heard Carol and Lori attending to Hershel downstairs. Frankly he was surprised that Maggie and Beth left, but they knew how dire it was that they all work together to get things moving. Standing around and just watching wouldn't help them get to the safest place possible. This boat wouldn't hold everybody comfortably for the winter. Well, unless they got awfully close, and Daryl didn't feel like snuggling with any of them. 

The thought, for some reason, pushed him into thoughts of Amaleen. Probably because they used to do a lot of that when they were together back in the day. Try as he might, it was awfully hard to forget her now that she was so close. He hated that he had actually been afraid when he heard her scream that day on the interstate when she got her arm hurt. Killing the walker had been instinct and for a split second he thought about taking revenge for her leaving, but he knew he couldn't do that. He wasn't that type of man, besides the fact he'd damn near have a riot on his hands from the others if he let her get hurt. 

Growling softly, he shook his head and tried his hardest to forget. He had done so for ten years, forgotten all the happiness he thought he had, forgot the shattering feeling in his chest once he woke up and she was gone with just a note left for him. She took something with her that day, that very happiness that he thought he had, and it took him a long time to even raise the corner of his lips in a semi-smile. He finally agreed with Merle, though, she was a cold-hearted bitch. 

Huffing, he went down the stairs to take a peak at the women and the old man. Hershel was still out and surprisingly Lori and Carol managed to get most of the bleeding stopped. They still needed more bandages, so hopefully the others would find more on their trip to the other boats. Daryl was kind of miffed that he couldn't go, he always went, but he understood why he didn't. He was a strong hunter and fighter, he could protect the three downstairs from a threat as they were in no position to. And deep down he was glad that he had Amaleen out of his hair and his sight, hoping to clear his head just a little so he could figure out what to do about this mess. 

It was just as he walked back onto the upper deck that he heard a bang and the rest of the group was bursting from the other ship, lots of panicked voices and guns firing filling the quiet docks. Daryl quickly jumped up the stairs after he yelled down to Lori and Carol to stay there and stay quiet, and he hightailed it over to the others before they could argue. Clearly the ship had some walkers on it and Daryl quickly started in on the fight, sanding between Glenn and Beth as they took down the walkers one-by-one as a group. It went a lot easier that way, even easier than it was when they had been in pairs earlier. 

It went down without a hitch and soon everyone was just standing there, looking around as they waited for more walkers to show up, but luckily none did. They could see a couple milling about on the upper deck of the boat they just vacated, distracted and forgetting about their meal, but at least that was only two or three and not the herd that they just managed to take out. Finally they started moving again, Rick pointing to the walkers and then to T-Dog, Amaleen, and Daryl.

"You three move the the dead ones with the other bodies," he started. "Glenn, Maggie it looks like there are only a couple more onboard. We need this ship so just take them out and dump 'em on the docks to move."

"Couldn't we just push 'em in the water?" Beth asked. 

Amaleen shook her head. "We could use it for food and water and washin' up. If we push 'em in there, it'll be contaminated." 

Rick nodded as she understood and gestured Beth and Carl with him. They went back to the sail boat that Hershel was on to check up on him and to update Lori and Carol on what had happened. Daryl barely glanced at Amaleen before they started grabbing the dead and hauling them over to the concrete area. The docks they were on were wood and wouldn't do good with burning them, they would burn up, too, and would be of no use to them. They wouldn't be able to get to the boats. Amaleen and T-Dog softly conversed, coming up with different ideas to run by Rick, but Daryl wasn't apart of it. He wasn't usual a talker anyway, but he also didn't converse with women who broke his heart either. 

The bodies took about half a hour to move and T-Dog went for the truck where the gas was located. As it was just Daryl and Amaleen that stood there, his feet shifted around in the awkward silence. He didn't want to be there next to her, but he was finally accepting that she was there and biting back that loathing. He had to accept that she was there even if he didn't want her to be. There was no doubt in his mind that he wouldn't ever truly forgive her, and nothing she could say to him could make him change that. 

"Yer arm okay?" he finally muttered, eyes flickering over to her. He almost laughed at the small jump and the look of shock on her face. He honestly didn't know if he truly cared or if he just wanted to care, but his gaze didn't waver as he looked down at her. 

As a habit, she picked her hand up and rubbed the back of her hurt arm softly. Slowly she nodded and gave him a sheepish look. "It's fine," she said softly, eyes wide as she looked at him quizzically. He could see the questions begging to jump out, the need to speak to him, but she didn't say anything else then as T-Dog came back with the gas. Maggie and Glenn had brought over the walkers they had killed up on deck and dumped them in the pile. They made a second pile of the bodies from their earlier kills so as they didn't make one fire too big and attract more. They would probably do better to just split them up into a couple more, but they didn't have that much gas and they needed to spare as much as they could for supply runs. 

Amaleen helped T-Dog douse the first pile with gas and Maggie and Glenn took the second. There were matches lit and thrown onto the pile, the small group watching it burst into flames. It felt nice, Daryl decided, the warm flames licking his face. He had never stepped foot outside of Georgia in all his life, even though he and Merle traveled a bit before the end of the world, and this cold wind was starting to nip a bit too much at his face. 

Once it was done, Maggie and Glenn said they would put it out so the other three walked back to the sailboat. They would have to talk to Rick to decide if they would try and move supplies or wait for the next day, after all it was pretty close to dusk and the fading sun was the only thing lighting their path on the way back to the boat. 

"I hafta talk to ya later," Amaleen blurted out, causing Daryl's frown to deepen as his eyes turned to her. She didn't elaborate more and he narrowed his eyes to her, pausing their movements causing Amaleen to almost knock into him. 

"What is it?" he demanded, shifting awkwardly. He didn't want to be there alone with her too long and he didn't want to talk to her. 

She shook her head, and he could see the hesitance and fear behind her gaze. Whatever it is she wanted to say, it was clear that she had to work herself up to it. It almost worried him and he wanted to shake his head and walk away and refuse, but maybe she was actually telling him shit she should've ten years ago. He fucking deserved it if you asked him, something better than a quick note that said, " **I couldn't take them anymore, I'm sorry, I love you.** " He wasn't the best boyfriend, he knew that. He could've treated her better. But he treated her well enough that he didn't deserve that. 

"Later," she said simply, softly, before moving past him and back to the boat. Letting out a gruff huff, he moved, too, hands shoving in the pockets of his jeans. 

* * *

Everyone else was asleep and Amaleen found herself alone on watch on the top of the boat. She was glad, though, the room below was getting stifling. Her arm stung and the looks Daryl was giving her were making it hard to do much good down there. Volunteering for first watch, she all but ran upstairs with her knife and gun and plopped herself in one of the camp chairs that had been shoved in the back of the truck during a supply run. The cool wind had gotten even colder, but she found it refreshing. Now and then she found her eyes drifting to the expanse of the ocean behind her, but had to shake herself out of that. She couldn't get lost in the beauty of the sea right then, not when she was on duty. 

Carol had given her a thermos of coffee just after she went up there and she gratefully drank it to keep her awake as she looked for any signs of danger. She half expected to find people, the ships were a great place to take shelter, but there was nobody. There were about five more boats on those docks, though a lot more that littered the marina. They were bigger than the sail boat they were on, but smaller than the ship they cleared out earlier. It would be easy to get through them. 

The door opening behind her had her thoughts drifting from the boats and her watch duty as she turned, raising an eyebrow when she saw Daryl climbing his way up the short staircase. It was clear that he didn't want to be there, but she didn't say anything as he slowly walked up beside her, jacket pulled tight and hands shoved in his jeans pockets. She was sure it was probably a bit chilly for him and fought the urge to give him the blanket she had piled on her lap. He would just scoff and walk away. 

"Ya wanted ta talk," he finally mumbled, not looking her way. Oh. Yes, that's right she did. She had to do what Lori said, and what Amaleen knew she had to do for a long time. Now that he was there, though, the pep-talk she had been giving herself through the rest of the evening drifted away and she was left with red cheeks, tears pressing her vision, and an ache in her chest. Only Lori knew the truth, only she knew of Alex. Maggie and Carol knew they were together, but nobody knew of the threats that Merle had given her, of the way he and Will Dixon had treated Amaleen. Even Daryl didn't know and he had been there at the time. 

Taking a shaky breath, Amaleen stood up, letting the blanket pool on the chair behind her. Her hands were trembling and she refused to look at him as she slowly went in her pocket and pulled out Alex's picture. She stared at it, her bottom lip trembling harder, before she pulled it up to hold it against her chest tight, drawing strength from the little boy that fought all the way to the end. "I hafta tell ya about someone. His name is Alex." She took a deep breath. "He was your son."

 


	10. Goodbye to You

She didn't tell him about Merle or Will. It was enough telling him about Alex, feeling the signs of the tears she was holding back break run silently down her cheeks. She decided she wouldn't drag his brother and father into it if she didn't have to. She knew they were gone, probably buried a long time ago, whether before or after the apocalypse it didn't matter. They weren't there and she didn't ask, it wasn't her place. But she wouldn't drag the dead's name through the mud no matter what they did to her. She wouldn't stoop to their level and make this harder for him. Deep down she knew that if she had told him back then, he would've done something about it. Would've made them stop saying what they did, would've thrown their threats right into the garbage, would've left them for her. But they were his blood kin, his family, and she couldn't do that to him no matter how much she wanted him. 

 _But Alex was his blood kin, too,_ she thought, wincing as she knew exactly what she took from him the day she left, as much as she didn't want to admit it.

The look on his face when she said that was enough, like a punch in the gut watching as he started to pace back in forth in front of her, his face angrier than she had ever seen it before in her life. He stared at her with a sneer, his jaw trembling as he fought so many different emotions in his body. Amaleen could see them taking him over, his fist clenching, but she wasn't afraid of his actions. Despite the fact she might deserve it, she knew he would never actually physically hurt her. But his words would be enough, and she deserved every single one of them that he threw at her. 

Her body didn't move, stood there silently as she held the picture to her chest and watched him pace. She knew that helped him get his thoughts in order, figure out what he was about to say. And it wasn't going to be good, not that she wanted him to just accept it. Yelling, screaming...that's what she wanted to hear from him. 

"Let me get this straight," he said, his voice low and dangerous, but she didn't move a muscle. "Ya not only left me and broke my heart—" She winced softly. "—but ya took my kid with ya?!" His voice was slowly growing louder as he paced, his furious eyes no longer leaving her face, just staring with cold hatred. 

"Yes," she whispered even as her voice shook. "I got scared, and I ran." It was a lie. She was thrilled to find out about Alex, over the moon. She was going to carry the baby of the man she loved more than anything in this life, and ever would again. Alex was the first and only person to every surpass that, but he was her son. She had part of Daryl growing inside her and it was the best feeling in the world. Then Merle found out, and she left, and that little life was the only thing of Daryl she had left. Part of her blamed herself, for clinging to hard to her son, for putting too much faith that he would be like his dad, bring Daryl back to her in a way. She figured his illness was the universe's way of punishing her for what she had done. It took her a long time to see that wasn't true, even if she still blamed herself. She was Alex's mother, she should've protected him and taken care of him, and she failed. It was a worse failure than anything she had done to Daryl. 

"Ya didn't even fuckin' tell me!" he roared, finally causing a flinch out of her. "Ya packed up and left with a note that was barely a fuckin' sentence long!"  _At least he's talking about it now_ , she thought sadly. "And for ten fuckin' years, ya hide this from me. My kin. My blood." He sneered and sniffed at the same time, battling with his emotions as well. The way his eyes were crumpling hurt her more than she could say. She wanted to reach for him and comfort him, but she couldn't move. 

"I can never apologize or make up for what I did—"

"Damn fuckin' straight!" 

"—but I can try and give ya closure. Ya need it, Daryl."

Taking a deep breath, she finally turned the photograph around and handed it over to him. Daryl almost didn't look, he was fighting it. She could see his jaw tense, his body trembling, the battle inside him waging harder and harder. Finally, though, he reached up and gripped the photo, taking it from her fingers, and turning so she couldn't see as he examined it. She felt naked, lost without that photograph, but he deserved the right to have it for as long as he needed to. She got five years with Alex, this is all he would ever see of his son. 

When his shoulders trembled, more tears fell down her face, and she couldn't stop her fingers reaching for him. A hand laid itself on his shoulder, but he retched it away immediately, spinning back to her as angry tears made their way down his face. 

"S' where is he?" he demanded. "Don't trust me with my own kid? Hidin' him with someone?"

Amaleen gulped and shook her head. "No, Daryl," she whispered. "No... When he was three months old, he cried for a week straight. No stopping, nothing. Just wailing at all hours of the day, would barely let me feed him. I figured at first he just was a fussy baby, but it just kept getting worse, and I knew that something had to be wrong. I took him to see his pediatrician who decided to send him for scans. He looked so tiny in that x-ray machine... They found something. A brain tumor." Daryl's jaw ticked and his eyes narrowed. "Treatment started right away. He fought so hard for five years, never stopped smiling." She paused and reached up with a shaky hand to wipe away a tear. "He had your eyes."

"Ya got pregnant ten years ago," he said lowly. 

Amaleen nodded. "Five years of fighting, but it was too much on his body. He was weak, couldn't walk for the last two of those five years. No amount of chemo or radiation could stop it from spreading to the rest of his body. He died a month after his fifth birthday." She looked down as he made a strangled noise. "His full name was Alexander Daryl Dixon, he knew who he was named after, and that his Papa and Momma loved him very much." 

With a last look at the picture, he shoved it back into her chest. His breath was coming out in harsh pants and he stopped around her to walk down the gangway. Frowning softly, she turned with him, watching. "Daryl—"

" _Fuck you_!" he yelled, turning back to her. The tears were undeniable on his face, his limbs trembling as he pointed in her face. "Fuck you for everything! I can take ya fuckin' breakin' my heart, whatever I know there are better out there for ya than me. But...but he was my  _son_. I never got to fuckin' meet him, and ya don't tell me until the goddamn  _apocalypse_. If you didn't join us, ya never would've told me. So fuck you, Amaleen. My dad and brother told me it was a fuckin' mistake ta get involved with ya. Some uppity college bitch who thinks she's better'n everyone else 'cause she's got some fuckin' piece of paper from some fancy-ass school. But ya ain't, yer a snob and yer selfish. Ya didn't tell me about him because ya knew I was trash and didn't want me infectin' the kid. But yer no better than me, at least I would never take somethin' like yer kid away from you. S' fuck you and stay the fuck away from me. Stupid bitch..." 

He turned away then, taking his crossbow off his back and stalking into the darkness until she couldn't see him anymore. Amaleen just stood there with her mouth open and tears tracking down her cheeks. And still she didn't hate him for his words, she deserved every single one of them. 

Numbly she folded up the picture and put it away in her pocket, wrapping the blanket around her as the wind nipped her shoulders and cheeks. She had never felt more cold or alone than she had at that moment. 

* * *

Faintly she remembered someone taking over watch for her last night, and she was almost positive it was Rick, but she couldn't remember fully. When she woke up, she was downstairs curled up in a ball in the bunk that Hershel wasn't occupying. The man was still out, and she saw that Rick's cuffs had him hooked to a pipe in the wall just in case he woke up and was no longer with them. But from there he didn't look feverish and his leg was all bandaged, so that was a good sign. 

Rick walked in from the upper deck and eyed her warily. She wasn't sure if Daryl had told him anything, assuming the archer had come back. Her heart leapt into her throat at the possibility that he hadn't, immediately worried, but she was sure Rick would've said something if he hadn't. Plus she could hear murmurs of his soft, deep voice coming from up there the next moment and relief washed through her. Despite what he thinks and what he said, she still cared about him. She didn't want him injured and knew she should've walked after him the night before, but knew that probably would've been a bad idea, he could've just tossed her over the gates.

Then again, him feeding her to walkers on the other side wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

Sullenly and still a bit numb from the night before, she set her blanket aside and looked over to Lori who was eyeing her from where she was sitting and putting her boots on. When she saw Amaleen sit up, she came over and sat next to her to pull on her jacket. "You told him," she whispered as a greeting, and Amaleen eyed her for a moment before nodding. 

"I told him," she said blankly, following the older woman's lead in putting on her jacket and boots. 

Lori frowned at her tone. "Didn't go well, I'm assuming?"

Amaleen snorted softly. "I never thought it would'a. I told him everything, and he stormed off after calling me a stuck up bitch." 

Lori gasped softly. "That's not like him..." she said, trailing off as her eyes darted up the stairs to where they heard his voice. 

Amaleen shook her head. "Don't worry about it. I've heard him get angry before and he says things he don't mean." She paused. "Though I think he meant that one." She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. "I think I might leave..."

"No," Lori said immediately. "You're part of the group now, you're not leaving us." The intensity in Lori's voice made her smile and she looked at her sadly, glancing down to her softly rounded belly. 

"To some of you that may be true. But to others—" She stopped and looked back up Daryl's way. "—to others I'm just a burden. Part of me wishes I had never told him, but I know it was the right thing to do despite the way he reacted. I just hate that I hurt him again. Where we're concerned, it's so fucked up and there's no way it'll ever be fixed. There will be so much tension, more than before, and it's not fair to the rest of you. I'm still a stranger, and he's not, he's your family." 

Lori had tears pressing against her eyes and Amaleen reached over to hug her. "You're our family, too."

Amaleen shook her head. "You just worry 'bout that baby, okay? You may not know Rick or Shane...but you have a beautiful boy and a new one on the way. You just take care of you and them, and don't worry about me." 

"I don't wantcha ta go," Lori mumbled into her ear, her voice cracking and Amaleen let out a soft noise. Nobody had cared about her that much, not since Daryl.

"I know," she said simply, softly. She pulled back with a small sniffle and a smile. "I'm breakin' my habit of leavin' without tellin', though, that must count for somethin'." Lori managed a small laugh, and stood as Amaleen grabbed for her bag.

She got together everything, checking pockets to make sure she had her weapons and her clothes. She neatly folded the blanket and set it on the bed behind her, which made Lori shake her head. Amaleen frowned as Lori opened her bag and shoved the blanket in there with the rest of her supplies along with a water bottle and a couple cans of veggies. 

"Y'all need that—"

"You need it more," her friend insisted. Amaleen smiled softly and gave her one last hug before zipping up her coat and going to find Rick. 

The deputy had gone upstairs to where Daryl was and she took a deep breath as she ascended, Lori on her heels. The talking ceased and the hunter's eyes blazed as she appeared, but she did her best not to look at him. They had been talking with Glenn, T-Dog, Maggie, and Carol about some plans for moving to the other ship.

"Can I talk ta ya for a sec?" she asked softly to Rick. His eyes narrowed a little, noting the look on her face, but waving the others away to do their jobs. Lori, T-Dog, and Daryl stayed where they were, but the others dispersed. Amaleen led Rick a couple feet away, mentally working herself up to what she was going to tell him. She didn't want to leave, she really didn't. She had never felt so welcome before anywhere, and these people were her friends. And it's not that she didn't appreciate what they did for her, but the hatred and anger wafting to her from Daryl was unbearable. She was leaving again, but this time she was saying it. And this time, he could guarantee he would never see her again. 

Next time she saw a walker, she wouldn't really be in the mood to fight it off. 

"What's wrong?" he asked, of course noticing the expression on her face. He had also noticed Daryl's usual attitude was much worse than usual and figured it had to do with whatever it was going on with them. 

Taking a deep breath, she just blurted it all out. "I'm leavin'. I don't want to, I really don't, but I hafta. You know the just why and I can't go into many details, but it's for the best. You have no idea how much I appreciate y'all takin' me in and feedin' me like ya did. I'll never forget that, and I'll always be grateful. But this is what I hafta do and I just hope ya can understand."

Rick looked like he didn't expect those words and seemed like he fully intended to argue, but the look on her face was set. After she had been relieved of watch duty the night before, where he had clearly seen her tears and her emptiness, she spent the next couple hours just thinking. No matter what, she couldn't think of a way to make things right besides just give up and leave. After all, it seemed that's what she was best at. 

"Ya don't have to, but I get it." His eyes flickered to Daryl and he gave her a sad smile. "You better be safe." 

She smiled gently as her heart ached, reaching up to hug him. She would miss this man. She would miss Lori, she would miss them all. She was slowly growing closer to them and now that would end, give them back the group as it was supposed to be. No matter how close she got with them, she would never truly belong, not with the way things were at that moment. It was hard to fight back the tears as she pulled away and went back downstairs to say goodbye to the rest. Carl especially was hard, wrapping his arms around her waist, and it was only then she let the tears fall. Carol and Maggie, Glenn. Hershel wasn't awake, but she pressed a soft kiss to his cheek before going upstairs. 

Apparently T-Dog and Daryl had been informed because when she appeared, T-Dog's first words were, "Ah hell no—" Before she was squeezing him. 

"Take care of yourself," she whispered, and he was silenced by her words, disguise his emotions as a cough as he hugged her back. 

She surprised everyone by stepping up to Daryl right after, her eyes set and calm as they could be. He looked ready to say something, fully ready to run if she were to hug him, but she just held up her finger to silence him, glad that it worked and he didn't say anything. Taking the picture out of her pocket, she studied it for a moment, her gaze longing and her bottom lip trembled before she tore it down the middle. She ripped off the part that had her in it and shoved it back in her pocket, and grabbed Daryl's hand. She put Alex's half there and slowly closed his fingers around it before stepping back. 

"I had him for ten years," she whispered, not unkindly, but broken. "It's your turn."

Turning away before he said anything, before he showed her anything, she stepped onto the gangway. She wouldn't take a car, she refused, they needed them for supply runs and she was only one person. And she didn't look back as she went, heading for the gates. They were locked, but there was an area along the fencing that she found she could wiggle through, hoping that one of the guys came out to fix that so walkers or other didn't try and get through. It was only after she was through that tears spilled down her cheeks and she glanced back, just able to make out the boat along the docks and seeing Lori, Rick, T-Dog, and Daryl standing on the deck. 

"Goodbye," she whispered to herself before gathering all her strength and turning back around, taking out a couple walkers with her knife that ambled towards her, heading off in the opposite direction that they came in to find someplace to hunker down later that evening. 

 


	11. Lookie Lookie What We Got Here

It took her all day to find a place that would be good to hold up in until she could find something more permanent. Since it was just herself, she went slower than she would've if she had others with her, besides the fact that she didn't have  car, but she didn't let herself turn around no matter how much she wanted to. Her heart ached for the loss of yet another group, although this time the ache was more bittersweet because they weren't dead, she just couldn't go back. Countless times she wanted to reach for the picture in her pocket, but then she remembered it was just the picture of herself. It seemed fitting, she was alone completely now. No picture of Alex to fall back on, he was with his dad now. Whatever Amaleen was feeling and going through, she knew she deserved it. She hurt Daryl, she let down her son, and she abandoned those that were calling her a friend. 

 _It's better I'm not there,_ she decided, nodding to herself as she took down yet another walker.

Up the coast aways, always keeping the water in her line of vision to the right of her, she managed to find a small town that the sign said was called Beachville, which was ironic considering there was no beach in sight. It was just hitting dusk and she knew she needed to find a quiet place to stay. Ears on high alert, she kept her gun tightly in her hands, eyes flickering every which way to make sure she didn't hear or see anything or anyone coming her way. The town was smaller than the one she found the group in in South Carolina. The thought of the group had her aching again, but she pushed that aside. She did this to herself; she didn't deserve a group no matter how much safer it was to be in one. She lost three already, so it was safer for her to stay alone. Focusing on the town, she saw that it had a restaurant, market, and a gas station and that was it. She didn't trust the buildings by herself at dark, not knowing if they were full of walkers or other people, so she moved past them to get to the houses just outside of town. 

However, she didn't see the curtains in the restaurant flicker as she hurried past. 

The houses were almost completely barren from what she saw, but she didn't trust them either and bypassed them. Her footsteps took her quickly and quietly through one of the yards to the back until she saw a small toolshed up ahead in another yard. Glancing around, she made that her place of rest for the night. There were no walkers in there, and there was no lock so it was easy to get in. Hopefully nobody came looking because there was no way to lock it from the inside either, so she just quietly made herself at home and hope for the best. 

Bag for a pillow, blanket on the ground. She didn't take her coat off and instead would just keep it on as she slept instead of using it for a cover. She would keep warmer that way. She slipped a can of beans and a spoon out of her back, opening the can with her knife, and eating about a forth of it before putting the lid back in place and setting it back inside. She needed to ration as much food as she could, knowing she couldn't hunt or fish like Daryl, and she didn't know if she wanted to risk the buildings in town by herself. 

By the time she was done, the small building was dark inside. She fumbled just a little bit before she got herself comfortable on the floor. For a moment she thought of pulling the blanket over her instead, but she knew that the coolness from the floor would seep into her bones easier without the blanket under her so she just stayed put. 

She didn't know how long she had been asleep, probably just an hour or two, when she heard the sound of the door nearly ripping itself off its hinges. With a yelp, instincts took over and she grabbed the gun that was in reach, and aimed it for the door. But she didn't see a rotting walker there like she thought and would rather have, but instead a living human male, about the size of a bulldozer blocking the doorway. She could barely see him in the moonlight, but he looked to be missing most of his teeth, and his skin was stained with dirt and dried blood. He had a crew-cut hair style and that paired with the camo pants told her that he was once military. But his smile made her shiver and his own gun was pointed at her head, his rifle much more powerful than her revolver. 

"Well well well," he said, his voice hoarse probably from years of smoking or disuse she wasn't sure, and she gulped slowly. "Lookie lookie what we got here."

* * *

Nobody had really done much chatting after Amaleen had left them the day before. While she hadn't been with them long, about a week at the most, she was so friendly and had gotten close to so many of them, Rick and his family especially. He had caught his wife softly crying a couple times and she merely gave him a smile before moving on to help Carol with Hershel. Hershel had stopped breathing the day before and Lori gave him CPR. Luckily he lived and he had been awake for a few hours. His leg was healing nicely, and none of them had the heart at first to tell him Amaleen was gone. When they did, he looked so sad it nearly broke them all over again. 

Daryl didn't move down from his perch up at the top. He had sat in the camp chair Amaleen had left there all night long, doing his usual routine of not waking anybody else up for watch. He was agitated and confused and it was best he just stay there. When others fell asleep, he spent his time alternating between keeping an eye on the docks, not allowing himself to believe that he was hoping Amaleen walked back through that gate unharmed, and looking at the picture she had given him. It was a bit wrinkled and faded, but obviously she looked at it a lot as that's all she had left of their son. The only part left of her in the picture was her left arm wrapped around his thin shoulders. He looked so frail and thin, pale against the dark color of her sleeve, but he was smiling as bright as any normal five-year-old boy would. Daryl could make out a lit birthday cake and some presents in the background and wondered if this was his fifth birthday, a month before he died. 

For a man who never met his son, he sure as hell missed him. He was still bitter and angry that he didn't even get the five years Alex was alive to be with him, to know him and tell the boy himself that he loved him. Amaleen was nice enough to say it for him, but he knew it didn't compare. Daryl's whole life, he wished his father said those words to him. No boy should have to live without hearing those from their father. 

Sniffling once first dawn broke, he wasn't surprised to hear Rick ascending the steps. He looked like he hadn't slept either, and Daryl was surprised he didn't try to come take over on watch, but he assumed that Rick knew that he just needed that alone time. Daryl slipped the picture into his pocket and glanced up at the man as he clapped a hand on Daryl's shoulder. Lori told Daryl that Amaleen hadn't told anyone about Alex, even Rick. She only told Lori because Lori had seen the picture one night by accident when they were on the road. Lori told him Amaleen didn't want to tell anybody, but now it was up to him. 

Daryl didn't want to tell anybody either. 

"We need some more supplies," Rick said, getting back into leader mode. Everyone knew they had to push the day before and the woman that had left from their minds. It just had to be done to survive and make it through this winter. "We can't go into Atlantic City, ya saw what it looked like. There're a couple small towns up north of us that I saw on the map that—" He paused before he said her name and shook his head. "—that we got back in South Carolina. One is called North Morton and the other one is called Beachville. We could go there and scout for as much as supplies as we can. Since Hershel's up, we won't need two people with him. We'll leave Lori and T-Dog here, one to watch Hershel and one to keep watch. The rest of us can go." 

Daryl nodded and stood up, his body kind of tight from sitting in the same position for so long, and he went to start getting the vehicles ready for the run. It would be quieter to go on foot, so Daryl would recommend to Rick stopping about a mile out of town and walking the rest of the way. He filled them both with gas without over-doing it as they didn't know when they would be able to find gas next, and made sure there was enough room for anything they could bring back. Rick came down soon enough with the rest of the group going and they all piled in. Glenn, Maggie, and Beth in the Hyundai with Rick, Daryl, Carol, and Carl in the truck. They paused only long enough for Glenn to unlock the gates, before speeding out of town and headed for Beachville first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is shorter, but I wanted to leave y'all on another cliffhanger because I'm evil like that. ;) But this story has just been flowing for me so definitely more soon! 
> 
> Also I just wanted to let y'all know that I've decided to write a prequel for this story. It'll be written at the same time so this one isn't going to be ending. The prequel will take place from the time they first met (Amaleen was 21 and Daryl was 25) up until the time she left two years later. It'll be shorter than what I have intended for this story, but we'll see how it goes. 
> 
> Thanks everyone for reading and comments are love!


	12. Take Me Home

Amaleen woke up in the restaurant she saw back in town, realizing quickly she had been knocked out as she didn't remember the move from the shed to the new building. Sitting in a chair at one of the tables, she had her arms tied behind her back with a thick rope, and tape over her mouth. She could feel blood dripping down her forehead as it started to pound in agony at her awakening, along with the stitches still on the back of her arm that had ripped open in a struggle she slightly remembered. She groaned softly and picked her head up to glance around, but she couldn't see anything in the dark besides a couple overturned chairs and some tables. Not the guy that she saw when she woke up in the shed or anyone else. Her heart was starting to race in fear and confusion, pulling on the rope around her hands, tugging hard enough that the skin of her wrists started to burn and rip, soft terrified whimpers leaving her lips. 

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." 

The voice of the man had her pausing and she looked up in alarm, eyes flickering everywhere, but she couldn't see any movement or hear any other noise until there was a growl behind her. Looking over her shoulder, she screamed behind the duct tape, the noise muffled, pushing herself over on her side as the walker behind her snapped towards her with its jaws. It wasn't until she looked harder that she realized it was chained by the neck to the wall, no arms, but it still had a jaw and it looked like it had fresh blood on it. Looking over her body quickly, she realized she wasn't bit, but it must be that she hadn't been the only one to find that town recently. 

Hands suddenly lifted up the chair to put it back in place with the growls behind her, and she saw two guys she hadn't before walk towards the counter. Bulldozer guy walked out from where the kitchen used to be, his face barely visible in the moonlight, but she could see that he was smirking as were the other two beside him. One was tall as he was, but much lankier, looked like he could be a walker himself if it weren't for the eyes and the lack of decay on his skin, it was just dirty. The other guy was much shorter, only about as tall as her at five foot four inches tall, but his blank face and silent stare had her shifting in her seat. It was the quiet ones you had to look out for she knew. 

"That's just Rufus," Bulldozer said, coming towards her and patting her on the shoulder, making her flinch. "He used to be one'a us, but he got bit. Now he's our pet, lookin' out for us, right, Rufus?" He grinned and laughed, sending a hit to Amaleen's cheek making her head spin, head whipping to the side and she barely made a noise. 

Leaning down to her height, his disgusting breath wafting in her face and she resisted the urge to gag. His smile was as creepy as it was in the shed and his eyes flickered the length of her body and back up again. She looked away only to have her face yanked back to him. "Now, we got what was in your bag. But we know that can't be all ya have. So if ya give them to us without a fight, it'll be less painful for you." 

Eyes slowly falling defiant, she glared at him with narrowed eyes, not moving or making a sound. Bulldozer studied her for a moment longer before standing and sighing, shaking his head. "And here I thought it would be easy." Grabbing her gun that he took, he bashed the butt of it over her temple, her vision swimming, before she slipped back into darkness. 

* * *

It was much colder when she woke up the second time than the first time. There was no sign as to where she was, but it was absolutely dark so clearly it was an inside room away from a window. Feeling around, the bottom she was sitting on was metal and she thought perhaps it was a refrigerator considering they had been in the restaurant when she had awoken the first time. Sighing, she let her head fall back against the wall, making her head spin and angry, desperate tears fall down her face. Her first thoughts went back to the group and knew that if they had been there, they would've been able to help her. But they weren't and she didn't deserve their help as she abandoned them just like she did everyone else in her life. They didn't even know she was there. 

Sniffling, she shifted herself to be more comfortable, wincing as her head hurt even more, and she was glad that she woke up at all. Chances were she had a concussion and if she was unconscious too long, she would slip into a coma and die.  _That might not be such a bad thing,_ she thought sullenly. Shifting again, it was then she realized just how much she was shivering, and realized that her jacket and plaid shirt had been taken, as well as her boots, socks, and even pants. It left her in just her cami and panties and her eyes burned with ashamed, mortified tears at the thought of those assholes stripping her like that. At least she wasn't completely bare, but it left her far more exposed than she wanted to be. 

About an hour later, though it felt like a week, the sound of a gunshot had her jumping, eyes wide and she wiggled away, though she didn't know where she was going. She couldn't tell where the door was so she didn't know if she was moving closer or away from it, but she needed to get away. She wanted to scream and cry and run far away from there, suddenly wishing she hadn't left South Carolina. Actually, if she were wishing to be somewhere, it would be with her group safe and sound back on the boat.

There was a lot of loud yelling and things crashing before silence. Her heart beat loudly in her ears, blood rushing about and she blinked quickly, trembling like a leaf in cold and fear. Everything ached and she wished that Bulldozer had just taken her, made her another of their pets. Especially when she heard voices again and realized they were still alive and she whimpered softly, pulling her legs closer to her body, up against her chest and she cried softly into them. Only the voices she heard weren't them, she realized as they got closer they were more familiar than that, she just couldn't put her finger on it. Her head hurt too much and everything ached, until finally her eyes went wide when someone yelled. 

"Amaleen?!" 

_Rick!_

* * *

The trip to Beachville wasn't too long at all and they figured they could get there and hit all the houses by nightfall. Rick took Daryl's suggestion and parked a mile away so they didn't announce their presence with loud vehicles. It would be harder to get supplies back, but there were a few of them so that would be helpful to carry stuff. Rick and Daryl took the front, Maggie and Glenn the rear, and everybody else in between. They could just barely see the water through the trees and Daryl snorted softly, wondering who was drunk when they named this town Beachville. There wasn't a beach in sight. 

"Houses first, and then the stores on the way back," Rick said as they finally made it to the  **Welcome to Beachville! Population 847** sign. Turns out the town was so small that they blinked and nearly missed it. A restaurant, gas station, and market took up the center of town, no stop sign or stop light anywhere, and the rest was all houses. They split up into groups of two to start scouting: Glenn and Carol, Rick and Carl, and Maggie and Beth. Daryl grunted and just took off on his own, ignoring Rick's call for him to come back and the sigh that followed. He didn't need a babysitter, he was just fine alone. Better off that way, if you asked him Rick was observant enough to know that something was up, but he didn't say anything to the redneck about it and Daryl was glad for that. 

The first house he found didn't have anything except some blankets in it, which he grabbed because they would definitely come in handy this time of year. The next one had a couple cans of food, and the one after that didn't have anything in the house itself. Out back, he found a little shed with the door nearly ripped off the hinges, hanging precariously off the top one and leaning against the side. A good gust of wind would have it falling off. After an inspection, he found a knife on the floor inside, but that was it and he shrugged, moving for the next house. He found some more cans of food, some kitchen knives, and some extra bullets that looked like they should fit a couple of the guns they had.

Rick and Carl were the first ones back in the middle of town and Daryl joined them moments later. They were comparing what was found, Rick and Carl having found stuff similar to what Daryl got with the addition of some medical supplies, when there was the soft slide of a door opening. Guns instantly drawn, even Carl's, they looked over to see three men walking out of a restaurant with gun's raised as well. The big one smirked at the three of them and looked to be military once upon a time, crew-cut with camo pants and no shirt on, covered in dirt and dried blood.

"Hand over what ya got, and this won't be painful for you." He acted like he owned the place and Daryl sneered at him. He hated guys like that, knew them from back home as well. Rednecks who thought they were trash and deserved more than the trailer and pickup truck they had.

Daryl snorted and Rick shook his head. "Not gonna happen," the deputy said evenly. 

"Do you want to die?" the man asked, pointing his gun to Rick's head. The ex-cop didn't flinch and the man slowly lost his smirk, eyes narrowing, as he turned his gun to Carl's head who slowly backed up behind his dad, Rick stepping in front of him fully to block him. "Do ya want your kid to die?"

"We out number and out gun you, you won't have a chance to get near him." 

That made the guy smirk again and he laughed, the sound flat and cold, eyes flickering around and shaking his head. "Don't think you scare us, pal. This is  _our_ town. It was our town before, and it's our town now. Everybody who steps foot here plays by our rules, or ya get hurt. Besides, I only see you and the redneck and the kid. I don't count that as outnumbering us. Not by a long shot." 

The corner of Rick's mouth raised as a smile and he let out a whistle. The man's eyes narrowed and slowly his smirk dropped again, this time in true panic, as the four others in their group stepped out from hiding behind the building across the street. Daryl hadn't known they were there, but Rick did, and Daryl was impressed. He supposed that's why Rick used to be a cop, he could just sense things like that, know what was happening before it did. 

"You don't wanna do this," the man said. 

"Oh we don't?" Rick said and then smiled, taking the first shot. The short guy went down first with a head shot and that sent the other two running inside the restaurant, gun's blazing. Military guy started yelling to the Scrawny guy and ordered him to take them all down, even Carl. Rick quickly ducked Carl and Daryl behind a nearby car. Carl was given a gun, but a strict word from Rick to stay put until the gunfire stopped and he got a signal from Rick. Daryl and the others were still firing and the other two inside the restaurant were taking some hits, they could tell by the screams and yells they heard. Luckily none of them were and Daryl saw Scrawny go down second with a bullet to the heart, and he made a mental note to get him in the head once the dust cleared. 

It did so far too early because they didn't see a sign of the other guy, though no shots were firing. Rick waved to the other four behind them to stay down, and then motioned for Daryl to follow him. Slowly they stood up from behind the car and moved closer, Daryl scarcely breathing until the guy jumped up in the shattered window, screaming and firing off his whole clip. Rick dodged out of the way and with one harsh look, hit him with one between the eyes in a excellent shot. 

Daryl was pretty sure that was all they had in there, just those three guys, but they waited for a couple minutes just to see before Rick dared motion the others closer. They all stepped inside cautiously, boots moving over broken glass and bits of wood that came loose from the bullets. Shorty and Military were dead and put down, never going to turn, but Daryl got Scrawny with an arrow between the eyes so he didn't. Looking around, he let out a low whistle. Bag upon bag was laying around along with different boxes of goods. It looked like they had been doing this to travelers for quite some time, taking anyone out who passed through their town. Sick fucks even had a pet walker chained up to a wall, arms missing, but jaw snapping in hunger. Daryl scoffed and got it with an arrow, looking around at everything. He wondered if Rick would want to take it all, or leave it because it wasn't even the fuckers they took down, it had belonged to someone else. 

 _Didn't everything else in this world?_ he thought, knowing survival meant doing something like that even if it felt wrong. 

"Guys!" Maggie's voice sounded alarmed and they all looked over quickly, Carol and Glenn getting there first. He heard Carol's gasp and the rest of the men all ran over to see what the commotion was about. Turning to look at them, her eyes flickered between Daryl and Rick. "Isn't this Amaleen's bag?" 

They traded a look before shoving through the others to see if Maggie was right. If the  **AMB** emblem on the front wasn't a give away, sewn on by Amaleen herself as Daryl had seen her do it, the ripped picture shoved into the side of it still was. The torn picture of Amaleen that she had taken after giving Daryl the half with their son on it, the one sitting securely in his pocket. Rick slowly leaned down and plucked it out, staring at it for a couple seconds before he stood up, that look on his face as angry as it had been the day that Shane took out all the walkers at the barn, the day Sophia died. 

"Amaleen?!" he yelled, walking to the back of the restaurant. The others moved after him calling her name, but Daryl was paralyzed with fear for the first time in his life. Rick had dropped the picture and Daryl stared down at that familiar face. _Beautiful_ , he thought. If anything was confusing, it was this. He hated her, he should want her dead, should hope if they find her she already had a bullet to the brain or was turned into a walker. But he didn't wish that, dread taking over his stomach, his throat, his whole being until he was desperately choking on it and he turned to help with the search, yelling her name, too. There were a couple storage rooms back there and an upstairs where it looked like the owner had once lived. He went up there with Rick, Carl, Beth, and Carol to search through the rooms, the four of them silently going into supplies mode as well as they collected random things throughout the rooms like some more cans of food and another gun that Rick shoved in the back of his jeans.

Glenn and Maggie went into the kitchen to search and Daryl heard the large refrigerator door open there, swinging loudly on its rusty hinges. There was a gasp and then Glenn's panicked voice, "Guys, we found her!" 

There was a stampede to try and get down there quicker, and Rick got there first with Daryl right behind him, Carl, and then Carol. They tried not to crowd, but they wanted to make sure it was her, and she was alive. There was a split second of silence just to make sure it was her, and her tear-stained face slowly looking up at them was enough. 

"Ah, Christ," Rick swore softly, his voice shaking in panic and fury as he quickly stripped off his jacket. Daryl's jaw tensed, his body numbing as he saw the state she was in: bare except underwear and a thin tank top, and that was it. Her arms were tied behind her back, her mouth taped shut with duct tape, blood covering the left side of her face from obvious hits probably with the butt of a gun. There was an angry bruise across her jaw and cheek, her left eye looking like it was nearly swollen shut. She was violently trembling and Daryl felt a bit sick. If Maggie hadn't saw her bag, if they had just left after killing those men, she would've been left to starve to death or bleed out in there by herself. Alone, terrified, with the thoughts that her friends didn't even know she was there.

Hands clenching at his sides, he looked at his boots. He didn't understand what he was feeling, everything twisting and making him more confused than before, but the idea of losing her like that made him choke more than he ever had before. He didn't want her dead. He wanted her safe, alive, and back with them at the docks. 

Rick quickly cut the ropes off her wrists, all of them noticing she had struggled to get free and they were tore up, bleeding and raw and bruised, probably stinging with pain. The tape came off next and she took a gasp of air before sobs came next, falling into Rick's shoulder as she murmured soft, reverent thanks into his shoulder. Rick's coat was draped around her body, Glenn and Carl also looking down in respect of her less-than-clothed state as Rick picked her up. Arms behind her back and knees, her arms around his neck securely. They hadn't saw any signs of her jeans or her outer plaid shirt, but Glenn and Daryl quickly stripped their coats off, too, to put around her as Rick carried her. 

"Can you carry her to the car?" Carol asked gently, always the mother as she grabbed a nearby mostly-clean rag to start dabbing at the blood on her forehead. 

Rick looked at Amaleen as they walked out to the front of the restaurant and slowly shook his head. "I could, but it's getting dark, and carrying her would take too long. Plus there's a lot of supplies here we should take. Glenn and Daryl go get the cars, the rest of us will wait he—"

" _No_." The cross, growling sound of Daryl's voice had everybody looking over in shock. They stared at the hunter, even Amaleen as she sniffled behind the sleeve of Rick's jacket. He looked up, refusing to look at her, eyes blazing as he shook his head at Rick. "'M not goin' anywhere." One quick glance at Amaleen and he looked away again, walking over to rummage through the other bags. Everyone glanced at each other before Rick nodded.

"Okay, Glenn and Maggie you two go. Carl and Daryl, you two start sorting stuff into sections: weapons, food, and medical. Carol and I will be here with Amaleen." Rick had Carol get in his pocket for the truck keys and handed them over to Maggie. The pair nodded and started out, jogging to get there and back as quickly as they could. They left flashlights in the car as well as they hadn't planned on it being that long, so they had to get there and back before night hit. 

* * *

 

Rick slowly sat with Amaleen in his lap against the wall, finally letting his attention focus on the woman in his arms. She was still slightly sniffling, but her cries were less. She winced now and then as Carol dabbed her forehead with the rag, the other woman softly apologizing as she did so, not wanting to hurt Amaleen anymore. Amaleen's heart was aching, fighting the urge to run again before she hurt them again. She didn't look good enough in town before she found that shed. If she had, she wouldn't have wound up in that restaurant, and they wouldn't have almost gotten killed in that gun battle. But it wasn't only Rick's tight hold on her body that had her staying put, it was also the very overwhelming sense to be close to them again, to not be alone, to be part of their group like she so desperately wanted.

Amaleen slowly looked up at Rick, wiping her eyes again with her sleeve. "I can't believe you're here." 

The words were harsh and croaked out, the sobbing having effected her voice. Rick smiled softly, sadly as he reached up to push some hair off her forehead. "I can't believe we are either," he said gently. "I had hoped you would come back. Wasn't the same after you left." She looked down in shame, but he picked her chin back up. "Don't know what happened, but I understand why. If something happened, or you're feeling bad, you don't hafta hide." Amaleen's bottom lip trembled and she nodded. 

"It feels like that was so long ago. It was only a day, wasn't it?"

Rick nodded. "About a day and a half yeah, you left around ten AM yesterday, and it's probably close to eight PM now." 

"I felt like I was locked in that refrigerator for days. I woke up about an hour I think before I heard the gunshots. I heard voices, but I didn't realizes it was you guys until you said my name. It was all muffled and my head was pounding. Still is." 

Carol silently stood and went to a bag that Rick remembered had medical supplies in it that he and Carl found in a house. It had some Tylenol antiseptic wash, some tape, and some gauze. Kneeling again, she frowned. "This is gonna sting," she warned gently before padding a wet piece of gauze to Amaleen's forehead. It did indeed and she winced, slowly opening her eyes again as Carol worked so she could look at Rick. 

"I'm so sorry," she said, more tears coming to her eyes as her throat tightened. "I felt like I should so nothing was too tense and I—"

Rick put a finger to her lips. "Don't apologize," he told her gently. "I understand. You got lost, believe me, I get it. But we're your friends, your family. And we're all here for you, okay? You don't have to be lost again."

Amaleen nodded, at lost for words, and she tensed when she saw headlights pull up and the sound of running engines. Rick soothed her softly. "It's just Glenn and Maggie with the cars," Carol said, finishing up with taping up Amaleen's forehead. She handed her over some Tylenol and water for her to take, hoping to kill the pain of her headache. Glenn and Maggie rushed in to help pack, and Rick reluctantly left Amaleen there to help. She wanted to help, too, but there was a unanimous chorus of "No!" when she tried to stand. Carl stayed with her, though, not even having to be told by Rick to do so, and managed to get her to smile with one of his jokes. He looked very proud of himself and it made her smile a bit more. 

Finally everything was settled and Rick was a little more than pissed off that they couldn't find the clothes Amaleen had been wearing. He decided since that was the case, he didn't want to know what they had done with them, and was eternally grateful they got to her before the sick bastards decided to do anything more. They probably had it in mind, Amaleen wasn't exactly hideous. As he picked her up to walk with her to the truck, she tensed in fear as they stepped over the men's bodies, but Rick hurried her away so she didn't have to see. "

They won't hurt ya again," he promised her in a soft, but firm voice. If he had anything to do with it, she would never be out of their sight again.

Rick had Daryl drive the truck back with Carl in the front seat. He sat in the back with Amaleen to keep her close and make sure she didn't sleep as she said she might have a concussion. Glenn led with the Hyundai and Maggie, Beth, and Carol rode with him. 

Amaleen glanced out the windows as they drove, not seeing much but dark trees flying by them. She was warm underneath the three coats, too. She had tried to give them back once they all got in the vehicles, but each man refused and so she bundled up with them, trying not to admit how much she enjoyed being all cozy like that. 

Her head lolled over onto Rick's shoulder and he kept making sure she wasn't dozing, their conversation soft and Carl's jokes floating in from the front before he slipped off to sleep. The trip back was far too long for Amaleen's taste and she didn't know if she had really walked far, or if she was just anxious to get back to the docks and where she really belonged. Once the first mast of the large ship they cleared came into view, she grinned to herself, silently welcoming herself home.

 


	13. Home At Last

Amaleen had jerked herself away from falling asleep just as the cars stopped outside the gates. She saw Glenn jump out to unlock them and they all drove in, making a loop so they could back up to the boat for easier access in getting supplies out, and if they had to make a quick run for it. Amaleen saw they were still on the sailboat and that was okay with her, she needed the comfort right now even if she shouldn't ask for it. Her head still ached, her wrists throbbed, and the back of her arm was still slightly oozing blood. Her mind went to Hershel still recovering and unconscious and knew she just had to bite the bullet and deal with it, hers were nothing compared to that. Glenn ran back over to lock up the gate again as the rest of them started to unload. Rick got out and Amaleen went to slide out, but he held up a finger to wait. She pulled the jackets tighter as Rick called up to Lori and T-Dog she saw standing on the deck. 

"Look who we found," he said, his voice no longer panicked or angry, but full of happiness. He beckoned Amaleen closer and she moved so he could scoop her back up into his arms. 

There was a loud gasp from Lori and a whoop from T-Dog. Lori didn't even bother waiting for Rick to bring her up, the woman just ran down the gangway and across the dock to get to her friend. Tears gathered in her eyes and it took a moment for them to adjust to the moonlight and see the state she was in. Her look of relief fell into panic and she glanced between Rick and the others in confusion.  _What the hell happened to her?!_ was clear on her face and Rick motioned her back inside. With Lori there now, Carol could help bring in other supplies so the others went to work doing that. T-Dog came to help, his eyes growing with alarm when he saw her, but Rick gestured him back to the cars. He slowly nodded and jogged over to help, glancing back now and then as the others slowly filled him in on as much as they knew. 

Rick and Lori got Amaleen inside and back on the bunk that she had slept in the night before she left. It felt so good to be back there, everything quiet, but a comfortable quiet. Soft, familiar, and home.

"What happened to her?" 

The voice made her look up in shock, her face break out slowly into a happy grin. "Hershel! You're okay!" she exclaimed, her eyes brimming with happiness. She knew it had been so touch and go there for awhile, and she was terrified that the old man was going to die. But he was okay, sitting up and everything, reading from the Bible like he did every night, and she had never been happier to see that. She was so glad that he was alright, her heart doing a flipflop because of it.

He smiled gently, but he didn't answer, his eyes flickering over her wounds. Lori was fluttering as well, softly taking a coat from her and realizing quickly that she had barely anything on. Her eyes widened and she gave it back, looking to Rick for an answer. 

"We found her like this," he answered quietly, not that he thought that Lori was thinking they had something to do with this. Amaleen had never seen Lori or Hershel for that matter look quite so angry and the smile slid off her face as quickly as it had come. She shrunk back softly and pulled the coats closer, looking down at her lap. Lori sat down next to her and she glanced at Hershel and Rick who looked away, and Lori took the coats again. There were a few bruises over her body, but most of the damage was her wrists and face. Carol had done a good job at bandaging her temple where the gun struck her, but her eyes was nearly closed, and there was still dried blood on her face, not to mention the other bruises and her arm having ripped stitches. Lori quickly moved to her own bag and grabbed out some sweats. She helped Amaleen stand to fit them over her legs and tie them up before she sat back down and the men turned back around. 

Lori sat down and was going to start work when Hershel motioned them to come over. Lori and Rick helped Amaleen stand and get over to Hershel, the man sitting up enough that he could help work on her. He clicked his tongue and shook his head, starting with dabbing away the blood on the back of her arm, re-stitching that area to get the worst of it out of the way, remembering that she hated them. Next was her forehead, and then her wrists, luckily neither of which needed stitches. She was bandaged up tightly and cleanly and Lori knew it was better than she could ever do, and smiled at Hershel in thanks. 

Amaleen was moved back over to the other bunk and Lori wrapped some blankets around her. It was clear the supplies should've been brought up by now, but they were given some space by the others. "So do you wanna tell me what happened now?" Lori wondered gently. 

Rick sat down and he and Hershel were both curious. The deputy understood most of it, but he hadn't heard it all. So she started from the very beginning, deciding this was the time to tell them everything. For them to understand why she left, they had to understand her and Daryl's story. It was painful to recount everything all over again even the stuff that had been eating away at her for ten years. Hershel looked more surprised at them being ex-lovers than Rick did, but he probably understood it was something like that considering the tension and how they acted around each other. Next she paused, eyes flickering to Lori who nodded encouragingly, before she went into the story about Alex. Both glanced at each other in surprise, but she kept pushing through, still never once mentioning Merle or Will. She could've fought back, but she didn't, it was on her and not them. And she still wouldn't speak ill of the dead (assuming that's what they were). 

Finally she ended up with her leaving, finding the town, and then the men finding her. The end of the story had Rick's jaw ticking and she saw the look on his face. He was glad they were dead, otherwise he would go right back there and kill them all. Rick was the type of man that you didn't hurt his friends unless you wanted to deal with him. And Amaleen was definitely a friend, watching her there bundled in blankets she looked so small, and he was angry that she was taken advantage of like that from those men. Part of him wished that had turned just for revenge, but that wasn't him. 

"You're back now," Lori murmured. "And that's all that matters. You're home and you're safe, and we're never letting you leave again." Amaleen smiled up at her with blurry eyes and Lori moved over so she was sitting next to the younger woman on the bed. Her arm went around her shoulders as Amaleen sniffled. 

"Make sure you don't fall asleep tonight," Hershel said, changing the subject and causing the women to look up at him. "Tomorrow morning we'll check you again, and if your concussion is gone, you could sleep. We would just hafta wake you up every couple hours just to make sure you're okay." Amaleen nodded. "It doesn't seem like a bad one, but better safe then sorry." 

Amaleen nodded and while she was exhausted as sleep from the previous night had been interrupted by Bulldozer, she knew for her health she had to. She stifled a yawn and stood up, making Rick and Lori both reach for her. She waved them away gently and smiled. 

"I'm fine, a little shaky, but I'm okay. I'll take watch for the night—"

"No," the three of them said together, interrupting her and making Amaleen sigh. 

"I can't stay down here, though, that bed will make me fall asleep the moment I lay back down. Plus if I have to stay awake, I might as well do something useful. I could also help sort through and mark down supplies as well." 

They all glanced at each other before Lori stood up. "I'll go with you." 

Amaleen shook her head. "You're pregnant, you need the sleep."

"Tough, I'm going with you, and then we can sleep together tomorrow." Everyone paused and looked at her, Amaleen's eyebrow raising as Lori realized what she said. "Not like that... I mean legit sleep..." She snorted and shook her head as the other three laughed, and she walked passed them to go talk to the others. "Perverts." 

Amaleen was still giggling as she slowly ascended to the top deck. Lori was relaying the watch news to the others who all looked as happy about it as Rick did, but they knew it would be the best ides. She had to stay awake, and of course watch duty would help her do that. Lori was being nice enough to sit with her. Amaleen still had the blanket with her and got herself comfortable on the camp chair already up there from the first night. The rest of them started filing through with the supplies and Carol paused to hand over Amaleen's gun. The butt of it still had dried blood caked on it and she frowned, rubbing on the ends of it with her fingers to try and get it off. She didn't really want to be reminded of that incident, the ache in her head and wrists was enough to do that. 

It took them a few trips to get all the supplies out of the trucks and into the sailboat. They were going to move into the bigger ship in the morning and thought about stacking it all over there, but it was a longer walk and everyone was exhausted. Most of it was stacked up on the sailboat's deck for Lori and Amaleen to watch with Amaleen's tarp covering it in case of weather. Rick gave them the list so they could start going through it, and Maggie handed her the bag that identified she was in that restaurant. Amaleen searched through it to make sure everything was there and it was all accounted for except the clothes she had been wearing, and her knife. 

Sighing, she closed it and set it beside her as Lori plopped another camp chair beside her and sat down with a thermos of coffee, a book, a flashlight, and a blanket. She raised an eyebrow at Amaleen's noise. "Somethin' wrong?" she wondered. 

"They took my knife and I don't know where they put it," she said. "It's not in there, and I don't remember seeing it in the restaurant. The last I saw of it, it was on the floor next to me of that shed I slept in." 

Daryl was walking by at that time and paused at her words before he went down the stairs, eyes flickering over to her. He moved out of the way so Glenn, who was behind him, could go down, and he felt around in his pockets for the knife he had found in the shed with the messed up door. Slowly he walked over to her and held it out over her shoulder, causing her to jump and look up in alarm. When she saw the knife, she looked at him in confusion as to how he got it, and slowly took it back, careful not to touch his hand as he handed it over. 

"Found it in the shed. Door nearly ripped off?"

She nodded softly. "Bulldozer did that when he found me," she said. 

Daryl's jaw ticked for a moment before he nodded and walked away again without a word. Amaleen slowly looked down at the knife in her hands before slowly leaning over to set it in her bag. The way he reacted at the restaurant... She didn't know what to think of it. It was like he was the person she knew ten years ago and not the one she knew presently. The man ten years ago would've done anything to make those assholes pay for what they did to her, but this one wouldn't. This one would have left her for dead. Though she supposed he didn't because he wasn't alone. Still, there was that moment when Rick had asked him to go get the cars and he refused. The look on his face wasn't just a man trying to defy his leader, she knew even Rick saw that. That was a man who didn't want to leave her, and she didn't understand why. He hated her, why did he care what happened to her? 

She must have been too silent because Lori bumped Amaleen's leg with her own making her look up. Amaleen smiled. "Just thinkin'," she said softly. 

"Thought you fell asleep." 

Amaleen shook her head. "I want to, but I think even if I were down there, my head is too full." 

Lori glanced down as the camp lights and flashlights shut off indicating sleep so it was more private for their talk. "Daryl?" she wondered. 

Amaleen paused, wanting to shove it away and just forget it because it was all stupid, but then slowly nodded. Lori knew everything, and Amaleen could trust her. She hadn't said a word to anyone, not even to Rick. That look of surprise on his face regarding Alex had been real and not an act. 

"Yeah," she said softly, looking down at her feet, now laced up in her boots with the laces comfortably untied. "He hates me, Lori." 

"He doesn't—"

"He does," Amaleen interrupted with affirmation. "You should've seen the look on his face when I told him about Alex." She nodded. "He hates me. But I don't know... There was something different about him today. When they found me in that fridge, he looked enraged. And then after I was out, Rick asked him to go get the truck and he practically growled at him." She paused and looked up at the other woman, standing long enough to turn so her seat was facing Lori's, bringing up her legs under her. Lori mimicked her so they could talk. "I don't know what's going on with him. That's how he used to act ten years ago. I remember about two months before I left, this new guy in town hit on me in our regular bar. Everybody and their brother by then knew I was with Daryl and knew not to even look at me without risking him going off. But this guy waltzed right up and put his arm around my shoulder and leaned real close like he was going to kiss me, and told me he wanted to fuck me in the bathroom." Lori's eyes went wide and Amaleen laughed softly. "You should've seen the look on Daryl's face. You know when he's angry that vein that pops out on his forehead?" Lori giggled and nodded making Amaleen smile. "Should've been its own continent that night. That look on his face, the vein throbbing, the sound of his voice? Those were the signs of a man who was angry someone dared touch what was his, not the sound of a man who hates me."

Lori looked at her with a smirk. "See, he—"

"But he hates me," Amaleen interrupted again, looking over to the gates for a scan to make sure everything was in place, before looking back to Lori's bemused expression. "What? He does. And I don't blame him." 

"What do you feel about him?" 

Amaleen opened her mouth to confirm that she no longer loved him, but she wasn't quite sure that was the truth. Because the truth was, she didn't think she had ever fallen out of love with him, not any moment of the decade they spent apart, as much as she had tried to and convinced herself to believe that she had. But it was a lie. Not even when Will and Merle were threatening her did she feel like her love for the youngest Dixon was any less. In fact it grew even more because at that time she was so hell-bent on keeping everyone out, proving to them that they were wrong and she and Daryl could make it. But then the small little pink plus sign changed all that, and she knew they were right. She wasn't nearly good enough for Daryl as he claimed, Merle helped her see that the day he told her to get lost. 

"Do you hate him?" Lori's words brought her out of her stupor and she looked up at the other brunette again, finally shaking her head. 

"No," she whispered, assuming that only Lori could hear her. "I don't. Never have and never could. I still love him, Lori. I never stopped."

* * *

Unbeknownst to the women up on the top deck, a certain archer couldn't get to sleep downstairs. He tossed and turned all over, but the events from the day had him rattled. He didn't want to keep thinking about her, but it was difficult when he could hear her soft voice talking right upstairs. He knew when she joined them it would be bad because all he could think about is what she did to him. But now she was one of them and all he could think about is hoping she was okay and would make it past this. 

"Goddamn it," he mumbled to himself and pushed the coat off his body. When he got it back, he refused to admit how he liked that it had been warmed up by Amaleen's body previously, and he could very slightly smell her on it. And how that smell hadn't changed from ten years ago. Heading for the stairs, he grabbed a pack of smokes out of his pocket, prepared to go up on deck and have one and offer one to Amaleen, but then he heard them talking. That didn't shake him, not at first, until he heard Amaleen's words that stopped him in his tracks. 

"No. I don't. Never have and never could. I still love him, Lori. I never stopped." 

It was clear that she wasn't speaking about Alex. The cigarettes dropped do the ground and he backed up a couple spaces, careful not to trip over T-Dog who was closest to the door. Mouth hanging open, he went over to the chair that sat by the small table in the corner and sat down, too surprised and too confused to do anything, much less sleep. He could still hear their soft voices, but couldn't hear their words anymore.  _"I still love him, Lori... I still love him... Love him..."_ Her words repeated over and over again in his mind all night long, even as the morning sun broke through the windows and slowly people started to rise, he didn't move, his mind moving a mile a minute.

Because maybe, just maybe, he loved her, too.

 


	14. New Start

Amaleen noticed Daryl's strange behavior the next day the moment the others started to rise from the floor below. He blew right past them without a word, which was normal for how he reacted to Amaleen, but Lori called out to him, "Are you okay?" and he never answered back, never even looked back at her. The women looked at each other and shrugged, but Amaleen had a sinking feeling in her gut, like he had overheard something she and Lori were talking about the night before, but that was impossible. They would've heard him if he got up, it's not like there was anything else to distract them as the night had been quiet and walker free. But if he had heard something, Amaleen knew that things would be even more tense around there. She wasn't ready for him to know that, and even if she was, he would simply be disgusted. She had done too much to him to ever make things right between them no matter how much she wanted to.

Sighing softly, she shook her head at Lori's confused glance and stood up, slowly stretching her body. Limbs popped and moved, and the more she relaxed, the less adrenaline was pumping through her body, and the more she ached. She didn't know how long she had been cooped up in that restaurant even before she woke up, tied to that chair before being thrown in the fridge, but it must've been awhile considering how much she hurt. She realized she felt more bruises than she did the day before and lifted her shirt some to take a look. There were some along her ribs, probably from when those men carried her from the shed to the restaurant, and some along her hips. Lori moved closer silently and checked her back, pointing out a couple along her shoulders. There were some along her upper arms from where they had been shoved against the side of the chair when they died her up, and there were some on her legs from when they tossed her in the fridge, which they seemed a little darker considering she had no clothing on at the time to protect her legs from the hard ground. 

"I've always bruised like a peach," she mumbled causing Lori a faint smile, even if she looked worried. She pulled the blanket closer and looked over at Rick and T-Dog who appeared, each with coffee. It smelled wonderful and Amaleen wanted some, her mouth salivating, but if Hershel checked her and the concussion was gone, she wanted to be able to sleep and not be jittery from caffeine. She was so exhausted that she could feel each step made was a giant effort on her part. She walked closer to the guys who each smiled in turn, however it didn't quite reach their eyes. The looks on their faces as they took in her face in this better lighting with the morning sun was nothing short of murderous and Amaleen shifted a little, for a moment not sure if they had changed their minds on her, or if that look was for the men that did this to her. 

"You sure they're dead?" T-Dog asked, looking between them. 

Rick and Amaleen nodded. "We're sure," Rick said. "Less they can come back from bullets in the brain."

T-Dog nodded in relief, but he also looked like he would be okay with them coming back so he could just kill them all over again. He walked over to Amaleen and pulled her into a hug, making her smile against his warm shirt. "I'm glad your back," he said to her softly. 

"Me, too," she whispered to him. 

He patted her back and she winced slightly from the aches and bruises. Of course then that meant she had to show Rick and T-Dog why and Lori explained the ones on her hips and legs. Rick sighed and scrubbed a hand through his hair. 

"I said it last night, but I'll say it again: you're not leavin' the docks again. You're gonna take it easy with Lori and Hershel while we start moving into the other ship, and when Hershel says you can sleep, you'll get a full eight hours. T, I'm going to keep you on watch and also help supervise the moving, this boat can't be unguarded with Hershel injured and the women sleeping. When people leave the docks, nobody's going alone, always at least in groups of two, if not three. Safety is the most important part for survival here. This," He pointed to Amaleen, "will  _not_ happen again. We're not letting anybody else hurt our people. Always on guard. Everyone is the enemy. Understood?"

Of course nobody was arguing with him and Amaleen smiled at him softly.  _Our people_ , she thought. She was one of theirs and happiness settled into her heart at the thought. She never mattered so much and belonged so quickly to a group of people, and despite what she's done and what she thinks she deserves, they're not willing to let her go and she wasn't willing to leave again. These docks with these people were her home and family. 

Pulling the blanket tighter around her, Amaleen handed over the paper with the categorized list of supplies and showed Rick how they organized it all, including the supplies they already had before. There was enough there from what they had found left over in the restaurant that it would last them a couple months into winter. "We should send another scoutin' party out to see if we can get another month's worth. That way we don't hafta send people out in the snow," Amaleen suggested and Rick nodded, looking like he was going to consider the idea, though none of them were too excited about anyone leaving. 

"Alright, everyone let's get to work. Amaleen, go see Hershel and see if it's okay to sleep. If so, make sure you do, and Lori you as well. T, you'll probably have to be the one to wake her up as Hershel can't get up and she sleeps like the dead." 

Amaleen narrowed her eyes. "I do not," she claimed causing Rick to snort. 

"Do you remember the night on the road before we got here? We had to wake you up as we found camp and it took us five minutes of shaking you to get you awake." 

She frowned and mumbled curses under her breath as she went to scale down the steps to go beneath the boat, causing laughter from the other three. Rick led the rest of the group out to the other boat, finding Daryl on the way and giving the man a side-long glance as he had just been sitting on the back of the truck watching the gates, but he didn't say anything. Now that he knew what was going on, he understood the archer's attitude, but didn't want to make it worse by bringing it up. He told the hunter what they were doing and Daryl silently set off to help unload the supplies. 

Back in the sailboat, Amaleen was thoroughly getting checked out by Hershel. Lori had her show him the other bruises including new ones they found on her hips, legs, and back. He checked the wound on her arm for infection, but it was still clean and he said the stitches that hadn't ripped could come out in a couple days, but the re-stitched part would be another four or five. Still, he gave her another antibiotic just to make sure. He checked the wound on her head and said it was healing nicely and she still didn't need stitches there. The bruises around her eye, cheek, and jaw wound heal as would the split in her lip that she realized she had from Bulldozer's smack before he knocked her out again with the gun. 

"Do you remember much?" he asked. 

Amaleen shrugged. "Here and there. I remember falling asleep in the shed, and waking up to the door busting open. Motherfucker ripped it off its hinges like it was nothing. I don't remember anything after that until I woke up in the restaurant tied to the chair." 

"So you don't know what they knocked you out with the first time?" 

She shook her head. "I remember when I woke up, my head was already bleeding and pounding, but that's it. I'm assuming they had hit me with something and that's why I don't remember." 

Hershel nodded. "Memory loss is normal with some head trauma." 

"He knocked me out again and that's when I woke up the second time in the fridge. That time I remember it was my gun he knocked me out with. Maybe it was his gun that he used the first time, I remember that he had a rifle with him."

"Luckily he didn't do anymore damage. It looks like your concussion is gone so you can sleep." She breathed out a sigh of relief. "T-Dog will come down every couple hours to wake you up. Lori, you get some sleep, too, doctor's orders." The women nodded and got to work setting up sleeping arrangements. 

Lori insisted on Amaleen having the bunk, even though Amaleen tried to refuse. "I'm pregnant, not injured, I'll be fine. Go." Amaleen finally sighed at the set look on Lori's face and knew she would never win against the stubborn brunette. 

"Fine, just this once," she said as she let herself fall into the bunk. Despite her argument, it felt nice to have an actual mattress to sleep on. Surprisingly she drifted off pretty easily once she had her coat shoved under her head and the blanket pulled up tight to her shoulders. 

True to word, T-Dog came down every two hours to wake her up. Across the way, Hershel asked her the same questions every time: "What's your full name, when's your birthday, how many fingers am I holding up, who's the president?"

And her answers were always the same: "Amaleen May Blake, February eighth, three fingers, there is no president it's the apocalypse." Her last answer always caused a chuckle out of the men, careful not to wake up a sleeping Lori.

Even with waking every two hours, the sleep she got felt amazing. She and Lori both slept the full eight hours that Rick told them to, and woke up more refreshed than they did in a long time. Going outside, they saw that everything was over in the other ship and everyone was just setting things up now. T-Dog told them that Daryl and Glenn went to find crutches for Hershel so they could get him from the sailboat onto the other ship. Amaleen glanced at the locked gate, worry settling into the pit of her stomach for them being out there, Daryl especially, but she pushed it back as she followed Lori to see what they could do to help. 

Ever since her admission last night about her lingering love for Daryl, she found that the rest of the feelings she had towards him from ten years ago were surfacing as well. Love, anger, lust, worry, happiness, pain...it almost made her double over as it just sort of hit her like a sledgehammer, especially with the adrenaline gone as it had taken over most of her senses. It was why she had pushed it away so much, because she knew that being without him would make everything more amplified, more likely to drown her. She was the type of person that she would dwell on something so much that it effected the way she lived, whether in a good or bad way, that's why she had wound up leaving, the depression and angst that she felt after Daryl flipped on her about Alex the only thing she focused on. It happened before their actual relationship when she realized she loved him and was convinced that he didn't love her back, it happened right after she left him, and she knew it would happen again now that she realized her feelings were still there. But this time she had to put on the best fake smile she could and soldier on, just like she did after Alex died, because this wasn't just her unhappiness or longing, there was a whole group of people to think about now. 

Pushing those thoughts aside, they found Rick who told them that they could start by finding Amaleen a room. "Everyone else has one except for T-Dog, you, and Hershel," he said. He gave Lori directions on which one was theirs and the women went down to the first deck. Since there were so many rooms, everybody decided to stay up there and use the other two decks for storage. That way if an emergency happened, they wouldn't have to run up more flights of stairs than needed. Rick and Lori took the first room on the right with Carl across the hall from them. The room next to theirs was empty and so Amaleen put her stuff in there to claim. Next to Carl was Carol, next to Amaleen was Daryl, next to him was Glenn and Maggie, and next to Carol was Beth. Amaleen didn't plan it to be next to Daryl and almost thought to move her stuff away down next to Beth, as far away from him as she could get, but she wanted to be next to Lori and Rick, plus they insisted. 

Beth brought Hershel's things down and put them in the room next to her and went over to sit with him while T-Dog came to find a room and wound up next to Glenn and Maggie. There were still ten rooms left on that floor and Rick decided they would keep those bare for now and stick with their original plan. They had found a room on the second deck that was actually the galley and the food would be made in there, even though it was sort of small. Each of the crew rooms down there was stacked with a different category: food, medical, clothes and blankets, and weapons. The bottom deck was left shut and locked up as it was too far away for Rick's liking and it still smelled too much like the walkers that had been down there for God knows how long. 

The rumble of the Hyundai sounded and everyone went out to see Glenn and Daryl pull up. Amaleen let out a sigh of relief when they stepped out unharmed and resisted the urge to run down to Daryl just like Maggie had to Glenn. He probably would be less than thrilled about that. Beth came out to grab the crutches that they had managed to find so they could go get Hershel, Glenn and Maggie following her to help. Amaleen watched Daryl with soft eyes, his own finally catching hers so she turned away once they had, not wanting to see the look on his face that he had caught her watching him. A small sigh left her lips and she went downstairs to find the galley so she could help Carol and Lori make dinner that night. 

There was no power to the boat so camp lanterns and flashlights were distributed evenly. The burners on the stove were moved so they could put pieces of wood underneath them to make a fire. It was a bit awkward, but they managed to get everything set up in a way that would work for them. Amaleen suggested making a couple of the rooms upstairs into a common room they could all hang out in, considering it was going to be winter soon they wouldn't want to spend that time out on the deck and the hallway was too small. Rick started looking through the plans and blueprints found and decided that they could knock a couple walls down and put up some support beams and that would give them some pretty good room for that. They could put together some of the beds to make places for sitting, plus they could bring over the table and chairs, and the mattresses from the bunks in the other boat. 

Rick was smiling and it made Amaleen happy to see him so thrilled. "I grew up on a farm," Amaleen said. "I did a couple repairs and rebuildings of the barns on our land. I could help ya knock down the walls and put up supports." 

"We can work on that tomorrow, we should get it done before the weather gets too much worse." Amaleen nodded in agreement. "You and I could run it with Daryl and T-Dog. I'll put Glenn, Maggie, and Beth on watch tomorrow. Hershel can rest up, Lori and Carol can work on food." 

"What about me, Dad?" Carl said from the doorway and they turned to look at them. 

Rick thought for a moment before saying, "Okay, how about instead Beth and Carol on food, Carl you and your mom can help bring over the furniture—just make sure she doesn't carry anything too heavy—T-Dog can help Glenn and Maggie with watch, and then Amaleen, Daryl, and I could do the walls." 

Everybody there nodded in confirmation while Rick went to talk to the others about the plans tomorrow. Amaleen looked through the blueprints and grabbed a piece of paper and Rick's marker to start making notes and measurements. They had no tape measure so it would be harder, but with having the blueprints that said how high the walls were, they could use that to help get the supports up. 

It wasn't until she was so concentrated on what she was doing that she heard someone walk into the room behind her. Spinning around in alarm, hand hovering over the gun tucked in the edge of her jeans, before she relaxed when she saw it was just Daryl. She let out a breath and calmed her racing heart, though it didn't do much good because he was right there, the man she would never have again no matter how much she wanted him back. Cheeks going pink, she turned back to look at the blueprints. 

"Just lookin' over the blueprints," she said, her voice guarded as since they were alone, she was half-way expecting to be yelled at again. "Did Rick find ya and tell ya what we're gonna do?"

"Yeah," he mumbled. She heard his footsteps moving closer and he came up to stand next to her at the table and look over the plans. "Do ya really think we can do this?" 

Amaleen shrugged and glanced over her shoulder at the wall that stood between the rooms. "The inside walls are all made out of wood just like in a house. I figured if we take it down to the studs, then we can slowly take those away as we add the supports, which two should do 'cause it's gonna be longer than it is wide, and then just sand down the rough areas, it should work." 

Daryl nodded slowly and Amaleen risked a glance up at him. He wasn't looking at her, but rather the blueprints and the rough sketch she did for her idea. His focus seemed concentrated on that so she looked away and turned the page of the blueprints so he could see the internal dimensions of the room. 

"Might be kinda hard, we ain't got a ladder or a tape measure." 

"I know," Amaleen said with a sigh. "But we got the plaster still there to measure size, and we've got chairs we can use if needed. Hell we could just use the studs to build up the supports, I think I saw some extra tools and nails in the back of the truck."

Daryl nodded along and she saw him glance at her out of the corner of his eye. She didn't say anything to him and just kept working before she heard him sigh, which made her gaze go up to him finally. He looked to be so hard in concentration that she was going to say something, ask him what was wrong, when Rick walked back in the room. She turned away quickly to get back to work, which was more important than whatever it was going through her or Daryl's minds, and she showed him her sketch to look at before walking over to the wall. 

"Let's get most of the sheetrock away without damaging it. We don't have saws or anything, but I think we can do it if we're careful. I was just telling Daryl that we could cut down to the studs and slowly take those away, but also use some of them for the supports as they're already the right size, and then just sand down the wood." 

Rick looked impressed and glanced over her shoulder to Daryl who was nodding as well, before he handed her back her design. "Sounds like a good idea. I think, though, it be best if y'all go into the next town—obviously not Beachville—and find a hardware store."

"Me and Glenn went to North Morton, there's one there." 

"Good, you two go ahead and do that." At Amaleen's look, Rick raised an eyebrow. "Ya both know what we're lookin' for, the others don't. Get everything you can, take the truck with you. No power tools as there's no electricity so it'd be useless, but any hand tools and hardware, everything you can get." He gently patted her shoulder and his eyes told her he wasn't doing this to be unkind or shove them together, just doing it because it made most sense. She was healing, but if Glenn and Daryl got there and back so quick, it would be safe. And Rick trusted Daryl, knowing that he wouldn't let her get hurt. And Amaleen knew it either. 

Sighing softly, she didn't dare look at Daryl as she nodded. "Alright, I'll go grab my gear," she said before setting her notes on the table and scooting out the door back to her room to grab her coat and knife. She stopped by to tell Lori where she was going and the other brunette looked worried, but Amaleen hugged her and said she would be fine. 

"I'll be with Daryl, ya don't hafta worry," she said soothingly. 

Lori sighed. "I'm not worried about your safety, well I am, but I'm worried more about your heart. Can you take it, Amaleen?"

Amaleen bit her lip and pulled back, shrugging softly. "I guess I'll have to," she said, giving her a slight smile before waving and going down to meet Daryl by the truck. 

He got out there about ten minutes later, coat on and geared up. Everything had been taken out of the back and into their supply rooms down below so it would be more than enough room to get what they needed at the hardware store. Of course Daryl drove as he knew where North Morton was and Amaleen didn't, plus she secretly knew he was a control freak like that. It was awkwardly quiet the whole way there, and Amaleen let out a soft sigh, leaning her head back against the seat to look out the window, unbeknownst to her being watched by the redneck in the driver's seat. 

 _This is gonna be a long trip_ , Amaleen thought.


	15. Tell the Truth

It went without saying that Amaleen was to follow Daryl's directions when they got to North Morton. Neither of them had said a word the whole trip which Amaleen realized was only about fifteen minutes. It felt like much longer, but that was probably just the fact that things were so quiet and she wasn't sure of their destination. Once they got closer to the town, she moved her gaze from the side window to the windshield and watched as buildings started to appear. North Morton was a bit larger than Beachville, but still small enough. She saw a grocery store, a restaurant, gas station, bank, drug store, post office, and the hardware store that they were stopping at. Both of them checked around to make sure there weren't lurkers like in Beachville, but they saw nothing except a walker wandering towards them. 

Daryl pulled up outside the hardware store with the back end of the truck to the door and went over to the side of the building, neatly shooting an arrow into its head. As he went over to get it, Amaleen went to the window of the hardware store. It was a large window with the words **Lucky's Hardware and Building Supplies** in gold font across the windows. She didn't see anything moving inside, but she knocked against the glass to see if anything would appear, and leaned against the building to wait. Daryl came back after he had reloaded and she nodded that she already knocked and they waited together in the same silence that had surrounded them since they left the docks. 

Five minutes later, she jumped as two walkers hit the glass, growling behind it as they wanted to get at their food. Turning for the door, she was about to step inside to take care of them when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Looking up, she frowned in confusion at Daryl's blank face, but he didn't answer, just stepped around her to go through the door, kicking it in with his foot. With a roll of her eyes at his showing off and a small smile on her face, she followed after him, watching as he got one with an arrow, swung his crossbow around his shoulder, and grabbed the other one by the back of the neck. She stepped forward quickly and drove her knife through its forehead causing it to instantly stop struggling before Daryl dropped it to the ground. 

Wiping his hands on his pants, he gestured to the shopping carts laying abandoned in the corner. They each took one and set off to find supplies. While he went for things like nuts and bolts, screws and nails, she went for things like hand tools. Hammers, hand saws, screwdrivers, wrenches, a tape measure, anything they could need for this job and possibly more. Wandering for the back, she saw a dead man behind the counter with a gun in his hands, seeing that he had shot himself in the head if the brain matter spread over the wall was any type of indication. She reached down and grabbed the gun from his hand before turning for the back room. The cart went with her and once back there she raised an eyebrow in surprise. Not only were there pieces of fresh and clean lumber back there, but there were some cans of fresh paint of different colors as well as some gallons of water. She didn't know what that was doing in hardware store, but she went over to it quickly and filled up the rest of the cart with water, and then grabbed a couple cans of paint and some dark wood finish. She figured with the paint, people could decorate their rooms, and they could let Carl decorate the common room. Paint brushes and rollers, stir sticks, and paint pans were set into the cart as well and it was hard as hell to push, but it would be worth it.

Setting that aside, she went for the lumber next, her mind going a mile a minute before she smiled.  _An outdoor tent in the spring, some more table and chairs, maybe some other furniture,_ she thought. It would truly come in use, but it definitely wouldn't fit in her cart nor could she carry it all by herself. Biting her lip, she turned to face the door. 

"Daryl," she called out to get his attention, looking back over the lumber to look at sizes. Some of it was perfect for what they needed. There was a noise from out in the shop and she looked up with an eyebrow raised as Daryl entered, crossbow raised for the offensive. Stifling a giggle, she gestured to the lumber. "I just need your help with this. I can't carry it all myself." Easing the crossbow to his side, his eyes narrowed and she barely hid the amused grin as she looked away. Gesturing to the pieces they needed for this project and the others she thought might go for other ideas, they worked together to get the lumber out to the truck. It was easier to take the back door and go around the edge of the building than carry all of it through the front of the store. 

When that was done they were panting with exertion and had just enough energy to grab some of the plastic bags from behind the counter for the smaller items while stacking the cans and water Amaleen found in the back seat. Climbing into the car made her body ache more than what it had been, but she didn't show it as Daryl went over to the gas station. In there they found antifreeze, coolant, windshield wiper fluid, extra batteries and belts for both vehicles, along with being able to fill up the three gas cans they had, and the tanks were still full. 

"This place is a gold mine," she said with a sigh as she climbed back into the truck and they were finally on the road back to the docks. Now and then Daryl glanced at her as her eyes had closed back up. She wasn't asleep, not so much tired as just gaining back her strength. She still ached from what happened the day before. It was only once she had her eyes closed for a good five minutes that she finally felt herself being watched and she looked over at him, which of course caused him to look away. 

Sighing, she sat up straighter and rubbed at her eyes, wincing as she momentarily forgot that she probably shouldn't do that to the left one quite yet. "What's wrong?" she finally asked causing a sharp look from him. "Look, I get ya don't like me and don't want me around. I know ya probably would've rather I had died yesterday—"

"You're wrong." 

His voice was quiet, but she heard it, gruff and growly as ever, but the words hit her like a ton of bricks. Breath catching, her eyes flickered over his face, but he didn't elaborate. Swallowing, she looked down at her hands, subconsciously tugging on the bandages around her wrists as she fidgeted. 

"—a-alright... Well that still doesn't mean ya want me here. I left ta try and help us both out, and clearly that didn't work too well. I'm not trying ta make your life miserable despite what ya might think. When I told ya...I was tryin' ta do the right thing." 

"Ya didn't before." 

"I know." She looked up at his softly, her eyes full of sorrow and regret for all that she did, for leaving and for not telling him about Alex. "Ya don't know how sorry I am for all'a that. I can't take it back, I can't make it better. But I'm here now, and I'm here ta help y'all. Whatever happened yesterday... Why you acted like that, I won't ask, that's your secret. I'll try and stay away from you if you want—"

"I don't." 

Talk about a day of surprises and Amaleen didn't know what to say after that. Her eyes flickered over his face, but he didn't say anything more. That was him, after all, avoid all the feelings and emotions that he could. Frankly she had been shocked when they first got together that he even expressed that, but just like her, he had said that he couldn't stay away. And she knew he loved her, that's what made all of this harder. She lost all of that. She had the love of a great man, a man worth so much more than he wanted to let himself believe, worth so much more than she deserved and still did. Even Merle saw it, maybe even Will. She had believed because of what Merle said that her leaving was best for him. It didn't occur to her until about a year later that it wasn't. Those words came out of someone else's mouth and not his. 

"Ya ever gonna tell me the truth?"

Amaleen looked up in confusion, a frown crossing her face as she wracked her brain to figure out what he meant. 

"I don't underst—"

"Why ya left. Ya didn't get scared, I know you. Your friend Rose had a baby, cutest little girl ever. The way you acted around her was—" He paused and made sure not to look at her. "—was beautiful. Ya always wanted kids, I could see it in your eyes. Even your momma and your daddy said so. Ya wouldn't get scared and leave if ya found out you was pregnant."

The fact that he knew her so well, even after all these years, made her tear up. But she didn't comment on that, didn't bring light to that part of their relationship, instead she tried to figure out how she would tell him the truth. He knew her too well and if she tried to deny it again, it would just close him up even more. He probably thought that she was lying to him just because she wanted to keep it from him, which was partly true, but it wasn't for her own gain. She wasn't trying to be selfish, she was trying to keep him from the knowledge and the pain of knowing what his family had said to her. She didn't want him to blame them, it was her doing. 

It took her a few minutes to say anything and by then they were pulling into the gates of the docks. Taking a deep breath, she got out to unlock the gate with the keys Glenn gave her, let Daryl go through with the truck, and then locked it back up once he was. She jogged over to where the others gathered around the vehicle and Rick looked in the back to see everything they gathered and his eyes went wide with delight.

"That town was a gold mine," Amaleen said with a smile. Rick called the others over to start carrying everything over to their boat and before Daryl could start, Amaleen grabbed his wrist to pull him off to the side. Her heart was racing for so many different reasons as she did so, that simple touch of his skin under hers made her ache, but she also knew what she had to do making her gulp down her nerves. 

"You're right," she said softly so the others couldn't hear, most of them still working on grabbing the lumber and paint. "I wasn't completely truthful with you. But I didn't want you to be upset with Merle and Will."

His eyes narrowed at her. "What do they gotta do with this?"

"Ya know they hated that I was there. Said I was fucking with your head, weren't thinkin' clearly, ruinin' your life. I fought it so hard because of how much I cared for you, and I didn't want to let you go." He looked away stubbornly at that and she had to force his face back to hers, her hands soft on his chin. "I didn't tell you this because Merle told me not to." She paused and tried to calm the bats flapping around in her chest, making it hard for her to breathe and get a word out. "He knew I was pregnant." His eyes grew sharp and angry and he looked ready to say something, argue against it, but she held up a finger to silence him. "He found out the day I did. I took the test while you were at work at the shop, and he came over and found it in the bathroom when he went to go take a piss. He told me that he knew this confirmed I was whorin' around on ya, that it wasn't yours. He forbid me from tellin' ya ta spare your feelin's, said it would kill ya if ya knew, and if I knew what was good for me, I would take my cheatin' ass and get the hell out of town. So I did."

Her breathing was shaky and tears pressed against her eyes as she thought back to the day it happened. She sat alone for the rest of that day, the day that was supposed to be one of the happiest, crying her eyes out. So many emotions had gone through her then, warring with each other and exhausting her, until she realized what, or rather who, she had to listen to. The baby was Daryl's, he had been the only man she had ever been with, and that was still true to this day, but his family never believed that. It was then she realized she would never be good enough for them and she wouldn't put her baby in the line of their fire. And she wouldn't get rid of it either, so her only choice was to leave, let Daryl have his life back and stop ruining everything. 

"Amaleen!" She jumped and looked behind her at Rick who called, the deputy's eyes flickering between them for a moment like he was going to intervene, and he waved her over. She nodded and held up a hand that said she would be five minutes before looking up at Daryl. 

"Ya probably don't believe me, and I get it, but it's the truth. So part of what I said is true, I did get scared and run, but it wasn't because of the baby." She let out a shaky breath and started backing away. "I'm so sorry, Daryl... I'm sorry..." 

And with that she turned and fled over to the boat, wiping away tears as she went, unsure if she wanted to see his reaction to what she had said. It was only another reason for him to hate her, lying to him about something like that. But it was best he hate her and not his brother and father. She could manage it this way. 

Giving Lori a watery smile from where she met her on the gangway, she nodded quickly even as Lori frowned. The other woman put an arm around her shoulder, glancing over at Daryl where he still stood in the same spot just watching, and led Amaleen down to the next level where Rick was going to talk with her about their project. The more she went, the more her shoulders slumped, and the more exhausted she became. The only thing keeping her going were the people milling about around her.


	16. Can't Forget

It was Amaleen's turn to do the avoiding. Despite the fact that Daryl's room was right next to hers, she did an awful lot of work to avoid him in the halls, at least for that night. She knew come morning, they would have to work together with Rick to work on the common room, but at least Rick would be there to mediate. Daryl wouldn't yell at her in front of him, would he? Amaleen truly hoped not. The hunter didn't even know that Rick and Hershel knew about Alex, though. So far them and Lori were the only ones that knew, but as far as she was concerned, they were the only ones that needed to know. Lori was quickly becoming her best friend and Rick was quickly becoming like her brother. They meant a lot to her and to have their support meant everything. She knew eventually she would tell them the truth as well about Merle and Will, but that would have to wait until the time was right. 

Once all the supplies she and Daryl got were locked away in a room on the second deck, everybody got their dinner from Carol and Beth, and then made their way into their own separate rooms. Amaleen didn't hear anything from his side of the wall until she was almost done with dinner. She paused and listened, holding her breath as if he wouldn't notice she was there. But she didn't hear anything after that and she let out a breath of relief. She half expected him to come try and talk to her, but that wasn't exactly his approach and she didn't think he knew where she was either. 

Sneaking herself out of her room, she returned her bowl down to the kitchen in the sink where it could be washed the next day. Everybody had work to do the next day, and once the common room was done, Amaleen and Lori could help out with laundry and Carol and Beth had cooking. The women could rotate while the men took care of watches and hunts and building up the wall in front of the gate, which made Amaleen realize she was glad they got the extra lumber so they could do that. Setting her bowl down she mentally counted the dishes and realized there was one short and knew that meant Daryl hadn't gotten anything. Part of her wanted to just turn around and forget it, but he had to eat. Food gave you energy and even though it was rationed and not as much as a man of his size should be eating, he had to have something. 

Spooning out enough for him into a bowl and grabbing a fork, she quickly went back upstairs and paused outside his room. Frankly she didn't know if she would be welcomed just for the food or if she would be pushed away despite the fact he needed it. If that were the fact she would go get Lori to give it to him and just hide away in her room like she wanted to. This was only a small attempt at making it better, but she realized that even if she couldn't, she had to try  _something_. She couldn't just let him think he was alone in this. No matter what, she would still be there for him. A sane person would be upset at him for yelling at her about Alex, for the things he said, but she wasn't. Not even close. 

Swallowing thickly, a hand raised to gently rap on the door. There was silence on the other side, not even shuffling, and she wondered if he was asleep, but she knew he thought far too much to go to sleep that early. Either he was ignoring it, or she knocked too lightly, so she knocked again. After another minute, there was still nothing and she wondered if he snuck out while she was in the galley, so she quietly opened the door a crack. The camp lantern was lit making the room an unnatural yellow. Faintly she could see Daryl sitting on the bare mattress in there, staring down at his hands. Opening the door a little bit more, she saw that it wasn't his hands, but rather a picture. A familiar picture, the one that matched the half still shoved in the side of her bag. The picture of Alex. 

Eyes softened until they were moist and for a moment she thought about backing away and leaving him alone. But he had to eat and she refused to let him starve. Knocking again, a bit louder, his head whipped up and the picture was gone from sight barely a second later. She opened the door wider and his face was completely blank, not that she blamed him. After everything that's happened, he was emotionally wrung out. Part of her wished she hadn't opened her mouth because then he could be carefree again, well as much as he could, not worrying about his brother and father and what they did, not wondering what would've happened if he had actually gotten to meet his son. 

Amaleen stepped in barely a foot and shut the door behind her, holding out the bowl for him, but he didn't move to take it. "Ya hafta eat," she said softly. "Ya need ta keep up your energy." As usual, nothing came from his mouth, he just continued to stare at her until she bit her lip and nodded. The reveal of Merle's deception and her lies had been the final straw, she saw that now. Silently she set the bowl down beside him on the bed and with just a barely heard whimper, she turn and fled the room just like she did earlier. 

Back in her room she felt like she was hyperventilating, pacing and clasping her hand over her mouth as she tried so hard not to let the sounds out. Tears made stains on her pale cheeks and it hurt the bruise from her left eye to cry, but she was slowly becoming so numb that she didn't even feel it anymore. The ache in her chest was slowly fading to nothing, and it had been there consistently for ten years, but everything was useless now. She slowly changed into clothes for the night. Her brown hair was hanging loose around her shoulders was pulled up into a bun at the nape of her neck. The sweats that Lori had given her were pulled up over her hips, her coat hung over a chair as she crawled onto the bed. Camping lantern was extinguished and the room was plunged into darkness. 

Finally the wracking of her body subsided and she was exhausted enough from everything that she slipped into sleep. So deep that she didn't see the sliver of light come from the door opening a crack, or the blue eyes of a certain hunter watching her silently from the doorway.

* * *

 Amaleen wanted to say she woke rested, and while most of the aches were gone, the numbness wasn't. Her lips didn't crack a smile, she didn't make a noise as she changed from her sleep clothes into her previous day's jeans, a plaid button-up, and her boots. Her hair seriously needed to be washed and she decided she would go down to the docks to get some water to boil for a bath once her jobs were done. She didn't want to use up the water she brought back form North Morton as that was untouched so it could be used for drinking. Instead of leaving it loose and leaving it obviously showing off the grease and dirt, she braided it so it hung down her spine. It was longer than usual, but at least then she could keep it out of her face. 

Grabbing her knife and gun, she shoved them in the back of her jeans and made her way down the galley to get some coffee. Lori and Carol were already in there along with Carl who was munching on some dry cereal. She barely managed a smile as Carol poured her a cup and she sat next to Lori at the picnic table in there, making the other woman immediately frown. 

"Hey, Carl?" The boy looked up at his mother. "Go find your dad and see if he needs help, okay?" She ruffled his hair and he nodded, getting up and running out into the hallway with his bowl in his hands. Lori gestured to Carol to shut the door and both women sat on either side of Amaleen. It was then Amaleen burst into tears, Lori immediately pulling the woman closer to cry into her shoulder as Carol soothed down her back. No matter how hard she tried to stop, the tears just kept coming and that numb feeling she had went away as the pain hit her. "Daryl," Lori sighed. 

Amaleen nodded and Carol looked confused between them. "What did he do?" she wondered. 

Both Amaleen and Lori looked up and glanced at each other, Amaleen nodding. Carol knew about them being ex's, but this would be the first about Alex. She covered that area pretty quickly and wasn't surprised by the empathetic look on Carol's face. Amaleen remembered Lori telling her about Carol's daughter Sophia who died just a couple months ago. But then she told them both about the conversation from the night before, about Merle and Will. Even Lori didn't know that and she looked more than angry at the thought that Merle Dixon was the reason for all this tension and unhappiness between the pair. 

They were both silent for a few minutes as Amaleen sniffled against Lori before she picked her head up to sip at her coffee. 

"Did he say anything about Merle and their dad?" Lori wondered gently. 

Amaleen shook her head. "No, I walked away right after telling him when Rick called for me, I didn't give him a chance to. That's when you saw me crying. But then later I decided to avoid him, and heard him go in his room without dinner so I brought it to him. I caught him looking at the picture of Alex that I gave him, and he didn't say anything to me, so I put it down and left. I was so exhausted I fell asleep and was just...I felt so numb, but then I came down here and..." She trailed off, sniffling. 

"Because you can be yourself when you're with family, you don't hafta hide," Lori said softly, rubbing her shoulders. Carol looked up as there was a knock on the door and Amaleen nodded, turning her head away to wipe at her tears as the woman went to go open it. Lori pressed her forehead to Amaleen's and the brunette's looked at each other. "You don't hafta keep hurting. He knows everything, it's up to him now, you don't hafta keep holding everything in now. Just let it go, let yourself cry, but don't hold it in. It's not your burden alone to bear anymore." 

Amaleen smiled faintly and hugged Lori, hearing Carol talk with someone behind her softly and turned, freezing when she saw Rick, Daryl, and T-Dog standing there. She saw Daryl visibly gulp, but T-Dog came over to sit by her, a large frown on his face. 

"Hey, what's wrong?" he wondered. 

Amaleen sniffed and shook her head, giving him a smile and patting his hand. "Nothing, I'm fine, I promise." He studied her for a moment because it would be obvious to even a blind man that she wasn't fine, but he slowly nodded, knowing she would talk when she was ready. Plus he knew she was in good hands with Carol and Lori. He hugged her softly and grabbed some coffee from Lori before heading out to help start with watch. Amaleen avoided looking at Rick and Daryl as she grabbed her cup of coffee and finishing it off and giving Lori another hug. They both got up and headed out with Daryl and Rick as Amaleen had to help them with the common room and Lori and Carl had to get stuff moved over.

Beth, Maggie, and Glenn were already getting Hershel down the stairs on crutches towards his room and that made Amaleen's grin genuine. "What a sight for sore eyes," she said, putting her hands on her hips as she stepped up to him, eyes running over him. "I forgot you were so tall." 

"Don't make me come over there," he threatened with a wink making her giggle. Lori laughed behind her and moved around them with a pat to Amaleen's shoulder to go find Carl. Amaleen moved after them to help get Hershel into his room and he seemed more than pleased with it. "Everyone has their own?" he wondered. 

"Except for the couples, yeah," Glenn said, leaning by the doorway as the others got Hershel settled. Beth ran to get him some food and coffee while Maggie fluffed his pillows and Amaleen helped him get his leg up. 

"This is a huge ship," Hershel said. Amaleen went over the layout of the ship with him and handed him one of the maps they had found so he could get around if unaccompanied. 

"The lowest deck is disgustin' from the walkers and too far away from the outer door, so Rick has it off limits for now." She explained to him the idea of the common room and all the lumber she and Daryl brought up. Her eyes lit up and she grinned at an idea. "We got some of it for more furniture, why don't I make you a rockin' chair?"

"You can do that?" Glenn asked, astonished. Even Maggie and Hershel look impressed. 

Amaleen nodded. "I made one for my granddad when I was fifteen. He had it until the day he died about three years ago, and my momma kept it after that. I promise ya won't fall or anythin'." 

Hershel was more than thrilled to get one and she promised that after the common room was done, she would build him that. Before she left to help, he checked over her injuries and was glad she was healing so well, pressing an antibiotic pill into her hand to take down with some water. Amaleen pressed a kiss to his cheek before she went off to find where the guys were, and saw that they were getting the boards into the rooms they were going to open up. 

"We can use the new wood for the supports, but keep the studs for any later projects. Maybe we could use them to make shelves and cabinets for the bedrooms," Amaleen suggested, crossing her arms as she watched them settle the stuff down. 

Rick raised an eyebrow and grinned when he looked at her. "Ya really know how ta do that?"

Amaleen snorted. "'Course, I rebuilt an entire barn by myself one summer for my daddy when he was too drunk ta do it himself." Rick raised an eyebrow, but she just grinned and walked up to the wall. She grabbed Rick's marker and started making marks on the wall. "We should keep the sheetrock, too, just in case." 

It took them nearly four hours to finish everything, but when it was done, it looked amazing. They took it down to just the sheetrock and laid that in a room downstairs with the rest of the lumber. The studs had been removed those one-by-one and then they put up the supports that Amaleen suggested. By the time they were up, sanded down, and painted with primer, the three of them were exhausted. They needed to take a much needed break and while the guys went to the galley for food, Amaleen trailed back down to her room. Rick gave them an hour so Amaleen wanted to take a little nap, which was much needed. 

Yawning she slipped off her boots and pulled on a tank top instead of her button-down, and laid over her blanket. She was too tired to do much else besides click off the camp lantern so the room was mostly dark except for a bit of the sun coming through the small porthole window above the bed. Eyes were about to close when there was a knock at the door. Assuming it was Rick or Lori, she called, "Come in!" and turned over onto her back, wincing at her bruises. They were still sore if touched, and she was more than ready for them to be gone so she could be back to her usual self. 

As the door opened, the shock crossed her face before she could stop it as she saw Daryl appear in the doorway, eyes downcast and unsure. Her own eyes were guarded and a bit sad, and she sat up completely, staring down as her hands fidgeted yet again with the bandages on her wrists. She always did that when she got nervous. She didn't know what she felt seeing him stand there besides a sense of bittersweet finality and a dull ache deep in her chest. 

"Go ahead and yell if ya want to," she said softly, expecting it at any time now. 

"Not gonna yell." 

She looked up softly, looking at him through her lashes. That was a bit of a surprise, but honestly she didn't mind no yelling. But it kind of made her more worried, though, wondering what he was going to come up with instead, whether that means he actually does want her to leave or he was going to deal with her. When he said no to her leaving, that was before she told him about Merle. Moving to the edge of the bed, she swung her legs over it and stared down at her sock covered feet and taking a deep breath. 

"What'd ya wanna talk about?" she murmured. 

As the door shut behind him, he moved over to her and sat on the edge of her bed, a few feet away from her and stared down at his hands. Slowly he removed the picture of Alex from his pocket and Amaleen was able to take a look, that same feeling she always got when she saw her Alex filling her chest. She almost reached for the picture, stroke her baby's face like she always did, but she didn't because like she had said, Alex was his now. Fingers locked together tightly as she waited for him to speak. 

"Merle knew this whole time," he finally said, his voice angry and full of an emotion that she didn't understand, but also didn't like and it had her wincing. 

She nodded and bit her lip. "Yeah, he knew." 

"He didn't say a word." Amaleen silently shook her head, knowing he wouldn't. "I'm still fuckin' pissed at ya. Ya left when ya could've told me about him. There was no sign of ya over the years, and I thought you had left 'cause ya stopped lovin' me."

"I didn't," she admitted, looking away again and feeling his eyes turn to her. 

"I know," he whispered. "I heard ya tell Lori." Her head lifted to him and she looked at him with wide eyes. "I don't know what I feel, Amaleen. But I know now that ya didn't want ta leave. I'm not pissed at ya for that anymore. I'm pissed ya didn't tell me 'bout him." Amaleen slowly nodded, this hopeful little light growing in her belly and she tried so hard to push that down and not get her hopes up. She still had a lot to work on with him if she ever wanted things to be right

"I'm s' sorry," she told him, her voice full of every emotion she had, everything good and bad that twisted up inside her, choking the life from her second by second. 

"I know that, too. I don't know when I can forgive ya or if I ever can, but I understand it now and that helps. I think—" He paused and brought up his hand to chew on his thumbnail, just like he always did when he got nervous, just like Amaleen remembered. "—I think we might be able ta be friends. I dunno. Maybe."

Amaleen slowly smiled and that little light bloomed just a little bit more and she nodded. "I would like that a lot." 

"Right." Shoving the picture back in his pocket, he stood up, backing for the door as he rubbed the nape of his neck. "Gonna go get some food."

"Alright, I'm gonna nap, just you or Rick wake me when ya need me." 

He nodded silently and turned to leave the room, pausing just for a moment to look back at her sitting there as she laid back down in bed, the smallest hint of a smile tugging at his lips, before he disappeared down the hall.


	17. Surprises Just Keep Comin'

Amaleen was happier than she had been in a long time, but she didn't let herself show it too much, not wanting to draw attention to things and make Daryl pull away again. After Rick woke her up from her nap—which she wasn't surprised it was him and not Daryl—she could barely contain her smiles as she slipped from bed. She pulled her plaid shirt, coat, and boots on and followed him out to the docks where Daryl and T-Dog were waiting. A shy smile was passed Daryl's way before she slid up next to T-Dog and pulled her jacket tighter. Since it had started leaning towards evening, the wind picked up just a little and sent chills down her spine. The guys didn't seem to notice the chill, but she could see goosebumps rising on their arms as they stood there.

"Amaleen and Daryl got enough of that wood we could start building up the fence," Rick said, gesturing to where the gate was causing them to look over. "There's a hole that needs patching, luckily nothing's gotten through. We'll build up the wood behind the fence and make a mechanism to open it and close it for easy access."

"We should make a drawbridge," Amaleen suggested gaining a look from the guys, causing her to snicker. "What? My granddaddy had a mill on his land when I was a kid and it had a drawbridge. Ya know how many times I pretended that was my castle and I was a princess? I've always wanted a drawbridge." 

"Where would the bridge part be, though?" T-Dog asked. "It won't be over water." 

Amaleen glanced over and her face fell into a pout, waving her hand at them. "Fine fine, make your own stinky door then." 

They all laughed, even Daryl, and Rick moved them closer to take a look. As they walked, Amaleen risked a glance up at Daryl who had fallen into step beside her. There was an unreadable expression on his face as usual, but there was a softness to his eyes that she hadn't seen in a long time, a tenderness. It made her heart ache all over again, but for a completely different reason than when he had yelled at her. She wanted nothing more than to just slide her arm through his as they walked over, but she resisted because she figured that would take them a step back. It had to be baby steps with him, after all he was still angry that she didn't tell him about Alex, but he forgave her for the most part for leaving, he understood why she did it, and that meant a lot to her. Because admittedly she was the type that when it looked like it would best for the other people involved if she wasn't there, she ran just like she did a couple days ago. But in both cases, she was right back where she started, and she was beginning to wonder if that was a sign from the universe or something.

As Rick gathered them by the gates, he spoke and Amaleen took notes for him, sketching quickly and T-Dog helped take measurements. There was enough stuff that Amaleen and Daryl brought back that it would work for a pulley system to open and close the doors from back on the docks. It would definitely be helpful so whoever was driving didn't have to get out of the car to unlock and relock the gates back up each time they entered or left. Some rope was found as well to help out and an uneasy pool settled in Amaleen's belly, and she looked away from it and back down to her notes. Her mind went straight to being caught in that restaurant and what could've happened if they hadn't shown up, and she wanted nothing to do with that stuff. It didn't go unnoticed any by the guys who all exchanged a look and Daryl quickly put it away back in the truck.

They moved the vehicles closer to the dock after they were done and made a check of the sailboat they had stayed in to make sure they had gotten everything useful out of it that they could. There were only a couple blankets in the cupboards they missed, and Amaleen carried those back to add to their stash down on C deck, as Rick was now calling it. They lived on B deck, D deck was the one they weren't using, and then A deck was the upper most deck. The old captain's spot would be for watch, and they had nothing out on A deck right now, but once spring hit, they could make a small pavilion of sorts to sit under along with making a picnic table or two and some other chairs to sit around as they didn't have enough of the camp chairs to do so and make room for everyone. They didn't have to worry about that for awhile because it was too cold to sit out there now. 

A chill had seeped into her bones and even the guys were rubbing their arms as they went back inside. Amaleen was glad her hair had been braided otherwise it would've been all over the place from the wind picking up. Trailing down the hall, she found Lori and Carl working in the new common room. With a grin she ran down the stairs and brought up four paint cans and the stain. She set them outside the room before getting the brushes and rollers and tins and heading back upstairs. She peaked her head in the room.

"Hey, Carl!" she called, waving him over. Lori grinned as the boy ran over excitedly and Amaleen led him into the hall. Lori trailed after him to see what was up. Amaleen gestured to the paint and Carl's eyes went wide. "I think we can come up with some decorations for the walls in there, yeah?"

"You mean I can paint?!" he wondered with a large grin. 

"Carl—" Lori warned. 

"No it's okay, that's exactly what I mean. There's a bunch of colors here, and you and your momma can paint while I put the finish on the supports." She looked up at Lori. "That okay with you?" she wondered. 

Lori glanced between them both and smiled, giving a little shrug and nod combination. "It's fine by me, just don't get yourself covered."

Carl cheered and the women laughed, all of them dragging the supplies back into the room. Amaleen helped Carl pour the colors into the paint tins and gave him the rollers so he could start. "Why don'tcha put a base on, let it dry, and then we can paint designs over that? That way the room looks nice and fresh underneath, too."

Carl looked at the supplies before he picked out two. "Let's make two walls one color and two walls the other color?" he said. 

"Sounds good ta me," Amaleen said, reaching over to ruffle his hair. Carl hooked together the roller and the extender handle so he could get started with one color. 

Amaleen turned back to the finish and poured that into another of the tins and grabbed a roller to start on her job when Lori put a hand on her arm. She looked up, curious, into the woman's soft, happy eyes. "Thank you," she said gently. Amaleen nodded and reached over to pat her hand. 

"Don't mention it," she said. 

Together the two women got to work, pausing only to help move the furniture away from the wall. "Remember, up and down and not side to side," Lori told Carl as he went, making him nod. The stain wouldn't be too hard at all, just one thin layer would be fine. "So... Wanna tell me what's goin' on?" At Amaleen's surprised look, Lori chuckled and stepped closer so Carl was less likely to hear. "C'mon, you've been barely able to smile for days now, and now you can't stop."

Amaleen's cheeks went red and she paused only long enough to gather herself before she kept rolling the stain onto the supports. For a split moment she wonder if she should tell her, but then again she already knew everything else. And Lori wouldn't tell anyone, she was a kind woman and Amaleen's best friend. Chewing on her lip, she glanced over to see Carl happy and content with his work, paying too much attention to the paint to hear what the women were saying. Leaning closer, she grinned softly. "Daryl came and talked ta me earlier before my nap." Lori looked shocked and slightly worried, but Amaleen shook her head. "He said he's not mad anymore for me leavin', he understands. I dunno why he does, I mean yeah I didn't leave 'cause I didn't love him or I was scared of the baby, I left because Merle threatened me. But shouldn't I have stood up to him, told him that Daryl and I weren't goin' anywhere, that we loved each other? I could'a stopped all of it back then and—"

"Sweetie," Lori interrupted gently. "It's over and done with, and you can't change that. Daryl understands that, and I'm sure he knows how intimidating and mean Merle could be. Merle had been with our group for awhile, too, and he scared me." Amaleen didn't peg Merle for a group type of person so she knew he was probably just there to rob them or hurt them. Amaleen assumed Merle died soon after that, but didn't press for information. She just nodded to Lori's words; Merle was definitely a scary man. Between him and Will, they were constantly on Daryl and Amaleen to break up because they would only ruin each other. Turns out, it was Merle and Will that ruined them. 

"But I still left. He says he understands, but he's still angry that I kept Alex from him. Which I don't blame him in the slightest 'cause if I had, he could'a at least had those five years with his son rather than none at all. He's grasping onto a photograph right now. He never heard Alex call him papa, never felt those hugs or heard his laughter. Never tucked him in at night, never got ta hold his hand." Tears started to prickle Amaleen's eyes as she desperately wished that she had done things differently, that she had given Alex the father that he deserved, and that she had let Daryl know his son before he died. "His flesh and blood means so much ta him, and I took that away. That's why I left, 'cause Will and Merle were kin, but I wasn't and I couldn't do something to ruin that. It took me awhile ta realize that I had gone against that by taking Alex with me, but by the time it dawned on me, Alex was already sick and I was too scared ta go back."

Lori was silent for a few moments, Amaleen sniffing back some tears as they worked to get the first support done. The silence was almost deafening, but she knew the other woman had to work over her words. This wasn't exactly the most normal of situations even if the apocalypse hadn't started. "What did he say about it exactly?" she finally wondered. 

Amaleen shook her head and gulped, her smile returning slightly. "His exact words more or less was that he was still upset about not telling him about Alex, but that he wasn't about me leavnin' 'cause he understood why." She chuckled softly. "He said he thinks possibly maybe we can be friends."

"You want more."

"I've wanted more since the moment I first laid eyes on him. But it's not up ta me. If I can get a friend outta him, than I'm the luckiest woman in the world."

"Did you tell him that you didn't say anything about Alex because Merle told you not to?"

Amaleen nodded and kind of shrugged. "Basically yeah, and I know that even if I had told him after I had left, he wouldn't'a believed me. I know how angry he was and he hated me. If I told him that I was pregnant when I left and he had a son, he would've just said the same thing Merle did, that I cheated on him and just wanted money. I'm sort of surprised he believes me now, but then again Alex is a spitting image on his daddy. Those eyes..." She smiled wistfully and caught Lori's eye. "Those eyes are what first caught my attention." 

Lori smiled. "Really?"

"Hell yeah, have you seen those eyes? Like little pools of heaven just starin' back at ya. No matter who he's lookin' at, whether he's met ya before or not, it's like he's look deep inside ya and he already knows all your secrets. They're so clear and, don't tell him, but they show more emotion than he thinks they do. And when I caught him lookin' at me with those eyes, I knew right then that I wanted him for the rest of my life." She paused. "That's never changed." 

"You got it bad, girl." 

Amaleen sighed, if a bit brokenly. "I've had it bad since I was twenty-one years old. We met at a bar, ya know." Lori shook her head, looking truly interested as they finished with one support and moved to the next, both glancing at Carl to see him still working, looking so intent on getting everything perfect and it made them smile wider. They started on the next support as Amaleen told her story. "I lived in Georgia my whole life. I grew up on a farm just outside Atlanta and my daddy always said it would be mine once he passed. 'Course I didn't wanna do that and so when I graduated high school, I moved into Atlanta by myself and went to Georgia State University. I studied English with a minor in folklore. I had plans on going to graduate school to become an English professor there at GSU, but my senior year, my parents moved from Georgia to upstate New York, and they decided to stop helping with tuition. So I knew that I had to get a job and only go part time to grad school. So I traveled a little during June after graduation to try and find a job somewhere in the state of Georgia. I wound up in Round Rock." She sent a look to Lori. "That's where he and Merle were. I got a job as a teacher's aid at the local elementary school, not able to fully teach 'cause I didn't have my certificate for that, but with my degree I was able to help out in the classroom. One night I went to a bar there called Nick's Tavern. Daryl and Merle were playin' pool and I was at the bar. Merle came up for drinks and started hittin' on me and Daryl came over ta stop him. That's when he looked at me, and I knew that I would be with that man for the rest of my life."

"You didn't even know his name!" 

Amaleen laughed. "No I didn't, but that didn't matter. I would learn his name and everythin', but I kept goin' back ta Nick's ta try and get a conversation started. Was hard as hell, but finally with enough pesterin', he broke and agreed ta goin' ta a movie with me. The first time he kissed me was later that night on my doorstep."

Lori sighed softly. "That's so romantic..."

"That's what I thought," she said with a giggle. "Don't let that tough, growly redneck outer shell fool ya, that wasn't nearly the most romantic thing that he did."

Lori laughed and the women continued to talk as they finished up the beam, Lori telling her how she and Rick met while she was in college and he was in the police academy. They had Carl a few years later and been happily married ever since. Of course they didn't plan for the coma or the apocalypse or Shane, but Amaleen could see they were working through it. They were a strong couple and she hoped that nothing would tear them apart like it had tried to before. 

Finishing with the supports, the women joined Carl to finish up with the walls. Two walls were a dark blue, the other two were gray. It looked amazing and Amaleen ruffled Carl's hair with a smile on her face. "It looks great, kid, good work!" He looked so proud that she had to pull him into a hug before they all started cleaning things up. She figure it would be best to take the pans outside and wash them on the docks with water from the ocean rather than try and wash them down in the galley. 

Gesturing to Lori that she could finish up by herself, she pulled her coat back on and made her way outside to clean them off. She had a jug and a rag with her to do the cleaning. Laying the pans on the dock, she laid down on her stomach and leaned over to dunk the jug in the water. 

"What're you doin'?"

The voice startled her and made her yelp, just managing to grab the edge of the dock before she toppled in. A hand reached for her coat and tugged her up, and she was staring right into those eyes she had talked so highly of just a few moments ago. Cheeks flushing, she looked away and gestured to the pans. "Gotta clean 'em up. We painted the common room and stained the supports. Gonna let it all dry, and then I'm lettin' Carl paint whatever he wants along the walls." A smile quirked her lips and she was thrilled to see it doing the same to Daryl's.

Sitting down next to her, he watched as she cleaned up the paint pans the best she could before dunking the rag back in the water to clean it off. Wiping her hands on her jeans, she set them aside and then buried her hands in her pockets and shivered softly. "That made my hands cold," she said, keeping them there for a few seconds before taking them out to pick up the pans. Before she could, there was a movement from Daryl and she looked up to see him produce a pair of gloves. Clearly they were too small for him and she looked confused before he handed them towards her. 

"Looked like ya needed 'em," he mumbled. Her eyes grew soft and she set the pans down for a moment so she could take them.

"Thank you," she whispered. He nodded and looked away, clearing his throat before standing. He reached down and grabbed the pans, gesturing her to walk ahead of him. She smiled and did so, making sure to also grab the jug of water to take back inside. They walked up the gangway together and down inside the ship, dropping off the paint pans in the common room before she started heading for the stairs to take the water downstairs. Just before she could, though, his hand reached out to take her arm and she paused, looking up at him in confusion. 

He looked to be wrestling with himself and for a moment she thought he was just going to shake his head and grunt something and walk away like he normally did. But he didn't, he gulped and took a deep breath, and blurted out, "Ya wanna go on watch with me tonight?"

Amaleen's eyes widened and he shifted at the look, ready to slip away and deny he said anything, when her fingers of her other hand reached for his and she smiled softly. "I would love ta," she said. 

Daryl nodded, one of those small lip-quirking smiles appearing, before he mumbled something and walked away, running a hand down his face. Amaleen couldn't stop smiling if she tried, watching him disappear outside again as she turned again to take the water downstairs. Her heart was racing and she was suddenly very excited to be on watch duty that night.


	18. What Happens On Watch, Stays On Watch

Amaleen had to try and contain her excitement when things started to calm down and people started to head off for sleep. She didn't dare tell anybody about it really until it was time to assign shifts. Lori looked at her in shock when Daryl said that he and Amaleen would be taking first shift. Everybody looked at them oddly as it was clear that they had gotten off to a rocky start, and some of them didn't even know Daryl and Amaleen had once been a couple. Glenn, T-Dog, Carl, and Beth were still in the dark about it. Everybody else knew about the relationship and now knew about Alex as well. Even Rick looked a little surprised, but then he just nodded with a shrug and wrote it down. After them would be Rick himself, then T-Dog, and then Glenn and Maggie. That should take them through the night and then the next night they could all rotate. 

"We need to be more even with this, we can't have the same people doing the same shifts each night, it's not fair."

Everybody unanimously agreed, though, and so it was decided that each person would sign up for a different shift each night. Amaleen busied herself not to think about it as she went to check on the common room. The paint was still drying, but it would definitely be done by the next morning so they could paint over it. Carl would be so happy as she overheard him just half an hour before gushing with Lori about what he wanted to paint. The stain was already dry and it looked great, no streaks or anything. She clicked off the camp lantern in there and went back down the hall to her room to bundle up. She put on a couple plaid shirts, an extra pair of socks, the gloves Daryl gave her, and of course her coat. She wished she had a hat, but she decided to bring a blanket along with her. Weapons were grabbed along with her flashlight. 

Taking a deep breath, she left and headed up to A deck. The top deck was bare except for the camp chairs that had been brought over from the sailboat. She pulled the blanket around her shoulders and went to get the chairs to lug up to the captain's area. Daryl was already up there with some binoculars looking out over the docks towards the gate. Amaleen tried to be as quiet as she could as she opened the door behind him and slipped in, setting down the chairs. It was then he looked back at her, seeing that she set up one for him, earning her a slight smile. She smiled back and sat down, pulling her blanket close to her and putting her weapons on her lap. For a moment she wished she brought coffee with her, but decided against it. She brought her legs up under her and hunkered down, eyes flickering over to the gates. 

"Nothin' out there, I assume?" she wondered, trying to make the small talk at least something to do with what their job was. He was the type of man that once he set his mind to do something, he wouldn't deviate from that to focus on anything else.

"Nah," he answered, stepping back and falling into the chair she set out for him. She nodded and snuggled down in the warmth, glad that the walls of the room kept most of the chilled air out, even though some did get let in because it was all glass. Even Daryl had his coat on now, though he of course didn't act cold as he sat there slouching in the chair, eyes on the gate with his crossbow and quiver of arrows sitting next to him. 

Unlike most of the silences that had surrounded them up until then, the one that encased them at that time wasn't awkward or uncomfortable. Amaleen was actually relaxed a bit, keeping her eyes trained on the gates for anything just like she should. Unlike with Lori, Daryl wouldn't be holding a long conversation with her, but that was more than okay. Being in his presence meant more to her than a conversation the two might have. It's true, though, she used to love having long conversations with him, laying together in a dark bedroom with her head on his chest. But times have changed and she was good with just being there with him, keeping the group safe. 

For about an hour, about half their shift, neither of them said a word. Luckily Amaleen was so focused between the gates and him being so close that she didn't nod off, which would be horrible. She had a chance to sleep later and she would, even though she was exhausted right then and there, and if she got more comfortable she could easily nod off. Nothing had been stirring out there either until she thought she saw something moving by the fence where the break was. Eyes narrowing, she grabbed the binoculars off the counter making him look over at her. Standing, she went to look through the window and looked all around. It was so dark she could barely see anything, but faintly she was able to see a shadowy figure stumbling its way for the docks. 

"Shit," she hissed, knowing they couldn't let it get to the dock or the gangway, or even fall in the water. Without a word or warning, she reached back and grabbed her knife, pulling the door open and running out onto A deck. 

"Amaleen!" Daryl called in alarm behind her, but it had to be stopped, no room for hesitation. She heard him curse behind her and then his running footsteps to keep up, but by then she was exiting the gangway and making her way across the wooden docks. They went out into the ocean about a football field's length, with boats lining either side of it, their large ship at the end of it. The docks ended at the edge of land with a concrete landing and luckily it hadn't gotten past that yet. Her feet raced her over there, breathing with rough exertion as she was slowly closing in. It finally noticed her when she was about ten feet away and immediately growled, lunging for her making her gasp in shock and step back. 

Spinning around it, it tried to follow, but she was too quick. The knife buried itself into the back of its head, feeling it struggle for just a second longer before it went limp. She pulled the knife out and it dropped to the ground. By the time that happened, Daryl had reached her, panting as well and glaring something fierce at her. She wanted to feel bad, but she couldn't, because that thing could've caused havoc with their new home and she was doing her job of protecting the group. 

"It couldn't get onto the docks, Daryl," she reasoned, her voice coming out harshly as she tried to draw in air. "If it fell in the ocean, the water would be useless. We don't know how much of it would be contaminated, but I don't wanna find out."

"Could've waited," he growled and turned around, starting to stomp back to the ship.

She sighed and followed after him quickly. "And what, waited until it  _did_ get to the docks? We couldn't risk it." He mumbled something she didn't hear and she bit her lip, jogging to try and catch up with his long strides. "Daryl... Daryl, I-I didn't hear you." 

He whirled to her, face set in an angry line, eyes blazing. "I  _said_ you're more important than the fucking docks. Don't go runnin' off by yourself again." 

His outburst left her gapping at him speechless. She let him walk off and she slowly trailed after him, glancing behind her just to make sure there weren't any other walkers that they hadn't noticed. It had been taken down quietly enough that she hadn't figured there would be, but no one ever knows. Part of her wondered if she should give him some space, he was just starting to warm back into some sort of friendship with her, she didn't want to push it. But it was also her job to help protect the group and she couldn't just leave. 

By the time she got back, he was already slouching and brooding in his chair. He didn't look at her as she entered and got herself settled in her blankets again. The few seconds of silence then had gone back to awkward, but she looked at him, gulping as she thought of the words she wanted to say. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't think—"

"No, ya didn't," he interrupted fiercely. 

She nodded and bit her lip. "Seems ta be a theme with me," she said softly and glanced at her hands, tugging at the bandages on her wrists. "Our job is ta keep the group safe, right? That's all I wanted ta do. It was just one, it couldn't have hurt me." 

"They can all hurt ya. People can hurt ya. Stick ta pairs, remember? Go runnin' off like that by yourself, ya can get hurt. Again." 

His bluntness made her cringe, but he was right. Clearly she didn't think too rationally when she was on her own, or rather she did, but she didn't look at everything, just small details at a time. She nodded and reached over, putting a hand on his arm, making him look up sharply. "I'm sorry," she said, her eyes apologetic. 

Daryl sighed and ran a hand over his face. "Don't matter none," he grunted and stood up, making her arm fall away so it was back in her lap. He moved forward so his back was to her, arms crossed over his chest for a moment, before he spun to her. "Actually, it does. Ya scare the shit outta me, okay? I don't fuckin' know what's goin' on here. One minute you're barely in my memory, the next you're just right here and you're all I can think 'bout. It fuckin' scares me that I can go so fuckin' angry ta fuckin' worried in five seconds flat. You're confusin' and I wish ya'd stop." 

Green eyes blinked up at him slowly, breath held in her lungs. She hadn't expected those words from him or the look of defeat that fell over his face as he reached for her arms and yanked her up into a standing position. Eyes wide, her heart pounded as she stood before him, so close and yet so far, staring into those brilliant blue eyes that had made her fall in love with him in the first place. "Daryl, I—"

"For the love of God, woman, shut up fer once." And then he did it, his face lowering over hers until their lips clashed more brutally than they ever had before. It was like one of those cliche movies where fireworks exploded behind her eyes, crawled through her veins and made her entire body sing. Heart thumping wildly, she didn't dare move, but like hell she wouldn't kiss him back. It was slow at first, tentative as she wasn't sure it would be well received, but then she just fell into it like it was the most natural thing on the planet. Her body slumping against his, fingers reaching for his hips to keep him there as long as she could. It was like every dream of the past decade coming true, and yet that made no sense. This was the end of the world, how could this possibly be real? She had to be dreaming right then, but then his fingers reached for her upper arms and squeezed just barely, but it was enough to know he was real, warm and alive beneath her fingertips, so utterly close that when she breathed all that was in her senses was his familiar masculine scent of musk and smoke. 

It ended far too soon for her liking and she was left standing there, frozen to her spot as he backed away like her touch burned him. Breath sawed out of both of their lungs, chests heaving as they stared at each other, his eyes with fire and lust and ice coiled together while hers scarcely dared to believe what just happened.

"Fuck," he mumbled and ignoring what he had just said moments before about pairs, he spun and stalked his way out of the room. It was only when the door slammed shut that she fell into the chair behind her. Unbeknownst to her he hadn't gone far, just around the corner to the stairs so she couldn't see him anymore.

* * *

 

He touched his lips where hers had been, the tingling he felt still there, buzzing through him. He felt more alive than he ever had before, the rekindling of the fire she created inside him starting to spark. "Goddamn it." He was in too deep with this, just as he had been the first time when he let himself fall for her. He didn't know if he could do that again, let himself get so close when so much was at risk, their happiness and their lives. But he also didn't know if he could just let it go, deep down he knew that he wanted her back, despite how much she hurt him. She was the reason he once told himself he had been created and he realized that hadn't changed now. "Stop bein' such a pussy," he mumbled to himself, hearing Merle in his voice as he said it, but as he shook himself, he managed to push away all of those thoughts and feelings. He couldn't do that, he was still pissed off at her for not telling him about Alex. He couldn't let her back in so soon, he couldn't let himself feel that for someone who had promised him before to never hurt him, and then did it anyway. He couldn't let himself fall in love again.

* * *

Rick came to relieve them just when he said he would. Amaleen had been surprised to see Daryl appear just a couple minutes before Rick did. Her cheeks burned bright red and she was so glad it was dark out so neither men could see it. Her eyes refused to look at Daryl as she handed over the binoculars and chairs to Rick. "Happy watching," she said with a cheeky grin which made the ex-cop laugh. Following Daryl down to B deck, she darted into her room as quick as she could. She knew there was unspoken agreement between them that whatever happened up there during watch, stayed up there. But it didn't help that she was thinking so much of it as she changed into sweats, tank top, and let her hair down. Shoving her coat under her head, she turned off the camp lantern and was plunged into darkness. For an hour she laid there, her mind racing over what it might mean for the both of them, whether Daryl wanted something more, or it had just been the heat of the moment and regretted it. 

But the way he looked at her, so fierce and hungry like he couldn't get enough of her. God she wanted to see it again, wanted to feel those fingers on her arms and those lips on hers. She could still smell him, could still taste him, and she marveled in the way that everything was the same as it had been. She had never forgotten a moment of their time together, never forgotten a thing about him. He was still the man she fell in love with, and as she promised back then, she knew she would love him for the rest of her life. 

Slowly she drifted to sleep, that amazing secret fresh on her mind, and a smile on her lips. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was slightly shorter, but I hope it was worth it. ;) Thanks for reading, comments are love!


	19. You'll Be In My Heart

Try as she might, the smile wouldn't leave her face even as she slept and even as she woke up the next morning. Yawning and shaking sleep from her head, she got up and went over to her bag. She decided it was time to boil some of the ocean water they collected and take a much needed bath. She dug deep in her bag to pull out clean panties, but realized she lost some of her clothes along the way as she only had the one pair of jeans left and only one bra. She thought for a moment she had two pairs of jeans, but remembered one had been the pair Bulldozer and his friends took off her, and quickly started looking for other clothes to distract herself from thinking of that again. She did find a clean plaid shirt, but it was her last one which meant that she would have some laundry to do as well.  _Maybe Lori has some other jeans I could borrow while I wash mine,_ she thought, padding into the hallway and gently rapping on Lori and Rick's door. There was no sound from inside, but then the door clicked open and a shirtless Rick stood there, looking at her with an eyebrow raised and a half-sleepy expression. 

Giggling softly, she gestured to Lori who was sitting up on the bed. "I'm so sorry for wakin' you guys, was just wonderin' if you had any extra jeans I could borrow until I wash mine?" Faintly she remembered there being some in the clothes downstairs, but they were more sized for Carol or Maggie. Beth, Lori, and Amaleen just about wore the same size in jeans, though Amaleen and Beth were shorter than Lori, while in shirts Amaleen's chest was bigger so hers were slightly bigger to compensate. It made it harder before the apocalypse to find clothing that fit her perfectly considering things were either too tight on her chest, but fit her stomach, or fit her chest but were too big on her stomach. It was just a burden she had to bear, and that's why she wore the plaid shirts most of the time, they were guy's shirts and tended to be more roomy. And considering it was now very hard to find clothes at all, she couldn't afford too much to be picky. 

Lori got up and dug through her bag and pulled out a clean pair. "You're welcome to keep 'em," she said, shaking her head as Amaleen looked like she was going to argue. "I have four pairs and you have one, keep 'em." Her voice was firm and motherly and she smiled at the younger woman.

Amaleen smiled back and hugged her in thanks, apologizing softly to Rick once again for waking him and padded back over to her room. There was a small bathroom in her room, which made sense considering this was once like a hotel on the ocean basically, and she went to set her camp lantern inside before going downstairs to boil some water. It was odd hearing the ship so quiet, even Daryl wasn't awake yet so she knew it was extremely early as he was usually up at the crack of dawn, but it was also kind of stress relieving. She could just lay there and relax and have time to think about everything that has happened without worrying about if she had to do something else or what was going to happen with Daryl. As much as Daryl was on her mind, she needed a breather to just pretend and try to feel like herself again, which frankly she hadn't since before she had left Daryl. Between the pain of not having him, then dealing with Alex's illness and eventual death, she was so worn out she felt eighty and not thirty-three. 

Once everything was settled, she shut and locked the door. The water was the best temperature and once she had her soap and shampoo set on the edge, she sunk into it with a sigh. It was a slow bath and she didn't care one bit, even as she heard others get up and start moving around. Her body was scrubbed down so much it was almost red, and her hair was washed three times before she was satisfied. Looking at the dark strands in the soft light, she saw a lot of split ends besides the fact that the length was getting out of control. She didn't know if anyone could cut hair, but she would ask around with the women once she was finished. After she was done washing, she still sat in there even after the water got cooler, and only decided to get out once she was starting to shiver. 

Wrapping the towel she found around her, she realized she left her clothes in the other room. At least she didn't have to walk down the hallway, but it was still chilly to get out and not immediately dress. Keeping the towel close, she made a quick move out into the other room, camp lantern in her hand, and didn't realize there was someone else there before there was a throat cleared. With a squeak, she spun and saw Daryl standing in the doorway, face beat red and staring so hard at his shoes that he could've burned holes through them. A quick thought had her darting to grab her clothes on the bed, and then hide behind the bathroom door, enough that it would make it slightly less awkward. 

"Um...hi," she said with a croak in her voice as she left it open half-way to speak to him, but not enough he could see. The door opened out into the room in a way that it was facing the other door so even if she stepped out of the bathroom, she was still blocked by the door, being between that and the wall. "I-I...I didn't see ya there, 'm sorry." Her voice was a mumble and she pulled the towel off and dried her dripping body quickly, pulling on her clothes so she could gather some of her dignity when she went back out there. She wrapped her hair up in the towel once she was done to avoid dripping down her shirt. 

"Don't hafta apologize," he said gruffly as she stepped back into the room, where he was still staring holes into his boots. "Could'a knocked louder." 

She shrugged and cleared her throat, going to her bag to grab out her brush. She patted dry her hair, wringing as much water out of it as she could so it was only damp, and then took the towel off to start brushing through the knots that seemed to work their way in no matter what she did. She could be in a windless room not moving a muscle, just after freshly brushing her hair, and then it would be tangled again five minutes later. It always annoyed her to no end and she wound up cutting it short through high school to avoid that, but over the years just got used to it growing mostly out of laziness and the refusal to pay people to cut her hair. It was just hair, so if she needed it cut, she just took scissors to it herself. She wasn't much of a girly girl anyway that she needed anything fancy. 

"Didja need something?" she asked, her voice quiet as she slowly brushed through the strands. 

Only then did he look up at her, darting a glance between her eyes, her lips, her hair, and then back again. The corner of her lips barely tugged into a smile, but it caused him to look away. When they had dated, he always loved running his fingers through her hair whether they were making love or just sitting eating dinner. As for the look to her lips, it was clear his mind went to last night and as much as she wanted to bring it up, she didn't because being direct like that didn't work with Daryl. It took patience and knowing when the right time to ask about things was. 

"Carol wanted me ta come getcha. Breakfast is ready." 

"Thanks, I'll refill these jugs and be down," she said, and he nodded once. "Daryl, I—"

He merely grunted and walked away before she could say anything else, causing her to sigh. She truly hoped that last night didn't work against this friendship or whatever they could call it between them. It was true he initiated it, but he could get upset with himself for doing so in the first place, or even upset at her for not stopping it. But she would never regret it no matter what he says or does, it was the best kiss she ever had. 

Finishing up with brushing, she threw it up into a ponytail instead of a braid as she wanted to see if they had scissors so it could be cut. She grabbed her coat as well as the jugs of water and her knife, and set out for outside. She would do what she said to Daryl and refill them before going downstairs. She had to lay down on the docks like she did the other day, but she managed to fill both of them, her hands icy as she finished up as the water was pretty frigid. Shivering, she made her way back inside and down to C deck to hand over the jugs and get breakfast. 

Carol frowned as she handed over the bowl of food to Amaleen and took the jugs of water in return. "Honey, you're freezing. You need to get warmed up." 

"It's just from refilling those, I'll be fine," she said with a soft smile, though she did rub them together a little as she sat at the picnic table at the end by Lori. Daryl was across the way and down one was refusing to look up so Amaleen couldn't see his facial expression, and Rick who sat beside Daryl but across from Amaleen looked at her in concern.

"Do ya need to go into town and get some gloves?" he wondered.

She shook her head. "No, I have some, just didn't want 'em wet." She glanced at Daryl who looked up and she sent him a smile before they both finished with their breakfast. Once she was done, she gestured Carol and Lori over to see if they had any scissors. At their confused look, she gestured to her hair. "Was thinkin' of cuttin' it." At their stricken expression, she giggled. "Or not?"

"No, hun, don't cut all of it," Lori said, reaching up to run her fingers through the strands laying on Amaleen's shoulder, lifting only for them to fall right back into place. _And tangle_ , she thought wryly.  

"Well no not all of it, just to my shoulders." Again she got a stricken expression and she held up her hands in defeat. "Okay okay, I won't touch it, it was just an idea." 

Handing her bowl off to Carol, she and Lori moved from the room with Daryl and Rick trailing behind them. They were going to paint the common room and arrange the furniture that was brought over from the sailboat. Carl was already waiting with a wide smile and the women giggled, Amaleen ruffling his hair like Lori did. "Ready to paint, kid?" she asked him causing an excited nod from him. They laughed again and moved in, lugging the paint with them, pouring in all the colors they had so he could pick and choose as he went. There were enough brushes he didn't need a glass of water to dip in between to wash off the colors. While he painted, Lori and Amaleen discussed where furniture could go while Rick and Daryl discussed building of the wall next to the gate. 

"Amaleen," Rick said, making her look over to him. "Wanna help Daryl and I build it?"

She nodded quickly, pleased that she could help out with that as well. If she stayed at the ship, she would feel so lazy, that's why she liked being on watch so much. It made her feel useful to the group, like she could actually say thank you for all that they've done for her between taking her in to begin with and saving her just a couple days ago. Of course there were plenty of jobs to do at the ship like washing and cooking and moving the furniture, but she always liked physically being outside and doing something that way.

"You okay to take over?" she asked Lori with a hand on her shoulder. Her friend nodded and Amaleen gave her a hug before moving after the guys. She paused in her room to grab her gloves and then they all went outside. It was definitely getting more frigid and she started shivering because of her wet hair so her coat was pulled up more over her ears. 

"Too cold?" Rick asked, a look of worry on his face.

Amaleen shook her head and smiled. "I'm fine," she said. He didn't look convinced, but he didn't push it as they went to where the lumber was laid out next to the gate. It would have to be precise for it to work and they had to follow the plans carefully. If they didn't get it right, the door wouldn't open correctly and they could be sitting ducks if that happened. 

"Shit, the paper's in my room. Daryl, can ya run and get that along with more of that stain? It'll help protect the wood from the weather." The hunter nodded and moved off to grab the items Rick said leaving Amaleen and Rick alone. "Things goin' okay?"

Amaleen looked up at him with a raised eyebrow. "If ya mean healin', then yes it's goin fine. If ya mean with Daryl, ya really don't beat 'round the bush do ya?" 

Rick snickered and went kind of pink. "I'm just worried. I noticed that he's not at your throat, and I saw how he acted in Beachville, but he's not exactly one to over share."

She nodded and let out a soft sigh. She supposed he had to ask now before Daryl came back. "It's okay, I mean... He said he forgives me for leavin', he understands."

"You told him about Merle and their dad?"

"Yeah, the other night when we got back from North Morton. He says he understands that, he knows how much of a dick his brother and father were, but he says he's still pissed at me for not telling him about Alex. Not that I blame him for any of it." She told him all about their conversation with him wanting to try being friends, and told him about Daryl's outburst during watch, but just skipped past the kiss. The ex-cop looked like he could tell she wasn't telling him everything, luckily he didn't ask about it, though. He knew that if it were important, she would tell him. 

"Now what?" he wondered gently. 

Amaleen shrugged and pulled her coat tighter to her ears as the wind but them. "Just stride easily, but not too easily so he thinks he's the only one tryin'. Give him space, but not too much. That's just how Daryl works." Rick nodded and frowned again as she shivered. 

"You're gonna catch a cold, that's the last thing you need." Without hesitation, he pulled off his jacket which had a hood on it. She tried to argue, but he gave her a stern look that said she better not even try. She sighed and accepted it, giggling as it still seemed huge on her even with her own jacket underneath it. Rick pulled the hood up and they both laughed as it fell over her eyes. 

"Funny," she said, gently slapping his arm which caused more laughter. She reached up to push the hood off her forehead and he reached to zip it up. "Am I your kid now?"

"Feels like it, giving you my coat so you don't catch a cold, scolding you for running off by yourself..." That earned another slap and more laughter ensued from the other two. It was then Daryl walked back, his eyes narrowed and he looked between them for a moment before thrusting the stain in Rick's direction. It surprised them both, and they exchanged a look, but neither of them were expecting him to turn on his heel and stomp off. "What the..."

"I'll handle it," she said with a sigh. Starting to jog after the angry hunter, she kept Rick's coat close to her body to keep in her warmth. "Daryl!" she called, not slowing him down, in fact he sped up. "Daryl, damn it, hold on!" 

That time he did stop, whirling around and glaring something icy at her. "Just go back ta your boyfriend and leave me be," he growled, turning again to stomp away, making her stare at him in shock before her eyes rolled and she ran to step in front of him. They almost collided and he tried to move around her, but she stopped him with a hand on his chest. 

"Boyfriend? Really? Ya do know he's married, right?"

"So? This is the end of the world, wedding vows mean shit now."  _Good to know where he stands on that, ya know for future reference,_  she thought to herself, slightly shaking herself to get herself back on track. 

"Lori's my best friend, I would never hurt her like that. And Rick's like my brother. That's like...like  _you_ bein' with Rick." His face scrunched up so much in revolution that she had to laugh. "See? That's what it's like for me." She paused. "Where's this comin' from all of a sudden? Rick and I have been friends like this for awhile now, and ya never acted like this. You and I are friends, right? I don't see why it matters."

His eyes hardened and she knew she struck a nerve, but it had to be. They're friends, he said it himself. The kiss clearly didn't change much for him or he wouldn't be only speaking to her when he wanted to snap. It seemed that no matter what she did, he was always snapping at her, even when he invited her to breakfast he acted like he didn't want to be there. 

"We are," he spat. 

"Good. Then even if Rick was my boyfriend,  _which he's not_ , then you shouldn't be so concerned."

"Guys don't date each other's exs," he grunted. 

" _He's not my boyfriend_ ," she said again, getting a little annoyed and sighing, squeezing her eyes shut to calm herself before they popped back open. "Look, I mean it, he and I are just friends." She paused before she tried something out. "You don't hafta be jealous." 

He bristled at that, scoffing and looking appalled and she smirked because she knew she hit the nail on the head. Daryl knew damn well that nothing was going on with her and Rick, but he was frustrated and she could see that. He was  _jealous_ and he didn't like that either. That's what brought him to her side in the first place, though. Back when Merle hit on her, he told her after that he only stopped his brother because he was jealous Merle was talking to her and he wasn't. If things had been reversed and some girl was hitting on him, she would've done the exact same thing. As their relationship went on, he continued to act like that, always telling her that she was better than him, that somebody was going to come sweep her off her feet away from him, a better man than he was, always glaring at any man who breathed her air. It took her a long time to convince him that she only wanted him, and that fact was true even years later after they had been apart. She supposed she didn't do too well of showing him that, though, but she meant it. 

"'M not fuckin' jealous," he spat. He tried to get away from her, but she didn't let him, keeping herself firmly planted in front of him. 

Eyes softening, she glanced around and saw Rick was too busy to notice them, and they were too far away from the ship for anyone there to see something. Leaning forward and standing on her toes, she smiled gently at him as her heart raced, hands shaking softly because she wasn't quite sure she had enough courage for this, but she took the plunge anyway. "Ya crawled your way inta my heart a long time ago, Daryl Dixon. Ain't nobody ever taken your place there and never will, no matter how much ya don't believe me. S'ya don't hafta be jealous, because we may just be  _friends_ , but I'll always be crazy for ya." With that, she gave his surprised lips a quick peck, and then finally let him go. 

Moving around him, body vibrating with the huge risk she just took, hoping and praying it didn't push him farther away from her, she pulled the coat closer and walked back over to Rick to help him out with the new door. 


	20. Never Gonna Give You Up

_Fuckin' hell, woman,_ he thought, his body spinning to watch her walk away from him. He didn't know where any of that just came from, that sudden and intense feeling that crept up onto him and choked the ever living hell out of him. It had no concrete proof inside him that what he was feeling was the truth, after all he knew that Rick was married and very loyal and that Amaleen had no interest other than friendship, but to see the easy bond and banter between the two had created a raging, giant green monster of jealousy that he just couldn't get rid of no matter how much he tried to shake it off as he walked towards them. He realized as he stalked away that it was because  _he_ used to be the one to banter with her like that, to give her his coat when she got cold, to get playful with her even though he wasn't normally the playful type. She brought it out in him and when he saw that, the jealousy hit him like a ton of bricks along with a longing for the way things used to be. 

 _When she was mine_ , he thought bitterly as he stomped away. He didn't expect her to chase after him, though, and no matter how much he tried to deny it to her and himself, he was really fucking jealous of her and Rick. Claiming that they were together was the only rational thing to say, at least in his mind, because he couldn't come out and say that he wasn't jealous because he thought they were a couple, but he was jealous because he wasn't the one standing there talking and acting so easily with her. 

The words she said went straight into his chest and warmed him in a way he could never explain. The look in her eyes had shoved him right back to where they had been so long ago and how she looked at him then, like he was beautiful and she was so in love. He stared slack jawed at her as she walked away, his lips and whole body tingling after her peck to his lips. It was then he realized he was in trouble, because he could never really get away with being just friends with her, not Amaleen. She was so much more than that, and he knew it no matter how much he didn't want to admit it to himself or let her back in. As pissed off as he still was, she had him wrapped around her finger all over again and he was desperately lost to resist it. 

_Fuckin' woman made me fall in love with her again._

* * *

Amaleen and Rick put half of it together before Daryl finally came back out to help. She didn't look at him, but could barely contain the smile on her face. Part of her wished she hadn't done that, kissed him like that, but if she were to show him how she felt and that she wasn't going anywhere, sometimes the measures had to be drastic. True, the kiss wasn't as intense as the one on watch, that one still threatened to make her knees weak, but it was enough of a kiss that pair it with the words she said, and she was sure he got the picture. She loved him, and was crazy for him, and she was desperate for him to know that. He could take as long as he needed to at least understand why she didn't tell him about Alex. She figured that was one of his biggest hold backs, besides the fact that she had hurt him and that wall she broke down was firmly back in place. But she wanted to be the one to break it down again, and it didn't need to be that day or even the next. Someday, though, she would love to know what it felt like to be in his arms again. If that never happened, then it was just simply her own fault. _  
_

Clearing her head of her own worries, she looked to Rick who was looking quickly between the two of them. He didn't say anything even though he looked like he wanted to, and just nodded to Daryl so they could start working again. Rick and Amaleen showed Daryl where they were and now with a third set of hands it would be much easier. It went a lot quicker as well and soon enough there was a nice, solid, stained oak door in front of the gates. There was a pulley system rigged up so they could open the doors from over by the dock, that way the person driving didn't have to get out to unlock and relock the doors. It was too much of a hassle, plus this was much safer. Using some of the strong cords, they also closed the hole in the fence, just at the right time as a walker hit it from the other side, snarling and growling in Amaleen's face, who was finishing the patch job. 

She yelped, startled, and jumped back just in time for both the men to pull her securely behind them. Daryl kept her there while Rick took out his knife and pushed it in the walker's forehead, making it drop down a second later. She risked a glance at Daryl who was firmly looking at Rick and she said a quiet, "Thanks" into his ear. He bristled for just a moment before shivering and looking down at her. His face was unreadable as always, but his eyes held something else that told her she couldn't wait for them to be alone together again.  _What happens at watch..._ she thought with an internal grin and happy dance. 

"That'll keep walkers from wigglin' in like the one you took out last night," Rick said, gesturing to Amaleen. Daryl's eyes narrowed as they looked between them, wondering how much she told him, but she kept her face straight. 

"Yeah it was just the one, but I figured that's how it got in. We should also walk the length of the platform just to make sure there isn't anything else loose or a hole we missed."

"Good idea. You two wanna do that while I take the stuff inside," Rick suggested.

"Sure!" Amaleen exclaimed, not able to disguise her excitement. Blushing at Rick's amused look and Daryl's eyes narrowing even more, she turned and started out for one direction, the opposite way the guys were standing. She truly hadn't meant it to sound like that, but she had been unable to help herself. It was daylight and anybody else could come up to them so she knew that she couldn't initiate anything and he sure as hell wouldn't, but being alone with him was always something she looked forward to. She heard Rick laugh behind her and then footsteps follow after her quickly. 

"The fuck was that?" Daryl grumbled causing her to look up at her with that innocent look he's always seen right through. 

"What d'ya mean?" she asked if she really had no clue.

He snorted and shook his head. "Don't play that with me. I know you, Amaleen, can see right through that." But the words looked to be like he was joking and she grinned.

"Fine, ya got me, but I didn't mean it ta come out like that." 

He squinted. "S'ya didn't mean ta kiss me earlier?"

Eyes wide she shook her head quickly. "No no, I definitely meant ta do that. I thought ya meant me agreein' ta doin' the patrol with ya, bein' s' excited ta Rick."

Daryl went a soft pink and looked away. "Nah," he said gently and then went quiet for a few moments. They checked along one side of the fence and found that side was strong and clear of any holes, so they turned to walk back so they could cover the other side of the fence as well. "S'ya did mean ta kiss me?" he finally asked once they had reached the door and started to make their way along the other side. 

She looked up at him and smiled. "Yeah, meant ta do that. Otherwise my lips wouldn't have touched yours, don't usually kiss people who I don't wanna." He went pink again and she giggled. "You've always been cute when ya do that." 

"Shut up," he mumbled and she remembered very well how he couldn't take compliments. Whenever she were to say things like that when they were dating, compliment him on his clothes or his eyes or his cute little ass, she always got the same thing in return. And she always laughed it off, but it made her sad that he could never see himself the way she did, and even if he didn't, he couldn't even accept the compliments anyway, writing them off as her being crazy. Instead she just sighed softly and shoved her hands in the pockets of Rick's jacket, pulling the hood up again so her ears didn't fall off from the cold. 

"If I over stepped, though, I'm sorry. It was...just a friendly peck..." she said, trailing off and giving him a knowing smile. 

"Felt more than that with them words ya said." 

"I meant them, though." 

He stayed silent after that and they finished up the check, finding one that might be a problem later, so they put wire on it just to make sure. Once it was all settled, they headed back to the docks and to the ship where Rick and T-Dog werre on deck. The two men smiled as they saw Daryl and Amaleen walking towards them and when Amaleen saw Rick without his jacket, arms wrapped around his chest and shivering slightly, she immediately felt horrible. Face falling, she jogged towards him, unzipping the coat on the way. 

"I'm so sorry, I should'a given it back to ya before I left," she said, quickly handing it over and he shook his head, putting a soothing hand on her arm before taking the jacket. 

"I'll live, promise," he said, but he put the coat on anyway earning a satisfied look from her. "You need a hat, though."

He ruffled her hair causing her to scoff and him to laugh as she ducked out of the way. "Do I look like Carl to you?" she grumbled, trying to fix her hair as Rick and T-Dog laughed and Daryl snorted. She mumbled to herself as she walked in, causing Lori who was just walking out of her room to look at her amused. 

"Somethin' goin' on?" 

"Your husband has become my father."

She barked out a laugh. "'Scuse me?"

"He gave me his coat, zipped it up when I was taking too long, pulled the hood over my head, told me I need a hat, and then ruffled my hair," she pouted. Lori laughed louder and shrugged. 

"Yeah that sounds like Rick." 

Amaleen grumbled some more and went in her own room to warm up some more, not telling anyone that she secretly loved that people cared for her like that. Only Daryl knew it.

* * *

Not knowing how it happened, Amaleen found herself on watch with Daryl again that night. Bundled up with her coat, Rick's coat on his own insistence, and her blanket, she was nice and toasty. Coffee helped out a lot, too, and kept her from falling back asleep. Rick had taken first shift that night, followed by Amaleen and Daryl, then Glenn and Maggie, and ending with T-Dog. Unlike usual, she had fallen asleep in the two hours during Rick's watch, and had to be prodded awake by Daryl snapping at her to get up. She groggily made her way downstairs to grab the thermos Carol usually filled and poured some coffee in it, and then made it upstairs to A deck. That's where Rick handed over his coat with a firm look to Daryl to make sure she kept it on. 

With her legs folded underneath her, she was as comfortable as she could be. It definitely was somewhere she could fall asleep, but she was awake and between all she had, she wasn't shivering, and she mentally made a note to thank Rick yet again for lending her his coat. Finally Daryl was satisfied enough to sit down and set the binoculars on the console. Since it was one the captain's area, the controls and steering wheel still stood. They were all shut down now, but with the right amount of fuel, they could get her going again so once spring hit, they could leave the harbor. It would be much safer that way, some place they could really live in peace. Maybe build some gardens on A deck to grow their own vegetables and fruits, live completely off themselves and only go to shore if Daryl needed to hunt or they needed to refuel. 

The possibilities were endless and she didn't know she hadn't heard Daryl talking during her little day dream until his hand was waving in her face. She jumped, startled, and looked back at his face where he was semi-glaring at her. "Sorry," she said with a sheepish look. "I was just thinkin' 'bout what we could do with the ship eventually." She paused. "What'd ya say?"

He sighed and seemed to accept her answer and stood up, back to her. "I said I wish I didn't feel this way anymore sometimes."

Brow furrowing, she sat up more, setting the thermos on the ground. "Feel what way?" she whispered. 

Turning to her, she could see the conflict on his face and gulped. "Like I'm still that guy that let ya in. I want ta hate ya and—" He stopped before he said anything else and turned around again, a habit he's always had when shit's about to get real. "—I want ta hate ya and love ya at the same time." She couldn't stop her eyes from watering then, it just broke over like a dam without hesitation, her heart thumping loudly and wildly in her chest and she could sing right then. She knew him, and in not so many words, that was his way of telling her that he still loved her. "Ya piss me off and calm me at the same time. Ya make me fuckin' insane, ya make me want ta be a better man, and ya make me jealous over stupid shit like Rick givin' ya his coat. I want that ta be  _my_ coat, me bein' the one ta take care of ya. I want ta sneak a kiss in the hallway and spend half of watch makin' out with ya. I want ta fall asleep with ya at night, and I want ta hold ya in my arms." He paused again and her sniffles were heard as she happy-cried, convinced now that this was indeed a dream, it had to be. He turned when he heard her crying, thinking at first he upset her, she could see that worry on his face, but she was looking at him so softly and with loving tenderness that he knew he didn't. It was the same way she looked at him before. He took a hesitant step closer to her. "I want ta hate ya for leavin' and keepin' Alex from me. I'm fuckin' angry I never met him. But...but I can't keep fuckin' stayin' away from ya. It doesn't work, it makes me angry, like I want to hurt something, and—"

His words were cut off by her jumping up from her chair, blanket and knife falling to the ground, and she leapt at him. Lips catching his surprised ones, she could feel that he didn't move for a moment, to shocked and for a moment she thought about pulling away, but then he started to kiss back. Arms wrapping around her body, frumpy from the coats she had on, but it didn't matter. He lifted her smaller frame off the ground, her legs dangling before wrapping around his waist securely, her fingers tangling in his hair, keeping him there to her as she whimpered softly. Teeth and lips clashed, she was still crying, but she begged for the kiss to be deeper. She was so desperate and she just didn't want to let him go anywhere ever again. She decided right then and there that she would fight for him, something she should have done tooth and nail before against Merle and Will. She had made the mistake of letting him go, letting someone else take him from her once, and she wouldn't do that again. There wouldn't be anything she wouldn't do for this man. She would die for him, she would lie for him, but never to him of course, not again. Anybody that tried to take him from her in anyway would be met with a world of pain from her, they would get to meet her bad side, and she wouldn't hesitate. He was hers, finally and forever, and she wouldn't give that up. She knew he wouldn't be all official about it, not for awhile, but the fact that he was still kissing her, and moving them so as he sat down, she was on his lap, told her a lot. There wasn't a clear exit for the door, she was right there in front of him. He wasn't running from this, not anymore. 

"Ya got your wish, we're makin' out on watch." For the first time since she saw him again, he gave her a truly genuine smile and that soft, deep Daryl chuckle that she adored. Fingers curling into his hair again, she kissed over his face: eyes, nose, cheeks, jaw, that cute mole next to his mouth, and finally his lips again, breathing him in like he was her second air. "I love ya, too..."

When Glenn and Maggie relieved them, neither said a word about the dumped over thermos or the messiness of Daryl's hair. They just gave a knowing smile as the pair disappeared back to B deck to finish where they left off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to share with everyone that I finally started the prequel to this story! It's called [What Doesn't Kill You](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4674923). It'll probably be written slower and be shorter than what I have planned for this story, but I hope you enjoy anyway! Thanks for reading, comments are love!


	21. The Morning After

When Amaleen woke up, she was the most comfortable she had ever been in her life. A warm blanket covering her, and a strong man behind her, arms locked securely around her waist in possessive protection. She wouldn't move even if she wanted to, far too content with just lying there in his arms. They hadn't done anything beyond making out, but that was more than enough for her considering how long she had waited to be with him again. When they had gotten back downstairs, she had started to go to her room, but he grabbed her hand causing her to look up at him. He shook his head and silently led her past her room to his own right next door. Her heart beat so loudly she swore he could hear it, but he didn't say a word. He stripped Rick's jacket off and then her own, tossing them over next to his bag. She kicked her boots off leaving her in just socks and he followed suit, also tugging off his vest so he was just in his sleeveless plaid shirt, the kind she used to steal from him to wear to bed. Next he took her and lay her down over across his bed, silently watching her there for a few moments making her squirm, before he lowered himself next to her. He made sure she faced the wall, the bed being small so in case someone fell off, it was him. Plus that also put him in the line of fire and not her if walkers or other threats were to somehow get in.  _Ever the gentleman_ , she thought happily. His fingers crawled across her belly to her other hip, pulling her flush against his body, as his lips lowered over hers again. 

It had been like that for...well she didn't know how long, it felt like hours, just kissing and soft touches until they both drifted off to sleep. Daryl must have pulled the blanket over them sometime in the middle of the night, and between his body heat which no matter what was always furnace temperature, and the blanket itself, she was nowhere near cold. She had been awake for about half an hour just lying there, feeling his fingers clasp her body to his possessively. His face was buried in the back of her neck, their legs tangled up together, both still clothed of course since no sex was involved. Her fingers gently stroked his and he let out a soft sigh into her hair, moving ever so softly and only wound up bringing her closer. 

Finally after forty-five minutes, she realized she needed to pee and tried to wiggle away without waking him, which of course didn't work. His grip just got tighter the more she wiggled until finally she was giggling and he was huffing into the back of her neck. "Your disturbin' my sleep, woman," he said, his voice rough from sleep. 

She tilted her head back to look at him, laying it on the pillow next to his, and saw his eyes were open. They looked blurry from sleep, but there was a small smile playing across his lips. She reached over silently and stroked her thumb across those lips, smiling brighter when he gently kissed the pad.

"Don't wanna move, but I gotta pee," she murmured. He groaned and hid his face again, causing another giggle from her. "If I promise ta come back, will ya let me go relieve my bladder?" 

Looking up at her with narrow eyes, he looked like he had an internal debate going on. "I suppose I can do that. 'M holdin' ya to your word, though. Better get that sweet little ass back here before I go lookin' for ya." 

"I'll seal the deal," she said, leaning up and giving him a slow, deep kiss that was more along the lines of their heated make out session last night than a good morning kiss. "We good?"

"Good," he breathed, causing her to giggle yet again. She seemed to do that a lot around him, but it's simply because he made her so happy. Turning onto his back, he pulled her with him so she didn't break something trying to get off the bed. With one last peck, she stood and dashed for his bathroom, grabbing the camp lantern on the way, practically dancing in need. She took care of business and wiped off her face with some cool water from the bottle he had sitting next to the sink, tying back her hair as it had come loose in the middle of the night—or he took it out, he always liked her hair down more than up—before she finally made her way back into his room.

For a moment she just stood there looking at his beautiful face. She had been lucky enough to get him once in her life, but now she got him all over again. It had been the biggest mistake she ever made to leave him and she knew that without a doubt the moment she did it, for both of them and their son as well. She would spend the rest of her life making it up to him, but she was grateful and so utterly thankful that she would get a second chance. It was a couple seconds later she realized he was looking at her with his eyebrow raised, his arms behind his head just looking right back at her. 

"Take a picture, it'll last longer," he teased. 

She smiled. "I wish I could," she said, almost dreamily, which made him scoff and look away with pink cheeks. She grinned and moved closer, letting him reach up to take her hips and pull her so she was straddling his stomach. "I mean it, Daryl. I wish I had some pictures of us, from back then and from now, too. You're a beautiful man—" She put a finger over his lips as he tried to scoff again. "—and I adore you. There isn't a part of you that I don't love."

He tugged her finger away. "I'm an asshole. I have a short temper, fuckin' stubborn. M'family was a piece of shit. Don't know why ya fell for me the first time neither." 

"Because of this." She put her hand over where his heart lay and looked at him expectantly. "This right here is made of gold. No matter what anybody said, your brother or your father or anyone. Don't matter what your face looks like, it's your heart that matters. Your pretty face is just my own personal bonus." She grinned at him and smoothed at his bright red cheeks and knew she wouldn't get much of an answer besides that scoff that she was expecting, but didn't care. She leaned forward to kiss him, his hands coming to her hips. She sighed softly into his mouth and wanted to stay there before there was a frantic knock at the door. 

Daryl groaned and pulled away glowering. "Whoever it is can fuck off," he growled. 

Amaleen tutted and shook her head, moving to sit next to him which just made his face fall into a glare. "Go see who it is and if it's an emergency and if not, I'll be here." She grinned which made Daryl send her a longing look before getting up and muttering under his breath. 

"Daryl?!" Rick called out, sounding panicked and Amaleen's eyes widened and she moved to the edge of the bed, fully ready to jump up and pull on her boots and coat in a second if needed. 

"This better be good, Grimes!" Daryl called, going over to yank the door open. 

"Have ya seen Amaleen? She's not in her room and no one saw her leave and she's not on A or C deck and—" At that Daryl opened the door wider and revealed Amaleen on the bed, sheepishly waving to a stunned Rick. When he was left speechless, which was more than amusing as she had never seen Rick speechless since she met him, she laughed and stood up walking for them. She grabbed his coat off Daryl's bag and handed it over to him with a raised eyebrow. 

"I suppose you could have your coat back, deputy," she said, blinking up at him innocently as his eyes darted between the two of them. 

"...right," he finally said, not saying much of anything after that before he turned and as casually as he could, walked back to his own room. Once the door clicked shut, Amaleen snorted out in amusement and looked up at Daryl who was smirking. 

"That was the best thing ever," she said as Daryl shut the door. 

"Right," Daryl said. "Now...more kissing, yeah?" She giggled as she was dragged over to the bed and pushed on it just like she was last night.

* * *

They didn't emerge for another hour and they tried to look as nonchalant as possible as they made their way to the galley. They say their good mornings to everyone and grabbed their food and coffee from Carol who didn't have a clue, though Amaleen could see her eyeing them curiously considered before last night, Daryl had done all he could to avoid Amaleen, only being shoved into situations with her when Rick requested it. They sat at the table, Amaleen next to Lori and Daryl across from her next to Rick. She tried to act casual, but it was so hard considering Lori was looking at her with the most excited, shocked look on her face that Amaleen almost broke. Her insides almost hurt from keeping her laughter at bay as she settled in next to the woman and innocently held the coffee pot out to her that Carol had given her. "Coffee?" she wondered. 

"I'll take some," Daryl said and she poured him a mug. Looking back to Lori, she couldn't help it. Amaleen burst out laughing and knew that without a doubt, Rick told her what he witnessed. She knew the other couple had been worried about Amaleen and Daryl for a long time now, especially Lori considering how long she's known everything that happened. 

"Yes," is all Amaleen said once she managed to compose herself before she poured herself another mug and broke into the cereal that nobody else but Hershel would eat because it tasted like cardboard with raisins, but hey it was food.

"Later," Lori murmured to her before getting up and taking her bowl to the sink. Amaleen grinned at the woman's retreating back. Daryl raised an eyebrow and Amaleen simply shook her head and continuing to eat her "gross" cereal. After she was finished, she followed Daryl upstairs to take a look at the list that Rick had started up to sign up for jobs. Before they got there, though, they heard Daryl's name being called and the sound of Rick jogging for them. Turning, they watched as he approached and tried hard not to just gap at them, and failing miserably. 

"We need to make another run," Rick said. "The town you and Amaleen went to, you said there was more there?"

Daryl nodded. "Yeah, we just hit the hardware store and the gas station. Who knows what else they had in the other buildings."

Rick grinned. "Great, so you and I can go?"

"Sure," Daryl agreed.

"I wanna—"

"No," the men said in unison making Amaleen frown.

"Oh c'mon, I've done it before, even after Beachville." The men flinched at the name and the fact that she still had bandages from being there probably wasn't helping. "And you said it yourself, I went with Daryl last time, I know where ta look for stuff. Plus I'm small and quick, can get in and out." 

Daryl and Rick glanced at each other and Rick looked like he was going to relent, but Daryl kept shaking his head. "No fuckin' way," he growled and she was torn between smiling at the protectiveness that had grown on him seemingly over night, and frowning at his lack of faith. 

"Daryl—"

" _No_. Fuck, I know what your sayin' is right, but I don't care. I'm ain't gonna have ya get hurt."

"I'll be with you and Rick, I won't get hurt."

"You're  _already_  hurt."

"Let's clear it with Hershel," Rick suggested making Daryl's eyes snap to him and narrow with fury. Rick didn't back down though and Amaleen grinned at him. "If Hershel says it's okay, that it won't effect her healing, then she can come." 

"But I was worse last time we went..." she said, trailing off at the look on Daryl's face as they all knew that was true, but the also knew he was still trying to hate her at that point.

"Let's talk to Hershel," Rick said. Daryl grumbled and crossed his arms over his chest, but she assumed that's the best sort of confirmation they were going to get from him at that moment. Amaleen grinned and nodded to Rick who led the way down to Hershel's room. Daryl stuck with them of course, wanting to hear it straight from Hershel rather than Amaleen and Rick relaying it back to him. 

Hershel was sitting up in bed reading from the Bible. He smiled when they came in and when he noticed Amaleen with them, he gestured her forward because he knew just what they were there for. "The bandages need to be replaced anyway," he said, gesturing for Rick to get the med kit sitting over next to his bag. Rick went to grab it and set it down, Hershel pealing back the bandages one-by-one.

First was the ones on her wrists, no longer looking burned from the rope, but angry enough that he put some antiseptic back on along with another bandage. "You'll scar," he said simply making Daryl growl softly from behind her. Next was the one on her forehead and that one he didn't put another bandage on, but dabbed it with the antiseptic to get rid of blood. "This one is healing the best. You'll have a small scar there, but since it didn't require stitches and it wasn't a burn like the ones from the rope on your wrist, it won't be very noticeable. I'm sure your hair will cover most of it." She nodded and finally the last one he looked at was the one on her arm, which required her to take off the long-sleeved plaid shirt and left her in a tank top. She shivered in the cool air, but allowed Hershel to take a look. "This one is actually closed most of the way, except for the couple at the bottom that had been ripped open, those have to stay in for another day or two." He paused. "How again did they rip open?" he wondered grimly as he set to work removing the ones from the closed part.

She shifted and glanced to Daryl who's face was dark and even Rick looked unhappy at the question. "Uh...in Beachville." He nodded as he remembered. "I-I'm pretty sure it's when they tied me to the chair, or when they dragged me out of the shed. I don't remember what happened after the door busted in, whether they carried me or what, but I do remember the chair."

Hershel nodded. "The bruises here?" He pointed to some darker ones faded on her inner arm.

She nodded. "Yeah, my arms were tied behind me and they were shoved up against the back of the chair, I think it was then." Hershel nodded and went silent after that, his frown deepening as she rehashed some of what she experienced, and knew the two men behind her weren't too happy about hearing it again either. Part of her was glad that she didn't remember what happened after the door broke in, or what happened during the time after going unconscious for the second time and she lost her clothes. If anything sexual was done to her, she didn't feel it and didn't know it, and that was okay with her, she would rather not know. Especially considering the looks on the guy's faces and what would happen if she started remembering that done to her.

He checked her lip which had healed easily—which she was glad considering Daryl would've been less likely to kiss her if it was still split—and the bruising around her jaw and cheek had faded to purple and yellow rather than black. The one around her eye, though, was still angry, but not as puffy so she could finally see from it correctly. Over all, Hershel gave her a clean bill of health, and she looked up to Rick and Daryl hopefully. They both exchanged a look which caused Hershel to question them. 

"I want to go with them back to North Morton and finish cleaning the stores, and they needed your approval," she said. 

Hershel paused. "Well I'd rather you didn't." Amaleen frowned. "Because I don't want to see you come back hurt again. But health wise, you're fine so going won't hurt what's already happened." 

Amaleen glanced back at the guys and they looked torn and seemed to be having a mental conversation going on. She could still see where Daryl was firmly set, but he scoffed and looked away, making Rick smile slightly. "You can come with us, but you follow what we say, got it?" he said. She nodded and stood up, thanking Hershel and giving him a hug before following them into the hallway. 

"Don't like this," Daryl grumbled to her as they followed rick to C deck where the guns were kept. Amaleen frowned softly and glanced to see no one around and reached for his hand. This was brand new to them again, but Daryl always wasn't exactly a man who liked PDA. Surprising her, his fingers wrapped around hers as well to hold. 

"I know," she said softly. "But I just want to help. I'll even stay in the car if you want me to, keep it running, and signal you guys if I see anything suspicious."

He looked down at her quickly and studied her to see if she were serious, but saw that she was. A small smile lifted the corners of his lips as he seemed happy with that plan, and he stole a kiss from her lips before they stepped into the room with Rick. Her weapons were still upstairs, but Daryl outfitted her with another gun and a couple more knives. At her look, he shrugged. 

"Can never have enough," he grunted. She nodded and strapped them on purely for his benefit, knowing he needed to know she was safe and armed. They stopped on B deck to grab her original weapons along with their coats before moving to A deck. Their plan was relayed to those up there and Lori looked worryingly between the three of them. 

"You be safe, okay?" Lori said, stepping up to Amaleen and pulling her in a hug.

Amaleen nodded and hugged her back. "I promise," she said.

They got their bags and boxes loaded into the back of the truck, Rick driving and Daryl at shotgun while Amaleen took the back. Glenn opened the door for them to get through and Rick drove through quickly so they could shut it right back up to avoid letting in the walkers lingering around. They were quiet on the way over, and she knew they were worried about what they might find. It was true that she and Daryl got in and out pretty quickly, but that was a few days ago, who knew if it was still like that. Other survivors could've passed through and cleaned it out, a herd of walkers could've drifted through and taken over. She was worried about that, too, but they had to try. 

Pulling up slowly, there wasn't anything right off the bat that looked worrisome. A couple walkers that were taken down quickly by Daryl's arrows. Glancing around, Rick nodded and Daryl gestured Amaleen into the front. "Alright, you know the supplies we need, let's go." Daryl glanced at Amaleen once before following Rick off to the nearest building, leaving Amaleen and the truck, hoping that they came back to her safely.


	22. Close Call

Amaleen knew that it would only be a little while that she was left alone, but it felt like an eternity. She realized quickly that she didn't like having the guys so far away from her; not for her own security, but because she wanted to know they were safe. It made her nervous to know they were going through the buildings, unsure of what they would find or what they would come across around every corner. What if there were armed people? What if there were walkers? They were her family and as much as they wanted to protect her, she wanted to do the same to them. There wasn't a stop to her mind going a mile a minute of possibly losing them out there when she could've helped, just sitting at the truck doing nothing but waiting. As much as she wanted to go find them, she couldn't, she has promised Daryl that she wouldn't move from this spot and even though she wanted to run after him, she did as she had promised. If nothing was wrong, he would get pissed and the last thing she wanted to do is upset him so close to just getting him back. She would listen to him no matter how hard it was, cover the truck just in case they needed a fast get away. 

But Amaleen was never one to sit still very well and do nothing, and she figured it wouldn't hurt to get out and walk around the truck a little as long as she stuck close by and as long as she stayed quiet. It was chilly out, but she just pulled her coat tighter. There was no movement around them in any way whether it be walkers or the wind or people, and she took that as a good sign. She wondered if everything was still as they left it. She couldn't tell from her spot about the rest of the buildings, but she could see the walker Daryl shot dead outside the hardware store still there rotting away. Slowly she did laps around the truck to keep herself busy, keeping her eyes and ears out for everything and anything that could happen. There wasn't a sound to be heard and it was actually kind of calming, just being out there in the quiet. It reminded her of the times when she was young during the hot Georgia summers, she would grab a book and go out in the woods behind their farm. She would find a quiet, secluded spot to sit there and read until she heard her father yelling for her through the fields to help her mother with dinner. She wished she had a book then, but she doubted any of the stores had that. 

Walking around back, she didn't notice anything out of the ordinary until there was more than one of them. It was finally the movement out of the corner of her eye that caught her attention and her eyes went wide with shock. Somewhere between thirty to fifty walkers were stumbling out from between buildings, immediately catching her scent and stumbling for her, growls and groans permeating the air. 

"Oh fuck," she breathed and looked around to see what she could do. It was like a horror movie, they were blanketing all sides of her, and there was nowhere to run and hide. The only thing she could think of to do was run to the front of the truck and using the tire as leverage, wiggled herself onto the hood. Heart beating quickly with adrenaline and fear, she scampered up, yelping as she felt one grab her foot and yank, making her fall on her back against the windshield. Luckily it didn't crack, but her butt and back ached as more bruises bloomed along her already covered body. She couldn't reach her knife just yet and didn't want to get closer to use it anyway, so she brought out her gun, shooting it in the head. That only riled the others up, making them press in closer, but she hoped that it would also work as a signal to get Daryl and Rick back there. She didn't even know what building they were in. 

Once it let go of her leg, she pulled herself up and climbed onto the top. The truck was completely surrounding it and Amaleen fired at another one just as another attempt to get the guys' attention. After that she used her knife, swinging and slashing the best she could, but they seemed to come out of nowhere and the truck was starting to rock. Fear was truly starting to get to her, her eyes darting around and not seeing the guys anywhere, but she just had to keep fighting. Her arm got tired quickly, but she didn't stop, only used her gun to shoot one more to try and bring Rick and Daryl to her. 

Finally she noticed movement over by the grocery store and looked up to see Rick and Daryl standing there staring at her in horror. Her eyes terrified, she looked at them, but kept moving, squeaking as it rocked again, this time harder, and she fell to her knees. One made a grab for her as she landed close to the edge, but she squirmed away at the last moment before it got its rotten hand on her. She could see Daryl starting to run over, but Rick stopped him and said something to him. The look on Daryl's face broke her heart and she wished she could do something else, another way she could fight. But she hadn't attracted these walkers, they just showed up. Perhaps there was enough breeze that it sent her smell to them, and she had no way of stopping it. She was just glad she wasn't stuck in the truck, if they broke out the windows—which from the low cracking sound, it sounds like they were beginning to—and she was inside, there would be no getting away from a herd of this size. 

Daryl and Rick started moving, Daryl's arrows whizzing through the air. It was quiet and stealthy, both of them moving to quietly take down the walkers so they could get to her. Between all of them working, they might be able to clear a side of the truck. She was exhausted, but couldn't give up and didn't want to risk her gun anymore now that she had gotten their attention. The teamwork they all did was impressive and slowly the guys got closer and closer until only one stood in the way between Daryl and Amaleen. Amaleen took it down with a knife to the top of the head and it dropped, Daryl kicking it away. Rick stood behind him and swung around with his knife to keep strays away while Daryl beckoned Amaleen closer. She scampered over, trying to be quiet as she moved, and moved to Daryl's waiting hands. 

"C'mon, baby," he said, his voice full of panic, gripping her as soon as he had hold of her coat and hauled her down over the edge and into his arms. There was no time for the sheer amount of relief she felt when she had her feet on the ground with Daryl's arms encasing her. "Inside. Go now."

"In the back, I'll drive!" Rick called quickly and took down a couple more before they were all scrambling for the truck. Daryl opened the back door and shoved Amaleen to the other side. She yelped as the walkers on the other side slapped the windows and growled at her, and she faintly heard Rick clamber in. His hands shook, but he got the truck started. With a roar, he put it in reverse and quickly backed over the lingering couple at the back. The others lost their grip on the car, and Daryl held her tight to his side as Rick backed up out of town, and only then felt safe enough to turn around and head out forwards, going back down the road the way they came. Amaleen turned to see some trying to stumble after them, a couple hands smacking the car lightly, but it was too late, the truck was gone in a cloud of dust. 

Only once she saw the last one fade out of view did she let herself begin to cry, soft tears falling down her face and she looked over to Daryl who was rigid and staring ahead. When he felt Amaleen's eyes on him, he turned to her and quickly yanked her into his lap once he saw her fearful face covered in tears. She clung to him, arms tight around his shoulders as she buried her face in his neck and cried there. Rick eyed them in the mirror and she felt Daryl nod, his fingers moving over her back soothingly. Rick looked away again to give them the most privacy that he could.

"Did ya get bit?" he asked, pulling back long enough to see her shake her head and double check for himself, fingers running over her clothes. When he found nothing, he pulled her close again and kept her there. "You're not comin' again, ya hear me? Fuck..." She heard the tremors in his voice and nodded quickly. It was too close of a call, if she hadn't crawled on top of the truck, she would be dead. And she knew very well that they both knew that. She and Daryl didn't move from the back for the trip back to the dock, her cuddled in his lap and his fingers stroking her hair. Slowly her tears dried up and only then did she look up at him. She couldn't read his whole face, but she could tell what most of it said and she knew that she wouldn't even ask to go on a run again. 

"'M sorry," she finally whispered, loud enough for Rick to hear as well and the deputy's eyes flickered back to them again. 

"Didja do something to get their attention?" Rick asked. 

Looking over at him, she slowly shook her head. "Nothin', I just climbed out to walk around the truck, I even shut the door quietly."

"Then it's not your fault. They probably smelled ya, we didn't see them and had no clue they were there. It's _not_ your fault."

She nodded and looked down, Daryl pressing a kiss to her hair. The rest of the trip was quiet and she didn't even know if they had gotten anything in the bags they still had flung over their sides. She didn't ask, though, she was too shook up, and their lives were more important at the moment than what was in the bags. Rick honked when they were close and they saw the doors open once they got right outside. They pulled in quickly and the doors closed up again, Amaleen taking a moment to realize how good of a job they did. Rick got out first to tell Glenn and T-Dog who were jogging towards them what happened while Amaleen slowly climbed off Daryl's lap. Before she could, though, he grabbed her arm and yanked her back. Looking up at him questioning, she saw the emotion there that she couldn't tell what it was before: fear. He hadn't shown it because Rick was in the car, but now that it was just the two of them, he knew that he could because she would never say a thing about it being a weakness. Fear and emotions were a weakness to Daryl, but she never let him think that. Emotion prickled her eyes again and she moved back, keeping herself quiet, as she quickly and deeply pressed her lips against his. His arms tightened around her in an obvious sign that he needed this, and she looked up at him with guilt and regret written all over her face. 

"I know it's not my fault, I know Rick is right, but I'm still sorry," she whispered. "I didn't want ya ta come back ta that. I don't want ya ta worry or be afraid. And I promise I won't leave the docks again, not unless we absolutely have to."

Daryl's shoulders sagged a little at her words and she could tell he was finally letting himself loosen up, letting himself be relieved at their small victory of surviving instead of so focused on the "what ifs" of the day. He had been so tense even as he held her and she was worried about him. He didn't speak as he nodded, just leaning in for another kiss before he finally let her go. He opened the door to climb out first and then helped her out. 

"—but we got a few things before we heard the shots," Rick was saying, handing over the bags to Carol and Lori who had just arrived. 

Lori looked horrified and ran over to Amaleen as soon as she appeared and quickly hugged her friend. "Are you okay? Were you scratched? Were you bit?"

Amaleen shook her head quickly and patted Lori's arm. "I'm okay, I promise," she said softly. 

Lori tutted. "Your hands and clothes are covered in blood." 

Looking down, her eyes widened when she realized she was right. She hadn't even noticed, but it made sense considering how much she used her knife. "I didn't..."

"Let's get you cleaned up," Lori said. She put her arm around Amaleen's shoulders and guided her away, looking back to Daryl who looked agitated to have Amalaeen leaving his side. "It's okay, I got her," Lori assured him and only at Rick's nod did he loosen up again. Lori guided her down to B deck and into her own room. The only pants she could change into were the sweats as both her pairs of jeans needed to be washed now. She slipped off her coat and luckily her plaid shirt and tank top were clean. Slipping on the sweats, she handed her dirty clothes over to Lori who said she would wash them, and went to scrub off her hands. Lori left and a few minutes later came back as Amaleen was still scrubbing. 

"I think I got some in my hair," she called out, frowning as she picked up the camp lantern to look closer at the small red specks in her hair. 

"So wash it." The deep male voice made her jump and look out, seeing Daryl sitting on her bed giving her an even look. She smiled softly as she thought it had been Lori and finished up with her hands before doing as he suggested and washing her hair out over the sink. He didn't say a word, just sat and watched her calmly until she walked out, wringing out her hair of water. 

"I don't feel quite so filthy anymore," she said, tossing the towel away and searching for her brush through her bag. As she did so, she heard Daryl get up and then arms wrap around her from behind. Her search was quickly forgotten as she leaned against a solid chest and sighed in contentment. While adrenaline was still pumping through her system, she did manage to slow her heart so it only quickened when she felt his touch. She leaned back against him, her head on his shoulder, and smiled gently. 

"Never lettin' ya outta my sight again," he grumbled into her ear, making her giggle softly. 

"How can ya do that when you go on runs and I don't?" Her question made him pause and she turned in his arms, her own wrapping around his neck and it was easier to lean closer into his chest.

"...me or Rick will always be here," he finally said. 

"Makes sense, you two are the strongest."

Daryl scoffed as his face went soft red and she smiled. "Right, well...one of us should always stay, keep an eye on you and Lori." 

"Glenn and T-Dog could stay, too."

He frowned. "Woman, you're not makin' this easy." Her quick giggle told him she was just messing with him and he sighed. "Look, I would just feel better if me or Rick were here with ya, that's all." His voice was almost low enough that she couldn't hear it and she smiled up at him adoringly. 

"The others are here and I trust them with my life, but I won't argue with you if that's what you want. Just clear it with Rick first, because sometimes it's best if ya both go on runs. Like I said, you two are the strongest."

Daryl grunted before he wrapped her up tightly in his arms, clearly over their conversation. She knew he would talk to Rick and she also knew he didn't really have to worry, but he would anyway. And that's one of the many reasons that she loved him. Letting him kiss her, her fingers ran up into his slowly growing hair, loving the feel of the soft, short strands between her fingers. Standing on her toes she was able to get closer to him so the access to her mouth was easier. God she loved kissing him, couldn't get enough of it. But then a thought popped into her mind and she pulled away to ask.

"You don't think there was someone there, do ya?"

He blinked down at her quickly, seeing that his mind was still focused on the kiss and she giggled, pecking his lips a couple times to bring him back down to the world. "'Scuse me?" he asked. 

"At North Morton. When we went a couple days ago, there was nothin'. Unless some random herd found the town by chance, what if someone led 'em there? Maybe I'm just being paranoid..."

But she could tell the moment she said it, with the way his eyes narrowed, that he hadn't thought about it before then. He sure as hell was after she said it, and he broke from her to chew on his thumb nail and pace a little. "So you think someone sent a herd of walkers after ya?" 

Amaleen shrugged softly and sat on the bed. "Well...kinda, I don't mean that they're after me in particular, just that they saw people in town and sent 'em ta try and take us out so we didn't get their stuff." She paused. "Maybe I'm just bein' paranoid after Beachville I dunno, I have a hard time trusting anyone that's not us. But there was barely anythin' last time and now just a herd." She sighed and looked down at her feet. "'M probably just bein' paranoid, I'm sorry."

She heard him sigh and then the bed dip as he sat next to her. An arm went around her shoulders and she looked up, unable to stop the smile on her face as she leaned against him. "You're not bein' paranoid. I understand, it's worth askin' Rick 'bout. If he thinks you might be right, then we hafta consider the possibility." 

Amaleen frowned. "It could be dangerous... I-I mean the worst people I met were Bulldozer and his crew, but as I went south, I heard of worse people. Some dude in Georgia called the Governor. In Virginia a group called the Wolves. Pennsylvania it was this group let by a lady named Victoria. Horrible stories, what if these people—if it is people—are as bad as those people? Or worse?"

Daryl looked down at their feet for a few moments before looking up at her, his face set in a grim line and determination written all over his face. "I wouldn't let them touch ya. Not a hair on your head. I'd die protecting ya, Amaleen. I—" He paused and looked away again. "—I love ya, okay? Won't let ya get hurt." 

Leaving Amaleen with a stunned, ecstatic look, he stood up and reached for her hand. Unable to stop the happy smile, she stood with him and kissed his cheek. "I love you, too," she whispered. A small smile broke over his face and he kissed her lips tenderly before leading her out to go talk to Rick about her fears.


	23. Surveillance

Amaleen and Daryl went looking for Rick and Lori, needing to talk with both of them. It wasn't all that hard to do, they were found in their room, talking about the events of the day, when Daryl and Amaleen knocked on the door. Daryl explained he needed to discuss something with him about North Morton, and Lori decided that was the time to talk to Amaleen about whatever changed between her and Daryl seemingly over night. Which is exactly what happened. The other brunette stood and tugged Amaleen from the room, making the men frown, but Amaleen just shrugged as she was pulled into her room with the door shut. 

"Spill it," Lori said, sitting them both on Amaleen's bed and Amaleen laughed. 

She moved so she was sitting against the wall, legs pulled up to her chest and begun to tell Lori everything, from the promise to be friends which Lori already knew, to the first kiss on watch that Daryl himself initiated and not her. Then to Daryl's jealousy over Rick taking care of her with his coat, to the next kiss which she initiated, the one that brought them back together. Lori didn't speak the whole time, just stared at her in clear interest and shock and Amaleen fought to keep the amused smile off her face. It was like Lori was watching some dramatic show from before and wanted to know everything that happened on the episode that she missed. But Amaleen was thrilled she wanted to know, that she was interested in their lives, and Amaleen was elated that it really finally happened. 

By the end of it, Lori looked like she didn't know whether she should keep her shocked face on, or if she should grin and hug the other woman. The second one won out and the two women embraced with a happy "Congratulations!" from Lori. Amaleen couldn't stop beaming if she tried. She spent so many years lost in loneliness and guilt that she never thought she could get out of it. But one night changed everything, though she wasn't quite sure the guilt would ever truly leave. There was no coming back from what she did to him, but there were bandaids that could possibly help with patching things up. 

It was after the second hug when they heard someone clearing their throat from the doorway and they looked up to see Rick and Daryl standing in the doorway. "You don't hafta stop," Rick suggested lamely causing a snort from Daryl and the nearest objects to be tossed at the laughing deputy, who simply ducked them. Despite his joking, his face looked more grave than Amaleen really wanted to see, and she could tell in his eyes that he agreed with what Daryl had told him. "We need to go back to North Morton and take a look around."

That had the smile falling right off the women's faces and they jumped up with choruses of "You can't go back it's suicide!" and "It's too dangerous!" Rick waited until they got their words out before giving them the look that said he understood that. But they all also knew it had to be done. If there were people that sent out those walkers, they had to know who they were and why they sent them. A chill worked its way down Amaleen's spine, and she truly didn't want to keep thinking of Bulldozer and his crew, but what if it all centered around them? North Morton and Beachville were farther away from the docks, but there was only five miles between them. It wasn't a total shot in the dark, but Amaleen knew she didn't have to say it, Rick was an ex-cop and she knew that probably crossed his mind. 

"We won't be gone long. We need to check around there and see if we can find anything out of the ordinary."

"There're still walkers there," Amaleen said, crossing her arms over her chest and staring pointedly at Daryl, who looked down to his boots guiltily. "We didn't kill 'em all. You expectin' ta get passed all of 'em? And what if those people're there? They're gonna capture ya and hurt ya, anybody who sends walkers after another person ain't the friendly type."

"We'll stay hidden and out of sight. We figured we could go closer to dark—"

"Which is even more dangerous!" Lori cut in.

"—and if we stay in the shadows, they can't see us," Rick finished up. 

Amaleen and Lori glanced at each other and they both knew that they could argue all they wanted, but the men, these two in particular, were stubborn. 

"Both of ya?" Amaleen asked, particularly Daryl who had just said a little while ago that either he or Rick would always be around. He shifted. 

"Best that way. For now at least," he muttered. 

Amaleen sighed which caused Rick to walk forward and put his hands on her shoulders. "I'll bring him back," he murmured. 

Her eyes narrowed. "Good. And I care 'bout you, too, ya know." 

A small grin broke his face and he nodded, bringing her into a hug and kissing her forehead.  "We'll be fine," he said again and they finally let it go. They had to, there was no talking them out of it. "We figured you two could help T-Dog clean out D deck." 

Amaleen scrunched up her nose. "You mean the one that smells like death?"  _That's why it's called D deck,_ she thought wryly.

"We could use it for a bunker." It never occurred to Amaleen before that that might be needed. "Plus we need to figure out how much fuel is in this thing and what the state of the boilers are. If it has fuel and everything runs, we could have electricity and running water."

Amaleen and Lori lit up. "You mean I could have a real shower?" Amaleen said dreamily, causing the other three to laugh. 

* * *

They went downstairs soon after the guys left, which made them more than uneasy, but they had to just grin and bear it. For now. T-Dog was already down there with masks, gloves, and buckets of soapy water ready. Everything was covered in dried walker blood from the time they had spent down there locked away. Nobody asked how they got down there, but Amaleen speculated that it probably happened just after everything happened, and people were just trying to hide and survive. They found empty crates that looked like they were used to store large quantities of food, but it was all empty which told her that they died of starvation. Or one died and turned the rest, they didn't really stop to look at which was bit and which wasn't. 

Everything was scrubbed down, but Amaleen doubted the smell would go away anytime soon. It still smelled like death and there was no windows to try and air it out. This part was under water so they couldn't even try and create a window of some sort. However, they did unearth the boilers and the gas tank which Amaleen was shocked to see was all the way at full. "Maybe they were gonna set sail when it happened," T-Dog murmured, voicing all their thoughts. The boilers looked to still have fuel in them as well, but they couldn't tell if they were useable until they were turned on. 

"Hershel might be best for this," Lori said, adjusting her mask. "He had generators on the farm, he would know how to work this." 

They all glanced at each other. "Those steps are more narrow and steep than the others, do you think we should risk getting him down here?" T-Dog wondered. 

"Do we have another choice?" Amaleen asked. 

They all glanced at each other and agreed unanimously to ask him about it. Dragging the cleaning supplies upstairs, Lori and T-Dog went to ask while Amaleen cleaned out the buckets. With the mask gone, she decided she needed some fresh air. Since Glenn and Maggie were out there, she knew Daryl wouldn't have a complete fit if he found out that she went outside the ship. It was true he told her to stay put, but there was a watch on, so she risked it. She needed to breath in some fall air and not walker stink. Pausing at her room to get her coat, she wrapped it around her and scaled the stairs up to A deck. It was definitely refreshing, breathing in and out the cool air. Normally cool air didn't like her lungs, but they could deal rather than death smell. 

"Oh man!" 

Amaleen spun around and saw Glenn frowning at her, he and Maggie leaving the captain's area to come over. "What's wrong?" she asked, alarmed, glancing around. 

"Daryl told me not to let you out here, he's gonna kill me." 

Amaleen giggled. "Tell him you had no choice. Besides, I just spent about an hour down on D deck, I need some fresh air." 

Glenn's eyes narrowed at her, but he stayed quiet, watching her like a hawk until finally Maggie had to pull him away. "What, I don't wanna face Daryl's wrath if he finds out," he hissed to her. 

Amaleen held up her hands in surrender and walked back downstairs. On C deck, she found Lori, T-Dog, and Beth helping Hershel make his way downstairs, Carol standing guard with Carl at the top of the stairs. "He agreed?" she wondered, causing Carol to nod. 

"He's the only one that will know what to look for," Carol said as way of explanation. Despite the fact that it could be dangerous for him, she knew he didn't like sitting around, he needed and wanted to help their group out. Amaleen followed along slowly as well until Hershel finally reached the bottom. Masks were passed back out as they really needed to find a way to get the death smell out, but Amaleen supposed that it would dissipate on its own more or less since none of the blood or body parts were left over. It was clean as could be as Hershel hobbled his way on his crutches over to the boiler. Everyone stayed quiet as he examined it. Finally he turned around with a smile lighting up his eyes even though they couldn't see his mouth. 

"It's good. The boiler works." With a couple press of buttons and a flip of a switch, the lights up above them slowly blinked on and the motor started rumbling. T-Dog let out a cheer and everybody else grinned with a small roar of happy words fluttering between them. At least it would be good news to tell the guys when they got back, and Amaleen's heart clenched as she could only hoped they came back in one piece. 

* * *

Rick and Daryl had made it there in record time, hiding the Hyundai in the woods. It was smaller and blended easier with the greenery than the truck did, so it made sense. They parked a mile away, weapons littering their bodies as they moved as quickly and as stealthily towards town as they could. As they got closer, the more walkers appeared and they slowly took them out one-by-one, both not to attract other walkers' attention, but also so they didn't attract any human attention on the off chance anybody really was there. It was quick to see it would probably be easier to get into town than out of it as there were more walkers there than there had been before. Most did look like the ones they hadn't killed from the attack on Amaleen, and Daryl growled low under his breath. He should kill them all right then just for principle, but he relented and let Rick lead him away from town to hide out in a nearby building. It turned out to be a small storage unit for one of the businesses, looked like the hardware store, as they sat in between boxes labeled  **Nails** and  **Paint Thinner**. They probably could use some more hardware, but this wasn't a scouting mission, it was surveillance. 

By the time the sun faded so it was dark in the room, the growls of the walkers had increased by almost double. They didn't know if that meant they had been spotted on their way in, or the walkers already there were simply attracting more of their kind. Either way it was time to go, do a little investigating, and get back to the docks. Daryl was not pleased to be away from Amaleen, he had fought Rick on that and encouraged him to take T-Dog or Glenn and Maggie, but like Amaleen said, he and Rick were the strongest. At least that's what Rick said, Daryl didn't consider himself strong, but he finally relented with the idea that he was doing it to keep the group and his girl safe. That was the most important thing in the world to him, keeping her safe. 

It sort of scared him how quickly Amaleen had went from someone he hated to falling in love with all over again. He didn't dwell on that, though, because the thought of never having her scared him even more. He hated how the apocalypse was what finally brought the back together, but he supposed without it she never would've come back south and he would've been dead before he had gone north. It was too late now, though, because both had happened and that's why they were together. He would be selfish and never let her go again. 

His thoughts almost made him walk out too soon and he kicked himself in the ass as Rick yanked him back in the shed and shut it. It was then he heard rumbling in the distance and the sound of tires grating against gravel before the sounds of bodies hitting the ground. They were talking out the walkers, but there was no mistaking the sound of a truck. Doors opened and closed, feet thudding towards the building. 

"Well well well," a voice taunted, causing Daryl's hackles to raise up and he knew it was the best idea to leave the Hyundai back in the woods, they definitely would've been noticed otherwisee. "Someone's released our little pets. Figure it was Tommy?"

"Nah, man, we haven't heard from him in days," a second voice said.

"Wanna know why?" The voices all paused at the sound of a third one, and then there were noises of guns being clicked off safety. "Whoa, easy, dude, just me."

"Fuck, John, where the hell have you been? Sent you back to check up on Tommy and his crew days ago."

"Yeah, dude, I did. They're dead." 

There was another long pause before a growled out, "What? What the fuck killed 'em?"

"Not  _what_ , dude,  _who_. Motherfuckers shot 'em up." 

There was a murmuring of voices before a loud shot in the air. Hungry growls picked up and there were more sounds of bodies dropping. 

"... _who_?" the man, obviously the leader, asked dangerously. 

"Bunch of people. Came from outta fuckin' nowhere. Tommy and his crew had some chick that you told him to get."

Daryl's fists slowly clenched and even Rick looked about ready to burst out and take them all down. But from the sounds of the soft fighting in the background with walkers and the three that had already spoken, there had to be ten or more there, and that was far too much for Daryl and Rick to talk out themselves. Red flashed before the hunter's eyes, thirsting for their blood to be spilled. So Tommy,  _must be Bulldozer_ , Daryl thought, had been sent to kidnap a woman to bring back to the leader. Who knows how many times that had happened before, and it made him nauseous to think about what would've happened if they hadn't killed them and found her in that fridge. _  
_

"Didja see where they went?"

There was a pause and the two men in the shed held their breath.

"Nah, dude. I stayed behind, there were too many, and Tommy and his crew all got taken down in barely five minutes. Wasn't about to get messed up with that shit." 

The leader grunted as Rick and Daryl let out a breath of relief. That's what they needed to know. Rick held a finger up to his mouth and then gestured Daryl out. The door luckily didn't creek, but Rick pointed at the woods as a signal that they would run into there and get back to their car that way rather than walking out the way they came in, which would put them right in the line of fire with this group. Clearly they weren't good men, they made the men Randall was with sound like saints. Daryl kept up the rear, crossbow directed in the area the voices were coming from. They faded out as they ducked behind buildings and made their way into the woods, the last thing they heard being, "What about the girl?"

"Gone, dude, they took her." 

 _Fuckin' right we did_ , Daryl growled to himself. Finally they broke the tree line and raced as fast as they could back to their car. More than ever, Daryl needed to get back to Amaleen. They hadn't been followed and the men didn't know they had an audience so they were safe for now, but he couldn't get the thought of Amaleen possibly falling into their hands out of his head. His hands shook enough that Rick had to drive back. They did, though, put the Hyundai in neutral and push it another half mile just to make sure the other group couldn't hear it before the peeled away as quick as they could. Rick took a couple detours, some cutting into Atlantic City just to make sure, but nothing was behind them and nobody came to meet them. 

The docks came up quick and Rick beeped, the door moving instantly. Daryl was up and out of the car before he even fully stopped, not pausing to answer questions from Glenn, Maggie, and T-Dog on deck. His focus was set on the woman below that had managed to break down his walls and capture his heart all over again, the one he knew without a doubt that he would spend the rest of his life protecting with every part of his being.


	24. Always Listen

Once they got the boiler up and running and Hershel double checked everything, it was decided that they needed to come up with a system and some rules. If everybody took hot showers every night and left their lights on, the boiler fuel would seriously deplete quicker than it should. "We should talk to Rick more about it when he gets back," Hershel said as they helped him back up the stairs.  _When_ he gets back, that's the key word, Amaleen knew. There would be no "ifs" in this situation, those two would be coming home. And she was trying so hard not to let them know how desperately worried she was about them. Her brother and her lover both gone off and would take god knew how long, and she was stuck there without a word. She knew better than to ask them to go of course, but she would've felt better if she had, at least then she would've known how they were. 

Forcing herself to be calm, she went back to her own room once Hershel was settled in his. Since the boiler was just turned on, she decided she would rather have a hot shower than lights, they still had flashlights and the camp lanterns. Turning the lantern on to take with her, she went into her bathroom and shut the door behind her. Clothes were shed and the water turned on. The brunette grinned as she stepped under the spray, humming as it covered her body. It was almost relaxing enough that she stopped worrying, but that lasted for about five seconds before she was frowning again. She knew that she wouldn't be one hundred percent okay until she saw they were back. It was nerve wracking to have them gone, and since she had gone on the runs with them up until then, she had never realized how it was for the others. She had a new appreciation for them and would do her best to mingle in with the rest of the jobs so if they did go out again, then she wouldn't be so useless each time. 

Shaking thoughts from her head, she stepped out and grabbed a towel. She dried herself off and immediately was missing the hot water and steam, but got herself changed into something comfortable. Her clothes would be done soon thanks to Carol and Beth, and made a mental note to make it up to them. She braided her wet hair and stepped out and hadn't noticed anybody there until a throat cleared and she jumped, heart pounding, until she saw it was the man she so desperately wanted back. Daryl stood in the door way, clicking the door shut behind him, and she let out a noise between a sigh and a whimper at finally seeing him there, returned and safe. It was almost as if he were a figment of her imagination considering how much she thought of him just moments before, but a quick pinch to her arm told her he was real. 

Before she could open her mouth to speak, he was striding towards her. Face cupped in his hands, he tugged her mouth up for him, her own hands reaching for his shoulders and she moaned softly as his lips descended over hers. It was clear that something upset him from the way he gripped her, one hand staying on her cheek while the other wrapped around her waist and he practically tugged her off her feet. She let out a squeak, but didn't fight or argue, just pressed further against him. Any previous thought vanished into thin air, every doubt and worry about the world as it was now left with and there was only her and this man there, clinging together during the apocalypse, alive and desperately craving each other. 

For a moment she thought he was going to take it further as he nudged her for the bed, but all he did was get her to lay down so he could crawl in there with her and hold her close, his face pressed against her neck. Her fingers softly ran over him and she knew by his actions that something had happened, something bad. She felt no bites on him and a flash of terror hit her as she wondered if Rick had got bit, but she figured Daryl wouldn't waste time with luxuries if their leader was hurt. No, something else had happened, but she wasn't sure if she had the strength at the moment to ask what. Clearly he didn't really want to speak right then and she was more than content with wrapping him up in her arms and running her fingers through his lengthening hair.

Daryl never showed vulnerability, the only time he ever had in his life shown it—and she knew this from what Merle had told her—was the first time they were together. When Daryl admitted to his brother that he loved her, Merle laughed at him for a week straight, just bursting into tears and loud howls that made Daryl go rigid and walk away. For a short time she had thought he would take it back, but he never had. He came to her instead and she did the same exact thing she was doing right then, and he always let the tension drain from his body. She felt it then, ever so slowly leaving, but it never left all the way. Part of her wondered if she wanted to know what happened if it effected him so badly, but she knew that eventually he would say. At that moment, she wanted to be Daryl's rock. Let him show her the side of him that he only ever showed her. Run her fingers through his hair and hold him close to her body, practically feel his heart beating inside his ribcage, and let him be still.

But it ended too soon as she felt him sigh against her neck and look up at her, that unreadable expression in his face that said something was bad, and he didn't want to say what. Her fingers came up to stroke his cheek. "Ya don't hafta tell me," she said softly, running her thumb over his lips and smiling as he kissed the pad. "Or if you need ta, just tell me when you're ready. I ain't goin' nowhere." 

The pained look that fell over his face frightened her and he sighed, sitting up. She sat up on her elbows and looked at him, eyes large as she waited for him to tell her something. When he did speak, she barely heard him, his voice low and defeated, a sound that she decided she didn't like to hear. But she heard enough, telling her what had been heard in town, and her own body froze. She sat up against the wall, legs pulled up to her chest in an effort to feel protected, and looked at him as he stared at his boots. 

"They were sent ta take me," she finally said, trying to confirm for herself that she understood the implications of his words. 

He winced at them and slowly shrugged. "I don't think it was just you. Didn't say you specifically. Just sounded like any girl would'a done." 

She nodded slowly and looked at the blanket. "Are they comin' after me?" She dreaded the answer. 

His gaze as his head snapped up was sharp and he stood, starting to pace in front of her. He softly swore under his breath, and her eyes gazed up to follow his movements. Her heart was racing as fear pumped through her body and for a moment he seemed to focus on his anger, but one more glance to her and he sighed, moving over to her side on the bed and wrapping her up in his arms. Immediately she felt better, her fingers clutching his shirt as she felt him tremble slightly. At first she thought it was fear, too, but quickly realized it was actually anger. 

"If they do, they won't getcha, understand? I ain't lettin' no one near ya. Never again. Your mine and I'm not lettin' ya go." His next kiss was to seal the deal and she couldn't help but smile, cuddling against him just a little bit more. "Ya hafta promise not ta leave the ship, understand?" 

"Understood," she whispered. "I promise not ta leave the ship." She pecked his lips. "I love ya, Mr. Dixon." She grinned as that got a small chuckle out of him. 

* * *

"No, you don't understand, he will physically  _ _kill_  _me," Glenn said. Amaleen rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest, staring at the younger man in a look crossed between amusement and annoyance. While Daryl would definitely be extremely upset if Glenn gave into her request, she was still a big girl. Besides, going on watch wasn't leaving the ship, she was still on A deck. Just one deck above them all and she would be able to yell for any trouble, and told Glenn as such. It still didn't sway him as he looked a little sick at the thought of defying Daryl's express orders to never leave her alone or let her off the ship. "Amaleen, I know you wanna help, but there are other things—"

"I know, and I'll help with 'em durin' the day, but I still need ta do more." At his next look, she held up her finger. "C'mon, I wanna help pay back my debt." 

"Debt?" He looked confused. 

"You guys took me in when ya didn't hafta, ya gave me food and shelter, ya let me stay with ya indefinitely, ya healed me, ya kept me safe, ya  _saved my life_... Glenn, I have a lot of debt ta repay, and keepin' watch is only a small thing I can do, but it's somethin'. It's not fair ta have the rest of ya out here freezin' your tukhus off while I'm sleepin' away."

"Tukhus?"

She rolled her eyes. "Your  _ass_. That's all ya get outta that? C'mon, Glenn, please? Look, he's asleep, he won't even know."

"He might roll over and—"

" _Glenn_." 

Finally he sighed in defeat. Unusually Amaleen had found him out there by himself without Maggie. He said he let her sleep while he took watch, and Amaleen managed to ambush him alone. If Maggie were there, there would've been no backing down from Glenn. But she knew she could talk Glenn himself down and she knew it would be the perfect time.

"How in the hell did you get out anyway?" he grumbled. 

Amaleen smirked. "D'ya really wanna know?"

He winced. "Probably not..." 

She laughed. "Just kidding, I just kissed him and scooted out." She patted his shoulder as he rolled his eyes. "Now go on, go sleep. Rick's taking over for you, right? Daryl will never know."

"What if Daryl wakes up?"

"Then we tell him this was your idea." Glenn looked so stricken that she almost fell over laughing. "Oh my gosh, Glenn take a pill, I'm kidding. You need sleep, boy, now go."

"I'm not a boy," he grumbled, walking past her down the stairs. 

"I'm older than you, deal with it!" she called. She grinned more as she took herself into the captain's area, blanket and coat wrapped around her, weapons on her lap. Glenn left the thermos of coffee and she slowly sipped from it as her eyes focused out on the darkness of the docks. It was peaceful just sitting there watching, though she grew slightly paranoid at the thought of those men lurking just outside their doors. It was true that Rick and Daryl had said they weren't followed, but that didn't mean the men couldn't search for them. They could come across the docks just by chance, and then what? 

Amaleen's mind wandered and for a moment she looked in horror as she thought she saw somebody ambling towards the ship, but then realized it was a walker. She let out a breath of relief; at least those she could deal with. Shaking her head, she stood and quickly and quietly jogged over to it. Only when she had been up on the ship, she didn't see his friend coming up behind him until it was too late. Eyes going wide, she made a jab for the first one, but had to dart out of the way as the second one came towards her. Adrenaline raced through her veins and for a moment she thought of yelling back to someone as she was kind of, sort of off the ship now. But she had to take them out before they got there; Daryl didn't have to know. 

Darting out of the way again, she kicked one in the back and sent it to his stomach, leaning over quickly to get it in the back of its head. Only the other one took its chance, too, and grabbed for her, making her let out a yelp and scramble away. Only she scrambled too hard... And right off the side of the dock. 

She screamed as she went down, panic surging through her for one main reason: she never learned how to swim. When she was four years old, her daddy threw her in the pond to try and teach her to swim. Only it back fired and she became terrified of the water after that, never going in unless she had to. But now she had no choice, gasping in quick before she went under, the icy cold chilling her right to the bone. The water dragged her under and she fought the current not to take her out further. She wasn't in a pond or a lake, she was in the Atlantic  _Ocean_  and there would be no way to come back from that. 

 _No no no_ , she thought desperately, kicking harder and harder. She knew there was a reason she should've just listened, should've stayed down on B deck in Daryl's warm arms. Now as the cold water sloshed over her head, she knew that she never would be again. She fought as hard as she could and every time she thought she managed to get ahold of herself, she only managed to breech the surface and suck in some precious air before she went under again. She used her arms and her legs to paddle the best she could until she finally bumped into something hard. Breaking through the surface she latched on, terrified for a moment the walker followed her, but it was just a large rock. Hope surged through her as she struggled to climb aboard the rock, the water still washing over her, her boots sliding against the wetness before finally one more heave had her up on top. 

Breath came out of her lungs quickly and the cold water still flowed over her legs, but it wasn't enough to knock her back in the water. Her eyes slowly blinked open, teeth chattering and lips turning blue, when she noticed movement on the docks. Hoping someone heard her scream, her heart sank when she saw the walker staring down at her, reaching for her with its bony arm. A trembling hand pushed into her pocket and she took out her gun, barely able to point it. Aiming the best she could, she pulled the trigger, watching it hit its forehead and the walker slump over dead.

Smiling that she had kept them safe for one more night, her eyes rolled up into the back of her head, numbness and a chill taking over her body as water continued to wash over her legs.  

 


	25. Keep Her Warm

"I swear, I heard a shot!" The voice was out in the hallway, carrying into the hunter's room and waking Daryl from his sleep, not that it was too deep to begin with. He grumbled to himself and wiped a hand across his face to push away the blurriness of sleep. He didn't like being caught off guard like that, immediately wanting to know what was happening. He pushed himself into a sitting position and reached for Amaleen to wake her up, only she wasn't there. Frowning as he realized something was wrong, he forced himself to stay calm for just a few moments longer. She probably went to the bathroom and he had no reason to panic. If he did that, then nothing would get done. But he couldn't help the overwhelming sense of urgency and fear that pumped through him at the notion of having woken up without her.

Yawning softly, he stood and went out into the hall, grabbing his shirt on the way to button up. He saw Glenn, Maggie, and Rick in the hallway all speaking softly and he raised his eyebrow, shutting the door behind him. "The fuck's goin' on?" he grumbled, eyes narrowing at them in the darkness. An eyebrow rose as Glenn practically jumped out of his skin and looked at him with such guilt that it had his heart plummeting into the pit of his stomach. "What is it?" he demanded, voice rising.

"Look, don't panic," Rick said, voice trying to stay calm as well. But the fact that Rick looked ready to go back on his own words had Daryl's fists clenching.

"Where is she?" he said, his voice a low growl. Glenn looked away and he knew then that his assumption was right. Something had happened to Amaleen. "Where is she?!" he yelled, grabbing Glenn's shirt in his fists and shoving him into the wall. Maggie was right there to pry his hands off even as they trembled in fury and terror, but he didn't let go. Not yet, he needed to know.

"I let her take watch," Glenn said in a small, shaky voice.

Daryl's nostrils flared and even Rick gave pause and glared over at the younger man. "... _what_?" he said in a dangerous, hissed growl.

"I didn't want to!" he squeaked. "She said she wanted to help. To pay back a debt for us letting her stay. Plus A deck isn't technically leaving the ship..." At Daryl's glare he quickly shut up.

"We heard a shot," Rick said calmly, reaching over to help Maggie pry Daryl's fingers off. Finally the hunter let go with a growl and he spun to look at the deputy. "We don't know who it was."

"Then what the fuck we waitin' for? Let's go see what happened!"

He paused only long enough to grab his coat and crossbow, taking long strides to leave the ship, freezing wind immediately nipping his cheeks. Well it probably wasn't freezing, but anything up there was cold to him considering he was a Southern boy. He heard running behind him and Rick appeared with his coat on and rifle in hands. "We don't know who it was," he repeated. "It could'a been that other group."

"So ya'd rather discuss it in the hallway than look? Didja hear what Glenn said? She's out there, which means that if it _is_ that other group, she's their target." His voice was barely a contained growl as he took long strides over to the captain's area and yanked open the door. Dread and terror filled him as he took in the blanket and thermos laying there, but no sign of Amaleen. Which meant she left the ship, or she was taken. Hands clenching, he looked up at Rick who looked equally disturbed. "We're findin' her," he snapped, moving out and running down the gangway. 

"Amaleen!" he called, hearing growls near the fence pick up. His feet made hollow sounds on the docks as he moved, pausing as he saw two piles of something laying on the wood. Crossbow raise, he crept towards it and let out a noise when he saw it was two dead walkers, one stabbed and the other shot.  _Where the fuck did they come from_? he wondered. Their doors were iron clad, which meant one of the breaks in the fence that he and Amaleen tied shut was loose. Teeth clenching, he realized they had no time to deal with that. Well  _he_ didn't, he had to look for her. He had never felt fear like this before, and since it was Rick beside him and not any of the others, he had no problem showing it on his face. He knew Rick wouldn't say a word. "Where is she..." his voice was getting smaller, more edging on his fear rather than his anger, the former quickly taking over. 

"We'll find her," Rick said, the promise so strong in his voice that Daryl had to believe him. Daryl nodded and gritted his teeth. The waves were nearly deafening and it never occurred to him to look over the edge as he walked passed the walkers to go for the fence. The doors hadn't opened, there were no new marks to show that. Could the other group have been the ones to cut the fence? Send in the walkers as a divergent and then take her? They underestimated her skill as she knew how to kill walkers, the two behind him told him that. There were no footprints or tire tracks and so the two of them opened the doors and grabbed the truck to drive around a little, staying clear of North Morton and Beachville, keeping the headlights off as much as they coud. 

They got back two hours later with an ashen Daryl and a fuming Rick. They couldn't look anymore that night, it was too dangerous as the headlights and flashlights only went so far, not to mention walkers and the dangerous group. Glenn was standing in the hallway when they came back downstairs, Daryl walking past him without a sound and into his room, slamming the door shut. Rick put a hand on Glenn's fallen shoulder, his face terrified and slowly Rick nodded. It was concluded that they had her, and they had to go looking for her tomorrow. Glenn went more pale and turned to run back into his room, Maggie on his heels. In the morning, they would look. Rick's passive face fell into a mask of anger and resentment as he stared up the stairs as if they could see him.  _They have no idea who they're fuckin' with._

* * *

The next morning, the rest of the group woke up to the news. Carl and Lori cried together in the common room while everybody else went about their duties. It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop, save for the occasional crash of water against the rocks. Daryl didn't come out of his room until Rick knocked and said it was time to go. When he came out, the barely noticeable tracks down his face told the ex-cop he had been crying and Rick didn't say a word. He clasped his shoulder as a sign of comfort and then headed up to A deck. The search party consisted of Rick himself, Daryl of course, Glenn who stayed away from Daryl as his look of guilt only increased, Maggie who backed him up one hundred percent, and T-Dog who wanted to find his friend. The rest stayed to keep things running as the group gathered on A deck. 

Carol headed past them down to the docks, deciding on a better system to get water was to tie a string to the jug and dip it into the water. That way nobody's hands froze each time they needed more. Laying on her stomach, she let it down as it gave her both hands free to hold onto the string. The sun shone off the water even though it didn't really warm anything and she sighed, hoping they were able to find her. It was during her silent thoughts that she spotted something out on a rock about half a mile away. Squinting she saw it looked like clothes, rumbled and water logged. Shaking it away for a moment, she couldn't get rid of the feeling that she shouldn't and looked again. 

"Guys!" she called up to the people on deck, causing them to look at her. "Get binoculars and c'mere!"

She saw them look at each other before T-Dog ran to grab them from the captain's area and then they all jogged to her. Carol took them and stood up, pulling the jug back onto deck and then wiped off her hands, bringing the binoculars up to her eyes. As she focused on the water logged clothes, her heart dropped into her stomach. "Oh my god," she said. 

"What?" Rick demanded and Carol immediately handed them over. Rick took them and looked out and swore, handing them to Daryl. 

Daryl frowned and took them and when he saw what the pile of clothes was, or rather _who_ it was, he started racing off the docks in an attempt to find his way out there. That wasn't a pile of water logged clothes, it was Amaleen, ashen and nearly blue laying unconscious on those rocks. " _Amaleen_!" he cried, his heart beating wildly as they had no clue how long she had been out there. A sick feeling wormed its way into his gut as he realized that it had probably been since the night before, when they heard the shot. She probably got enough strength to shoot the walker just before she fell over. There were no ladders down, but it was short enough to jump to the rocks right at the base of the cliff. Still, even doing that, she was still half a mile away on rocks more into the ocean than they were, they needed a lifeboat or a canoe or something smaller to get to her. 

Daryl didn't waste any time in jumping down, ignoring the pain as his ankle twisted awkwardly. He heard Rick jumping down behind him and it was his hand on his arms that stopped him from shedding off his coat and his weapons and swimming out to her. "Rick, she can't swim," he said, his voice shaking and he couldn't hold back his emotions even if he tried. It was  _Amaleen_ and she was the one person he cared for the most in the world, always had been. If he lost her then... Shaking his head, he looked up at Rick. "We can't leave her out there!"

"We're not," he promised, and Daryl could feel the deputy's fear waft off him. Already there was commotion on the dock and nearly everybody was out there. He saw Lori looking out at the rock Amaleen was on in horror, her fingers clutching her softly rounded belly as an attempt to comfort herself. 

"Rick," she breathed, not looking away. 

"We'll get her," he said.

Yelling up to T-Dog, Glenn, and Maggie, he had them search for a smaller boat to paddle out there. Daryl was practically bouncing, watching as wave after wave washed over her and knowing just how cold that was, he could feel it as the wind bit his face. If Rick didn't still have a hold of his arm, he would've broken away and swam out to her already. As it was, he felt the water slosh against his boots, so close to just taking off. His eyes never left her even as he heard more rushed talking and boots clattering against the wood. The worst part is he didn't know if she was alive, he couldn't tell from there. Her coat was so bulky against her and with the way she was laying there, he couldn't tell if her chest was rising or not. Her skin and lips were blue and the water just kept rushing over her. 

"Rick," he whimpered. 

"Hold on," the deputy said, leaving his arm. Only then did Daryl look away and saw Rick being handed a small lifeboat that had been hanging on the side of their ship. Daryl helped him get it down and he jumped in, crossbow at his feet, as soon as it was in the water. They paddled over as furiously as they could, arms aching and neither of them cared. Daryl's heart was racing and he prayed to a God he hadn't believed in in a very long time for her to be alive. She would probably be sick and more than freezing, but she would be alive. They could make her better, as long as she was alive.

It seemed like it took forever when really it took between five and ten minutes to get over to her. Daryl winced at each wave that crashed over her and wanted to just wrap her up and protect her from it. He knew he shouldn't be angry at Glenn, but Daryl's orders were clear. She wasn't to be alone and she wasn't to leave the ship. Frankly he should be angry with her more than he should with Glenn, but the look of her lying there so helplessly and so cold, he just couldn't do it. 

Finally they arrived and Daryl clambered off the boat as Rick made sure to anchor it so it didn't get away and strand them all there. Daryl immediately went to her side and gathered her up, taking off his coat and wrapping it around her, Rick handing Daryl his own to do the same. Rick reached for her and felt around her neck and paused before letting out a little sigh. "It's weak, but it's there. We need to go now, though. She's ice cold." Daryl nodded and picked her up, taking her back over to the boat they rowed over in. Hands gripped her tight and he couldn't let her go, Rick taking over the rowing for both of them as Daryl used the coats and body heat to try and warm her up. Her teeth were chattering and she didn't wake up even as the waves jostled the boat. 

"Hang on, baby, just hang on," he said, his voice breaking. He looked up and saw everyone, even Hershel, standing along the dock waiting for her. "She's alive!" he called to them and heard a half-hearted cheer as everyone still worried about her health. The fact she didn't wake up even with the jostling of the waves and Daryl picking her up worried him to no end. She was probably too weak, she had been down there all night. 

At the dock, Glenn and T-Dog were there to take her. Daryl carefully lifted her up to them as he and Rick anchored the boat and then quickly clambered up. Daryl took her back from them in his arms and ran his way up the docks, the gangway, and down the stairs to his room. Hershel came in immediately after him as did Lori who had dry and warm clothes and a couple blankets with her. The coats were shed quickly as Hershel sat beside her and started checking her. Wet clothes came off and Daryl knew that it didn't matter if Hershel was there, he was as a doctor and that was it. They got her out of her water logged clothes and into the dry clothes that Lori held. Blankets were put over her and Daryl stood to give Hershel more room, not liking to be so far away from her even though he could see her.

Standing in the corner, he chewed on his thumbnail, arms and legs crossed. He didn't move his eyes from her, let Hershel check her pulse and her breathing as Lori made her warm again. It worried him the most that even as the blankets and the warm clothes enveloped her, her skin and lips were still tinted blue and she hadn't stopped shivering. And she hadn't woken up, which worried him the most. 

After Hershel's exam, he looked more grim than Daryl wanted him to be and he prepared himself to hear that she would never wake up. "Because of the cold, her body started to shut down," Hershel started out saying, causing Daryl's body to go rigid and Lori to gasp, her fingers rubbing harder to get the right color back into Amaleen's flesh. Rick wordlessly brought in a towel and Lori wrapped it around her long, wet hair to keep it off her skin. "Right now her heart is struggling to get blood through her body, and so the unnecessary organ functions have stopped. Her heart and lungs are still going, though, and that's important. The more she warms up, the easier it'll be for blood to flow through her body and her organs will start back up. It's best if she stays asleep, if she wakes it might be awfully painful."

Daryl slowly walked over as Lori and Hershel stood and then sat down next to her, running his fingers over her cheeks. "Is there anything else we can do?" he whispered. 

Hershel shook his head. "We don't have the right kind of medication. The best we can do right now is wait." Daryl didn't like that answer, but he had to accept it. Slowly he slid down next to her, trying not to jostle her. His arm slid around her and he heard people slowly moving away from the room. The door shut and they were left alone. He tried to use his body heat to help warm her up, desperate to keep her safe. Hershel's diagnosis was grim and without modern medicine, Daryl knew her chances were slim. 

It was only then, knowing he was alone, that he let tears slide down his face. His hand reached up, his thumb running over her purple lips, and the fact she still shivered made him hold her tighter. His teeth clenched as he fought back sounds that threatened to leave his lips. He didn't want anybody to hear his weakness. He pushed those cries and whimpers back until it was just ragged breath through his lips and he sniffed softly. 

"Ya better come back ta me, ya hear? You come back ta me. Don't you die on me, you come back to me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note: I'm _NOT_ a doctor, so if this is incorrect, I apologize.


	26. Take Care of Her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the wait on this, guys! I've been having computer problems, but it's working again, so I'm hoping to get back in the swing of things. Thanks for your patience and for reading! Comments are love!

The swirls around in her mind were mostly black, but there was some color darting through now and then. It felt like she had fallen asleep in the tub only she couldn't wake up and her entire body was numb. Part of her remember falling off the dock and washing up onto the rock, but her thoughts floated in and out of her. Consciousness wasn't possible, though she heard bits and pieces of voices. The only one she could focus on was Daryl, the love of her life. He was clearer than anything, bringing her to the surface where she almost woke, but then she was swept right back under the waves of color just like she had been the night before. 

"Ya better come back ta me, ya hear? You come back ta me. Don't you die on me, you come back to me."

It was if he were right next to her speaking, hearing it clearer than she could hear any of her own thoughts. She gripped onto that, letting it warm her slowly up from the inside out, starting with her heart. Something wasn't right, that she could tell, but she clung desperately to Daryl's voice to keep herself afloat, so she didn't drown in the abyss that currently was her mind. She wanted to scream his name, beg him to help her and take her out, but she couldn't. Her lips wouldn't move and she kept floating. 

 _I'm here, Daryl. I'm staying, I'm not leaving you, not again. I_ won't _..._

* * *

Daryl hadn't realized he had fallen asleep with his head on Amaleen's shoulder until a soft hand shook him away. He jumped and looked behind him, startled, only to see Lori standing there. Clear tear marks were on her face and a couple more slid past even as she stood there, her gaze unable to stray away from her friend, but she still managed to give him a small smile. He wanted to scream at her that he wasn't going to break, though he knew that was a lie. The moment he saw her lying on that rock, no actually the moment he realized she wasn't lying next to him anymore, he broke a little bit piece by piece until he shattered. He knew that this was Lori's attempt to make him feel better, but it didn't. He was lost without the woman beside him smiling at him with those perfect lips of hers, looking at him with those green eyes, murmuring to him that she loved him.

 _Goddamn it, Amaleen, why'd ya get outta bed?_ he thought desperately. 

"Hershel wanted me to come check on you guys," she said softly. "Make sure that she's warm. He said that we should do it slowly, warming her up too quickly could cause the opposite effect."

Daryl looked down at Amaleen who was still shivering, though not quite as bad as she was before. She had on a couple blankets and Daryl's warmth around her. He didn't know if it was too much and he gritted his teeth at the thought. He should be the one who knew how to take care of her, he should be the one that knew what to do and what was best to make her better again, to bring her back to them. But he was absolutely clueless, staring down at her shivering blue lips, and more than ever he wanted to scream and toss things around, and let out his wrath. But he didn't, he stayed put. His fingers reached for her face, his thumb mimicking what she did to him many times, before and recently, swiping ever so gently across her lips. For a moment he thought he felt them stop trembling, but as soon as he took away his movements, they began again and he sighed. 

"Think she's warm," he muttered. "Should we take away a blanket? What's too fast?" He looked up at the other woman for answers and she smiled sadly. 

"I don't know..." she murmured. "Maybe...maybe take away a blanket, and...and give her a little time to lay there alone?" At his glare of death, she backed up a step. "I'm not saying she's better off by herself. Only that maybe it's better in intervals. Lay with her a couple hours, let her lay alone for a couple hours."

"M'not leavin' her," he growled.

Lori quickly shook her head. "Oh no, we're not asking you to. But she needs to heal. Hershel said she most likely has hypothermia and if we don't let her heal, her organs will continue to shut down and she'll die."

Daryl blanched and finally, he slowly sat up. He removed one blanket from her body, though he loathed to do it, and tossed it to the side. His body fidgeted as he stood there, arms crossed defensively over each other and his eyes never left her. She still shivered and that's what worried him the most. Ever so slightly he could see the color returning to her cheeks, but not nearly as quick enough as he would like. Her lips still unnaturally dark when normally they were a soft pink, her cheeks not dotted with a rosy color but instead a washed out shade of white. Her hair was finally dry of the freezing water and he saw that he wasn't the only one who noticed because Lori silently rummaged through Amaleen's bag and grabbed out her brush. Sitting next to her, she softly ran the bristles through her hair to detangle the strands. 

"I don't want her to die either, Daryl," she whispered. "She's my best friend."

Daryl's angry face slowly softened and he lay a gentle hand on Lori's shoulder, hearing her sniff softly as she trembled. She was crying again and Daryl could tell from her puffy eyes that she had been for awhile now. It was then that Daryl realized that he wasn't the only person that loved Amaleen, the others all loved her, too. "Can ya stay with her while I go talk ta Rick for a minute?" he asked gently. 

She simply nodded and he patted her shoulder once before taking a lingering look at his lover, and then turned to leave before he talked himself out of it.

He found Rick in Hershel's room with Carol and Beth. The women both stood up and Rick looked over at him, his eyes full of all the frustration and fear that Daryl himself felt, adding on the sadness from his friend's suffering. It was clear now that what happened to her wasn't the result of the other group finding them, she simply fell, but that still didn't mean they weren't a threat. They sounded like the type of men that would go looking for her simply because she got away. They were the type of men to think of her as "their" property even though she never belonged to them. She belonged with Daryl, and she wasn't a piece of meat. She was human same as them and she deserved to be treated like such, not captured and thrown in a fridge for someone to come along and take away. 

"Still asleep," he muttered, assuming that's why everyone stayed silent and just looked at him. Rick let out a breath and Carol and Beth glanced at each other, but didn't say anything. Hershel moved himself so he was closer to where Daryl stood. 

"Any other kind of changes?"

Daryl paused before shaking his head. "Not really. She's still pale, still shivering, lips still blue. Had two blankets on her, took one off, and Lori's with her now."

Hershel nodded and nobody said anything for a couple minutes. There was a lot to think about between if they should do something about the other group, and what they would do for Amaleen. Daryl was fully aware there was a chance she would never wake up. It wasn't like they had the tools to give her the medical care that she needed. They had Hershel and he was better than what a lot of people had, but there was still the issue of her organs. If they stayed as they were, she would slowly deteriorate and just slip away. Daryl flinched; that couldn't happen. He wouldn't survive losing her like that, not after he just got her back. It was like something was playing with him, giving her back to him after so many years only to rip her away again.

"We're doing the best we can," Hershel finally said, though they weren't sure if he was trying to convince them or himself. It was true, though, there was nothing else they could do except wait.

* * *

Daryl went back to Amaleen after their conversation, Rick following behind him to check up on her. When they got there, they found Lori sitting on the edge of the bed with Amaleen's hand in hers. The unconscious woman was still shivering, but even Daryl could tell that her color looked a little better. Between the blankets and the body heat from him and Lori, it was helping her get better. Rick walked over and silently ran his fingers over his cheek before he looked at the other two in the room. Of all the people on the ship, the three with her at that moment were the closest to her. They were the ones wishing for her to just wake up and say something, even if it was just a hello. The fear was real, and it was worse than any of the walkers that might be gathering outside their gates. 

"We hafta go back." 

The words came from Rick causing Lori and Daryl to look up at him in confusion. Rick's eyes hadn't left Amaleen, but they did when he noticed they were looking at him. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, leaning against the wall and putting his hands on his hips. "You serious?" Daryl asked, his voice sarcastic. It was more than a bad idea to go back there, and he knew exactly where "there" was.

"We hafta know if they know where we are. If they do, we hafta pack up and leave as soon as we can."

 "Amaleen's sick," Lori said. 

"I know. But better sick than dead."

Nobody could argue with that. 

"Take Glenn and Maggie," Daryl said, sitting down on the floor against the side of the bed, pulling his legs up. "I'm not leavin' her."

Rick smiled. "Didn't think you would. I ran it by them earlier and they're for it."

Lori and Daryl exchanged a look, Lori frowning, but neither of them would be arguing with him. Going back to North Morton was an extremely bad idea, but it had to be done. Those were the type of men that wouldn't hesitate to kill someone, or do worse before killing someone. Daryl didn't want Amaleen anywhere near that place or those people. 

"Just be careful, okay?" Daryl said gruffly, looking away at the knowing smiles on Rick and Lori's faces. Daryl tried so hard to act like he didn't care, well at least about anyone except Amaleen, but he really did. These people were his family without a doubt and he would do anything for them. 

"We will," Rick said as a promise, walking over to lay a hand on Daryl's shoulder, before heading out of the room.

* * *

They did the same thing Rick and Daryl had before by parking a mile down the road and walking through the woods into town. They hid in a different spot just in case they had been spotted before. There were a couple men Rick recognized from before, but some he didn't recognize. The leader was walking around observing everyone, a cold glint in his eyes. The man was even larger than the man Amaleen called Bulldozer, otherwise known as Tommy, the cut of his hair clear that he had also been military once as well. Rick wondered if they had been in the same squad before it all went down.

"Travis," someone called and the man looked over, indicating that was him, and he walked over. There was a conversation held that Rick, Glenn, and Maggie couldn't hear, but by the look on his face when he turned around, it wasn't a good one. 

"Brad! Quail! Get your asses out here!" he barked, stomping for the store down the road. Rick let out a breath and kept his eyes moving over the other group. There had been no more talk about Amaleen or Tommy or their group, which Rick supposed was good, but it could possibly mean that they were planning in secret. If they knew where the docks were and that Rick's group was there, and that they were the ones that took Amaleen "from them."

"Rick," Glenn hissed, causing Rick to hold up a finger and shake his head, trying to keep him quiet so he could hear what happened when Travis came back out of the store. "No, Rick,  _look_!" 

Rick looked behind him, or rather turned his head to, just in time to get the butt of a gun to his face, knocking him out.


	27. Let's Make a Deal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no good excuse for the wait for this, but I'm just going to say I'm sorry! This one is a bit of a filler, but next chapter should be longer and more action packed! Lots of drama coming so stay tuned! Thanks everyone for reading, reviews are love!

Rick woke up with his head pounding, the feeling of warm crimson dripping down the side of it. He groaned slightly and for a moment he didn't move, just let himself get his bearings back. He remembered heading back to North Morton to find out information, but from there it was all a blur. There wasn't a lot of noise going on around him other than his own harsh breathing and that of Glenn and Maggie tied up next to him. It took a moment for his eyes to focus on them and he knew he probably had a concussion so he fought the wave of dizziness that threatened to push him back under. Luckily there wasn't a gag in his mouth, which probably was a mistake, but his arms and legs were tied up tight each to a different part of the chair. 

Glancing over at Maggie and Glenn told him they were tied up the same way. Glenn had a dark black mark around his eye which told him that he had been hit, probably protecting Maggie. Rick sighed softly; this was all his fault. If they hadn't come back, then Glenn wouldn't have gotten hurt and none of them would be in this situation. The confidence that Rick had was seriously dwindling as he cleared his throat, gaining the couple's attention. Glenn's eyes went wide as he saw Rick was finally awake. 

"Damn, we thought you were—" He didn't finish the sentence because the ex-deputy could see very clearly what he was going to say. 

Rick shook his head and started to try and wiggle himself out of the binding, but it was pulled tight. If these men were anything like the ones that had taken Amaleen, he knew they were in trouble. The room they were in had only one window up near the top of the wall, bars covering it, dull light drifting through the dirty pane. It was clear they were in a basement, probably in one there in the center of town considering the fact that the shelves around them were stacked high with boxes labeled with brand names of different food products. It was also clear that these guys thought they were gods considering what they had here. The amount of muscle was more than Rick's group had and the man knew that they probably had a good stack of weapons as well. They were smart, they could fight, and they were living good in the apocalypse. They managed to use walkers as a form of defense rather than offense, and using North Morton as their camp worked wonderfully as it seemed its people just left things behind...assuming that they hadn't just killed the people there and used them as said walkers.

Rick wouldn't put it past them. 

"I'm fine," Rick said quickly. "We gotta come up with a plan, though. We hafta get back to the others and leave—"

"Now why would ya wanna go do a thing like that?" 

The voice made Rick look over to the shadowed stairs sharply. Had he been sitting there the whole time? The door softly clicking shut above the man told him no, but that didn't make Rick feel any better. It was the same man from before, Travis, who was clearly the leader. He wasn't the one who knocked out Rick, but that didn't matter. They were all his enemies now, and the ex-deputy narrowed his eyes at the other, but didn't give any other indication that he was being rattled by him.

He stared Rick down before laughing, shaking his head and standing up to come down the rest of the stairs to stand in front of the three tied up. He clicked his tongue and shook his head. "Y'all are at the docks, right?" he asked. Rick didn't dare twitch, but the fact that he knew that didn't sit well with him. "That's a good set up. Been wantin' to take the ships there for ages, and you guys just...slip right through." He grinned again and grabbed another chair, turning it to sit backwards on it. "Now ya see, these parts...they're  _ours_. The towns, the woods, the docks. And y'all think you can just waltz right in?" He shook his head. "No, don't work like that. And  _then_ you take something that rightfully belongs to us. The girl."

"No."

Travis chuckled. "So he speaks! And what makes ya think that you can claim her?"

"She's not an object. And she was with us first."

"So why was she in our town?"

"We didn't know it was your town. She was looking for supplies and it got late." Of course he didn't tell him the real reason, and he knew Glenn and Maggie wouldn't say anything. "She's one of us."

Travis clicked his tongue again and stood up, beginning to pace. "Ya see...that's just not what I think. She was found over in Beachville by our guys. Who you killed, by the way. If they weren't such morons, we would be talkin' about that as well. But they were still our guys, and they found her in our town. Which means she's ours. And you're gonna give her back."

"That won't be happening," Rick said, giving the man a condescending smile.

"Oh, but it will. See, I'm gonna let you go. And what you're gonna do is go back, get the girl, and bring her back to me." This time it was Travis's turn to give him the condescending smile as Rick's fell. "If ya don't, then everyone in your group dies. See? That's a good trade. One girl for the rest of your lives. And we'll even let you stay on our boats. So what do ya think? We got a deal?"

* * *

"I don't _fuckin'_ think so!" 

The yell rattled the whole ship, but Rick was expecting it. Travis had been true to his word and let them go...but only after Rick agreed to his deal. Glenn and Maggie tried to get him to talk the whole ride home, but he refused. Of course he had a plan, but he wasn't going to tell them quite yet, not until he had everything worked out in his mind. Did they really think he would let Amaleen go like that? The girl was his sister, might as well be, and he would be damned before he let them get their fingers on her. He would fight until his last breath if he had to, but she wouldn't be leaving them. He could hear the disappointment in Glenn and Maggie's voices as they tried to talk to him; did they really think he truly agreed to that deal? Rick always had a plan, he just didn't want the wrong person overhearing it. It wouldn't surprise him if Travis sent someone to spy on them to make sure they upheld it.

Telling Daryl what the man had said was the hardest part. The redneck's voice had rose so much that he's surprised Amaleen didn't just wake up right then. She was still pale with blue lips, but he could see she wasn't shivering as much and slowly color was returning. He didn't want her anywhere near them, he didn't want to move her, but if they all agreed to Rick's plan, then they might have to. Still, he stayed quiet as the hunter raged, watching as he paced back and forth in the small space. Rick would've done the same thing had that been Lori on the line like that so it's not like he didn't understand. 

"Daryl—"

" _NO._ Fuck no! How in the hell can you even  _think_ about just handin' her over ta those assholes?! I don't care what they said, they're not touchin' her."

"Daryl, I have a plan. We're not givin' her to 'em."

The words had Daryl's eyes flickering over quickly, but the anger was still evident, not that Rick expected something else. He saw the words he said stewing in the man's mind. Daryl looked over to Amaleen and slowly he walked over, falling to sit on the bed next to her, fingers combing through her hair. It was like every ounce of anger fell away as he looked at her tenderly, before the glare was back and aimed at Rick. 

"Better be a good goddamn plan. They're not touchin' a hair on her head."

Rick nodded and took a step closer, clapping a hand on his shoulder. "If ya'll trust me, I promise she'll be safe."

Daryl's eyes narrowed and he looked back to Amaleen and let out a sigh, hand raising to run down his face, before standing. "Promise me on yer life. 'N I'll let ya take her."

"I promise," Rick said, hand coming back up to clap on his shoulder again. "I won't letcha down. Now, for my plan—"


	28. No Plan B

The first part of Rick's plan was set up before they even left the ships. They had avoided going in the walker-gore slicked bottom-most deck, but Rick remembered something he saw down there and hoped that they had the ammunition for it. Some of the walkers that they had killed and dragged out were military—which made him wonder if they knew Bulldozer and the lot—which meant that there were still weapons stored down there. The one Rick wanted would be imperative to making his plan work and he set up Daryl with how to use it, though it was kind of a fight because that meant that Daryl couldn't be with Amaleen for the first part of the plan. That would only be Rick, Glenn, and Maggie as they wanted to avoid the others being seen for as long as possible. 

Rick saw Lori's hands shaking as she helped bundle Amaleen up in a couple coats, some sweats, and a blanket. It was risky enough let along with the woman still unconscious, but they didn't have the luxury of waiting. Travis had given him a time line and if they didn't meet it, then they would have his group showing up on the doorsteps with more weapons than they had seen in one place before. There was no way that the ex-deputy was letting them get that close, and so he and Lori carefully set Amaleen in the backseat of the truck, her head on Maggie's lap. Shutting the door, Rick turned to Lori and Daryl who were standing behind him, both of them looking ready to just yank her back out. Truthfully so was Rick, the idea of her being close to them was making him sick, but they didn't have much of a choice. This plan would work, it had to.

There was no plan B.

Rick ran a hand over his face and placed a hand again on Daryl's shoulder before giving a kiss to Lori's cheek and heading for the driver's seat. Glenn was already in the passenger seat and Rick honked softly as he pulled away from the docks, Lori and Daryl opening the door for them. Of course he knew how hard it was for Daryl to let him take her, but things had to go just as discussed otherwise it would never work. These guys had to believe they were going to let them take her and that meant everything had to go as planned. 

Hershel, T-Dog, and Beth would be taking up the second part of the plan, following behind in the Hyundai. They had all tried to talk Hershel and Lori both into staying behind, but neither of them would. Hershel, of course, was still on his crutches so T-Dog would drive and Beth would be in the backseat. The plan was to have Rick, Glenn, and Maggie talk to Travis and his men and do the "exchange" while they came up from behind and started snipping who they could. The final part of the plan was Daryl coming up from behind along with Lori and Carl (who nobody wanted to have to come along, but he couldn't be left behind by himself and he said he wanted to help). They had found a truck that they attached the weapon to that they had found and Daryl would be riding in the back with Lori driving and Carl shotgun. It turned out that having Lori along would be good in that case, it would leave more time for Daryl to set up in the back and be ready. 

The drive to North Morton took longer than Rick remembered, but it was probably just the nerves. This all had to go exactly as planned, or they would be in trouble. Not to mention they would lose Amaleen again, and he wasn't willing to do that. Everybody had voted that they would all go down fighting if they had to rather then let Travis get his hands on one of their own. And Amaleen had more than proven herself to be, crawling into every one of their hearts. They wouldn't let go of her without fighting, and Travis was insane if he thought that he would agree to a deal like that just all willy-nilly. 

Once the buildings came into view, Rick's body grew more tense, and he could tell Glenn was worried as well as the younger man began to shift in his seat. Of course that might also have something to do with the line of men that stood right on the edge of town, Travis smack in the middle, all of them had weapons of some kind, most of them being guns. 

"Just stay quiet and let me do the talkin'," Rick said gently. Neither Maggie nor Glenn argued with that.

Slowly the truck was pulled to a stop and put in park. For a moment Travis and Rick just stared at each other through the windshield, Travis smiling and Rick's face set in a grim line. Shutting off the truck, he stepped out and only gestured Glenn out of the truck, leaving Maggie to take care of Amaleen in the back. They walked around the front of the truck, Rick leaning against the warm grill and Glenn standing tensely next to him with the rifle in both hands, one finger over the trigger. 

"Rick!" Travis exclaimed. "Long time no see!" He chuckled and took a couple steps forward, pausing as he saw Glenn twitch the gun up. It was obvious they had more people, even with the others on their way towards them, so Rick had to play this all carefully. "So glad ya finally showed up."

"M'sure ya are," Rick drawled, stepping forward with a hand on the Colt Python he hadn't let go of since the day he first left for Atlanta. "We're just gonna finish our deal and leave."

Travis let out a soft sigh and took a couple more steps forward. "See...we really wanted to do that, honestly. But then you just had to go and think you could sneak up on us." Shaking his head, he turned back to his group and waved a hand.

From the building next to them, they dragged out Hershel, T-Dog, and Beth.

Rick didn't let it show how much it effected him, but the sight of them being held between three men with guns to their heads had him tensing and ready to draw his own gun. "Uh uh, don't even fuckin' think about it. We we're nice enough to let you go when we  _really_ didn't have to. After all, ya were found in our town, so ya should'a been ours. But we letcha go for the simple price of one girl. But you just thought you were smarter than us. Think again, asshole." Travis shook his head and brought up his gun. Rick watched it carefully, his own fingers staying tight, his other hand holding out to Glenn to keep him back from doing something. They both held their breaths, watching him carefully, knowing if they moved it would be worse for them all.

With a smirk, Travis pulled the trigger...sending a bullet through the back of the nearest person's head: Hershel. 

"Now... _where's the girl_?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know these past couple chapters are short, but what can I say, I love cliffhangers! Except the kind that don't tell you who dies...


	29. Abandon All Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to let you guys know, the Travis in this is _NOT_ the Travis from Fear TWD. Sorry if that confused anybody!

" _Dad_!"

The scream sounded out from behind them and Rick turned to watch Maggie jump from the truck and begin to run. Glenn caught her before he could, an arm around her shoulders and waist as his gun dropped to the ground. The look of horror on all their faces the same as they watched Hershel crumple to the ground, eyes wide and glassy in lifeless surprise. Beth let out a cry and pulled herself away from the man holding her and fell to the ground beside her father, letting out sobs as she pulled her father's head onto her lap. There was no way her survived that, Rick could tell, as the bullet had come out between his eyes expertly. 

"No," Rick whispered.

"Where's the girl?" Travis demanded again. 

" _NO_!" His hands trembled as he reached for the gun at his belt, yanking it out of the holder as he began to pace, holding back the tears that threatened to fall. Hershel was like a father to all of them, the man that gave them strength and hope, and pulled Rick's head out of the dark place it was heading into after what happened with Shane. Hershel was the light at the end of the apocalypse, and it was snuffed out so fast that it felt like whiplash. All hope was gone, and there was nothing Rick could do about it. And there he was, dead at their feet, bleeding out onto his daughter's dirty jeans as everybody else looked on in agony. 

"Do you want that to happen to the girl?" Travis threatened, his smoking pistol turning to Beth's head, making the blonde duck close to Hershel's body and press her face against his shirt as if that could save her. Poor girl always went to her father for protection, and now that protection was gone.

"Rick, please," Maggie pleaded from behind him, hearing the tremble in the young woman's voice, a mixture of anger and sadness. 

Rick fought for control over his voice, over the panic and desperation rising up inside him. This shouldn't have happened; it was all his fault. He should've just given in without a fight. He realized his thoughts before were all wrong. As a leader, the good of the many should outweigh the good of the few. He should've outweighed the pros and the cons, and given Amaleen to Travis like the man requested. But now Hershel was dead and they would be losing Amaleen as well. If he had just done what Travis said, Hershel would be alive, and Amaleen wouldn't be facing horrors at the hands of these men who were very likely to take out their frustration on her whether she was awake or not. He stared at him with agonized guilt before he silently turned to the truck and opened the back door. 

Amaleen was still out and his heart clenched in his throat. She had no idea what was going on, and when she woke up, she wouldn't be sheltered and close with Daryl in their room. She would be under the mercy of monsters thanks to the people she loved and trusted. The ex-deputy didn't know which betrayal hurt worse: Hershel's death, or Amaleen's loss. Rick wondered where the others were, and wondered if they had been stopped as well on their way over. Of course they had the weapon Rick really wanted, but it was too late. It was all over Hershel was down. And Rick's guilt was eating too much of him to consider the possibilities, to be a good leader. Because the beam of his support system was gone and he was left with all the broken pieces. 

Turning around with Amaleen now in his arms, he saw Maggie and Glenn had fallen to the ground, and T-Dog was helping Beth by closing Hershel's eyes and keeping himself around her to protect her. Rick was grateful for that. His footsteps took him back where he was sitting previously and stopped, watching the confusion fall over Travis's face as he took in the fact that Rick was holding an unconscious Amaleen. 

"The fuck happened?" he demanded, as if Rick had run down his fence or something. Which made sense considering Travis only saw an object and not the beautiful, loving woman that Rick was holding. Rick fought to bite back a snide remark; nobody else of theirs was going to die that day.

"Got wet," Rick said, his voice quiet, but loud enough for Travis to hear. He glanced at Glenn and Maggie, the woman staring at her father still, and Glenn simply gave him a sad gaze before looking away. He knew the young man still didn't agree, but what other choice did they have? He started his trek again closer, arms tight around Amaleen's body as his arms shook and he silently begged forgiveness from both her and Hershel, for getting them both into this mess and not being stronger. The closer Rick got, the more he felt sick from their actions, the heavier his legs felt, and the more the confidence slipped away from him. 

Rick was nearly to Travis when the first shot rang out. A man ten feet away from Rick, one of Travis's guys, fell to the ground with a splatter of blood. Rick's eyes went wide and he spun around to watch the truck that Lori drove with Daryl in the back drive into view. They should've been there before then, before Hershel was shot, so Rick wondered if they got into trouble, but it didn't matter. They were there and that's what counted. Rick looked down to T-Dog and Beth, nodding back for the truck, already running to take shelter. 

"Get outta the way!" he said quickly, ducking and head back for the truck. T-Dog grabbed ahold of Beth's shoulders and yanked her off her father as she screamed, not wanting to let go of his body as she knew what would happen to it if she did. As the four tried to get out of the way, Travis and his men looked around in confusion as a couple others were popped off, still leaving about fifteen or twenty left for Daryl to take care of. Rick quickly ran around the back, T-Dog and Beth following, before Maggie and Glenn. He heard Travis yelling orders and Rick gave a nod to Daryl, who he saw was checking for any harm done to the woman still cradled in Rick's embrace.

Lori jumped out of the car along with Carl to check on her, both hiding as well while Daryl loaded...and pulled the trigger. 

The explosion was loud, sending a small mushroom cloud of smoke up into the air. Rick winced as he couldn't cover his own ears, but Lori held Carl's and Carl held Amaleen's. They all huddled together behind the truck, letting everything settle before they dared to look back at where the group had once stood...and Hershel's body had laid. They knew that he wouldn't be whole, but there wouldn't have been enough time to get him as well. 

Slowly the ringing in Rick's ears stopped and he gently handed Amaleen over to Lori and Carl, who both fussed over her and wiped away small smudges of dirt. Rick stood up, eyes wide as he looked in the scene before him. Every single man was decimated, including the body that was obviously Travis's a few feet in front of the rest. There was no doubt that Daryl wouldn't miss, that's why Rick had given the job of working the grenade launcher to him. Everybody was silent except for a couple sniffles from Beth and Maggie, as they all stared at the remains of the group.

And Hershel. 

Rick swallowed, seeing the metal gleam of crutches and knowing they had to get to his body so they could give him a proper burial. It was his job now to be a leader, to hold back his own tears and fears and help the others get through the loss. Lori and Carl hadn't seen Hershel yet, but Maggie was whispering to Lori who gasped and Carl immediately hugged his mother around the neck as he began to cry. 

"We, uh—" He paused and swallowed again as red-rimmed eyes turned to him and Daryl finally jumped off the truck to take Amaleen from Lori and Carl and into his arms, just to tell himself that she was okay. "—we need to get back to the docks. There's a lotta supplies here. We," He gestured between himself, Maggie, and Glenn, "saw it when we were in the basement. Boxes of foods, probably some weapons. But we won't stay long. Don't know if they have anymore people." Rick doubted it, but he wasn't willing to take the chance. He sighed softly, leaning against the truck. The group looked so small and he knew it was because they were down a member now, and a very important one at that. "Lori and Carl are going to take Amaleen back to the docks. Signal Carol like I showed you with the car horn and she'll come out and help you get her aboard." Lori nodded and gingerly took her back from Daryl to get her in the truck Rick leaned against. Carol had stayed behind to defend the boats if needed and signal the others of danger, but thankfully none had come. Rick could only pray that meant she was safe as well.

"Daryl and I are going to load supplies into the back of the truck he was in. T, I need you to go get the Hyndai from down the road so the rest of you can get back. But...first, before we go...we're all going to give Hershel a proper burial. Say our goodbyes and make sure we knew how much we loved him." 

The nods were all solemn and slowly people began to spread out, getting to work in finding a shovel to bury their fallen friend and father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, the scene is based off the scene in the season 6 mid-season premiere, so sue me. ;)


	30. Dust to Dust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise this is the last of the really short chapters! I posted 4 today, but I feel they went better as different chapters rather than the same one. My reasoning is I try to think of a TWD episode each time I write and I stop/start where I think the episode would. Hope that explains things!

" **** _Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me._ " — Psalm 23:4

* * *

 

Carl had found a large stone in the woods to use as Hershel's marker. It was up to Rick, Daryl, and T-Dog to do the digging, and Glenn wanted to be the one to lay him in the grave. Beth had silently gotten to work finding all the flowers she could to make a small bouquet to lay with the stone and Maggie...she seemed to have just given up. They had found a sheet in one of the houses to wrap his charred body inside and she sat by the sheet-covered body, silent and unmoving as the others worked around her. Glenn had tried to talk to her, but she gave him nothing, and Rick didn't have enough courage or strength to try at the time. He knew she probably blamed him, and he was okay with that. He should've pushed harder to keep Hershel home. He should've killed Travis sooner. He should've...

Shaking his head, he kept digging even as his palms grew raw and blistered. The full six feet was two much even for three people, so they went down as far as they could, enough to keep animals from digging him back up. Glenn had found his Bible in the truck and read off a couple passages, and then put it with the sheet to be buried with him. Nobody else spoke as Glenn gently lowered him into the hole. Only Beth's soft sobs could be heard as she and Maggie held each other, followed by the placing of the soil back over him. Carl had finished the stone with the help of Lori, carving a big cross into it with another smaller stone and simply the name  **HERSHEL** over top of it.

"Good job, son. He would'a loved it," Rick murmured to his boy, who smiled up at him proudly. 

Rick gestured that he and Lori could leave and Daryl followed to check on Amaleen still unconscious in the truck. While they had been working, they all had taken turns—except Maggie—to check on Amaleen. She was less pale and twitched now and then, and they were all grateful that she seemed to be doing better. Rick could see Daryl simply wanted to go with her, but they had some quick work to do. 

Lori suggested T-Dog ride with them to the Hyndai, so the four of them pulled away, leaving the others to get to work bringing up boxes. Well, Maggie and Beth stayed with the grave while Rick, Daryl, and Glenn started with the boxes. The truck wasn't covered, but Rick was confident that stacking them up and tying them down with some rope he had found in the other truck would be fine. He packed away the grenade launcher behind the seats so they would have more room and the three of them began packing. Daryl bringing it up the stairs, Glenn bringing it to Rick, and Rick putting it away in the truck the best way he could for it all to fit. 

By the time T-Dog was back with the Hyndai, they were nearly done, and Rick shooed Glenn along with the other three to head back to the docks. It was going to get dark soon enough, and they only had about six more boxes. After they left, Rick and Daryl made a quick work of them and tied them down, though only four more would fit in there, so that left one in the seat between the two, and one in Daryl's lap as Rick was driving. 

* * *

The trip was quiet back to the docks, and Daryl couldn't stop thinking about what had happened over the course of just a few hours. The thought that he had nearly lost Amaleen again wasn't making him too particularly fond of letting her out of his sight anytime soon. On the way over, they had been stopped by some of Travis, aka Dickbag's goons and Daryl had fought with one before taking out all five of them. He had told Lori to take Carl and get to town, but she had insisted on waiting for him. Luckily he only got a few bruises, nothing he couldn't handle, except for the vice squeezing at his chest. Every second wasted fighting them was a second wasted not saving Amaleen. And they were in time for that, but unfortunately too late to save Hershel. Daryl was an observer and had noticed Hershel's demise as soon as Lori had pulled the truck up. There weren't a lot of people Daryl could say he felt sorry for, but he did for Hershel, he was a good man. 

He was so deep in thought he hadn't realized they were back until Rick beeped the signal and the gates were opening to let them through. All of the others aside from Lori, Maggie, and Beth (and obviously Amaleen) were outside waiting to help get the boxes and bring them aboard the ships to sort and inventory. 

"Nothing is labeled except for food. The unlabelled boxes are clothes, weapons, and med supplies. We'll sort those later, right now we just need to unload and eat."

"Already have dinner done," Carol said with an easy, if sad smile.  _Guess someone told her,_ Daryl thought as he jumped out with the boxes that had been in the cab and handed them over to Glenn. They created another assembly line and got the truck unloaded in no time at all. Locking up, they all went down inside when the commotion started. 

Daryl didn't hear anything other than incoherent yells until he got closer and then Maggie's voice hit his ears. "—fault! It's all your fault, it should've been  _you_ that died, not him! They wanted you! Why don't you just go back where you came from and leave us all alone?! It was so much better before you got here, you stupid bitch!" 

There was a shuffle and Glenn was herding her, still red-faced and crying, from Daryl's room. Daryl frowned and rushed in, his heart doing a somersault as he saw a very confused, very scared Amaleen shuffled against the wall in their bed— _awake_. She was shivering just a little, but held the blankets closed as her eyes found his and immediately she looked so relieved that his heart broke for her. Lori and Rick were standing in the doorway and they quickly shooed everyone else away and shut the door as Daryl went over and quickly gathered her, blankets and all, up into his arms. She clung to his shirt and looked over at Lori and Rick who, Daryl knew, were just as relieved to see her awake.

"Wh-what's goin' on?" she asked, her voice hoarse from disuse and shaky from the shivers. "What happened? What's my fault?"

Daryl sighed and pressed a kiss to her head, looking over as Lori sat on the edge of the bed and Rick paced behind her. 

"Hershel's dead, baby," Daryl said in a whisper. He felt Amaleen jolt with a gasp, tears immediately flooding her eyes and she pressed her face against his neck. "Did y'hear anything over the past few days?"

"Days?" she whispered, shaking her head. "N-no. I remember the water. Some conversation here and there, but...nothing solid." 

Daryl sighed again and told her the whole story. Told her of Travis and how Bulldozer and the other two worked for him. How they tried to claim she belonged to them—unsurprisingly making her pale again—and how Rick came up with the plan. Only the plan didn't go exactly as thought and Hershel was killed as a result, but Daryl got the rest of them with the grenade launcher and they buried Hershel properly. Maggie's fury was linked to her anguish and sorrow over losing her father. "Ya can't take it personally," he finally said, voice soft. "Because it's not your fault, baby. You weren't even conscious." She didn't look to convinced, though, and he put a finger over her lips before she could protest like she looked like she was going to. 

"Daryl's right," Rick said, nodding and sitting on the end of the bed next to Lori. "It's not your fault, and she'll come around." He gave her a gentle smile. "We're really glad to see you awake. We were so worried." 

Lori nodded and stood, pulling Rick with her. "We'll leave you two alone. But Rick is right, it's not your fault. I'm so happy you're okay." She leaned over to kiss Amaleen on the top of the head before leaving the finally reunited couple alone. 

 


	31. Oh My Darling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Sexual content included. Proceed with caution._ Story updated to a rating of explicit.

It took another couple days for Amaleen to be strong enough to be able to walk without the help of Rick, Daryl, or Lori. As soon as she was well enough, she started duties around the ships again, starting with beginning to unbox and organize the boxes that they brought back from North Morton with them after killing Travis and his crew...and Hershel. She and Lori dragged the chairs from the captain's deck to deck A with the boxes all around there. There were a few items of clothing that wouldn't fit anybody, and most of it was men's items, but they kept it all anyway just in case it could be used for something else. Everything was written down and checked off, same with the boxes of weapons, food, and medical supplies. Those boxes, though, were a bit sad to unpack because nobody really knew how to use it with Hershel gone. Carol had picked up some stuff, and Maggie and Beth over the years, but nothing like what he was able to do.

It was Lori who eventually took out Amaleen's stitches from the back of her arm from when she had fallen on the road on the way up there, and it was Carol who took detailed notes of her body temperature to make sure she didn't slip back into hypothermia, though Daryl was intent on keeping her in sweats and his large jacket to make sure that didn't happen. The biggest change, besides Hershel's death, was the way Maggie acted around her. She very rarely spoke to her, and if she did, it was just to snap at her. She glared whenever Amaleen walked into a room, and she didn't like letting Beth or Glenn around her. The whole thing was very troublesome and confusing for Amaleen who still didn't understand everything that happened while she was asleep in her little coma. Of course if she had the choice, she would rather herself be with handed over or be dead instead of Hershel, but nobody could change the past. If she could, Alex would still be alive.

She took it all in a stride, though, and spent her time between Lori, Carl, Rick, and Daryl for the most part. Though Daryl did tend to be with her no matter who she was with or where she was. And truthfully, she loved every moment of it. She remembered when it was he that was yelling at her and telling her that he hated her, and now she had his love back. That meant more to her than just about anything because it meant that one person forgave her, one person cared for her in a way that even she honestly didn't understand, but that made the most difference to her. Having a love like that was different than friendship love or sibling love or even parent/child love. And Amaleen would do everything she could to hold onto it with both hands.

After such a long day between Daryl working with Rick, T-Dog, and Glenn to come up with a better defense, better walls, and then taking a shift of watch, she knew her boyfriend was exhausted. Amaleen and Lori managed to finish up the boxes and put them away where they needed to go, handing out the clothes to the right people, before they helped Carol to make dinner and also get that dished out. It was hard to avoid Maggie, Beth, and Glenn, but to keep the peace, Amaleen would do anything. She had no idea how to make it right, so letting Maggie have her time was what she decided to do. She had sent Lori to give Maggie and Beth her food, and Carol had given Glenn his when they went out to talk to the guys and hand out their food. She managed a small smile at her used-to-be friend before ducking back inside.

It was unspoken and silently agreed upon by everyone that Amaleen would take a couple more days before joining Daryl on watch. She still had some healing to do, and she knew simply that the hunter was having issues putting her in any form of danger, even something as small as just sitting in the captain's deck and watching the docks to make sure nothing was getting through the gates. Even Maggie mumbled her agreement for it. But Amaleen would wait up for Daryl, and this night it was for a particular reason. Back when they were together before, things were never planned as far as intimacy goes. At least she never planned it, sometimes she wondered if Daryl did because he was the type of man to have to psych himself up into doing those things. And she knew she shouldn't surprise him with it, he hated surprises, but for once she decided it was the best bet.

With the help of Lori and digging through drawer upon drawer on the boat, they found three candles that were already half-way melted and she stuck them on the small table in the corner, lighting them with some matches Lori took from Rick. It gave the room a soft, romantic flicker of light that danced beautifully over Amaleen's milky skin and mixed with the wavering moonlight shining through the small porthole. Once that was done, she tugged off the sheets that desperately needed a wash and tossed those next to the toilet in the bathroom, and fitted clean and crisp sheets (well as clean and crisp as they could get) over the mattress. Amaleen wondered if eventually they should bring in a bed from Daryl's old room as he had already moved all of his stuff over, and add it to the one they had, as every night they were shoved together on the single bed. Of course, neither of them were really complaining.

The blankets were set over it neatly, but pulled back half-way. The ideal would be some soft classical music playing along with a nice bottle of wine or champagne, but beggars can't be choosers so she had no music and a half-drunk bottle of whiskey. It didn't scream romance, but then again, this is Daryl and probably would rather have the whiskey over wine or champagne anyway. To top it off, Amaleen had taken some of the nicer clothes found in the box which included a tank top and skirt, and managed to use some water and some random-sized (well washed) curlers found in the bathroom cupboard to lightly curl her hair over her shoulders. She did pretty well, if she did say so herself, and so she sat on the shared bed and waited for her lover to join her from watch.

Footsteps came downstairs and there was light talking outside the room, making her heart race harder than it had all night. It was almost midnight and Daryl was switching with T-Dog and Carol for watch. Amaleen frowned when footsteps walked towards the steps that went down and she pouted for a few minutes until she heard them come back up and she immediately sat back up, ankles crossed delicately beside her, as the door popped open.

"Got us some squirrel. Saw 'em climbin' up some tress by the gate 'n couldn't help gettin' 'em. Carol said she'd stew 'em up nice fer tomorrow—" The words died in his throat as he finally looked up from what he was doing, shedding off his clothes and weapons and shutting the door behind him. Left in his shirt and boxers, his eyes followed the room, taking in the candles and the bottle of whiskey, over to the clean and neat bed, and finally his eyes met hers. She saw his lips part in surprise and for once it wasn't a glare she was met with because she figured out a surprise he actually _liked_. That had her smiling as well and slowly she slid off the bed, feet careful as she put her weight on them, still making sure she was back to her full strength.

The distance between them was slowly closed and she simply hummed, not saying a word as her fingers reached up, finding the buttons on the front of his shirt. The man always wore the same clothes, and while she knew it was silly, sometimes she wondered what he would look like in just a regular t-shirt and some jeans. Or even a suit, which honestly made her mouth water at the thought of it. The whole time they dated before everything, she had never gotten the honor to see that, and she knew that she wouldn't be able to anytime soon, but that didn't mean she didn't fantasize about it for a little bit.

Lips descended onto his neck as soon as the buttons were undone, making a slow trail across the slowly revealed skin to the very edge of his shoulder. One side and then the other and then back to his neck, back to the spot just below his ear that made him physically shiver under her touch, as she pushed the shirt completely off his body. Unfortunately the beautiful man never slept naked, and she knew exactly why and never asked him to change that, but that didn't mean she wouldn't admire what she could while she got it. And damn was he a breathtaking thing to admire. Sharp planes of muscle across his chest and stomach. Light smattering of hair across his pecs and then from his bellybutton down into those barely clinging boxers. The ratio of his hips to his shoulders was something sinful alright, his shoulders nearly twice as wide as his hips, and she measured by running her fingers to his shoulders, and then slowly down his sides to those hips, where she gently tugged on his boxers.

"Wh-what—" he stammered, his face flushing and soon the rest of his body was following and she wasn't sure if it was arousal or embarrassment, but it was the most adorable thing she ever saw. A light giggle left her lips as she kissed that spot behind his ear once more, before pulling back to coyly bite her lip and look up into his darkened eyes. Yeah, it was definitely arousal, and her own body flushed at the thought that she was the cause of it. It always made her proud when she could get him to look at her like that.

"Everything has been so stressful lately," she whispered, fingers catching the edge of his boxers and slowly beginning to tug downwards. "Between finding each other again, discussing Alex, falling into the ocean. Dickbag, Hershel, Maggie, the dead walking... Our lives are all kinds'a screwed up." More tugging, more skin appearing, more heat pooling in the bottom of her belly as a tongue flickered against her lips. "All we've had is stress. But ya know...I'm tired'a being stressed. So fuckin' tired, Daryl." More tugging and she could clearly see that he was just as aroused as her, and another giggle escaped her lips. "'N I'm tired'a bein' cold. After I fell in, that's all I've felt. No, I'm wrong, even before that. For ten years I felt cold. No arms around me at night. My son dyin' in my arms. The world endin' 'n takin' everybody with it." One more tug and he was free, a helpless groan leaving his lips. She kissed over his chest as her fingers let go of the offending garment, hearing it rustle to the floor, but she forgot about it in a second as she took that length in her fingers to pump ever so slowly, maddeningly slow probably, if the jerk of his body was anything to go by.

"I know you don't like surprises. Forgive me for this one. But I'd never get those fuckin' clothes off ya if we discussed it. Because I know ya...yer worried that I'm still hurt, that I'm not okay 'n that I'm still too cold. Well, the last part is true at least. I'm cold 'n I've been cold for a long time. But I think I know how to be warm again...to be hot." His eyes burned into hers and still he hadn't said a word, just let her speak though she could tell he didn't need any excuses from her. "The last time that happened, it was with you." The look why shy and she wasn't expecting him to say the same about himself, but that didn't mean she didn't selfishly wish it. "The love of my life. The only person that I know can warm me up, that I trust to warm me up. What d'ya say, Daryl? Think ya could do that? Think ya could warm me up?"

The growl that hit her ears next was deep, down from the lowest part of her chest, and it made her shiver and squirm at the same time. It was the growl of a man accepting a challenge, a possessive man that hadn't had his woman in a very long time. Amaleen knew him very well, she remembered everything about the times when they were together, how he reacted, what he liked and didn't like. Amaleen wanted to give it all to him, even if it was slowly, she wanted him to know that she was his, one hundred percent and without any questions about it.

His fingers quickly grabbed her wrist and he pulled her to him, his lips immediately finding hers. She moaned out in surprise, usually it was her that was so eager like that, but it wasn't like she was complaining. It told her that he wanted her, and the thought made her heart swell as well as that white-hot heat grow more in her belly. Eagerly she pressed closer to him, her fingers leaving his length so she could wrap both arms around him. His fingers trailed down her back, her hips, ass, and to the back of her thighs where he easily lifted her up off the ground and over to the bed where he slid on and sat against the wall with her in his lap. Amaleen easily and comfortably straddled him, legs on either side of his hips, with her own rocking against his making both of them moan.

Luckily she was smart enough to not wear a bra so when he tugged her shirt off, her chest was bared to the room and she shivered lightly, the sound turning into a moan as his lips found a nipple that immediately puckered in his mouth. Sadly she had put panties on, but that didn't stop her from pushing them aside and pulling her skirt up, taking him in her hand and rubbing his tip through her wet lips. They both moaned then, his body shuttering the same time hers did. It had been a long time for both of them, and it only seemed proper that after so long, that their first time again was with each other. It was like finally completing a puzzle whose last piece got lost in a move, and was found after years of being stuck in a dusty old box in the attic.

"Please," Amaleen said, her voice a soft whimper, and for a moment she nearly forgot the other item that Lori gave her: condoms. Groaning, she looked over by the candles where the box sat, and Daryl growled again as she tried to wiggle away. "Fuck. Shit, baby, just..." She trailed off and gave him a kiss to tide him over, just for a moment, while she wiggled away and went to find the box, all the while struggling to use one hand to push her skirt and panties both off her hips. Box in hand, she finally managed to get the clothes off, turning back to Daryl who was snorting slightly and she narrowed her eyes at him. Swaying her hips, she walked back to the bed, causing the hunter to lose that smile. "Somethin' funny?"

"That was an interestin' little dance," he said, speaking for the first time since he noticed everything, his voice low and husky, and Amaleen's eyes fluttered at the mere sound of it. The things that man's voice could do to her. Even just him speaking normally with one of the others could have her panties a little more damp than usual. It was even better when he was growling her name into her ear, which was just plain orgasmic.

Climbing back on her lap, she took a foil package from the box, using her teeth to rip it open before reaching between them to slid it over his length, making his head fall back against the wall. "Don't be silly, wrap your willy," she breathed against him, making him snort again and almost retort something, but then she was sliding down over his length and all form of coherence was gone from both of them.

A string of curses and her name fell from his lips and it was just as lovely as she remembered it. And his voice was even deeper than it was back then, which just made her want to come right then and there, but she waited because she wanted to come with him. She wanted them to be one wholly and completely, to feel their bodies rocking together, experience the joys of utter pleasure together.

Arms back around his shoulders, she held on for dear life as she sank on him, feeling herself stretch around him in a way she hadn't felt in so long, mewling softly into his ear as finally she had him all the way in. Her face pressed against the side of his neck and she had to wait there for just a few seconds, get herself used to him, though she could tell by the way he twitched that he needed her to move. But just a few seconds is all she needed, get used to him and his size again—which the man was definitely packing—before her hips started swaying against his, rocking in a smooth rhythm that had him sliding out and back inside her.

She had to whimper again, right into his ear, his name being released amongst the noise and she heard him moan, too. The rhythm was an easy one, slow at first, but easily going quicker and keeping that same rhythm. It was like a heartbeat shared between the two of them, their bodies creating a beat that was like no other, specific and special to just them. Between the moans and the way skin gently slapped together as she rocked in his lap, they knew that their lives would forever be different, be better by letting themselves fall into these realms of utter pleasure.

It wasn't surprising that the build up was so quick, her body trembling as she fought the urge to fall off the edge right then and there. She whined against his skin, fingers clutching his shoulders as she rained kisses down on his neck, collarbone, and shoulders. "Close," she moaned against him, unable to say any other words except his name. He nodded against her, causing her to look up and see his dark, glassy eyes and realizing he was close even before she was. Her fingers reached up to frame his face and she nodded. "Together." There was an answering nod before her arms went back around his shoulder to hold on tight.

A loud moan followed by a raspy growl of her name sounded against her ear, followed by an inexplicable warmth inside her which told her that he was coming. An answering moan left her lips and a whisper of his name accompanied it and she was following him, feeling that white-hot heat burst in her lower belly, spreading through limbs and veins, to every inch of her body as she contracted around him, holding onto him tight and she felt him whine as she seemed to squeeze more from him than he was used to.

But it was over, both of them well sated and well spent. She didn't want to move, so he did that for her, making her whine softly as he plucked her off his lap and lay her under the now-messy covers, followed by himself after he pulled off the condom and tossed it in the direction of the bathroom where the garbage can was, before he wrapped himself around her and pulled the covers over them. Immediately she curled against his chest, limbs twisting around his as her palms rested on his pecs. Her body was definitely warmer now, but she didn't push the covers away. It was warm and cozy in their little cocoon, making it easy to forget the world and everything around them if only for a little bit.

"I love ya, Amaleen," she heard Daryl whisper from above her, causing her to look up and smile softly.

"I love ya, too," she whispered back. She leaned up to kiss him softly, reaching to wipe some sweaty hair off his forehead, before settling back against his chest and letting the hands of sleep drag her under for a few hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm totally not floating the idea around in my head of a baby... *shifty eyes*


	32. Morning Sex Is For Lovers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Sexual content included. Proceed with caution._

The next morning, Amaleen woke up to something that had never happened before and probably never would again— _actual_ full-on _cuddles_ from Daryl Dixon. And not just because she had shoved herself into his chest which just made him wrap his arms around her. No, because she knew at some time during the night, she had turned over onto her other side so her back was to him, and he was on his chest with his arms under his head. The next time she woke up, when the sun was hitting her squarely in the face, his chest was pressed to her back with his arm snug around her waist, face buried in the back of her neck. She was still in the same position so she didn't move them like that herself, and usually it was her that initiated anything like that. So the fact that he did it himself warmed her heart in such a way that she felt like her chest was going to explode. She didn't dare move because it was so unlike him, but so beautiful and she didn't know when she could expect something like that again. The hunter was asleep so she wasn't sure if he had woken up and pulled her closer then, or if this was simply mid-sleep cuddles, but either way she would take it. 

Yawning softly, she peaked over to see if she could get a view of the watch sitting by the now burnt-out candles, but it was too far away to see. However, by the way the sun shone in, she figured it was somewhere between seven and eight in the morning, which meant they didn't sleep over too long. Amaleen knew that meant she should wake him up and get them moving as there was work to do, but she hesitated just for a few moments to bask in the feeling of those strong, muscled arms wrapped around her smaller body. It was easy to decide that it was her most favorite place to be in the whole universe, just laying amongst a few blankets, the sun bright and beautiful through the porthole, and the man she loved with all her heart pressed against her. 

Smiling and finally shaking herself out of it, she yawned once more, before wiggling a little bit and slowly turning in his embrace. He let out a grunt and his arm tightened around her, effectively trapping her half-spun between his arm and his chest, which made her giggle. Usually he wasn't too hard to wake up, but on those days where he was, she might as well try and wake up a statue.  _More like Sleeping Beauty,_ she thought as her neck arched to look at that beautiful face pressed against her shoulder, so close to her own face. Leaning up the best she could, she pressed soft kisses across his face before landing on his lips to try and bribe him awake. Of course, as she knew it would, it worked and just five seconds later he was kissing her back and grunting against her lips. A hand came to rest against his cheek and they both took their fill of each other's lips, his arms loosening and letting her move so she was facing him again, before the kissing became more intense and he pressed a tongue past her teeth to taste her, making her moan against him. 

The box of condoms was sitting by the edge of the bed and Amaleen smiled at him, reaching for the box and tugging one out. His eyes lit up and darkened at the same time, causing a soft giggle to fall from her lips as she got the package open and reached down to slide one onto him. He sighed softly and pulled her closer, nudging her leg up over his hip, causing a much easier slide inside her. She mewled softly against him, feeling just a little sore, but that came from ten years with no sex. Fingers combed into his hair at the same time he rocked his hips forward, gently entering her and making her sigh as she was completed once again.

The coupling took a few minutes more than the night before, but was still just as desperate. Still, they kept it slow and gentle, moving together softly under the blankets as they both kept yawning and she giggled a couple times from the silliness of it. But the orgasm didn't feel any less incredible, her body clinging to his as he rocked against her and she contracted around him. She heard him groan softly as he followed her, that warmth filling her again at the same time as the white-hot heat had exploded. His arms tight around her, lips on her neck as they slowly let their bodies relax from the soft morning sex that just occurred. It was clear neither of them were used to it, but that didn't mean that it wouldn't happen again. For now, the biggest worry was gone, and so the group could focus on just living, and that included loving morning sex and desperate night sex.

"Mornin'," Daryl said, his normally gravelly morning voice was even deeper and Amaleen giggled huskily. Her fingers hadn't left his hair and she used that for leverage to pull him back into a kiss, humming against his lips and pushing between his teeth this time to taste him, before she pulled back and smiled at him. 

"Mornin' right back," she purred softly. He chuckled and pressed another kiss to her lips before a door opening and closing, and footsteps in the hallway permeated the little bubble that they had created around themselves. Amaleen peaked back out the window and saw the sun and risen a little more telling her it was closer to eight now or maybe even past it, and the others were starting to wake up. Washing had to be done, cooking had to be done, cleaning had to be done... Rick wanted to clean the bottom deck once more, even though they had already gotten the worst of it off, so they could use it for something productive. They had no plans on what they were going to do with it yet. Still, it would be better than spending all winter in a mostly-enclosed ship with the possibility of dead walker smell drifting up with no way of getting rid of it. 

Sighing softly, she regretfully tugged herself from his strong, warm embrace and sat up, running her fingers through her messy hair as she looked around for clothes—something more appropriate for working than those clothes she had picked out to seduce Daryl with—and her brush. She heard Daryl grumbling behind her and she had to smile. He never was one for being interrupted when he didn't feel their intimacy was over with. Of course neither was she, she would much rather be in those arms of his, but work had to be done and she was being relied on. Rick, Daryl, and T-Dog were going to discuss more strategical defense maneuvers, shit that Amaleen just didn't understand and didn't care to, so she was good with helping Lori and Carol with other work. Honestly she wasn't sure where the others would be, but that wasn't her job to ask anymore. In Maggie's mind, it was Amaleen that was dead so she was just going with it, letting her have her time. 

Finding her brush, she slid that through her tangled hair so it was at least easy enough to put into a ponytail. Clothes were found and put on and she turned to see Daryl tugging on his pants with a frown on his face. "I prefer ya without all that shit on," he said, gesturing to her clothes making her eyes roll as she snorted and pressed against his side. Her fingers crawled up his chest, making him shiver, before a kiss was pressed to his cheek. She grabbed his shirt from him and helped him into it, buttoning it up slowly over skin and muscle. Though she had to agree, the shirt looked much better on the ground than it did on his body, the glory of his chest was something that she didn't kid around with.

"I can't say that I disagree," she offered with a sly grin and a wink, before pulling back out of his reach, making him frown even more. "But we have work to do. Let's go, Mr. Dixon, before we get a good talkin' to by the boss." He sighed, but listened as she tugged him from the room and into the hallway, meeting with Lori, Beth, and Maggie. Immediately Maggie frowned and stopped talking, tugging Beth away while Lori just shook her head. Her look changed as she looked over the expressions on the couple's faces and the way Daryl's arm had wrapped around Amaleen's waist. A sly grin formed over her face as she reached out and grabbed a hold of Amaleen's wrist. 

"You had her all night, Dixon, my turn now. Rick is up in the captain's deck with T already." She winked and the tugged Amaleen from Daryl's grip, the couple barely able to grab a kiss from each other's lips before she was disappearing down the hall and the stairs watching him get smaller before being unable to see him anymore. She huffed slightly, but let her friend pull her down onto C deck and finally into the kitchen where Carol already was, shutting the door behind her and shoving Amaleen into a chair and gesturing Carol over, sitting down herself. " _Spill_ ," she demanded, causing a raise of an eyebrow from Carol.

Amaleen snickered and reached for some bread that Carol had managed to make, and ripped off a piece to eat. "I don't kiss 'n tell," she said, chewing on more bread before snorting. "But we totally had sex." The other two women laughed loudly at that as Amaleen smirked and took a couple more bites. Of course she only told them because she knew the older women could keep it a secret. Daryl wasn't exactly the kind of man that wanted everybody knowing his business, and Amaleen respected that. Still, it was Lori who recommended the night complete with all the details like the candles, clothes, and condoms. Amaleen had never been the type to think of that, instead just meeting her lover at the door free of any clothing. The couple years they had been together the first time, she did that more than once, and her lover seemed to enjoy that so it wasn't like she was going to protest. Still, dressing sexy was nice, especially seeing that look on Daryl's face. 

"So everything worked then, I take it?" 

"Oh yeah," Amaleen said. "Though so did strippin' all his clothes off him 'n givin' him a hand job." The others barked out more laughter and Lori shook her head, grinning ear to ear. 

"I'm just so glad you guys are  _finally_ together. After everything you told me and everything that happened, you deserve it. And everybody needs to let some stress out now and then."

"Well sex is definitely a good stress relief." There was a noise of agreement from the other two before finally they dragged themselves up to start working on what needed to be done.

* * *

Three hours later, the bottom deck was finally all scrubbed clean from top to bottom again and, while the smell was still lingering a tad, it was mostly gone, which was a good thing. The women were exhausted, but still cleaned up the kitchen and the rec room before each retiring to shower quick and then start on dinner. The guys were done with their planning, at least that's why Amaleen assumed as when she, Carol, and Lori showed up in the kitchen again, they were all sitting around talking. It was like a magnetic pull which brought Amaleen straight into Daryl's lap, arms around his neck, as she kissed him sweetly. His face and ears turned bright red which caused a loud "Aww!" from Lori and Carol behind them. 

Amaleen giggled as Daryl bit out, "Screw you!" and kissed her once more before he had to let her up. The dinner that night would be squirrel stew, thanks to Daryl for the meat and the others for bringing home all the boxes of food they did. None of them had any idea that that was what was left in North Morton, but Dickbag and his goons made the mistake of putting Rick, Maggie, and Glenn down there which allowed them to take inventory of the stock they had. It would've just been left there if they had put them somewhere else, but now it was going to good use, and they were all pretty certain that they could last the winter with the boxes and cans of food they had. Meat was a different story, but there were only so many squirrels left. 

"Could go huntin' one more time," Daryl suggested, his hand raising to chew on his thumbnail just like he always did when he was either nervous or thinking. Amaleen frowned, negative thoughts immediately surfacing, but she supposed it would be a good idea. If he stuck to the woods, he was less likely to come across walkers or even people. They could only assume all of Dickbag's guys were gone, so she was still a bit nervous. Chewing on her lip as she worked on skinning the squirrel—she was still a small town, Georgia girl at heart and knew all about hunting and cleaning an animal—she wondered if he would allow her to go with him. Honestly, he couldn't "let" her do anything, she was still her own person and she still had her own will. But that didn't mean she wouldn't respect his wishes; she didn't want to upset him or hurt him by just going against what he said. 

Once the skin and fur was gone, she began to cut the meat off the bones, and that's when she stilled and turned to him, leaning against the counter she was in front of. "Only if I can come with ya," she said, trying to give him less room to argue against it, even if she didn't seem completely confident. He looked very ready to argue as he began to shake his head and open his mouth, but she stopped him. "C'mon, baby, I know how to hunt 'n ya know that. I won't get in yer way 'n I can be an extra pair of eyes 'n hands." She set the knife down and grabbed a rag to wipe her bloody hands on. "I've been cooped up here a long time 'n I wanna go. I'll be right by yer side every second, 'n Dickbag 'n his goons are gone, remember? The only thing out there is walkers."

"Exactly. Even worse," he grunted, arms crossing over the table, eyes right on her. "I know ya can hunt. But that don't make me feel better. Ya ain't gotta go, I can do it myself."

"I know ya can," she said gently. "Never said ya couldn't. But...please, I wanna go. I wanna help."

Daryl sighed and glanced to Rick and T-Dog, both of them looking away to show they weren't going to get involved. This was between the two of them and Amaleen saw too much doubt on Daryl's face so she had to pull out the big guns...the  _pout_. It was how she got a lot of things out of him, as much as he didn't care to admit it, but it was how she first got a kiss way back when, and it was how she got him to move in with her. There was nothing he could disagree to when he saw the way her bottom lip jutted out and her large eyes grow even wider. Everyone saw this when they heard muttered cursing come from the redneck and he ran a hand through disheveled hair, looking away as if that would help, but the effects were already there. 

" _Fine_ , woman, okay? Ya can come huntin' with me." He looked back, finger coming up to point at her sternly. "Ya follow every word I say without question, ya stay silent, 'n ya stay behind me?"

"What if a walker comes up behind me?" she asked with a smirk and a wise-ass tone.

His eyes narrowed and he huffed, the others stifling laughter. "Ya know what I mean! Just...keep yerself safe, alrigh'? Because I fuckin' swear to  _God_ that if ya come home hurt one more time..." He trailed off, though they all knew what he meant. Amaleen was sure she was the only one who saw the hidden pain down deep in those beautiful blue eyes of his, the effects of recent events taking a toll on him. 

Moving to him wordlessly, she leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. "I promise," she whispered, "I won't get hurt 'n I'll come home in one piece." She smiled and kissed him again. "Ya better promise me the same, Daryl Dixon." He grunted and she knew that was the best promise she was getting so she kissed him again before going back to the work she had been doing. 


	33. Guilt Is a Harsh Critic

"We're not havin' sex against a tree, woman."

The exasperation warring with the obvious interest in his voice had Amaleen giggling from her spot on the bed. The trip was set for the next morning and so the couple was in their room getting around necessities of what they need, besides the obvious weapons. Daryl was adamant about bringing an extra jacket beyond what either of them would be wearing, but it would just get in the way, at least that's what Amaleen had said. That's how sex against a tree came up, she had told him they could have sex against a tree to warm up instead of extra, unneeded clothing that could just get in the way. It was clear he was still worried about her little swim and the aftermath, but she was fine now, not even a tremble—not including orgasms during sex—and could handle being out in a bit of chilly weather while they were trying to hunt down more squirrels and some deer. There was no doubt that he would worry, though, that's just what Daryl did when it came to people he cared about. 

Amaleen was trying to get him to lighten up a little bit, though. She would be with him every moment and she had a thick jacket already. And if she wore a couple layers under it, she would be golden. Besides the fact that it was fun just to give him a hard time about their newly rediscovered intimacy. They were alone with nobody else to hear them so it wasn't like he had any reason to be embarrassed. And she was pretty sure if she wanted to, she could probably seduce him once they got out there, but she wouldn't interrupt their work too much considering how important it was to catch something and get it back. They needed the meat and she wouldn't be the one to ruin that just because she wanted some sexy times with her boyfriend. 

 _Boyfriend_ , she thought, a bit giddy with a happy sigh. She never thought it would happen again, but there she was, and she was ever so grateful to him for giving her a second chance. That's all she wanted, to be able to prove to him how much she loved him and how sorry she was for what she did. While she could blame Merle and Will all she wanted for talking her into leaving, making her believe that she was better off gone, the truth of the matter was, was that she still could've stayed and she still could've fought, but she didn't. She made the decision to leave and these were her consequences that she needed to reap, and needed to make right. 

She clicked her tongue and moved to sit so she was more leaning on the bed than laying, her legs crossed at the ankles, sitting back on her elbows. It was comfortable besides seductive, so really it was a win-win scenario. She saw him glance at her, his jaw tightening, before he turned his back to her fully to keep shoving weapons, some extra cans of food, along with some bullets and an extra knife in the bag. It was decided she would be carrying that along with the sniper rifle that Rick offered, and Daryl would be leading with his crossbow. He was a better tracker than she was, even though she was a good shot with a rifle. She almost asked if he could teach her his crossbow, but figured that was best left for a time where hunting wasn't so dire and he wasn't already on edge from her suggestive comments. 

"Lighten up, baby," she cooed as she sat up just a little so she was leaning on her palms. Her words caused him to grunt and she rolled her eyes playfully, finally just sliding off the side of the bed and stepping up behind him. Her arms wrapped around his middle and she felt him still, but not in a bad way, as she pressed her body against his back. Slowly lips moved over his shoulders, even though they were clothed, and up to the back of his neck which made him shiver. She gently sighed against him, finally just laying her cheek against his right shoulder blade where the tattooed demons lived, but only after one last kiss. Her fingers were clutching the front of his shirt, holding him close to her, and the way he stayed still in her arms told him that he didn't mind one bit. 

"Just want you safe," he mumbled, his chin tilting down a little as if his words shamed him. "Don't wantcha t'catch cold again'n then—" He stopped there, the last work cracking and she knew what he meant. And she knew as well why he kept his back to her instead of pulling her around to his front to hold her: he was scared and emotional, and he didn't want her to see it. Merle and Will had always told him "don't be a pussy" whenever he showed the least bit of emotion, even anger. So in his mind, if she saw how much her sickness and near-kidnapping had effected him, she would say the same thing and think him weak. That was the least of her worries of course; she loved him more than anything and she  _wanted_ him to show her that emotion. She was with him for good, through better or worse, no matter what happened. She wanted to be the one to take those cheeks in her fingers and tell him that everything would be okay. 

For a few moments, though, she let him have his time because it was clear to her that he needed it. If she pushed and tried to get him to talk when he didn't want to, then she would just push him away and he wouldn't say a word to her. Instead she stayed quiet and let him work through it by himself, no matter how eager she was to just take him into her arms and make him to tell her what was wrong. Silence fell over them as he worked through it before a sigh left his lips. 

"Could'a stopped it n'didn't. F'I had woke up, y'wouldn't'a fallen in'n y'wouldn't'a gotten sick. S'my fault, Am." Daryl was the only person allowed to and who ever had called her Am, and only when he was emotional, whether angry or upset or happy. His words hurt her heart, the fact that he could blame himself after it clearly wasn't his fault. She went out on watch without waking him and fell in the water herself, there was no way he could've stopped it. "N'then y'almost got taken by those Dickbags..." He sighed and she felt his body tensing which she just couldn't deal with. Shaking her head against him, she gently pulled her over to the bed and sat him down on the edge. Crawling backwards, she allowed enough room between his back and the wall that she could sit on her knees. 

Hands moving up his arms, they wrapped around his shoulders with thumbs pressing against the knotted muscles. She let out a hum as she worked at him gently, feeling the tension ever so slowly leave his shoulders, and his head fell back against her chest. His eyes were closed and she took the opportunity to lean forward and press a kiss to his forehead. "Did y'push me in the water?" she asked, her voice soothing. 

His eyes popped open at that and he frowned, puzzlement covering his face as she saw him try to figure out where she was going with that. "'Course not," he said gruffly. Another kiss to his forehead. 

"Then how could it  _possibly_ be yer fault? I didn't wake ya, 'n y'didn't push me in. So it's not your fault, it's mine. I should'a been more careful." Another kiss, this time down his nose, and then his cheek, and finally ever so gently to his lips. When he responded back instantly, she couldn't help but smile a little against his lips. She lingered there for a few more seconds before she pulled back to continue her little massage, try and help him with the guilt that he was feeling when it most definitely wasn't deserved. "I love ya, y'know that, right?" she whispered against his ear, feeling him shiver again, and another smile took over her face. "I'll be with ya when we're huntin', so I know I'm safe. N'there's no arguin' with me, s'don't try." She could see him ready to do just that and headed him off before he had the chance to. 

"Not leavin' my side," he grumbled and she nodded, bestowing another kiss to his forehead. 

" _Never_ ," she said firmly, meaning it in more ways than one. It gained her another smile from him, just a small quirk of the lips, but it was enough to make her so proud that she of all people had gotten a smile from Daryl Dixon. After a few more minutes of her massaging him, she got a soft groan of pleasure and she felt the tension in him had drained enough that he was slumping back against her, her body easily and happily taking his weight. 

"Gonna put me ta sleep, woman," he grumbled, his voice barely more than just rumble in his chest. She smiled and kissed his hair before pulling back, making him groan in annoyance and shoot a glare over his shoulder. 

"Sorry, big guy, we both need our sleep for tomorrow's adventure. No watch, no sex."

His eyes narrowed. "Didn't sign up for that." He turned in his spot and tugged her from where she was against the wall so instead she was sitting in his lap. She giggled softly as her arms wrapped around his neck and his around her waist, loving when he got like that. He pressed his face into her neck, inhaling deeply and she hummed, fingers raising to get lost in his dark hair, slowly getting longer so his bangs nearly reached his eyes. 

"Tough, y'need ta keep up yer strength for tomorrow." She paused. "Y'know the offer for tree sex still stands." 

She heard a scoff against her shoulder and the annoyed redneck looked up. " _No_ tree sex." 

She giggled. "Well, I had to try." 

"Yeah, yeah..."

* * *

The next morning was chillier than it had been thus far since they got there, and the look on Daryl's face was the most intense she's ever seen it. He had been asleep when she went in to take a quick shower (they were all regulated to five minutes of hot water, after that it would be more fair to the others to run it luke warm or cool) and when she got out, he was sitting up in bed with a blanket wrapped around him and a frown on his face. Her teeth were chattering as she dove for her bag and began to tug out clothes to wear, dropping the towel from her body to wrap it around her hair. Bra, panties, three pairs of socks, two pairs of thermal pants, jeans, tank top, t-shirt, long-sleeved shirt, sweatshirt. She would be bundled up nicely and yet she knew that if he had the choice, he would be telling her to stay. However, there was no one else to go with him except T-Dog and he didn't know how to track. Maggie had Glenn and Beth even avoiding Daryl now, which she knew annoyed her boyfriend rather than hurt him, which she was glad for but still felt guilty as he and Glenn were friends. Lori and Carl were out of the question. Carol wasn't the best shot, and Rick had to stay and hold down the fort. It was up to Daryl and Amaleen, the only two good hunters and trackers, to bring stuff back. 

Plus Daryl knew he would face her annoyance and anger if he tried to keep her home. 

After she was dressed in everything except the sweatshirt, she took the towel off her head as she had tried to soak up the most moisture that she could. It was imperative considering she knew that as long and thick as her hair was, if she kept it wet, it could get her sick all over again and she wasn't about to put herself much less Daryl through that again. While she had no hair dryer, the towel worked pretty well, and she went down to grab gloves, a scarf, and a hat from the collection of clothes they had stored away. When she returned, Daryl was dressed in his usual clothes, complete with the vest. She had to admit, not seducing him would be harder than anticipated because he just looked so sexy. Always did, though.

Clearing her throat, she turned away to grab the bag of weapons along with her coat, shoving the hat, scarf, and gloves in the bag. The coat she waited to put on until right before they were ready to go so she didn't get too overheated, but she did put the sweater on finally. Daryl threw the bag over his shoulder, guiding her up out of the ship where Rick, Lori, and T-Dog were waiting. All three of them had heavy jackets pulled tight around them and Amaleen realized she was getting a look from all four of the others standing with her so she sighed and pulled on her own. "Happy?" she asked, causing Lori to chuckle and wrap an arm around her while the three men settled a little. 

Rick wanted to know the plan and route Daryl and Amaleen would be going on in case of an issue, so Daryl explained it to him. He already had it planned that they would go north towards where the woods were, of course staying clear of Beachville and North Morton just in case. They would go two miles north, a mile west, and then make a diagonal back down to the docks. They would avoid the city along with those towns to stay clear of people and walkers alike; they didn't need anymore hiccups after losing Hershel and getting so close to losing Amaleen as well. Lori checked and rechecked their bag to make sure they had everything, and even zipped up Amaleen's coat for her which cost her a glare from Amaleen. 

"I'm thirty-three, not three," she complained, merely earning a laugh from the mother. She supposed it was just something in both of them, even if Amaleen was a parent without a child. She tried not to think about that as she and Daryl said their goodbyes and headed out, his arm around her waist loosely after he had handed her the bag, Rick opening the gate for them and slid it shut when they were through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will most likely be a jump ahead in time.


	34. Cold As Ice

**-Five Months Later-**

It felt like a long winter for the group, but they all came out of it alive, and that was the most important thing. With all of them shoved onto a boat so close together, some of them wondered if they wouldn't just off each other after seeing each other so often, but luckily tensions managed to stay to a minimum. That didn't mean they didn't welcome their shifts at watch, which still happened religiously as that was the most important job on the ship, just to get a couple hours of fresh air. Safety was number one priority and so everyone, even Lori and Carl, took shifts on watch. They were shorter shifts than they were before so nobody got sick from the cold—although, Amaleen did catch something small, which was just her luck—and so everyone got enough sleep, which Rick considered priority number three after keeping watch and eating enough. Daryl tried slipping more of his food to Amaleen, but she always caught him and glared at him until he grumbled and took it back.

Amaleen didn't mind so much being constrained down on the below decks, except for the part that Maggie still hated her. Very rarely did she speak to Amaleen or even Daryl for that matter, but if she did have to speak to her, it was in snipped words and hot glares. She eased up slightly on making Beth and Glenn stay away from them, but Amaleen could tell she didn't appreciate it. Luckily she didn't scream so much, but Amaleen wondered if she would've just rather that. The mostly-silent treatment was something she couldn't really handle all that well. Whenever Amaleen tried to speak to her, usually she just walked away, even if Amaleen only wanted to give her some solemn respects for her father.

Once the first signs of spring started to break through, they finally started to make their way from the bowels of the ship. Amaleen and Carl were the first ones out, the woman keeping an eye on the boy as he sprinted down the gangway, the strings on his hat flying behind him as the cool wind nipped at his cheeks. It was a lot to keep the boy away from the snow over the course of the winter, considering down in Georgia it was a rarity, but luckily there was enough to keep him occupied in the common room considering something that had been hiding in some of the unused rooms were card games and board games. Once those wore out their fun, Amaleen helped an very excited Carl make up his own board game that eventually everyone—even Maggie and Daryl—learned to play with the rest and joined in the fun. It was the first time it felt like it was before, though all of their hearts were heavy with the knowledge that a very important member of their group was still gone, especially with Lori nearing so close to her due date. 

She followed down the gangway carefully after Amaleen and Carl, the woman breathing in the fresh air as Carl jumped from one pile of snow to the other. It was nearly all melted and of course they were unsure if it were truly stopped, but it wasn't bitterly cold anymore so it wasn't terrible to be out and about. Amaleen smiled, pulling the large coat she had on just a little bit closer as a shiver worked its way down her frame. Daryl insisted she wear his because it was thicker; that was the only way he let her off the ship in this type of weather. Faintly she could hear the sound of the others making their way onto the deck, but her attention was diverted when a snowball suddenly landed square on her ass. 

Jumping with shock and whirling around, she saw Carl standing about ten feet away, grinning from ear to ear. She hadn't seen that look on his face in so long, if ever since she first met them a few months ago. It was such a pleasant sight to see, considering how bad things were and how bad they could turn out to be—things just always seemed to go that way, especially in this world—a smile was exactly what the kid needed to help convince himself that they could have a normal life. Once the ice broke up a little more, the engines were going to be turned on and they would head away from the shore for a little bit, give themselves some time to sit out on the deck and soak up some sun and relax without the threat of walkers. They might not even need a watch, at least not one as vigilant as it had been.

"You did not just do that, little boy," Amaleen warned, but the smile on her face told him that she wasn't upset or angry, that she was just having fun with him. "You know the game is on now, right?" His face lit up and he quickly darted behind one of the only three trees in front of the docks, quickly launching another snowball at her. She jumped out of the way with a quick shout before she ran behind some of the left-over boards that they didn't use from their many projects that were still leaning against the fence. There was just enough space to get in between and hide and she felt it shake as another snowball hit it. Leaning down, her hands immediately frozen because she forgot her gloves— _sorry, Daryl_ , she thought—she scooped up a large snowball and launched it in Carl's general direction. She heard it land on something wooden and he let out a laugh so she knew it didn't hit him, but that didn't matter one bit, it was still a fun game. 

Another one came sailing near her and it hit the ground just a foot away from her so she peaked out and saw that he had begun to make an ammunitions pile in front of him, well on its way to becoming close to a dozen, and yet he still managed to lob some her way without even losing any ammo. Amaleen's lips dropped open in surprise, the boy was definitely resourceful, and it was rather endearing. It caused her to smile so she started to do the same, though hers seemed to go a lot slower and melt a lot faster than his did. His seemed to be hitting the wooden board she was hiding under a lot more than the ones she managed to toss in his direction, and part of her was wondering if she was letting him win, or if she was just too much of an adult at age thirty-three to truly enjoy the wonders of a snowball fight. 

"Giving up?" she heard Carl call and she peaked out again, eyes flickering from where the boy was hiding over to the docks where Rick and Daryl were watching with bemused expressions. She winked in their direction, but something in Daryl's eyes caused her heart to squeeze and she realized that it was guilt and grief drifting in those blue hues, the feelings like a vice in her chest.

She had never gotten the chance to do this with her own son. His entire life, as short as it was, he was much too sick to be running around in such cold weather. Amaleen had always tried to get him to do normal kid stuff, but the truth was he wasn't a normal kid, and there was only so much he could do with constant runs to the hospital and IVs never leaving his arm. And the woman knew that that look on Daryl's face, he was thinking it as well. He never even met Alex, all because of Amaleen, and that guilt would always be eating her up inside just as much as the grief over her son's death would. Being there now with Carl was so much fun, something she always wanted to so once Alex had gotten older. Carl wasn't a substitute for him, he wasn't in second place, he was a kid all on his own and Amaleen knew the difference. Didn't mean she couldn't wish, just a little, that her son was running around with Carl dodging snowballs and giggling and having fun.

It was a snowball to her face that made her realize she was thinking too long, causing her thoughts to drop and sputters to fall from her lips. Carl cracked up and leaned against the tree that was his fortress. Amaleen looked up just as she lobbed a snowball, seeing an amused Lori step just in time to get it to the side of the head making Amaleen's eyes widen and she looked away as Lori's narrowed eyed gaze turned her way. 

"Are you seriously trying to hide?" she asked, her voice amused. 

"I don't know what your talkin' about," Amaleen called, stepping out from behind the board. "I think it was Carl, he has really good aim, it was a great curve ball."

"Hey!" the kid called, stepping out from behind his tree, just in time for Amaleen's next snowball to his face. This caused both women to start laughing, Amaleen leaning against the fence to catch herself. 

"Don't mess with the champ, young man," Amaleen said with a grin. Lori laughed, beckoning them both closer. Despite the grins, they gave up their war and walked to Lori, Amaleen putting an arm around her waist so the woman could hold onto her if needed. Lori looked at her gratefully and took her up on the offer, using her shoulder to keep herself up. "How ya holdin' up?" The question was directed at Lori.

The older woman nodded, sighing as she settled a hand over her round belly. Amaleen was worried about her, it wouldn't be easy delivering in these conditions. Plus she had a c-section with Carl and Amaleen knew that most likely she would have to have one for this baby as well. Without Hershel, that would be a difficult feat, but Maggie and Carol were confident they could do it while keeping Lori and the baby alive. There was anesthesia in the medical supplies room along with oxygen tanks to keep her breathing, as putting her on anesthesia would stop her from breathing on her own. With those two things, along with a lot of pain killers, the women knew they had their work cut out for them, but they were confident. At least outwardly, Amaleen could see the worry in their eyes. But then again, everyone seemed worried these days. It just happened with the way the world became.

"Best as can be expected, I suppose," she said with a sigh and another rub to her belly. 

"Worried, aren't ya?"

Lori looked at her, eyes crinkling with a soft laugh. "Do I look worried?"

Amaleen laughed as well, reaching down to put a hand over the woman's stomach as well, about to answer her back when she heard a gasp of shock from Carl. The younger woman looked down at the boy, frowning as she saw a look of dread and fear crawling over her face. "What's wrong?" she demanded, hand crawling down to the knife that hung on her belt. Slowly he pointed back where they came from and the two women swung around, first looking to the ship to see that everyone had trailed back inside since the last time she looked over, and finally to the source of Carl's anxiety:

Walkers, dozens of them, crawling cracked and iced-covered bodies from the depths of the harbor where they had spent the winter.


	35. Goodnight, Love

Fear and desperation pushed its way through Amaleen's body and quickly she looked around, trying to find a way to get back onto to the ship or to get away without anyone getting hurt. With the walkers coming out of the water, the gangway was quickly becoming unaccessible to them. The walkers cracked with ice, limbs falling off from being so cold, but it was still too close for comfort with Lori and Carl beside her and her being the only one with a weapon. None of them expected this considering walkers couldn't swim, but they probably fell off cliffs or other docks along the coast and floated along, getting stuck in the ice, only to break free once the ice started to melt. They never even noticed any of them in the water during their watches otherwise they would've tried to take them out before this happened. 

"Shit," Amaleen hissed, despair growing in her body, before finally her eyes lit upon the sailboat they had all shoved into the first couple nights or so there at the docks. It hadn't been used since then, but it would be shelter for now until they could get rid of the walkers. There was at least a couple dozen if not more and there was no way that Amaleen could get rid of them all herself with just a knife and a revolver.  _Damn those guys for going back inside,_ she thought as she grabbed Lori and Carl each by the arm and gestured quickly with her head towards the sailboat. "Go. Go go go, on the sailboat. Quick now," she said in a hushed, rushed voice. The mother and son stayed frozen for a moment before Amaleen tugged them and suddenly they were in motion, Lori's hands on Carl's shoulders as she steered her son for the sailboat. 

The three didn't make a noise as they quickly rushed up the gangway of the sailboat and Amaleen paused just outside the door, needing to be quick. Taking a deep breath, she pulled the revolver out of the back of her jeans and pointed it towards the walkers, quickly shooting off two consecutive rounds, easily taking down two walkers. Of course it grabbed the attention of the others, but Amaleen needed a way to signal the others in their ship. She wondered just for a second if they heard them, if she should fire off a couple more rounds, but she needn't worry because the door flew open and the others came pouring out, Rick and Daryl being the first. The looks on their faces matched hers look of horror earlier and she pointed at the water, indicating that's where they came from. 

They pointed guns down at the fray and Amaleen frantically shook her head, picking up her knife to show them. She didn't want to yell out to them, but the walkers were already headed her way so it couldn't hurt worse than it already did. "Don't know how many there are!" she called, the walkers shambling towards the fresh meat even quicker. "Use knives and the crossbow if you can. Lori and Carl are with me, we're okay. Be safe!" With that and a quick look to a clearly desperate and panicked Daryl, she darted down below deck, pausing only enough to pull out her knife to shove it in a walker's forehead, shoving it away and slamming the door. Amaleen was breathing heavily and she looked around before finally grabbing for the table and shoving that against the locked door. She squeaked and jumped back as it began to rattle and moans were heard on the other side, but it held and that was important. The woman was breathing heavily, leaning against the door, squeezing her eyes shut as she fought for an idea, but came up empty. They were sitting ducks in there until the others could get through. She was trying not to panic and worry the others, especially Lori, but it was hard with her trembling hands.

"Something's wrong with Mom!" Carl's voice broke through her thoughts and she looked back quickly, running over to them just before Lori collapsed. She was breathing heavily and cold sweat was breaking over her forehead. It was clear to Amaleen that she was in labor, if the puddle by her feet were any indication. 

"Oh god," Amaleen moaned, quickly helping Lori lay down, looking around for something to put under her head but wound up just taking off her coat to do so. She was so full of adrenaline that she was warm and sticky with sweat, her hands trembling more. "Oh god, uh... Right. Carl, she's in labor. Until the others can get to us, I'll need your help, Carl, okay?"

The boy looked from Lori to Amaleen quickly, but he nodded. He had gone ashen and it was clear he wasn't ready for anything like this—what kid in their right mind would be?—but Amaleen couldn't do it by herself. Carol maybe, Hershel had her as a pseudo nurse for different things, but he was the one that had been prepared to deliver the baby when the time came, not any of the rest of them. With him gone, they were forced to make due, but she never prayed so hard that a man would suddenly rise from his grave and find them. And Amaleen wasn't stupid, she knew that since Lori had had a c-section with Carl, she would probably have to have one with this baby as well. And that terrified her almost more than the walkers at the door, there was no way to control the bleeding or the pain, not stuck in the sailboat, and it's not as if she had practice or even read up on how to perform one without possibly cutting the wrong thing.

"Uh...yes, okay, right. We can do this, alright? We can do this. We'll get this baby out and then all four of us are going to go back to that ship and be perfectly fine, okay?" She had to keep a brave face for them, though inside she was terrified, and she managed to give Lori a comforting look as she searched around quickly for  _anything_ they could use before going back to kneel by her friend.

Lori panted and took Amaleen's hand, shaking her head, her eyes brimming with tears as a haunting look of acceptance washed over her face. "Amaleen, please... Let's be honest with ourselves. There's a high chance I won't make it—"

"Don't talk like that," Amaleen interrupted, her voice a growl as she tried to keep herself from falling apart. Her friends needed her, and she couldn't lose it. 

"—and I want you to help Rick look after Carl," Lori continued as if Amaleen hadn't spoken. "And this baby. You help him and look after them. Y-you're my best friend. I've done so many shitty things in my life, pushed so many people away, but I'm so glad you've been here for me. For all of us. I couldn't ask for a better friend or better support. And I know you love Rick and Carl. And I know you'll love this baby. So if...if this goes bad, I want you to help Rick, okay? Please,  _please_ promise me, Amaleen. Look after my family for me?" 

Amaleen's bottom lip tremble and she saw Carl look away as he hid his tears, but finally the brunette nodded and squeezed Lori's hand, holding back her own. She had to or they would never stop. She had a sick feeling that this is the last time she would be seeing her best friend, but she would be doing everything in her power to keep that from happening. She didn't know what she would do if these were Lori's last moments; she was one of the only people keeping her standing. It was selfish, but she needed Lori there. And Lori's family needed her there, too, more than Amaleen ever did. Carl and the baby needed their mom, and Rick needed his wife. 

"I promise," she whispered. Sniffing, she sat up more and finally crawled over between Lori's legs. "Now, no more talk like that. Let's get your pants off and check you out, okay?" 

Despite the fact that Amaleen herself had given birth, she couldn't fully tell if Lori was dilated enough to push. She felt it, but it's not as if she had a tape measure. Still, Lori felt like she needed to push so Amaleen put one of her feet on her shoulder and helped her to start pushing, holding her hands tightly. 

It was when she felt the flood of blood, and heard Lori's pain-filled scream, that she knew something was wrong. 

* * *

Amaleen finally heard the commotion outside cease, but she was too numb and too distraught to pay much mind to it. Carl was sniffling at her side, much as he tried to hide it, and the baby was whimpering in her arms. Lori was behind her, body already cooling off in the air, but luckily she wouldn't turn as Carl's bullet had taken care of that. Her hands trembled and it felt like nothing was real anymore, her entire body numb and her tears dry on her face. Her best friend—the best person she knew in the entire world, even before it ended—was dead behind her and there's nothing Amaleen could've done to save her. She tried, she really tried, but there was nothing. After the blood started it wouldn't stop and Amaleen had to perform the c-section. Carl made sure she didn't turn, but they still had to wait until the violence outside ended before they could leave. 

"Amaleen?!"

"Lori?! Carl?!"

The voices of Rick and Daryl drew her from her thoughts and her bottom lip trembled as she pulled the baby closer to her chest. Carl's outer coat was wrapped around the tiny bundle and hopefully that was keeping her warm enough, that and Amaleen's body heat. Slowly she walked up the steps and pushed open the door, walking out into the cool late-winter air, holding the baby closer. Carl trailed behind her, chin to his chest as he let go of the tears he desperately wanted to hold back. She heard Rick barking out orders to the others to start clearing the walker bodies out as they headed towards where Amaleen and Carl stood. It was when the baby let out some tiny cries that Rick's voice silenced. 

Slowly he turned around and Amaleen could see the breath caught in his throat, and it was all she could do to keep her footing as she lead Carl down the gangway; the only way she was able to keep herself up was the baby in her arms. She saw Rick look behind her, a look of confusion flashing over his face as he searched for Lori, before his eyes dug into her. Daryl's eyes were racking her up and down and he looked more than relieved to see her alive and unharmed, but his face turned grim as he took in the situation faster than Rick—who, she was sure understood already, but was denying it to himself because the truth was much much more painful than letting himself believe that Lori simply hadn't come outside yet. 

The man took a couple steps closer as Amaleen stopped once her feet hit concrete, safely away from the dangers of falling into the water, and she gulped feeling the shaking her limbs grow stronger. No longer were her tears able to stay hidden as they slipped down her cheeks in small rivulets, clinging to her lashes as the cool wind grew angry and whipped through the coast and into the docks, causing Amaleen instinctively to pull the tiny girl tighter to her chest. She wished she had taken her coat, but she couldn't bring herself to move Lori's body long enough even to get it. 

"Wh-wh-where is she?" Rick stammered, his voice growing thick and with a quick, stumbling dart of his feet, he went to move around her, but Amaleen shot her hand out to catch his arm, knowing the last thing she wanted Rick to see right then was Lori's body. It wasn't a pretty sight and as his friend, she just couldn't allow that from him, not right then. Amaleen had every intention of going in to clean up once things were a bit calmer.  

"Rick, no!" she cried, her voice choked, catching his blue hues as they flickered—so full of pain and agony, and finally, understanding—down to her own. Amaleen sniffed and slowly gave a single shake of her head, more tears falling down her stained cheeks. 

"No," Rick mumbled, taking a step back, the knife he was holding clattering to the ground at his feet. "No! No no no no... Oh, god...  ** _NO_**!" The cries made Amaleen wince and she helplessly watched as one of the strongest men she knew fell to the ground at her feet as his legs simply gave out, crying out for his dead wife. Behind her Carl sobbed to himself and Daryl carefully stepped past Rick, his arms immediately going around her and he pulled her to his chest, allowing her to cry against his shoulder. 

The numbness washed away and all she could feel was the brutality of the day, and the gloom that would forever haunt her with the death of the woman that became her sister. She wasn't sure she would ever be the same again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't write out Lori's whole birth scene because I felt that I couldn't write it the right way to be as brutal and as painful as it was on the show. But it played out just the same way. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, everyone!


	36. Hello, Judith

Slowly things started to move again even with the somber feeling that seemed to settle over the whole group. Things still needed to be done or changed otherwise more than just Lori could be lost that day. Amaleen had no idea what could be done considering the ground was still too hard to dig into, and Amaleen didn't think she wasokay with just dumping her body into the freezing water. Though she thought that might be the only thing they could do considering the ground wouldn't thaw for another two months at least and there was no way she was going to let Lori's body just lay in there until then. There would be no way she would dishonor her friend like that, it just wouldn't happen. Ideally they could bury her properly and give her a place to rest where they could visit and give her a stone like they had tried to do for Hershel, but that just might not be possible, and that hurt just as much as losing her to begin with. 

Amaleen sniffled and slowly she pulled her head back from Daryl's shoulder. The hunter's eyes were deeply haunted and he brought his hands up to cup her face, thumbs across her cheekbones as his eyes roamed over every inch of her, as if just needing to make sure she was still alive, that she was really there with him. She was drenched in blood, but not a drop of it was hers, and part of her wished it was. She would much rather that be her body in there and not Lori's. Lori has— _had_ —a family that needed her. But Amaleen would do her best to try and help out, not to take Lori's place, but be the mother-figure that these children needed in their life. 

Daryl's fingers shifted to clutch at her hair and, in a very un-Daryl like act of public displays of affection, he wrapped a hand around her waist and tugged her closer, kissing her as if he just found her again after months apart. It took her breath away and made her want to crawl into his arms and never leave them, take comfort in their strength and warmth and the love of the man that beheld them, but she knew that there were others that needed her; she would have to be selfish with her lover later, but they all had work to do. 

Taking a deep breath when she pulled back, she gave him a gentle nod that she was alright, she wasn't wounded, physically at least, before looking over his shoulder to the others. Rick was still on the ground behind her, but he allowed himself to roll over onto his knees so he was kneeling. Carl sat down next to him and Rick pulled him down next to him, clutching him close as they softly cried to each other. Amaleen took a shaky breath and stepped away from Daryl's addictive warmth, only for his coat to come around her shoulders. It was then she realized that her trembling was also from the cold and not just the pain that laced through every part of her body. 

This entire group was a family; they all had to stick together now. Even Maggie looked at her with grim knowledge that now wasn't the time for fighting or snapping words. They needed to do this. It was what Lori would want, she wouldn't want them all falling apart with her gone. They had been able to work through Hershel's death, and they could work through Lori's as well. 

"We, uh—" She stopped to clear her throat as her voice sounded dry and unused, even though the cause was the tears. Daryl didn't let go of her waist, but turned slightly with her so she could speak to the others behind them. Carol and Beth were also crying. T-Dog looked more somber than she ever saw him. Glenn was clutching Maggie's hand tightly as the younger woman tried to hold back her tears; despite everything, Lori was her friend, too. 

"We should pile up the bodies—the  _walker_ bodies," She made sure to make that distinction; Lori's body wasn't to be touched, "over closer to the fence. But not too close, we only have the one wooden plank left to repair the fence, so we don't want to catch anything on fire. We'll burn them and we'll dump the ashes over on the west side. Not back into the water. That's our only source, so we'll have to boil it for awhile before we use it." She took a shaky breath and shifted the baby into her other arm, which is when she started to wail.

Loud cries left her throat, crocodile tears falling down her tiny cheeks. Amaleen frowned and gently pulled away the coat so she could take a peak. Her maternal instincts were kicking in so much that they nearly suffocated her, and the ache for her own child grew inside her. She never got to seem him grow up, but she decided right then and there that she would do absolutely anything in her power to keep this girl alive, to make sure she grew up in a world without fear or pain, and to make sure she knew how much her mother had loved her. 

 _"Goodnight, love."_ Amaleen swallowed thickly and pushed away the memories.

"She needs to be fed," she said softly. "We don't have any formula. We expected Lori to be able to feed her..." Her voice trailed off and she shook her head. "I guess we'll need to make a run. Water won't cut it. She needs formula, or she could die as—"

"No." It was Daryl's voice that interrupted her and she glanced up at him. "No. Not her, not this girl. Not today, not ever. I'll make a run inta town, find us some baby shit. Diapers, formula, whatnot." 

"I'll go with you," Glenn said, stepping forward. "Maggie and I." He paused. "We're not going to North Morton, are well?"

"Hell no!" Daryl said quickly. "There's a town'n the opposite direction, think's called Hamilton, they have a daycare there. Saw it on the way through. We can raid it."

Amaleen nodded and looked back to the others. "T-Dog, Carol, and Beth...you guys work at burning the bodies." She glanced back at Rick and Carl. Carl was standing, but Rick was still on his knees staring silently at the sailboat. "I'll stay with them. Keep an eye on the kids."

Everyone nodded to her and got moving without a word. Daryl pulled her back to him and into another one of those mind-blowing kisses that had her reeling and aching for more, but she forced herself to pull back and give him a soft pat on the chest. "You come back to me, Dixon, ya here?"

Daryl gave her one of his small smiles and he nodded. "Ya got it, babe." He gave her another kiss before letting her go and heading over to the truck to get it started. Maggie and Glenn were finishing up some goodbyes with Beth and Carol before following him. For the first time all winter, Maggie actually gave her a slight smile before climbing in the back. Amaleen stood there as T-Dog let them out the gates and the truck roared down the road, and she prayed again that her love would come back to her. She didn't think she could make it if someone else she cared for died.

Forcing her mind off that and back to the two males behind her, she stepped silently up behind Rick and stood for a couple seconds, hearing the others start to get work on what they were assigned. She was thankful that they were all on board with what she said. She wasn't the leader by far—Glenn or Daryl were the natural choices to take over if Rick was incapacitated—but now they were gone on a run so she figured that the rest of them could just kind of work together the best they could to get done what was needed. It was a known fact in their group that Amaleen was closest to Rick and Lori out of all of them and that she was the one that needed to be there for them, even though she was barely holding it together herself, but she had her friends to think about along with the kids that needed her to be strong.

The baby continued to cry in her arms and she gently bounced the infant in her arms to try and calm her just a little before the other three got back, but she knew that nothing would really soothe her until she had the formula. The girl was hungry and Amaleen wished more than anything that they had thought ahead to pick up formula in one of their last runs in a  _just in case_ scenario. Nobody wanted to admitted that Lori had a high mortality rate with Hershel gone, but they still should've thought smart anyway. And Amaleen would always regret that, but she couldn't dwell on it too long. They had work to do. 

Gingerly she knelt down next to Rick and felt the wet coldness soak into the knees of her jeans, making her shiver, but she ignored it as she leaned against the ex-deputy. He didn't move and he was no longer crying or screaming, but the blank look on his face was even worse, especially because the man she knew was so full of life. It was then she wished she had one or two extra hands so she could hold the baby and Rick at the same time. Against her better judgement, tears crept up to her eyes again and she sniffed, gingerly pressing the baby closer against her and freeing the arm closest to Rick to settle it around his waist. Her head laid against his shoulder and she gulped, glancing up as Carl moved closer to her. 

Silently he gestured for the baby, clearly seeing that his father needed some support and Amaleen nodded, never more proud of the boy for allowing himself to be strong for a few moments so she could help his dad. She pulled her arm back to help hand the baby over and murmured gentle instructions to him on how to hold her without dropping her, and he picked it up rather quickly. When the smallest smile covered his face as he gazed down at her sister, Amaleen couldn't help but match it before she turned her attention back to Rick. 

The man still hadn't moved and now that both of her arms were free, she pushed her arms through Daryl's coat and pulled it closer to her, taking comfort in the smell of her boyfriend on it, before she wrapped both of her arms around Rick's shoulders with her head against his cheek. For a moment the man didn't move, but then she felt his arms come around her waist and he pulled her closer like he had Carl, onto his lap, and she allowed him to take comfort in her. He just lost his wife, the woman he normally cried with, and Amaleen would never take her place, not just because she didn't think of him or feel for him that way, but she could be that shoulder that he lost. 

Rick didn't make a sound as he lay his forehead against her shoulder and together they just sat there, both with silent tears slipping down their faces, eyes focused on the boy that had somehow managed to get his sister to quiet down. She still looked to be in distress and Amaleen prayed once again that the others get back quickly and safely, but she was content in her brother's arms. Maybe she sensed that he was her brother, her protector, but either way Amaleen was grateful that he could do that for her. She was certain Rick could do it as well, but she could tell by the tremble of his arms around her waist that he just wasn't quite ready enough. 

There wasn't really much she could say to him...what could you really say to a man whose wife just died? _I'm sorry_  just wasn't enough, not when the guilt and the agony were practically eating her alive. There was so much that she  _wanted_ to say to him, but the words just weren't even there, stuck in her mind or her throat, she wasn't sure. She felt like she killed Lori to save the baby, and Rick should be pushing her away and hating her, but instead he just pulled her closer. 

"What do ya wanna do, Rick?" she murmured against him, causing his body to go still and Carl to look up at her. Was there really an easy way to do this or ask this? 

He didn't say anything for about five minutes, but it felt like it was a lot longer. The only things she could hear was a gently lap of waves against the edge of the shore and the sound of bodies dropping into a pile to be burned. The baby was quiet now, and Amaleen peaked at her just to make sure she was okay, before pulling back slightly and looking at Rick. She wished she could see what he was thinking, but she had a feeling that she did even if he didn't say it. 

"We have to put her in the water," he whispered. Amaleen frowned and sat back a little bit more, forcing him to look at her. The look of pain and misery over his face would've brought her to her knees if she wasn't already sitting. 

"Are you sure?" she asked gently. 

The man nodded, sighing softly. "It's the only way...it's the best way. Ground is too frozen, and we can't—" He paused and she saw him swallow past a lump in his throat. "—we can't just leave her there. We have to put her in the water. We'll take the sailboat out about a mile out past the docks, the water isn't rough there, but it's deeper and we can give her a water burial there." 

It was Amaleen's turn to be quiet as her green hues flickered out over the water before them. Over the winter there were rough swells due to the storms that blew through the area, and more than once Amaleen was glad they were so close to shore and tied down to the docks. The group had been fully prepared to need to do some repairs to the docks, but they were very well made and none of them got broken in the least bit by all that hit them over the course of the winter months. At least not that they could see; the docks they used regularly were fine, and if the others went down, as long as it didn't damage the integrity of theirs, then they didn't mind if they stayed down.

Now the water was calm, but she knew it was frigidly cold, even colder than it was when she had went into it on accident. Of course she knew that Lori wouldn't feel it, but it didn't make her feel better by dropping her in there. It made her think of the Titanic movie and she winced because that's just what would happen; her body would freeze rather quickly, especially the more it went down into the ocean. 

"Okay," she finally whispered, her voice breaking slightly. "You're right, it's the best way." She paused and looked around. "Maybe we can still find someway to give her a marker that we can visit. I think Carl would like that, and once the baby is older she—"

"She?"

Amaleen realized she hadn't said it and Rick hadn't asked. She smiled softly and nodded. "She," she whispered. "You have a daughter, Rick. I think she'll enjoy seeing a memorial for her mother. And we can all tell her how wonderful Lori was." 

Rick nodded silently and looked at Carl who had stood up and was rocking her gently. She wasn't asleep, but she wasn't crying, just babbling away quietly making even Rick smile slightly. Finally Rick set Amaleen off his lap and they both stood up, helping each other to their feet, and Rick took the baby from his son. He didn't say a word as he rocked his daughter gently, and Amaleen felt that familiar squeeze of longing in her chest for her Alex, but she pushed that away as she watched the family. Taking a step back, she let them be alone for a few moments, they needed it. Faintly in her mind, she hoped the others would be able to bring back a crib or some kind of bassinet that the baby could sleep in, but she knew that would be difficult to find and carry. 

"When the others get back," Rick said softly. "We can put her to rest." 

Amaleen nodded, shoving her hands in Daryl's coat pockets as she gently swayed, trying to keep herself warm. It was the perfect idea, they should be there, too, they all loved Lori.

* * *

Once the bodies were done burning, Amaleen grabbed Carol and Beth to go with her down to C deck to the storage room with blankets and sheets to find one that would work to wrap up Lori's body with. They picked the best ones they had—some soft, high thread count light pink sheets that were found left in a small motel they raided and stayed in on the way up from South Carolina. They were too large to fit the beds on the ship, but even if they weren't, they would've used them anyway because while they couldn't give Lori the gold-lined casket like she deserved, the least they could do was find something nice for her to spend eternity in the water with.

Rick had gone with Carl into the sailboat to clean her up a bit while Amaleen took care of the baby. She wanted to go with them, but Rick shook his head and she knew it was just them needing some time alone. Part of her wanted to give the baby to them, but she was too little to know what was going on, and they had too much to do so they wouldn't be able to hold her. When they were downstairs, she found a smaller blanket that she was able to tie around her tight enough and comfortably enough to hold the baby so she wouldn't fall out, but so she could still keep the baby close while she helped out. Part of her wanted to help and take Lori's clothes downstairs as well, but that should be Rick's decision, if he wasn't ready for something like that, then it would only hurt him if he came home to an empty room. She would discuss it with him later—she didn't want to get rid of the clothes, they were in an apocalypse and they were needed, as sad as that was to say, but it might be easier to take them downstairs. But she wasn't sure, people reacted differently, so she would wait until she could speak to Rick.

They also found a thicker sheet that they cut up into a sort of large triangle and then doubled over and used some safety pins to close it up as a sort of diaper for the baby. Ideally the others would find some when they went through the daycare center, but they couldn't count on that. They kept the sheet aside just in case they had to make more; it's not as if just one would suffice for a baby.

Carol carried the sheet with her as Amaleen bundled herself and the baby back up to keep them warm. Beth trailed behind them, staring down at her feet as she walked. The girl hadn't said much, but Amaleen didn't blame her. Sometimes death just wasn't something that you could get used to no matter how many times you saw it, especially when it was someone you cared for. Hershel died just a few months previously, and now they lost Lori. It made Amaleen want to just cling to the others that were still left, even Maggie who had hated her ever since Hershel died; Amaleen still cared for her, she cared for them all, and it terrified her to think she could possibly lose anyone else. 

Shock filled her once she entered the sailboat and saw that all of the blood had been cleaned off the floor, Lori's pants were back on, and there wasn't any sign that she had a c-section. Carl looked dully at the floor as he sat over in one of the old cots (free of its mattress as it was over in their ship) and Rick was standing staring out the back window into the sea that was moving around them. Amaleen left Carol and Beth to help Carl—who insisted on doing it—wrap Lori's body up in the sheet while she went to Rick. Gently she set a hand on his back and felt him tense for a moment before he turned to her slightly. 

"They're not back yet," he said, more of a statement and not a question. 

She shook her head. "Not yet. Hopefully soon, it'll start getting colder soon." She sighed softly and tried not to dwell on the thought of Daryl being out there, especially because she still had his coat. It was bundled over her own coat to make sure warmth stayed within her body and the baby's—especially the baby's. "Rick? Had you and..." She paused, "...and Lori..." The name hurt, "...talked about names?"

His face twisted oddly as if he were trying not to show his emotions because as quick as it was there, it fell away again and his face was simply blank again. "No, not really." He glanced down at the sleeping girl and a slight smile quirked the corner of his lips. "Any suggestions?"

Amaleen hummed for a moment, gazing down at the baby as well, fingers gently soothing over the small tuft of hair on the top of her head, careful of her soft spot. "Lori?" she said in a whisper, causing Rick's soft smile to fall and he put his arm around her. Before he could say anything, Carl spoke up behind them. 

"How about Judith?" The two adults turned to him, questions on their faces. "My third grade teacher, Miss Mueller, that was her name." 

Rick and Amaleen glanced at each other before Amaleen smiled, nodding. Lori would definitely approve of that name; it was beautiful and a perfect edition to their family: Judith Grimes. She could see that Rick agreed with her and he nodded as well, reaching over to gently take his daughter from Amaleen. With a careful movement, she kept Judith in the sheet and moved her quickly under Rick's jacket so keep that warmth in her body. The three of them smiled at the baby, content in their moment, before they heard T-Dog call for them. 

"They're back!" he said, his voice as relieved as the rest of them felt, before turning to go meet them and help out, and Amaleen let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding. Her heart started to beat a bit more normally because Daryl was home, she could feel it, and she didn't have to worry about him anymore. She always felt much better when he was there, even if he wasn't in her sights, knowing he was behind the gates in the docks was better than knowing he was on the other side in a world of walkers and people that wanted to kill him, and she wasn't there beside him to know if he was safe or not. 

"Let's get Judith fed and then we'll get started," Rick said, Amaleen's eyes going up to him and she gave him a nod and a kiss on the cheek along with an encouraging, if a little sad smile before she went out to meet Daryl down at the landing.


	37. Whoops

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Sexual content included. Proceed with caution._

Everyone stayed on the sailboat until the wind got too cold to stand, even down under the deck, and the sun was starting to go down. They stayed out there for a good four hours and Amaleen had kept the baby downstairs after the first hour and called Carl down an hour after that. Rick refused to follow, and she knew he wanted to see the resting place of his wife, but it was just getting too cold. Daryl had followed Amaleen down and sat with her on one of the old cots, the baby laid out between them as she slept. Amaleen couldn't seem to let her out of her sight, but she knew she would be sleeping in the co-sleeper that the others had managed to find when they were at the daycare. Luckily it could grow with her for awhile considering the top bassinet part would come out so it was a regular playpen and once she was a toddler, she could sleep in there. They really did a good job with what they got, getting about four months worth of formula, many blankets, bottles, a couple toys, and a box of diapers. It would last maybe two weeks—that number really surprised Daryl, Maggie, and Glenn—so they would have to go back to the cut sheets, or send out another group to try and get more. 

T-Dog and Glenn got the boat back to the docks and everyone started to file off except Rick, who had to be led off by Amaleen and Daryl after he wouldn't move. It was perfectly understandable, but that didn't mean it was any easier to watch the man blankly and silently go into his room with his baby daughter and shut the door behind him. For a moment Amaleen just stood there, staring at it with a troubled frown, but soon Daryl came from their room to gently pull her inside and shut the door behind her. 

Standing there for a second, she debated on whether she just wanted to get changed and go to sleep, but she hadn't changed her clothes after everything and her skin was still sticky, so she knew that she would just be getting other clothes dirty. A bath was in order and so she sighed softly, looking over to Daryl. "Take a bath with me?" she murmured, walking up to him where he sat on the bed. He had just pulled the shirt over his head and he went still, blue hues raising to meet hers as she stepped in front of him. A frown took over his face even as he reached up to wrap his arms around her waist and tug her closer, laying his cheek against her stomach while her fingers dipped into his soft hair. 

"Now?" he murmured in that low voice of his and as always, a shiver ran up her spine, but she ignored it as she nodded. 

"My shirt is covered in blood 'n stickin' to my skin," she said, causing him to look up at her in alarm for a moment, but then realization dawned over his face and he quickly yanked her down so she was sitting in his lap and he kissed her like he did out on the docks. It took her breath away, thoughts of a bath forgotten as her lips played over his, the apples of her cheeks being caressed by his callused fingers...and it felt incredible. With everything that has happened, this is exactly what was needed, being in his arms. 

"Morning?" he suggested once he pulled away, his voice husky, and she couldn't answer for a moment as she had to catch her breath and regain her thoughts. 

"Don't wanna get other clothes dirty. I'll go boil water quick 'n be back in fifteen minutes." Not that she wanted to be gone for even that long, and the frown on his face told her that he didn't want her to be either. 

"Make it ten 'n I'll letcha up." 

A small smile quirked at the corner of her lips. "Deal," she murmured, leaning into give him another kiss, before reluctantly pulling back and getting up before she could talk herself out of it. She took her coat off and stored it over the chair like usual and she saw Daryl's face darken when he saw the amount of blood. He had seen it before, but she supposed he was more focused on what was going on than her shirt. Giving him another kiss, she shook her head. "I'm not hurt, Daryl." 

"I know," he muttered, glancing away. "But ya could'a been. Those walkers—"

"—are gone," she finished for him, running a thumb over his lips to quiet him. "They're dead 'n we're alive. That's what counts, right?"

Daryl grunted and she knew that he would continue to feel guilty for leaving them out there alone, so she simply sighed and gave him another kiss before heading out. She managed to get the water boiled in ten minutes like he requested and she was back upstairs with the steaming pans of water for their bath. The boiler might still work, but they were very stingy with how they used it as gas was getting incredibly hard to find, and they needed to stock up once it was warmer and they could finally take the ship out. The guys had been pouring over manuals and blueprints to make sure they knew how to drive it; the last thing they needed was to get stuck out in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, though that would certainly take care of the walker problem.

Gingerly opening the door just in case Daryl had fallen asleep, she smiled softly when she saw him, still shirtless, leaning up against the wall with his gun in his lap, slowly and carefully cleaning it out. As soon as he saw her, he pushed it aside and his eyes flickered between her and the pans of water, then he gestured to her body. 

"Put that in there, then take them clothes off."

A smirk slid onto her face and an eyebrow went up her forehead, shaking her head as she started for the bathroom. "You just wanna get me naked," she said over her shoulder, but she still did what he said and poured the water into the bathtub.

"Fuck yeah," he said from the other room and she heard a soft groan in his voice making her snicker. 

Turning on the camp lantern on the small counter, she pushed it closer to the mirror over the sink and gave herself another smirk. She removed her pants first and tossed them out the open door. She heard any movement cease in the other room and her shirt followed soon after. Bras weren't something that were easy to keep ahold of, so she was glad that wasn't dirty as she tossed that out, too, followed by her panties. Taking the band from her hair, she shook it out and felt it tumble down her back, almost to her butt. 

Peaking her head out the door, the smirk only growing wider as she saw Daryl sitting there, a tent in his pants and the most intense look she had ever seen in his eyes, centered right at her. It made her shiver and slowly she crooked a finger at him in a  _come hither_ motion, watching as he seemed to be like a puppet on a string as he stood and walked towards her. She held up the finger and he paused in the middle of the room where her clothes were scattered at his feet. "No clothes, big guy," she purred, batting her eyelashes at him. She winked and ducked back into the room, putting the camp lantern on the toilet where it was closer to the tub. 

When she stood back up, she squeaked for a second, startled as strong arms wrapped around her waist from behind, but relaxed into the familiar tight hold those arms bestowed her with. She hummed as he growled against her neck, pressing heavy wet, hot kisses along her shoulders.

"I wantcha." 

The sound of those words uttered in his deep voice against her ear made her shiver and moan softly, turning in his arms so she could throw hers around his shoulders, bringing him closer so she could catch his lips in a fury of lust and need. He wasted no time in picking her up and setting her back on the counter, and she was glad she hadn't kept the lantern sitting there. She groaned as the cold surface hit her skin, but she arched up against his warm chest, feeling her own pressed against his made things that much hotter. 

They barely waited long, no foreplay like last time, they just needed each other. They needed to know that they were still there, alive and well and they were together. They needed each other, and so in just under a minute, he was inside her, making her cry out against his shoulder and clutch him tightly to her. They moved together quickly, panting and murmuring each other's names into their ears, coming together with sighs and groans.

The move to the bath was natural and they went one more time in there before he sat against the edge, her tight up against his chest and they carefully washed each other clean of dirt and blood, kisses and touches the only real sound in the bathroom.

There was one thing they didn't realize, though, one thing they didn't notice: they were too involved in the feeling of each other to realize they forgot a condom.

* * *

**-Two Months Later-**

_It shouldn't be this sunny so soon after Lori died_ , Amaleen thought with a tired yawn as she climbed out of the depths of the ship. Judith was already snug in her carrier, bundled up in two of the blankets that Maggie, Glenn, and Daryl brought back and held underneath Amaleen's coat. She was comfy and sleeping well with a pacifier in her mouth, her little fists opening and closing in the air; she wouldn't keep them in the blankets no matter how tight Amaleen swaddled her and no matter how many times she rebundled her. Amaleen decided to let her do what she wanted, but would keep an eye on her to make sure her fingers didn't get too cold. One thing they couldn't find were gloves or baby coats, so blankets would have to do, hopefully without too many spit-up situations. 

The sailboat had become a ghost where it sat; after Lori, nobody wanted to touch it. She almost expected Rick just to burn it, but instead he just barred the doors shut with a two by four and that was that. It wasn't as if anybody would argue, though, the last thing Amaleen wanted to see was the stain on the floor from Lori's blood. 

Rick and Daryl were out on A deck planning where they could build a small pavilion and some gardens to grow their own food. Without Hershel it wouldn't go as well as planned, but Beth and Maggie knew some tricks that would help them out. They planned on a couple runs before the weather got nicer, but otherwise once they were away from land, they planned to try and be as self-sustaining as possible with the gardens planting herbs and vegetables. Amaleen wished for the orchards that had been on her parents farm when she was really young, but that was way back in Georgia and it's not as if they could plant a tree on a ship. 

Heading over to them, both men smiled at her as she stepped closer, pressing against Daryl's side and resisting the urge to yawn. She had yawned so much that morning and it felt like that was all she was doing lately. She wasn't exactly sure why she was always so tired all of a sudden, but perhaps it was from the mornings waking up nauseous and not being able to eat much. It had been that way for a couple weeks and it was rather annoying, but it's not as if she could go see a doctor and figure out what was wrong.  _I miss you, Hershel,_ she thought with a frown.

"How's my girl?" Rick asked, peaking down through the V in the opening of the coat and at the slumbering baby. 

"She's good, ate the whole four ounce bottle and still cried for more, but I managed to burp her and get her to sleep," Amaleen said. 

Rick chuckled. "That's my girl," he said fondly, leaning down to kiss Judith's nose before turning back to the plans laid out before him. 

"Thought it was Beth's turn," Daryl murmured to her, causing her to shake her head. The women set up a daily rotation of who had baby duty: Amaleen, Beth, Carol, and then Maggie. Whoever had her had off watch duty that night, which everybody even Carl was now doing. Just after Lori died, Rick set up a pseudo gun range that he could teach those that didn't know how to shoot well. He had taught people back when he was a deputy in Georgia, so it was simple for him to get back into the swing of things. Now everyone was rather a good shot, but they were still paired up with the better shots for watch just until they got better. And Carl was never allowed to do watch by himself anyway, there's no way anyone would allow him to be by himself, and luckily the kid understood. Normally he was with either Rick or Amaleen, but a couple times he was with Daryl or T-Dog depending on who had baby duty and who was in the rotation that night, as not everybody had a rotation every night. 

"Nope, she's tomorrow. Maggie was yesterday and I'm after her." After Lori, Maggie seemed to warm up to close to where she had been with Amaleen before Hershel's death. It seemed death really did bring people together, and Amaleen wasn't positive if it was the shock of Lori, if Maggie felt sorry for her, or if she truly forgave her. Either way, Amaleen wasn't complaining, because it felt good to get her friend back. She hoped eventually things would be back to the way things originally were with them all. 

Daryl grunted and glanced down, knowing that meant Judith would have all of Amaleen's time and attention that day. She knew he didn't want to feel jealous, but she knew that they spent ten years apart and it was the end of the world, they needed to spend as much time together as they could, to make up for old times and, God forbid, if something were to happen to one of them. 

"We have tonight," Amaleen murmured to him, giving him a smile and pressing her lips to his. Daryl's eyes caught hers and he merely sighed and kissed her before getting back to work with Rick. Truthfully she couldn't wait until they could finally get out on the water. When she was very little, her grandfather had a boat while he was still alive. She remembered loving to be out on the water; that's all she had wanted to do at the time. The boat was sold after he died and she never got to go on one again, but now she could take advantage of the situation and soak in all the ocean air that she could. 

Moving away from him, she started her regular walk along the docks. She was careful to stay away anything that looked rotted or broken, and made sure to stay in the middle of the boards so there was no chance of her accidentally falling in or slipping. She did the same walk every day no matter if she had Judith with her or not. If she did, she could tell her all kinds of stories, from her own childhood as well, but mostly stories of Judith's mother from their trip up north. There wasn't much and she wanted to talk to Carl about him telling her stories of their mom, but she still had some more up her sleeve. 

"And you would've loved Alex," she murmured softly, smiling wistfully out into the bay. "He had such a big heart. He was always smiling and laughing, even when he was in pain, he never showed it. And he had such a beautiful little laugh. He always saw the best in everything he did, definitely a glass half full type of kid. And he always made friends with everyone. I remember one time when he was in St. James Children's Center there in Virginia, there was an old man there visiting his granddaughter. It was around Christmas and he was more of a Scrooge than Santa. Well little Alex got a hold of this information and he just couldn't stand for it; he didn't understand how someone could hate Christmas. So he went around to all the patients' rooms and nurses' stations and talked to them about this man and how he wanted to do something for him. He asked the granddaughter what he liked and I guess he had always wanted to learn how to play piano. So he had the piano from a local high school brought in along with a local piano teacher. He brought the man down to the cafeteria where it was all set up and the whole way the man was gripping and demanding to know what was going on. When he walked in the room, though, oh you should've seen his face. All the kids and parents and nurses, even most of the doctors, were all standing around singing Christmas carols. The piano teacher was playing along with them and the old man just started crying. Turns out his wife had also been a piano teacher and he always wanted to learn to surprise her on their sixtieth wedding anniversary, only she passed away a year before that, on Christmas Eve. After that he just lost all his hope. But this little kid, my little Alex, he brought hope and Christmas spirit back to an old man that had given up everything. That's the type of kid my son was, he was dying from a brain tumor, and he gave up his own Christmas money and Christmas wish to make this man feel better." 

She hadn't realized she was crying until she saw drips on the baby's forehead. Sighing softly, she gently wiped it away and smiled down at the baby, about to speak again when she felt two familiar arms wrap around her. She jumped and sniffed, looking up as she saw Daryl's face hovering over her. She couldn't tell the emotion on his face, maybe because there were so many battling there, and she let out a shaky breath. "I've never told you that one, have I?" she whispered to him. 

Slowly he shook his head. "No," he croaked. "Our son did that?"

Amaleen smiled at his words, feeling warmth and longing spread through her, and she sniffed again. "I should've. That's my favorite Alex story." She paused as she searched his face before she turned to him and taking one of his hands, frowning. "Daryl, I-I—" She swallowed and shook her head. "—I know I've apologized so many times, but I just—"

He put a finger over his lips and shook his head. "Don't need'a do it again. I know ya are. I'll always wish ya told me, but I forgive you. For all'a it. I love ya, Am. I love ya s'much."

Amaleen smiled, her eyes watery, and she leaned up on her toes to kiss him. "I love you, too, Daryl Dixon." She laced her fingers through his and gave him another soft kiss, gently tugging him back the way they came, back to the ship and their family.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings, all! I'm going to take a little survey. I have a couple ideas on how I want to go with things and I'm leaning more towards one than the other, but I was interested in your thoughts. So here it is:
> 
> What do you think should be the next big "thing"?  
> A) A sickness like in the first half of season 4 of the show  
> B) Another group runs them off  
> C) They go out to sea and the engine stops running  
> D) B happens and they get split up like in the second half of season 4 of the show  
> E) Any other suggestions?
> 
> There's something else big coming that's going to happen no matter which option is chosen. Some might be able to guess, but you'll all see eventually. ;) Thanks to those who answer! And thanks for reading!


	38. Whatever Happens, Happens

"Gonna go on a hunt, see if the deer have come out yet. Maybe hit Hamilton on the way back."

Daryl's voice drew Amaleen out of her groggy thoughts as she picked her head up from the pillow and frowned over at her boyfriend as he got himself dressed. She had slept through the night, but he had third shift watch so she knew he was probably even more tired than she was and that was saying something considering how heavy her lids felt. He would never admit it, though. She just tossed and turned all night, her stomach rolling oddly as if something were wrong, but she couldn't put her finger on it. It was just a deep gut feeling and she knew she had it a couple times before: just before she found out Alex was sick, just before the apocalypse starter, and... No, no it couldn't be. They were always careful, at least that she could remember. Because the only other time it happened was just before she found out she was pregnant with Alex. And there was no way that could be it. She was ignoring the fact that she was late for her period, it's not as if she could keep the best track of it in this world, but she knew it had been at least two months since she had it, she just was so busy with Judith and watch and everything else that she didn't notice. 

Dread filled her because she knew two things: having a baby in this world now was extremely dangerous, and there was no way she was ready for another baby considering how badly she failed her son. She couldn't keep him safe, she let him die, and that was in a modern world full of medicine and doctors, and now there was a possibility she was bringing another one into the world? No, no she just couldn't do it, it couldn't happen. Already she felt terrified of the prospect, of something happening to another child and her being powerless to stop it. Deep down she knew that she would have Daryl this time, she wouldn't be alone, and she knew her lover, there was no way Daryl would ever let anything happen to her or the baby. She knew how far he would go to protect them and that terrified her as well. She couldn't do something like this alone and she refused to put his life at risk because of her. But if she was pregnant, there would be no way she could get rid of the baby, she just could never do something like that no matter the situation, so she had to think hard and figure out what her options were if this is what was happening. She just couldn't believe it was. 

There was a hand waving in her face and she didn't even realize it until she heard, "Am?" go along with it. She had spaced out after he spoke, lost in his own thoughts as her stomach just rolled and rolled even more, enough that she felt it begin to fight back and all she could do was grunt and throw the blankets off, push past Daryl, and fling herself into the bathroom for the toilet. Her stomach heaved and everything she ate the night before, which wasn't a lot, emptied itself into the toilet. She felt fingers pull the tendrils of hair that escaped her ponytail out of her face, and she groaned, waving her hand at him to try and make him leave, but he didn't move until she was done. A towel was held out to her and she gingerly wiped her mouth before sitting back, leaning against the wall with her eyes closed, taking deep breaths in through her nose. 

They were both silent until finally Daryl broke it and said, "What happened?" The sound of the deep concern in his voice made her feel even worse and for a moment she fought with herself on whether or not to tell him what she suspected, but she knew that if she did, he would be so angry and confused and he would wind up getting himself hurt. She needed him then more than ever, she needed his arms around her telling her it was okay, but she couldn't risk his life if she didn't even know if she was or not. But she felt so guilty, like she did the first time she didn't tell him, but this time she didn't know so she forced herself not to feel so guilty. 

"Just a little nauseous," she said finally, shaking her head and looking up at him, managing to give him a small, convincing smile. "Don't know why, but it's gone now." Mostly it was, her stomach still rolled and clenched when she thought about what could happen and what was going on in her body. When she was pregnant with Alex, she rarely got morning sickness, so she was kind of surprised she was nauseous for so long. Maybe it was the difference between having a girl or a boy? She always heard there was a difference. 

 _Oh god,_ she moaned to herself. 

Daryl was studying her as if she were a complex math problem and he was trying to figure out the solution. She kept the best poker face she could as he stared her down before finally he grunted and pulled her closer to give her a kiss, which she pulled away from and murmured, "My breath," to which he just ignored and kissed her anyway. It made her smile and feel warmth drift through her at his obvious affection, which just made her stomach twist more that she wasn't telling him the full truth, but she would tell him eventually once she knew for sure one way or another. She just couldn't bring herself to worry him just yet, she just couldn't. 

"I'm goin' with you," she said once their lips parted and immediately he frowned. 

"You're sick..."

"No, just a weird bug thing. It passed, I promise." On surprisingly steady legs, she climbed to her feet and tugged him up with her, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and kissing him again. "C'mon, let's go tell Rick 'n get goin' before all the good deer are taken by the walkers." Daryl still didn't look convinced, but another kiss from her had him quieting down and following her over into Rick's room. Beth was just leaving with Judith in the carrier across her chest and she smiled as she passed them before heading down to C deck. Amaleen made sure to knock on the door before they entered and when she heard the ex-deputy call out to come in, she pulled Daryl inside. 

"Gonna go huntin' 'n on a run into Hamilton," Amaleen said as she entered, letting go of Daryl's hand to fall onto the edge of Rick's bed, crossing her legs. "Figured we could try and stock up on meat before we go out to sea. 'N get more stuff for Judith, the formula we have left won't last her all spring 'n summer."

Rick glanced between them as Daryl crossed his arms and leaned against the door right inside. He still didn't look too happy that Amaleen was going with him, but she knew it was because he worried about her safety and not just the fact he didn't want her along. Both of them felt better being together and even if she didn't need to stop in Hamilton herself for a test, she would've wanted to go anyway because having him go off on a hunt alone didn't sit right with her. She would have to find a way to break away from him in Hamilton to try and find a test. It's not like they would've been the first things raided after it all ended, but that didn't mean it would be easy to find. She would have to find a gas station or a pharmacy somewhere and have an excuse other than  _it's a secret_ because she knew that just wouldn't work with him. But she would have time to think because they would be hunting first, that's when it would be easiest to find deer. 

"Just the two of you?" Rick asked, his voice confirming that he wasn't convinced it was the best idea. 

Amaleen nodded. "We'll be fine, we'll be back as soon as we can. Later tonight if we can, tomorrow morning at the latest. Carol is up tomorrow for baby duty so ya don't hafta worry about that." 

"Either of you on watch tonight?" 

"Daryl was on last night, and we're both up for tomorrow night, but not tonight."

Rick studied them before nodding and walking over to sit next to Amaleen on the bed. "Okay, but take plenty of weapons and be safe, okay?"

Amaleen smiled and reached over to hug him. "'Course," she said, leaning up to kiss his cheek before standing to head back into their room. Daryl nodded to Rick before following her out. He was over her relationship with Rick, well sibling-ship it felt like because Amaleen and Rick were closer than real siblings. She never had any siblings herself, but if she that she loved Rick more than she would—or had—any of her own flesh and blood. Daryl was the love of her life and nobody would take his place, but she still had room in her heart for Rick and the relationship that they had together. She was always grateful for him and she would die for him the same as she would for Daryl. 

The backpack she carried her stuff around in was taken from under the bed and loaded down with extra ammo, a couple guns, an extra knife, a bottle of water, and a couple cans of food. Daryl kept his quiver around his back with extra self-made arrows and of course kept his crossbow tight to his side. Amaleen's gun and knife were sheathed in her belt under her coat, which she pulled tightly around her body but only after she put on an extra sweater. She laced up her boots over two pairs of socks, and put thermal pants underneath her jeans. Daryl made sure to inspect her closely and shoved the gloves he gave her into her pocket and then gave her a small grin. 

"Perfect," he said, stealing a kiss from her lips, before heading out to find some rope that could be used to drag anything they found and/or tie them to the truck they were taking. He also grabbed Amaleen's tarp because it would keep the inside of the truck from soaking up and stinking with any fallen blood; they really didn't need one of their only modes of transportation to smell like dead thing, even though most of the world smelled like that anyway. 

Carol packed them up a couple veggie pies they managed to make from some of the cans of food over the winter and pack them away in the bag Amaleen carried. "You guys be careful," she warned, sitting down to feed Judith once she was done with them. Amaleen nodded and gave her a quick one-armed hug before letting Daryl pull her back upstairs and outside. Luckily the wind wasn't blowing too hard so the chill wasn't nipping at her face anymore. It was still pretty cool out, Amaleen could still see her breath puffing from her slightly parted lips, but the trees were slowly beginning to get small buds on them so that was a good sign. It meant that they could leave the docks soon and Amaleen was excited. 

Amaleen laid the tarp over the back as Daryl got the truck started and warmed up. The bag was thrown in the back seat, but weapons were kept in the front seat just in case they needed them. The woods they went to before were closer to North Morton and Beachville than they really liked, so this time they found the woods just on the other side of Atlantic City and closer to Hamilton. She knew he would probably spend a good five or six hours hunting before they even went towards Hamilton so she was hoping it wouldn't take them until the next day, but if he caught a good trail, hunting could take longer than she expected. 

* * *

 

She was right, about the time they were going to pack it in with six squirrels and a rabbit, Daryl caught a trail. "S'not a walker, but it's a couple hours old. Gonna hafta follow it for a little bit and hopefully we can find it." They couldn't tell how big it was just from the trail, so for all they knew it was a fawn, but they had to at least see. A small one would be better than none at all. Deer gave them the most meat and they could do more with it and use more of the animal than they could with something small like a squirrel or a rabbit. 

The trail took them about three hours to finally catch up, but luckily they did and Daryl took it down with a single arrow to the side of the head. It wasn't large, but it wasn't small either and it looked like it would get them a lot of meat for stew or jerky. It was a six point buck and Amaleen had a feeling that the antlers would become a decoration on their bedroom wall, but it's not as if she minded. She remembered the trailer that he and Merle shared in Round Rock when they first met and they had about ten of them around the room and one full head over the television. It made her smile as she watched him tie the rope around it to drag it back to the truck, and was glad it was a clean shot so it wouldn't cause too much of an odor before they were able to get back to the docks. 

"I'll gut it when we get back," he said with a grunt as he began to heft it up above the ground so it didn't catch on branches or anything and damage the meat, but not too high because that could hurt his back. It was a small deer, but it was still rather heavy and Amaleen made sure to mention not to lift with his back, lift with his knees and he just grunted at her. 

The truck was further away than they thought and Amaleen tried to ask to help, but he refused her, even though by the time they got back, he was panting and he looked like he was aching a little bit. "I'll drive to Hamilton. Take a nap, baby," she said soothingly, fingers reaching up to smooth through his hair, but her voice left no room for argument because she knew very well that he was going to if she didn't stop him. He frowned, but luckily he listened and climbed into the passenger side. Hamilton was closer to them than North Morton or Beachville had been, and Daryl had guaranteed nobody was there as that was the first thing that he, Glenn, and Maggie had checked for last time they were there. The first stop was the daycare to try and find anything else the others couldn't take last time and Amaleen found more formula and some diapers, and a package of wipes. There was a walker in the basement that looked like it was once a daycare teacher, but Amaleen took her out with a quick knife to the head, and down there they found more diapers and blankets. 

Besides the large toys, there was nothing else of use there so they went back out onto the streets. "Grocery story's over here," Daryl said, pointing. Amaleen glanced around for a moment and saw  **Dale's Pharmacy** across the street and bit her lip before shaking her head. 

"Go ahead, I'm gonna go to the pharmacy, see if there're any meds'r anything we can use."

Daryl frowned. "No way, we're not splittin' up. We're stickin' together. We can go there next." 

Amaleen's heart raced for a moment; how else could she get free to find a test without him asking or figuring out what she was doing? She needed to come up with something because she just wasn't ready to say anything, she had to know for sure. She was planning on finding one and running into the bathroom to take it, she couldn't take waiting much longer. It had been long enough from the first times they had sex that if she were pregnant, the test would be able to tell her. 

"C'mon, you know where I am 'n I know where you are. It'll be fine, if I get in trouble, I'll yell." His lips parted to argue, and she reached up to press a finger over them to silence him. "I'm a big girl, I can kill a couple walkers if I need, 'n search around the pharmacy. It'll be fine, Daryl, I promise."

The frown on his face only deepened, but he seemed to notice that she wasn't about to give in because he sighed and glanced at the ground. "Fine," he grumbled. "But if ya die, I'll be s'fuckin' pissed."

Amaleen giggled. "Same goes for you, big guy." She leaned up on her toes to kiss him. "Now go first, I wanna see your cute little ass." Daryl's cheeks went red and he grumbled do himself about "fuckin' woman 'n her fetishes," but he did what she said and turned to head into the grocery story. She let out a cat call after him and cheered, eyes never leaving his tush and she just heard him grumble more as he stepped through the front door. 

She giggled slightly, glad they could still joke around with each other, but then the smile fell off her face as she glanced around and ran into the pharmacy across the street. For a moment she just stood there, waiting to see if she could hear anything either human or walker, but it seemed clear to her. Still, she made sure to keep her knife close to her even as she navigated her way over to the feminine hygiene aisle. There wasn't much of anything that was left, a couple packages of tampons and underneath them, three boxes of tests. Amaleen let out a breath and grabbed them up, glancing around as she headed for the back It took her a little while, but finally she found an employee's only bathroom in the back room. There was a penlight in her pocket and she took that out and took a deep breath, heading inside to do what she needed. She figured three tests would be best because one or two couple lie, but three couldn't. 

They needed ten minutes to sit and it was absolutely the longest ten minutes of her life. She remembered this wait when she had thought she was pregnant with Alex and she spent the whole time sitting in the bathroom crying. Now she had things to do and she couldn't find it right to just sit in there for ten minutes doing nothing when she could be doing something useful like grabbing meds and anything else they might need, including the tampons just in case any of the women needed them—though, she had a feeling that she wouldn't need to for awhile now. She was still terrified, but part of her actually was sort of excited to be pregnant with Daryl's baby again. It was the best feeling in the world, it really was, she had loved being pregnant no matter how heartbroken she had been at the time.

Keeping the time going in her mind, counting to herself as she shoved stuff in her bag and found some plastic bags behind the counter to help out, finally the minutes finished ticking by and the ten minutes were up. The bags she set just outside the counter and took a deep breath, heading back into the bathroom. The tests were sitting along the sink and she closed her eyes, picking them up, and leaning against the wall.

Taking a deep breath, Amaleen turned the sticks over before she could chicken out, and it read—


	39. And the Test Says...

Amaleen was sure her heart actually stopped beating as she stared at the test, the results plain and clear right there before her eyes, even though she could hear her blood rushing through her ears and a rough beating against her ribcage. For a moment she could scarcely breath, just staring at the tests she was holding. It was if her mind and body both went numb and she couldn't really comprehend what they were saying even though it told her right next to the little screen what it mean, but she just wasn't ready for this news. It was like she was out of her body, staring down at herself watching as she read it and took in the news and trying to decipher what it is that she felt about it.

_Positive._

She was pregnant. She was having a baby. She was having  _Daryl's_ baby. 

For a moment all she wanted to do was cry and didn't even realize she was actually doing it even as the tears fell down her face and her body slid down the wall to sit on the floor. She cried softly into her hands, letting the tests fall to the ground around her. Part of her was thrilled, she always wanted another baby even while Alex was still alive, but most of her was terrified because this world was so dangerous for anyone let alone a baby. She understood then exactly how Lori felt, how everyday she woke up scared and feeling like it could be her last, and Amaleen could only be two or three months along. She wasn't yet showing so there was no way she could be further than that. Her mind flashed back to the night of Lori's funeral and the sex she and Daryl had in the bathroom. It was probably that night, she faintly remembered that they didn't use any condoms that night, but it didn't matter. It only took one unprotected time to get a baby, and that night they went at it three or four different times. 

The small pink plus signs stared up at her as if mocking her and she kicked them away by the door, bringing her legs up to hug her knees to chest. If she weren't afraid of attracting unwanted attention, she would be crying louder, but she was in no mood to fight anything, human or walker, and she was in no mood to move either. But if she didn't, Daryl would come looking for her and the last thing she needed was him to find her like this. What was she supposed to say to him? She felt like it was her fault even though she knew that was dumb, they were both there when they had sex, it was both of their faults. But she just couldn't help it, and she was terrified of what Daryl would say. 

Numbly she picked one up and shoved it in her pocket before heading out to grab the bags still sitting by the counter. Daryl's voice drifted in from outside calling her name and she paused for a moment, staring at the faint vision of his figure standing out there, but she just couldn't move. It felt like the first time it happened with Merle finding the test in the bathroom. This time there was no chance in that happening, Merle and Will were gone, but she felt like Daryl would try and accuse her of the same thing they did. That wasn't fair to him, she knew that he knew that she would never do that to him, that she loved him, but it was like finding out about Alex all over again and she felt like she was suffocating. 

"Am!" When her name came again, it was with a little bit more of an alarmed note and she knew that if she didn't get herself moving, he would come in there after her. Those few precious steps to the door she would have to use to get herself under control and rid herself of those horrible thoughts because they weren't fair to either of them...or the little jellybean growing in her belly. 

 _Jellybean number two,_ she thought with some fondness. That's what she called Alex while she was still pregnant.  _Oh, I love you, Jellybean._

And that was that. Without even truly thinking about it, her thoughts and feelings became more and more clear to her. Of course she loved it. Of course she would have it and be its mother. The universe wouldn't give them this child if it didn't think they could handle it; this child was meant to be, and she knew now that's part of why she and Daryl were brought back together, besides the fact that they were meant to be as well. 

" _Amaleen_!" His voice was panicked and she heard hurried footsteps racing towards the store, so she swallowed down her fears and picked up the bags, moving quickly for the door and opened it just as he appeared. He stopped and she saw the wild fear in his eyes that made her feel terrible and she let out a breath as her body relaxed. 

"Sorry, I was in the back, I didn't hear ya at first." 

Daryl's eyes roamed over her, but every inch of her was just as he left her, so she saw his body relax as well. Of course he had no clue of the turmoil going on in her mind and when she opened her mouth to tell him, nothing would come out. It's like those words  _I'm pregnant_ no longer existed in her mind. They felt so odd to think, so weird to associate with herself, that she was sure she was dreaming until he reached out and gripped her hand to pull her closer. 

"Fuckin' scared the hell outta me, woman," he grumbled, giving her a rough kiss before releasing her. "Don't do that." 

She managed a small smile and squeezed his hand. "M'sorry, baby, I was just seein' if they had anything useful back there." Truthfully she hadn't even thought to look in the back and it was too late to go there now, so she would have to deal with it. She had more on her mind than usual, normally she didn't leave any part of a stone unturned, but with the butterflies in her belly she now knew to be their child, she just wasn't thinking as straight as she normally did. And she still couldn't say a word, just gazed up at him and begged her throat to allow the words out, but each time they got close, she just choked. 

It was clear he noticed something, he knew her well enough to see something was on her mind, but he didn't say anything and for that she was grateful. Because she also knew that he knew her well enough to know that she wouldn't say anything until she was ready, but she would tell him eventually because she told him everything. Whenever she had something as small as a hangnail, she told Daryl because that's how they worked. Slowly he was opening up to her the same way, but she knew better than to expect him to change over night considering how he was raised. Merle and Will were gone, but the memories of their words and actions weren't, and she knew that sometimes those haunted him more than the dead ever did. 

Finally he just tugged her for the truck, gazing up at the sky for a second. "We should have enough light ta get us back ta the docks," he said, opening the back door to toss in the bags he got from the grocery store followed by the bags she took. She shoved a hand in her coat pocket to make sure the test was there and not in the bag, and breathed a sigh of relief when she felt it, before she nodded to him. 

"Even if it goes down some, we should be fine. We're not that far inta the city for it ta be too much of an issue." She climbed into the passenger side, letting him drive. It was nearly silent the way back as she stared out the window as the buildings gave way to trees and then eventually gave way to the sea as they approached the docks. Her hands were kept inside her coat and subconsciously her thumb was stroking her still-flat stomach, realizing in a month or two she would probably have a little bump there. 

_Hello there, Jellybean._

It was dark enough that once they pulled up to the docks, Maggie and Glenn were already on first watch outside. Amaleen climbed out and began to grab bags and Daryl did as well, but she shook her head. "Why don't ya gut the deer before it gets too dark 'n the thing gets too ripe, 'n I'll take stuff in 'n talk ta Rick about the run." Daryl frowned at her, but she smiled and nodded to him. "Go on, ya leave the deer 'til tomorrow, we ain't gonna be able to use much'a it." Daryl sighed because of course she was right, so she left her penlight with him so he could see if it got darker, and he opened the truck's gate to pull the deer to the edge, keeping it on the tarp so he could dump the blood over the fence; the last thing they needed was freshly spilled blood on the ground and attract walkers. 

"Ya sure ya got the bags?" he asked, looking at them all with doubt clear on his face, but she nodded. 

"I'm good, baby, just do your thang 'n hurry." She winked at him causing his cheeks to get pink and he grumbled to himself while she giggled and moved off with the bags. 

Talking to Rick was definitely first on her list, but she wasn't about to just drag the bags around. If Daryl knew she was pregnant and carrying them around, he would be so pissed. So she went down to C deck first to drop things off where they belonged—she was surprised just how much Daryl managed to find at such a small grocery store—and then went back up to B deck to knock on Rick's door. Luckily he was there because he opened pretty quickly, freshly showered with jeans, no shirt, and a towel around his neck, hair slicked back. Amaleen raised an eyebrow and the corner of her lips quirked. 

"Waitin' for a hot date?" she joked as he let her into the room. 

That got a chuckle out of him and he shook his head. "I wish," he said, tossing the towel onto a nearby chair and heading to find a clean shirt doing the usual  _sniff it and if it's not too offending, it's clean_ game. Once he found one, he slipped it on and buttoned it up, turning to her and she realized how relieved he looked. "I'm glad you guys are back tonight," he said. "I know you said it could be tomorrow, but I'd rather have you both here where I know where you are."

Amaleen smiled and slipped onto the bed, sitting cross legged in the center against the wall just like she always did, allowing him to sit next to her. "Everything went smoothly," she said. "Nothin' excitin'. Daryl actually got a deer, small one, but it'll give us some good meat. Might even be able to use the coat for somethin' 'n I think he wants to put the antlers in our room." She rolled her eyes, but was still grinning. "Hamilton was good. Stocked up some stuff from the pharmacy 'n grocery store." She paused and her fingers went into her pocket, grasping at the test still sitting there. 

Rick's eyes flickered over her face and down to her hand, a frown falling over his lips as he studied her. Of course he would pick up that there was something going on with her, besides the fact that he used to be a cop, he was her brother. He could tell when she was upset before she even knew it. Pressing himself back against the wall as well, he set an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to him. 

"I'm glad it went well. But what's wrong? And don't say nothing." He knew her so well that she couldn't help the wry smile on her face. Fingers fidgeted with the test for a moment, thumb caressing her stomach. He would find out eventually of course and she had truly wanted Daryl to be the first one to find out, but she also knew that Rick wasn't about to let her walk off without telling him what was wrong. There wasn't really anyway she could even if she wanted to. Rick was also someone she told everything to just because they were that close, and now wouldn't be any different. She cared for him and she knew he cared for her, and they only wanted what was best for each other. 

Holding her breath, fingers starting to tremble, the test slid out of her pocket and into her palm, closed in her fist tightly. She couldn't look at him as she handed it over, placing it in his palm so the little screen with the pink plus sign was up, but then she just stared down at her lap while the silence from next to her was deafening. You could hear a pin drop in that room and slowly she pulled her legs up to her chest, arms around them, chin on her knees. She tried her hardest not to start crying again because she didn't want to hear Rick yell at her, which is what she was expecting the more he stayed silent. 

It startled her when he suddenly stood up and began to pace in front of her as if the test meant that _he_ was the one that was going to be a father again. Her eyes flickered to him, eyes full of misery as he kept rubbing at his beard, staring at the test as if it were about to spout to him what he should say. It felt like it was hours, but it was really maybe about five minutes for his blue hues to find hers and she was shocked to see she didn't see anger...but terror. He was afraid? But why? It didn't make sense. Obviously this wasn't his baby, so what did he have to be afraid of? 

Frowning, she slowly slid off the bed and stood in front of him. "Rick—"

But his arms were around her before she could finish, pulling her tightly against his chest. His arms were tight and warm and comforting, and she couldn't help burying her face in his chest. It was exactly what she needed and her fingers clung to the back of his shirt, wondering if she could just stay there. She was afraid to face Daryl, which is something she didn't think she would ever see and felt horrible for thinking it, but she truly didn't know what he would say or what his reaction would be once she told him. She didn't want to lose him, she couldn't handle that, not again. 

"Rick—" she tried again, and he shook his head, his chin on her head and so she stayed silent for a few more moments while she allowed him to work through whatever fear it was going through his head. Anger, resentment...yeah, that's what she was expecting, not fear, at least not from Rick who didn't seem to fear anything, at least not that he showed anybody else. 

"—you're keeping it?" he finally murmured, his voice muffled by her hair. 

Slowly she nodded against him. "A'course I am," she murmured.

"And Daryl?"

She sniffled. "Doesn't know yet. But tonight..." she trailed off. 

Rick nodded and was silent for another couple moments. It was truly humbling and a bit unsettling to see a man like Rick act like this. She was so confused, so she just clung to him tighter, hating that she was getting his shirt wet with her tears, but he didn't seem to mind. 

"I can't lose you." That's definitely not what she was expecting, the words causing her to freeze in his arms, eyes wide and lips parted in shock. For a moment she didn't say anything, wondering where that came from and where his line of thinking was going. Part of her even wondered if she misheard. But it dawned on her a moment later when her gaze caught the sight of the co-sleeper in the corner of the room and the fact that his daughter's mother was not there to see her grow up. Shame pushed through her body as she realized that the moment he saw that test, his mind went to the fact that he very recently lost his wife in childbirth, and so that's what he was afraid would happen to her. That he would lose her when she gave birth to this baby.

Frowning sadly, she pulled back and gazed up at his face, still pinched in terror and she shook her head. "Ya won't," she promised, her soft voice full of confidence and conviction. Unlike Lori, she didn't have a c-section with Alex so she could deliver naturally just fine. True, there were risks without having the medical technology they once did, but she had to believe that they could all survive this—her, Daryl, the baby, Rick, Judith...all of them—because otherwise she would just go insane. 

"I'm not goin' anywhere, Rick. I'll have this baby 'n we'll all live happily ever after." She was so proud that that got a small smile from him. "Don't worry s'much, okay? It'll be fine."

Rick sighed. "I'm holding you to that, Amaleen, you hear? I can't lose you, okay? I just can't..." 

Amaleen went back into their previous hug and shook her head. "Ya won't, ya won't, I promise..." She sniffed softly. 

"When're you going to tell him?" 

"Tonight. I can't keep it from him. I'm just scared." 

"Don't be. I think he'll be worried, too, but he won't be angry." He paused. "He better not be. But if you need...you know I'm here." Amaleen nodded. "Congratulations, by the way." 

She giggled and pulled back, wiping at her eyes. "Thanks, Rick," she murmured. She leaned up and pressed a kiss to his cheek before making herself pull back from the warmth of his arms. But she owed it to Daryl to tell him, so she had to go. Truthfully she should've told him first, she didn't tell him at all last time, but this time she wouldn't make the same mistake again. Taking a deep breath, she took the test from Rick and nodded to him. "I've got this." She paused. "Promise you'll still be in here?"

He nodded. "Promise." She smiled at him and then forced herself to move and leave the room to go back into her own. Daryl still wasn't back so he was probably still down at the truck gutting the deer, which gave her time to get washed up and ready. The test was placed on the counter next to the camp lantern as she changed into sweats and a cami, zipping up a hooded sweatshirt and pulling her hair back into a braid. She left the test where it was and went to sit on their bed like she had when she was over in Rick's room. Luckily her stomach wasn't rolling like it was earlier—which felt like a lifetime ago—but her heart was clenching like a vice in her chest. She was more afraid to tell her boyfriend than her brother, how messed up was that? She nearly ran back into Rick's room and let Daryl just find the test by himself, but that wasn't fair to him. 

When she heard footsteps out in the hall, she held her breath and listened to them disappear down to C deck which told her he was taking everything down there. She wasn't sure what else he did or could save from it besides the meat, but she had too much on her mind to really ask him. So when he came back into their room, for a moment she just didn't move, silently watching as he took off his coat and tossed it over the chair. 

"Why dontcha get yer hands washed up," she murmured, seeing the blood covering them. He glanced at her and nodded, leaving the rest of his clothes on to wait to take off until after he was done washing up. He came closer to press a kiss to the top of her head before heading into the bathroom. Her body froze and tensed so much that she actually hurt her palms from her fingernails digging crescent moon-shaped marks into them. There was absolutely no sound from the other room and she fought to keep herself still as her fingers twisted themselves together, fear making her dizzy.

It seemed like it took hours for any kind of reaction, but eventually Daryl stepped back into the room. His face was ashen, the look on his face unreadable as he fought over whatever emotions it was that he was feeling. She really hated when she couldn't read his emotions. Bitting her lip, she let out the breath she was holding and slowly she stood back up, taking a step in his direction. "Daryl—" But she never got that far because the next moment, he sneered at her, his lip curling up and he took a step back. He shook his head and turned, stalking so quickly and roughly from the room, the door slammed open against the wall leaving a doorknob-shaped dent behind and his booted feet shook the deck so loud she was sure anyone on C deck could hear it. She was left staring after him, lips parted in shock and tears once more coursing down her face as her heart shredded itself in her chest.


	40. Numb

True to his word, Rick was still in his room when Amaleen went frantically knocking on it five minutes after Daryl left her. At first she couldn't move because she expected a bad reaction, but not that bad. He didn't even say a word and the look on his face clearly said that he was angry. How could she be so stupid to think that he would be excited, too? She allowed herself to believe that everything would be alright, when in reality nothing would ever really be alright again. Watching him walk away from her hurt more than when she left herself. He knew about this one, he saw the test in there...is that what would've happened if she had stayed last time? If she had told him the truth about Alex? Is that why he was acting this way now? Did he think she was lying? Did he think she cheated?

So many different questions and none of them made her feel any better, and she decided rather quickly that she couldn't just stay where she was, she couldn't be alone and she couldn't be there when he got back. She was hyperventilating and she knew that she had to get to Rick's room before she truly harmed herself or the baby. Standing up, she stumbled into the hallway and was grateful that nobody was out there as she knocked on the door next to hers; she couldn't deal with their stares or their questions. He opened it immediately as if he knew she were coming and his eyes went wide when he saw her standing there. It was clear that he understood why she was so upset and his face set in a grim, angry line as he gently took her arm and pulled her into the room. His arms went around her quickly and he hugged her tight, shutting the door with his foot.

The only sound in the room was the sound of her deep breaths as she tried to get herself under control, to tell herself it would be okay even though she knew damn well that it wouldn't be. Daryl walked out on her and she didn't know if it was for good, but the simple act was enough. She was pregnant and the baby's father, the love of her life and man of her dreams, walked out on her. How was she expected to be okay? So sobbing against Rick's shoulder wasn't exactly something to be ashamed of, in fact she thought she should be acting a lot more irrational and tear up the ship to find him and just scream at him, but she couldn't bring herself to do so. In fact, she couldn't even hold herself up because the next thing she knew, her legs gave out from under her and Rick swept her up into his arms and sat down on the edge of the bed with her in his lap.

Amaleen could feel the way Rick was trembling with fury, but she also knew that he wasn't moving until she let him, and right then she just needed him right where he was. Daryl was gone and with him gone, Rick was the only one that could help her at that point, the only place she wanted to be was right there with him. Her brother was a good man and frankly right then his arms were warmer than Daryl's were, but she was just upset that he left.

"I don't understand," she whimpered, sniffing as more tears dropped onto his shirt for a second time that evening, and he still didn't care. "I-I knew he wouldn't be happy about it, but I-I didn't think he would leave." She sniffed again. "D-didja hear him? Slammed open the door 'n stomped away. God, Rick, he didn't even say anythin', he just left. He looked so angry, wouldn't even let me touch him. Wh-why did he leave? Is he angry about the baby? Does he think it's not his?"

Rick shook his head, but didn't say anything and she wasn't sure if it was because he truly didn't know or he was just that upset. Probably a little bit of both because she could still feel him shaking with anger. Neither of them had answers, they couldn't speak for him until they could speak to him, but she had a feeling that wouldn't be happening anytime soon. When Daryl got in this kind of mood, there was no talking to him no matter what they had to say, he would just walk away. They had to wait for him to calm down, but considering the situation, she knew it wouldn't happen very easily. It would probably be a couple days before she could even get close enough to the subject to discuss it with him calmly.

Finally she pulled back slightly and looked up at the ex-deputy who looked like he was trying very hard not to explode. Even if he did, she wouldn't blame him, and she would know that it wasn't directed at her. There were so many things to get upset with nowadays and the last thing that she really needed was Daryl reacting the way he did over her pregnancy. The stress it caused could harm one or both of them, and she knew for that reason, she had to avoid the stress.

 _Daryl, please, baby_ , she begged. _Please don't be angry. I need ya with me. I can't deal with the stress, s'please... Please don't be angry._

The confusing, upsetting thoughts made her let out another sob, but she forced herself to hold it back as she wiped at her eyes. "I'm sorry to keep crying all over ya. I'm just glad I'm not alone."

Rick shook his head. "You don't have to apologize. And you'll never be alone, Amaleen. I promise." He kissed the top of her head and gently set her aside onto the bed, allowing her to curl up against the wall like she usually did. "I'll be back. Going to see if I can find him."

Amaleen frowned. "It won't matter. He won't listen, he's too upset, I know him."

"He didn't say anything?"

"Not a word. He just...just looked at me like I was a bug on his shoe 'n walked out." Her bottom lip trembled. "I-I just don't understand why it's so horrible to him."

"Maybe he's just worried..."

Amaleen shrugged. "Maybe," she said doubtfully. "Please, Rick, just let him calm down." She paused for a moment and looked around. "C-can I sleep on the floor in here? I don't think he'll want me in there tonight..." The thought was devastating, not spending a night wrapped in her beloved's arms, so warm and cozy against his chest with that familiar and comforting smell that's just Daryl invading all of her senses and making her feel so safe. That night would be sleepless and cold without him, but it would be for the best because she couldn't deal with a fight and she couldn't handle watching him walk out on her again. And she loved him enough that she didn't want him to have to go find somewhere else to sleep, so she would stay away from the room for the night and let him deal with his anger and other feelings.

But Rick was shaking her head and she frowned sadly, nodding and ready to get up and find an empty room, but instead he said, "You'll take the bed and I'll take the floor." His look left no room for argument, but she still tilted her head to the side anyway.

"But, Rick—"

"Amaleen." No arguments. Amaleen sighed and nodded, giving him a watery, weary smile. She didn't have enough strength to go and get anything from her room, so instead she kicked off her boots and started to wiggle under the covers. Rick helped her pull them up, grabbing a spare pillow from the bed along with the blanket from the end of the bed, making himself room on the floor. Rick sat on the edge of the bed and made sure she was covered, pausing to press a hand to her belly which made her smile softly, before giving her forehead a kiss and slipping away. "Sleep. I'll be back in a bit, okay?"

She nodded and surprised herself when she yawned and her eyes slid shut quickly. She was so exhausted and she was expecting to be awake all night, but between the warmth around her and Rick's comforting scent surrounding her, sleep came easily. All of her dreams were horrible with Daryl leaving her for good or her losing the baby so she was twisting and turning, but she stayed asleep, not even noticing when Rick slipped back into the room with a sleeping Judith in his arms and an annoyed look on his face.

He wouldn't tell her about the conversation he had with Daryl; it wasn't a good one, and he was just glad she chose to stay there tonight rather than try and go back to her own room. The protectiveness that he had for her grew stronger, nearly suffocating him, and he just wanted to wrap her up in a blanket and his arms and keep her safe from all harm, including any harsh words Daryl might fling at her. He wanted to believe the hunter was just upset and scared, but that didn't mean that he wanted Amaleen, especially in her condition, to deal with that. Daryl needed to calm down before Rick would allow him to get anywhere near Amaleen again.

The man sighed, taking a moment to push some hair over Amaleen's cheek and kissing her temple, before getting into the bed he made on the floor to stare at the ceiling until the next morning.

* * *

The next morning was even brighter than it had been in the past couple months, but that didn't make Amaleen feel any better. There were dark circles under her eyes and she had to force herself to climb from the bed and splash some water on her face in Rick's bathroom. The ex-deputy had been kind enough to bring some clothes in so she freshened up and brushed her hair out, tugging on her boots, before heading down to C deck for breakfast. Everybody was there except Daryl and only Rick knew where he was: up on A deck taking watch, even though it wasn't exactly needed during daylight hours. Still, Amaleen was almost relieved that she didn't have to deal with his angry looks or cold stares. She couldn't take that, not when normally she would be sitting next to him, pressed against his side with a day ahead of her of happiness and comforting arms.

Instead she silently sat next to Rick and looked longingly at the coffee before shaking her head and gesturing to the rest of the Raisin Bran. There was no milk, but she ate it out of a bowl with a spoon anyway. She barely tasted it, she was too focused on what was going on. Nobody but Rick really noticed and he just squeezed her hand and gave her a gentle smile before he started assigning jobs. He knew that she didn't want the others to know she was pregnant right away, so against his better judgement, he kept it quiet and assigned her and Maggie to a run into Hamilton to go through the restaurant and a couple more houses just to make sure they had everything they could. That surprised everyone considering until the past couple months, Maggie didn't want to be around her, plus Rick didn't exactly run it by Daryl who was well known to be picky about her leaving the docks.

 _He won't mind_ , she thought glumly, but ignored the looks everyone was giving her.

"Sounds good ta me," she said, trying to give them a smile and she was sure it failed, but she was standing to take her empty bowl to the sink where Carol was cleaning up. "I'll go grab my gear."

Cautiously she peaked into the room and saw he wasn't there, making her breathe out in relief. Her bag was back under the bed so she grabbed it out and tossed in ammo, an extra gun, a knife, a first aid kid, the left over plastic bags from the pharmacy, a jug of water, and the cans of food that she and Daryl didn't eat. If they were to ever get stranded, then having some basic supplies would be the best thing. As she turned around, she let out a yelp when she realized someone was standing there...and that someone was Daryl, having silently walked up behind her while she was grabbing things. Her lips parted in shock and her breath caught and she begged herself not to start crying in front of him. His expression was blank and she realized that that was worse than the look of disgust he showed her the evening before.

Gulping, she glanced down at the bag before she grabbed for her coat and gloves that sat on the chair, then tied her hair up in a ponytail so she wouldn't have to worry about it on the run. She refused to look back up at him and her fingers twisted into the fabric of the coat. "Maggie 'n I are goin' back ta Hamilton." She didn't see his jaw tick and then tighten, even though the rest of his face didn't change. "We'll be back in a few hours."

"Have fun." The words stung and she winced, unable to hide it, and unable to stop the sting of tears that pushed up without her allowing it and clung to her lashes. She tugged her coat on and then grabbed her bag, pausing while she waited for him to move out of the way. Slowly he did, stepping to the side which allowed her access to the door.

"Thanks," she muttered, her voice thick as she walked passed him into the hall. Thankfully she managed to keep her head held high as she headed for the steps to A deck.

"Amaleen." The voice made her pause and she turned back to him slightly, managing to keep her chin up even as her bottom lip trembled. He looked like he wanted to say something, so much more than he actually was, finally he just grunted and looked down. "Stay safe." With that he went into the room and shut the door. Only after he was gone did her shoulders hunch and her chin fall to her chest. "Stay safe." That was all he said. He didn't try and talk her out of it, he didn't pull her into his arms, he didn't kiss her goodbye.

 _I've lost him_ , she thought miserably, the tears finally falling down her cheeks and she turned around to head up to A deck, brushing them away so nobody else could see them.

* * *

On the drive over to Hamilton, Amaleen could tell that Maggie really wanted to ask her what was going on, but thankfully she didn't. It was clear that there was something because she had never left without Daryl without an argument from him, and she never left without saying goodbye to him. But after she entered A deck, she simply hugged Rick goodbye and promised that she wouldn't do anything stupid before heading over to the Hyundai that she and Maggie would be taking. She stayed silent the whole way, her eyes flashed over the scenery on the way, but she didn't really take anything in. It was like she was going numb all over, and the only life she felt inside her at all was her little Jellybean.

 _Momma loves you_ , she thought desperately.

"We stick together," Maggie said as she pulled up outside the first house. Amaleen forced herself to move and she nodded, unbuckling and forcing herself out of the car. She had tossed her bag in the back seat so she grabbed that out, made sure she had her knife tightly in her hand, before she put the bag on her back. Amaleen couldn't help but frown as she realized the last time she was there, she was with a man that loved her. She could see the pharmacy from where they were and could picture Daryl kissing her and holding her hand as he led her to the truck. Her body allowed her to feel that pain as she forced herself to follow Maggie inside the house.

"I'll take this floor, you go upstairs?" the younger woman suggested and Amaleen nodded.

"Meet back down here by the door in fifteen minutes," she answered and Maggie nodded as well.

Knife up high in front of her, she crept up the stairs. All the doors were shut and there were no indication that there were any walkers, but she was cautious as she heard Maggie's grunt and the sick squish of a knife in a walker head. Breath catching in her throat, she opened the first door and saw nothing, but the second one had a walker right on the other side, growling and groaning as it launched itself at her, forcing her up agains the opposite wall too close to the stairs for comfort. She grunted as she fought to bring her knife up and as she tried, it knocked her hand away and the knife fell to the ground, making her sigh. With another louder grunt she kicked the walker away and dove for the knife, bringing it up just as the walker landed on her, causing the knife to be pushed into its forehead. She turned her head away so no blood could get in her mouth, but luckily it was dead and she shoved it aside, yanking her knife out and cleaning it off on her jeans.

The rest of the rooms were empty of walkers so she was able to walk around and find what she could without worrying about one of them. She emptied the beds of blankets and grabbed some books that somebody in the group would like. There were no baby items, but there were some toddler items so Amaleen grabbed it anyway just in case because there was nothing saying they would find the stuff once Judith—or even her own child—would be that age. There was some mens' and womens' clothes that would fit somebody at home, and she even found some clothes that were small enough they might fit Carl. The kid needed more clothes so she made sure to pack those before she did the others.

Fifteen minutes later, she was downstairs meeting Maggie by the door and they went out to throw the stuff in the trunk. The rest of the houses were basically empty of walkers, but they did manage to find some baby clothes, some more blankets, a couple towels, and a bottle of Tylenol. It wasn't as much as they were hoping for, but there was still the restaurant, which they managed to find some larger cans of food in the basement along with some pots and pans they could use.

"Looks like we've got all we could," Maggie said as the trunk shut and she leaned against it. "Want to hit anyplace else?"

Amaleen shook her head. "I think we've got all we can. It's close to dinner time, let's head back." Truthfully she wasn't even sure she wanted to simply because she couldn't face Daryl, but she wasn't about to just leave like before and they needed to get everything back to the docks. The scenery around them was beautiful and Amaleen wished she could enjoy it, but she only felt cold. Part of her wanted to tell Maggie just to drive around like she used to when she was younger, just drive for the fun of it, but that wasn't safe. It just hurt that the previous morning she woke up in Daryl's arms, and now she would be sleeping alone. The sea came up too quickly and that meant going back to the docks and all she wanted to do was get out and run, but she refused to do that again, not to her baby, not to Rick, not even to Daryl, and not to herself.

"Oh my god." Maggie's voice broke through her thoughts, her foot slamming on the brakes, and Amaleen looked up with a frown, ready to ask what was wrong, but she understood rather quickly when they pulled up to the fences around their home and saw them: walkers—hundreds of them—flooding through the fences and into the docks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, forty chapters already! I can't believe it! Thanks everyone for putting up with me, and for reading! In honor of the fortieth chapter, you get another cliffhanger. ;) I decided on something since there was no input on the survey, but I hope y'all enjoy! Comments are love!


	41. Ruins

Rick didn't like watching Amaleen drive off with Maggie and it took everything in him not to go after her and bring her back. She wasn't his, but that didn't mean he didn't care about her.  _Sister_ was the best word he could think of to describe her and so watching her drive away without him didn't settle well with him. Even before she got pregnant, he wouldn't have wanted her to go out there at all let alone without him or Daryl by her side. But things were different now and he was needed there to work on some plans. Considering Daryl was brooding down by his motorcycle, he enlisted Carl and Glenn to help with some plans for A deck once they could take the ship out. There was so much that Rick wanted to do and he knew that soon they would have to go hunting for some gas to store down on D deck for the trip out. The gas level was definitely something they had to keep an eye on, if they were running low, then they would have to dock and try and find some more. He wanted to avoid that as much as possible, though, because an entire summer without walkers was the ideal. Shit would happen, of course, but that's what he was aiming for. 

"Can you go see how much of the wood we have down on D deck?" Rick asked, eyes flickering to Glenn. The younger man nodded and put down the pencil he had. 

"We probably have enough for some picnic tables, but I'll double check," he said with a nod. Rick thanked him and turned back to the plans, glancing them over before looking over at the sailboat. His heart still ached whenever he looked over to that boat. Part of him just wanted to sink it, but it was too valuable. A thought suddenly occurred to him and he rolled his eyes; why didn't he think of it before? Setting the pencil down, he gestured Carl with him. 

"The boat still has gas in it," he said as they walked down the gangway. "A lot of it, I remember. We haven't used it since—" He paused and by the look on Carl's face, he knew exactly what Rick meant. Carl looked away and Rick nodded, putting a hand on his son's shoulder. "Well, we can siphon it out of there and store it down on D deck. That boat has to have a huge tank so we can fill the cans." 

Carl grinned slightly. "And you didn't think of this before?"

Rick narrowed his eyes at him. "Hush. Let's go." Carl laughed and followed Rick onto the other boat. The keys were still in there and Rick turned the engine on, checking the gauge and finding it at three quarters full. Rick smiled and gestured for Carl to come closer. "We need to find where the gas tank opens up," he said. "Hopefully it's not on the side. Want to help?" Carl nodded and together they worked to find it and once they did, Rick knew he could go back to the ship down to C deck and get the siphon hose and the cans to start getting to work. But he didn't get that far, because he heard some commotion out on the docks and a giant crash. 

" _Rick_!" Rick and Carl exchanged a look before racing out, lips forming words, but he didn't need to ask what happened when he saw the docks being flooded with walkers. 

"Oh fuck," he breathed.

* * *

It was like everyone knew something was going on, but nobody wanted to ask. Which was fine with Daryl because he didn't want to talk about it. Rick jumping down his throat the night before was enough because there was no way he could explain exactly what he was feeling. Walking away from Amaleen was the hardest and stupidest thing he ever did, and as soon as he did it, he was well aware that he just fucked up the best thing that ever happened to him. The feelings he had for that woman were like nothing he had ever felt before and never would again. But the fear and panic hit him so fast when he saw that stupid little test on the counter that his defenses took over and he ran like a little pussy, just like Merle and Will always accused him to be. 

Daryl wanted nothing more than to be with her, to find her and apologize over and over and beg her to forgive him and take him back. Did he break up with her? God she probably thought so. That wasn't his intention and his heart clenched with the realization that he could've very well lost her for good by doing that. He wished that when his emotions hit him, they weren't so fierce and didn't hit him like they did, like he automatically needed to be defensive and prove he didn't give a shit. But he did, he did a lot because he had never been happier than he had when he saw that test, but there were two emotions that clutched at him more: fear and self-loathing. The fact that Amaleen had gotten hurt not once or twice but  _three_ times on his watch wasn't lost by him, and he couldn't protect her from any of them. What made him think he could ever protect their child? Being pregnant was dangerous for more than one reason, childbirth being number one, but if she couldn't move or run as fast as the rest of them, there was a higher chance of walkers getting her. And ever since he found out about him, he wanted Alex to be there, but truthfully he was no father. He was so terrified to turn out like his own that he didn't want to risk bringing a child into the world and screwing it up. 

But of course he couldn't say any of this to anyone, not Rick and especially not Amaleen. He never wanted her to realize just how weak he was. He wanted her to believe that he could protect her, that he was strong and she was with the right man, but he wasn't. He couldn't keep her safe, and he couldn't keep an innocent child safe either. He supposed it might be better this way, even though the idea was nearly brought him to his knees with grief. The previous night was so cold without her there and he just couldn't imagine the rest of his life the exact same way. It made it hard to breathe and he couldn't help the way his fingers clutched the seat of his bike where he was cleaning her up. 

"Daryl?" 

The voice made him jump and he whipped around quickly, sighing as he saw Beth standing there. She was alone and for a moment he wondered why she didn't have the baby, but faintly remembered that it was Carol's turn for baby duty. He had to admit, seeing Amaleen over the past couple months taking care of Judith nailed something down in his gut that made him crave seeing her pregnant with his child and raising that child together. He supposed all of that was worthless now, though.

"What?" he grunted, turning back around to check the bags on the back and make sure his spare guns and ammo were where they were supposed to be before turning it onto idle to check the gas tank. 

"Nobody's been sayin' anythin' 'n I won't either, but I just wanna make sure you're okay." His body froze and tensed up, but he didn't turn. "Whatever happened with you 'n Amaleen... You don't hafta tell me. But if you wanna talk... I'm a good listener." 

Daryl's face feel into an annoyed pressed line and he turned to tell her off, but the crash interrupted what he was about to say. He looked over her head to figure out what fell, but the blood drained from his face as he saw the fence fall and the wave of walkers flood into the docks. 

" _Shit,_ " he breathed. " _Rick_!"

* * *

Glenn finished up with what he needed to do on C deck, counting the wood and seeing how much other supplies they had, writing it all down. He was glad that Rick was having him help out because he couldn't concentrate on much with Maggie gone. She was a strong woman and knew how to protect herself, but that didn't mean he didn't worry. Plus there was something wrong with Amaleen and he didn't want anything to happen to her either. He was just glad they were together, they could look out for each other, and besides it was time that Maggie let go of her grudge against her. Amaleen didn't pull the trigger, she was unconscious the entire time they were there, and those guys were looking for anyone. He understood that she was upset, who wouldn't be watching their father get shot in the head, but it was time to let it go. Glenn and Beth tried countless times over the winter to try and talk sense into her, but it seemed it was Lori's death that finally had an impact on her. It was sad to say, but since they were down two people now, he was glad that Maggie was finally letting it go. 

He stopped briefly on C deck where Carol was finishing up with feeding Judith and grabbed a quick drink of water, ready to head back outside, when he heard the crash, some yells, and finally gunfire. Glenn and Carol exchanged a look before running up the stairs, weapons already out and at the ready, both of them running into T-Dog on B deck as he had been catching a quick shower in his room. 

"What was that?" he demanded and Glenn shook his head. 

"Came from outside," he said. T-Dog grabbed his own weapons and Glenn stopped in his and Maggie's room brief enough to grab some extras before they all headed out to A deck to find out what the commotion was about. What surprised him the most was the walker that was immediately in his face the moment they hit the air and he let out a startled yell, bringing up his knife quickly to kill it. Only they kept coming, filing in from the gangway and it was then he realized in horror that the fence was down. There were hundreds of walkers crowding over the docks. Most likely they piled up outside the fences and that brought them down, only with the planks of wood in front of them, there wasn't anyway for them to see it. The fence was too far away from where they usually congregated to hear if there was any noises, and it was with that realization that they should've put a guard on watch down at the fences, too.

"We need to get out of here!" he yelled to the others, keeping Carol and Judith between him and T-Dog as they cut their way through the flood that was making its way towards them. "Try and get to the cars! Rick and Carl are headed there!" Across the way he could see Rick and Carl working their way off the sailboat and through the herd, and Daryl and Beth were already driving away on his bike. 

 _At least they got out,_ he thought. And he was glad Maggie and Amaleen weren't there, they were safer out there than they were on the docks now. If Rick and Carl got to the truck first, he hoped they left. Glenn could get the others out, but he couldn't be worrying about everyone else, too, while he did so. He glanced back to see Carol fighting with one arm, protecting Judith with the other who was crying. It was too loud with the sounds of the walkers to attract more of them, but those directly around them certainly noticed. They lunged and tried to bite, but the group kept them back, slowly moving in formation for the gangway, which was becoming so clogged with walkers that they were actually falling overboard all by themselves. 

The scream behind him drew his attention and his body ran cold when he saw a walker take a bite out of T-Dog's shoulder. 

"No!"

* * *

"We have to go back for Judy!" Carl yelled as soon as they got to the truck and Rick yanked the door open. There was a reason they always left the keys in the car with them pointing out towards the fences, reasons just like this. Rick wanted so badly to do just what Carl said, but he could see, just barely, over the swarm that Glenn had Carol, who would have Judith, and T-Dog with him and he knew the younger man could keep them safe. Well really he could only pray, but if they tried to fight their way over to them, they would all die. Carl tried to run through the herd, but Rick's arm wrapped around his shoulder and he shoved him for the car, trying to be careful and not hurt him, but they needed to go quickly. Leaving without his daughter and without knowing the others were safe felt so wrong, it did something deep inside him that would never heal, but they had to leave  _now_ or they all would die and he refused to let that happen.

He heard Daryl's bike start up and roar away, thankful that the hunter was alive and hopefully taking Beth with him, as Rick faintly remembered seeing her standing nearby him. Carl tried to get out, but Rick was already in the truck and starting it up, shaking his head and reaching out to grip his arm. Walkers started throwing themselves at the car, growling against the windows and trying to break through the glass to get to them, but Rick was already putting it in drive and lurching through the herd. 

"Dad, we have to go back!" Carl yelled, gripping the door as Rick pulled out and squealed through the broken down fence. Had the walkers really managed to pile up against it so deeply without them noticing? Rick hadn't even thought to put a watch down on the fence; he figured with the wood up against it, nothing would attract them. So what did? Why did this happen when they had been safe all winter long? 

He didn't know which way Daryl had gone and with the crowd, he couldn't see or hear the bike anymore and he bit out a rough curse before gritting his teeth and swinging around quickly, heading down a road they hadn't been down before. He wasn't about to subject Carl to North Morton or Beachville again, and the road to Hamilton was much too crowded. Already he planned to circle back and try to fight his way there. Maggie and Amaleen were there and probably were on their way back at anytime, and the idea of them getting back and trying to get to the ships terrified him. His fingers gripped the steering wheel as Carl tried to get him to go back and finally, as they were far enough away, Rick slammed on the brakes and screeched to a stop. 

"Carl, enough!" he yelled, causing the boy to go quiet and look up at him as if he hit him. Rick sighed and ran a hand down his face, realizing then that his hands were shaking. "Please, son, I know. Your sister is back there, the rest of the group... But if we go back, we could all die. We have to get out, we have to find Daryl and Beth, we have to find Maggie and Amaleen... Glenn is a good fighter, he'll get your sister out, okay? But we can't go back, we'll find them. Okay, son?" He settled a hand on his shoulder and Carl stared at him for a couple moments before he finally just looked away and nodded. He didn't say another word and Rick could tell he didn't really accept what he had said, but Rick was thankful that he didn't argue again. 

Rick nodded and started up the truck again just as he heard some walkers slapping at the back window and on he drove, getting them away from them and soon enough, began trying to find ways to get to Hamilton. The walkers looked to have had come in from Atlantic City not Hamilton so hopefully the others would think enough to meet there.

* * *

Daryl was glad when Beth didn't argue; they both knew that every movement was critical and they couldn't sit there and wait. The walkers had taken over the docks and there were so many more than there had been when they were forced off the farm. Well, that's how it seemed, maybe because the docks were a smaller area. Daryl just didn't understand how it happened to begin with, but he didn't dwell on it as he took off, heading down the opposite way from the docks to get as far away from there as he could. He was glad that Amaleen wasn't there, because if she was, nothing would've stopped him from going back in there. The thought made him feel like a hypocrite because he had told Beth they couldn't go back, but if it was Amaleen, nothing would've stopped him from getting inside and finding her. He was glad she and Maggie weren't there, and he knew that once he and Beth were clear, he wanted to circle back and try to get to Hamilton to find the girls, and he hoped the others had the same thought. 

"Where're we goin'?" Beth called to him, her voice being taken away by the wind, but Daryl could understand what she was saying, he was used to listening for voices over the wind going by them. 

Daryl glanced around and realized he had never been to this part before and tried to avoid anything that looked like he was going towards Atlantic City because that would've been just as bad. Still, he had never been down that particular road before so he just prayed that eventually he could get them turned towards Hamilton. He didn't ask Beth if she thought that was a good idea, but he figured she wouldn't mind considering Maggie was there. 

"We're just gettin' away right now, we'll figure out where we're goin' later." He paused. "Maybe Hamilton, if we can find how to get there."

Beth didn't speak after that and Daryl was glad, he had to focus on the road as he weaved between walkers and tried his best to figure out where he was going. 

_You're a tracker, Dixon. Don't be a pussy 'n fuckin' do it. Your woman is there. Your woman 'n your unborn kid. Fuckin' do it._

So Daryl fucking did it.

* * *

"Go! Get outta here!" T-Dog's voice was loud even over the moans of the walkers and even though Glenn wanted to wait, wanted to pull him to safety as well, he knew that the man was lost. Where the bite was, there was no way to amputate and keep him alive. Glenn stared at him in horror as Carol started to cry, but there was no time to spare and they all knew that. T-Dog gave him a grim nod and gestured to Carol and Judith. "Get them out of here! Go now!" With a furious grunt, he ran at the walkers in front of them, taking them all to the ground as they started to bite. T-Dog screamed and Glenn felt himself start to fall over into the pain of losing a friend, but there were two people relying on him—one being an innocent two month old baby—and he couldn't break, not right then. Leaving people behind just wasn't in Glenn's nature, but T-Dog sacrificed himself to keep them alive and he wouldn't dishonor him by sticking around and trying to fight a useless battle and save him. T-Dog was lost, but Glenn and Carol and Judith weren't. 

Pushing back his own pain and emotion, he saw that because most of the walkers were now focused on their fresh meal on A deck— _thank God he stopped screaming_ , Glenn thought shamefully—they were able to push there way through the few lingerers and run down the gang way. Glenn shoved at any in their way, hearing them splash into the frigid waters below. Those that didn't met the end of Glenn's knife. Once they were running down the docks, Glenn had his gun in his other hand, shooting at those farther away to try and thin out the herd. Glenn was glad that the others got out, and that just meant they had to get out on foot. His first thought was finding the woods and making their way towards a town to try and find shelter. 

 _Maybe Maggie and Amaleen are still in Hamilton_ , he thought, or rather prayed because he didn't want either of them anywhere near this. It would be a long walk and they couldn't go straight there, but Hamilton is where they needed to go. 

"Hamilton!" he yelled over the moans and he knew Carol heard when she nodded. By then she was shooting, too, and Judith was screaming, but once they were in the woods, they could pause and calm her down. He knew that this was a bit much for such a small baby, but he also knew that she would survive and she would be fine. She  _would_. She  _had_ to.

* * *

"Turn around! Maggie, go! Now!" 

Amaleen was definitely awake then and any thoughts of her own problems flew out the window the moment she saw what was going on at their home. The other woman was frozen for a moment, staring at the herd in horror as they continued to flood through the gates, but Amaleen was already in motion, rolling down her window and sticking herself out of it, firing off round after round of ammo they shouldn't be using to get rid of the walkers that noticed the Hyundai. Of course the gunfire attracted more, but Amaleen wasn't about to get out and fight them off. Before she might've, but with her Jellybean growing away in her belly, she found that she was rooted to the spot, unable to risk it. There was still plenty of room behind them to move, the walkers hadn't come from that way, but rather looked like they came from Atlantic City. She had no clue what exactly attracted them, but it's not as if they had time to investigate. 

Moving back into her seat, Amaleen turned heated and furious eyes to Maggie. "Maggie!  _MOVE NOW_!" The scream finally woke the younger woman up from whatever daze she was in and she gasped, quickly getting the car in gear and screeching back in reverse, hands fumbling as she found to turn the wheel so their ass-end was facing the walkers, and finally shot forward. Amaleen turned to look out the back window, seeing a few walkers straggling along to chase them, but their slow speed was no match against the speedometer of the Hyundai that quickly went above sixty and then seventy. Maggie was shaking, but Amaleen was proud that she was able to keep the car under control and get them away. 

"Back to Hamilton," Amaleen said, her voice quieter than it was before even as it quivered lightly. She couldn't see anybody else through the throng of the walking dead, so she could only pray that the others got out safely. 

_Daryl, please be okay. Please be okay..._

"They know we're there. They'll try 'n meet us. Let's go back ta that first house 'n hold up there. Keep a look out for walkers 'n our people." Maggie didn't say anything and Amaleen looked at her, frowning as she saw the panicked, tear stained face of Maggie staring out the windshield. "Okay?" Nothing. Amaleen sighed and ran a hand over her face, wondering for a moment if she should just let it go, but she swallowed back her resentment of Maggie over the past few months and put a hand on her arm. "Maggie, listen. Our group is strong, alright? We're separated, but we're not weak. They'll find us 'n we'll be together. Glenn, Beth... They'll be fine. They all will." She paused. "Stop the car 'n I'll drive. Let's just get back there 'n stay safe 'n wait for our family." 

Maggie acted for a moment as if she didn't hear her, but finally she just nodded and pulled the car to a stop. Amaleen got out quickly, making sure to look around and look out for any walkers, but it was clear. Maggie slid over into the passenger seat and Amaleen climbed in to drive, heading quickly and smoothly for Hamilton. She knew the group and she knew that going back to Hamilton was the best thing to do. It was the safest place to go, and everyone knew that part of their group was there. As worried as Amaleen was, she knew she could keep her head. She was confident in Daryl's survival skills, and she knew that Rick would keep the rest of them alive. 

 _Stay safe, boys,_ she thought as she pulled up alongside the house they first stopped at.

Amaleen climbed out, gun out and turning slowly in all directions. "Let's get the supplies back inside 'n store it in the livin' room." Just in case. Together they worked to do so and then headed upstairs to the front rooms to keep an eye out for anybody else. For a moment Amaleen thought of hiding the Hyundai, but she decided that it was best kept where it was, that way if the others came through, they would recognize the car and know that that's where Amaleen and Maggie were.

"Let's eat," Amaleen said, grabbing her bag that she had dragged upstairs with them and took out a can of creamed corn and a couple spoons, using her knife to open it and then put the can between them. Luckily Maggie didn't argue much and ate silently, her eyes locked out the window. All they had to do then was wait, wait for their family to find them, and pray that they all made it out alive.


	42. Together At the End of the World

"We have to pull over." 

It was starting to get dark out and Rick had to turn on the headlights to see in front of him, which was basically an  _all you can eat buffet_ sign for the walkers that lurked around them. The trees would provide enough cover and with the truck being a darker red, it should hide pretty easily. All they had to do was hang something in the windows to block out any light or movement and it would be relatively safe. Rick knew he wouldn't be able to get any sleep, so he would let Carl rest and keep a watch just in case anything or anyone came by that needed to be dealt with. His mind was moving too quickly to sleep anyway as he thought about the others, wondering if they got away safely from the docks, wondering if Amaleen and Maggie were safe back in Hamilton. It's not as if he could call them up and tell them to stay put, so more than likely they went back and saw the herd and had to retreat back to safety. At least he prayed that's what they did instead of trying to go in and find the others, slowing the truck down to find a wide enough space in the trees to park. 

Swinging the wheel around, he backed the truck between a couple trees so there would be enough room to be able to get out if they needed, but also so they could get away quick as well. There wasn't a lot in the truck as it had been mostly cleared out when Daryl and Amaleen took it the other day, but Amaleen's tarp was still in the back, luckily having been cleaned by Daryl after they used it so it wasn't covered in deer blood, so he was able to lay it over the top of the truck and cover the back windows. He had Carl climb into the trunk to sleep and gave him his coat to use as a pillow. 

"Tomorrow we won't stop, right?" Carl asked, yawning despite himself and settled down in the back.

"Not until we get to Hamilton," Rick answered, which satisfied Carl enough to fall into a light, restless sleep. Rick had nothing to do except stay with his thoughts and clean his guns, which is what he tried to focus all his energy on rather than thinking about who could possibly be dead and where they could possibly be. Now more than ever he wished cell phones were still part of their lives, but he had to rely on group instinct for now to keep them safe and that's the best he could do. 

He nodded off only once for about five minutes before he jerked himself awake when a walker's groan rose from right outside the vehicle. Rick held his breath as it passed, not wanting to attract its attention by getting out and trying to kill it. Who knows if there were more around them and the last thing they needed was another herd catching drift there was living flesh in the vicinity. So he let it pass, starting on cleaning his signature Colt Python and waited until morning come. 

Carl woke up with first light and while Rick could feel his body arguing against him moving as he was exhausted, he knew they had to get going. They had to find a way back to Hamilton and meet up with the rest of their group. The ex-deputy yawned and stowed away the guns before climbing out to drag the tarp off the roof and stow it back in the trunk. Carl was already in the front seat ready to go already, looking at Rick expectedly. Rick nodded and climbed in again, starting up the vehicle and glancing over at his son. 

"We're going right to Hamilton," Rick said, pulling out from between the trees. 

* * *

There was nothing that could make Daryl stop now, not until he found a road that would get him over to Hamilton so he could find his woman. Damn everything else that happened, fuck all of his stupid defensiveness and emotions. Now was the time to be with her, to find her and take her into his arms and promise that even if he was afraid, even if he knew he would fuck it all up, that he would do anything on Earth to save her and to keep the both of them safe from any harm that may come to them. The fact that she was out there alone—well, not completely alone he supposed, Maggie was there—terrified him and so he pushed the throttle down on the bike more, begging it to move faster and faster, allowing his tracking instincts to take him through the winding road through the woods to try and find any familiar landmark that would get him to Hamilton. 

Once it started getting darker, part of him wanted to find somewhere to lay low for the night for Beth's sake, but one glance back at her told him she was just as determined as he was. Her sister was out there, after all, and so he knew that finding Hamilton was priority number one. If the women they were looking for were there, then a night driving around would be worth it. 

The road they were on started to curve a way Daryl didn't want and so he gritted his teeth, bringing the bike to a stop and looking around. There was no trail through the woods, but it might be their only hope. Hamilton was closer to the water than the direction they were going in, so if he kept an eye on the moss on the trees, it would show hm which direction the water was in and he could probably get them there in about an hour. There were no words spoken, but Beth didn't seem to disagree so he nodded and turned the bike for the woods. There was more to be cautious about driving off the trail like he was considering he had to watch for broken tree limbs and sharp rocks as well, stuff that could destroy tires—and they couldn't afford to lose a vehicle, even the bike—but also keep his eye out for walkers as well. They couldn't go as fast as they had when they were on the road, but it was a hell of a lot quicker than trying to figure out which road connected to which other one to get them to where they needed to be. 

Eventually the woods thinned out and another road appeared, this time more familiar as Daryl's eyes spotted a large rock that sat to the left side of the road that some asshole had carved  **Woodpeckers Rule!** on. He had no idea what that meant, but at least he remembered scoffing at it when he passed it before to know they were on the right track. "Twenty minutes!" he called back to Beth who nodded against his shoulder blade. She seemed to be vibrating, whether it was nerves or excitement he wasn't sure, but he pressed on, the road allowing him to kick the speed up to well past sixty to get them there even quicker.

The longing to see Amaleen was stifling, especially after a night without her. He remembered almost panicking when he saw she wasn't there, but her stuff was still there which meant she was somewhere on the ship and after a couple moments of indecision, he figured she was with Rick. The leader could keep her safe and that's the only reason he didn't go knocking down his door. But the memory haunted him, the look on her face when he left caused self-eating guilt, and so he pumped the speed up to over seventy, desperate to find her and apologize and pull her into his arms and tell her how sorry he was and how he was stupid for leaving, that he wanted her and he wanted the baby and he was honored she would give him another child, and he would never let them down again.

Soon enough the woods broke away to town and slowly Daryl brought the bike to a halt, glancing around at the buildings to try and look for any sign that they were there and if they were, where they were staying. Most of the buildings were dark and abandoned, no sign of life at all not even undead life, but the first house there in town seemed to have more life than the rest and so he started towards that, hoping he was right.

It wasn't the dull light shining out of an upstairs window that first caught his attention, but rather the light green Hyndai sitting out front. Relief swam through his body and he brought the bike to a stop outside, looking back at Beth who was grinning at him before jumping off and running to the door, calling her sister's name. 

_Baby, I'm here. I love you, I'm here._

* * *

Glenn got him, Carol, and Judith out of the docks without a scratch. Well, except for about a gallon of walker blood covering his and Carol's clothes, but the baby didn't have a drop on her which was the most important part. Still, they continued to run until they were out of breath and it got dark, and only then did they slow down and find a place to stay the night. Judith was fussy and hungry, but Carol calmed her down enough to sleep. They would have to wait to try and find something in the morning, it was too dangerous out there right then to search. But the small shed Glenn found was big enough for them to sleep, Judith wrapped in the carrier with Glenn's coat covering her and Carol curled up beside her. He let them sleep while he took watch, his guard raised high and he didn't trust the flimsy door that attempted to protect them from the outside world, so he decided to watch it. Though he knew he couldn't have slept even if he tried, there was too much on his mind worrying about the rest of the group, and the memory of T-Dog being eaten alive still fresh. There was a worn shelf along one wall that looked like it was once a mini-workshop of sorts, but there were no tools left other than a scattering of nails and screws. It was solid enough for Glenn to sit on, his back against the wall with a gun on his lap. 

His eyes didn't leave the door until dawn rose and he heard the other two stirring. Judith woke up crying and he knew they would have to do something, find somewhere closer than Hamilton to get Judith something to eat. Atlantic City would be closest, but it was so dangerous, so he had Carol wait with Judith in the shed to try and calm her while he tried to find the closest, least dangerous convenience store to get some formula. Rick and Maggie would have his head for pulling this, but they seemed to forget that he could get in and out of Atlanta without a scratch by himself multiple times before they came along. He supposed they just cared for him, but he was a pro, so to speak, at this kind of thing so he had no trouble scouting out the store. 

There were some empty cardboard boxes in the back room and thankfully they had some formula and a couple unopened jugs of spring water in the back. They were without a bottle so he grabbed one of the water bottle with the spout on it, knowing that they would have to feed her slowly because the hole on the top was a lot bigger than the hole in the nipple of a bottle, but it was the best he could come up with on short notice without scouting further into Atlantic City. Carol was already expecting him back and he couldn't leave her there alone with just Judith. 

Tossing everything into the box, he grabbed it up and jogged his way back to the shed, only finding a couple walkers along the way that saw him and needed to be put down. Carol was the expert between the two of them with children considering she once had a daughter and he never even held a baby until Judith came along, so he left it up to her to figure out how to work it. It wasn't the easiest as she just wanted to drink greedily, but Carol managed to work it slowly so she was fed and then burped. Glenn wished he remembered diapers, too, but there was no time to go back so he improvised by taking off his outer shirt and helping Carol to fashion it into something that worked. 

"Let's get to Hamilton," he finally said and Carol nodded. The box would be too clunky to carry so Glenn found some rope to use to tie up the water jug around his back and then the formula and water bottle were wrapped in his coat and tied to Carol's back. It was the best they could do, but they weren't planning on this happening so everything they had at the ship was lost. Glenn felt a loss for that, too, knowing that they could've survived so well there and now it was all gone. They lost T-Dog in the fight, and he prayed nobody else was lost either.

* * *

The door to the house swung open and Maggie was there, eyes wide with excitement as she saw Beth standing there. They both let out cries of joy and flung themselves at each other, nearly toppling through the door, but managed to catch themselves on the side of the house. Daryl had to give a small, half-sided grin as he watched their reunion, keeping himself at a distance because he didn't want to interrupt them. Really he just wanted to just push past them and find Amaleen, explain everything to her and beg her to take him back. He would understand if she wouldn't, but that didn't mean he would give up. He would fight for her and prove to her that he wasn't going anywhere, and that he would be there for her and their child. He would work for them and he would protect them and he would die for them. 

Glancing down at his feet, he leaned against the bike and waited until they were finished before he said anything. Maggie beat him to it and called his name. She was tugging Beth inside and gestured Daryl in as well, indicating that he could go in. He almost felt nervous, but he didn't show it as he nodded and moved the bike so it was pointed towards the street for an easier get way if needed, and then headed past the sisters inside. Maggie shut the door behind them while Daryl navigated through the house trying to find Amaleen. Maggie pointed up the stairs and Daryl followed them up to the second floor where there was a hallway with five doors, and all but one were open. One was a bathroom, one was a staircase leading up to the attic, and the other two were bedrooms. Clearly the third one, the one with the shut door, was a bedroom as well and it was at the front of the house meaning it was a good place to keep an eye out on the street to check for walkers or humans. And he just knew she would be in there, because that's exactly where he would be as well.

Letting out a breath, he gingerly knocked on the door and it seemed like it took forever for it to open. It was only a couple seconds and it swung open, and he could tell by the look on her face that she wasn't expecting it to be him standing there. He watched her lips part in surprise and her eyes dart around as if trying to figure a way out of this situation, but instead her shoulders slumped and she silently stepped back to let him in. He hated that the stress and anxiety that he saw on her face was caused by him, whether directly or indirectly. All he ever wanted to do was make her feel safe and loved, and one selfish bad decision made her stressed and sad. 

_Fuck, m'such an idiot._

"Am, I'm sorry," he said before the door was even closed. It was clear that she didn't expect that as she whirled around, a sad frown on her face. The door shut behind him and he took a couple steps to close the space between them, unable to keep himself away from her much longer. He physically had to restrain himself from taking her in his arms and kissing her. She was so beautiful, standing there staring at him with those eyes of hers as if he were the difference between life and death. But it made sense, because that's exactly what he felt like she was to him. 

"Daryl—"

"No, hush, woman. Listen." He took a deep breath and took another step closer until he was right in front of her, towering over her and looking down at her with such intensity that he saw her breath catch and her eyes darted from his own to his lips and back up. She didn't say anything, but he knew her well enough to know what she wanted to say. "M'sorry. I wasn't...I wasn't leavin'  _you_ , I was leavin' the situation." Swallowing thickly, he looked away from her and turned so while he could see her out of the corner of his eye, he wasn't directly in front of her anymore. Emotions weren't something he knew, let alone know how to express it, so he wasn't exactly ready to sit there and bare his heart and soul, but if he didn't, he would lose her for good. And he wasn't ready for that. 

"Fuck... Amaleen, dontcha realize how much I fucked up your life since I came back inta it? Ya got hurt on the highway, ya got hurt by Bulldozer, 'n ya fell in the water 'n almost froze ta death. M'not good enough for ya, never was. That's why I believed them when they said ya cheated on me, 'cause they said ya found someone better. M'not good enough, I can't protect ya, 'n I can't protect this baby." He paused and brought his hand up to chew on his thumbnail, nervously looking at his feet, glad that Amaleen was letting him speak. "That don't mean I won't try, though. Dontcha realize that you're everythin' ta me? If ya died, if anythin' happened ta ya, I would die, Am. I would  _die_. S'when ya said you was pregnant, I knew I fucked up, that I couldn't protect ya anymore. Havin' a baby in this world is so dangerous. Nobody could save Lori, 'n nothin' I do can protect you from that. That don't mean I don't wanna. I wanna keep ya safe 'n I wanna be this baby's father. I want ya both." He paused and gulped, refusing to look at her. "I love ya, Am, 'n m's'sorry. I understand if ya can't forgive me for leavin' ya, but—"

A touch to his cheek had him looking up sharply, surprised to see her standing there looking at him so tenderly like he was made out of glass, like he was cherished, her green eyes running over his face slowly and carefully as if she was seeing it for the first time. It took his breath away and he found that he couldn't speak, her eyes did that to him sometimes, just became little pools of heaven that he couldn't climb out of. And never once did he feel like a pussy for thinking so, not like he used to. He should've fought back then because he had nothing to prove to anyone...other than to Amaleen, to prove that he was good enough for her, that he loved her. And he did, he loved her more than anything. 

"A'course I can forgive ya," she murmured, a smile tugging on her lips and she turned him around, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. If he were to die, this is exactly how and where he wanted to go. "But, baby... Ya realize we're a team, right? This isn't just you needin' ta protect me 'n this baby. We're partners, we're in this together. We'll protect each other, okay?" She paused and glanced over his face, a look of fear and sadness falling over her face. "But please...please don't leave like that again. I can't do it again. I left once, you left once, but that's it. We're even. This is us, together at the end of the world, together for the rest of our lives. No more games, 'n no more keepin' feelin's from each other. Okay? No matter how hard they are. If we work together, we can do this." She paused again. "Can we do that?"

Daryl's blue hues flickered over her face and without a word, he leaned down and took her lips with his, kissing her deeply, arms wrapping tightly around her waist and nearly picking her up off the floor, needing that closeness more than he was willing to admit. She had never tasted quite as good as she had then, but he wasn't sure if that was just the hunger he had for her after being so far away from her all night long. Finally their lips parted and he couldn't help but grin as she whimpered softly.

"We can do that," he murmured, taking in a deep breath before kissing her again and never letting her go again.

 

 

 


	43. Almost Whole

It was times like these that Rick wished he had a map. That was one thing he never thought of to look for around any of the towns they went do for runs, mostly because they didn't spend a whole lot of time driving around anyway. But Rick had no idea which ones connected to the road the docks were on, which ones connected to Atlantic City, North Morton, Beachville, or, more importantly, Hamilton. Now that it was daylight out and the walkers were far away on the docks, it was as if he was thinking more clearly and he just  _knew_ that the rest of the group was either in or headed to Hamilton. Part of him didn't want to stay there too long; who knew if their escape would lead the walkers right to the town's gates. But he also knew that he couldn't expect to move everyone around right away after the previous day was so rough on them all. They needed time to rest and reset themselves, especially Amaleen who he knew was already stressed enough without a herd of walkers suddenly taking out their home. 

He was trying his damnedest not to pick up too much speed just to get to her and make sure that she and the baby were okay. 

Tapping his fingers against the wheel, he looked around, trying to find any familiar landmarks to tell him where he was. He supposed he should've stopped sooner the night before, but he wanted to put as much distance between them and the herd that he didn't even think about trying to find familiar roads and camping out there until daylight. He just drove and now he was regretting it. 

"Keep an eye out for signs or familiar landmarks," he said to Carl, ducking down to take a peak at the trees and sky above them, just to see if there was anything at all that he was missing. "We need to figure out where we are and get to Hamilton."

"I think we're going the wrong way," Carl said, pointing out an tree formation that had Rick hitting the brakes and slowing down to check it out. "I remember those, I told Mom about them when we went to meet Travis. The trees look like they're hugging. We're heading towards North Morton." 

Rick glanced down at his son, impressed that something like tree formations were what he noticed as landmarks, but it helped a hell of a lot. Still, he wrinkled his nose up a bit because that was the last place he wanted to be and he could tell by the look on Carl's face that he was thinking the same exact thing. Rick swung the truck quickly towards the right side of the road, making a U-turn to head back in the opposite direction, hoping to find a road, even a service road, that would take him towards Hamilton. It was in the opposite direction past the docks, but he didn't want to take them directly by the docks. Their home was in ruins now and he didn't want to see that, besides the fact that it would only cause an uproar amongst the walkers that infested the area now. He figured he would just have to find his own way if nothing else except the one road connected. 

After driving for a good hour, he put on the brakes and took a look around. The road curved away from the water and he knew Hamilton was closer, not directly on it like the docks were, but enough that if you got a good breeze going, you could smell the salty sea water from town. For a moment he wondered what would be the best option before he saw that somebody had decided to make their own trail through the woods, but it looked like one track rather than two which meant that the vehicle had only two wheels. A motorcycle. 

_Daryl._

Rick grinned and pointed it out to Carl who nodded eagerly and Rick turned into the woods, driving as carefully as he could without attracting too much attention. There weren't any walkers in sight, but like at the docks, they could just sneak up without any warning and surprise the hell out of you. Rick wasn't about to take that chance again and so he continued to drive, keeping the tire tracks in sight while still avoiding anything that could ruin the tires or underside of the truck. Once the woods finally gave way to road again, Carl pointed out the rock with  **Woodpeckers Rule!** carved into it and Rick knew they were going in the right direction. Kicking it up to sixty rather quickly, his heart hammering in his chest, he headed towards the town where he knew the rest of his family were. 

* * *

It wasn't until he had met Rick in Atlanta that he learned how to hot-wire cars, but now Glenn was a pro at it now. Most cars were either empty of gas, completely wrecked, or were so filthy with walker goo that there was no way they could use them. But once he found a safe-looking mini-van with a nearly full gas tank and no goo, he snapped it up immediately. With the baby, he was worried because they didn't have a car seat, but Carol kept the baby in the carrier and buckled them both in up front next to Glenn. He made a mental note to search the houses in Hamilton to see if they had a car seat. The supplies was stored in the back seat and Glenn went as slow as he could without actually crawling. There was no doubt in his mind that they would get to Hamilton that day, they just had to. Maggie would be there and if she was there, so was Amaleen. And that meant Daryl would've found them and Beth was with him. And if they were all there, Rick and Carl would find them. And that meant that Glenn, Carol, and Judith would have to be there as well. There was no place they would rather be than there with the rest of their family. 

Driving towards Hamilton from the city wasn't too hard, after all there were signs pointing in that direction,  **Hamilton 15**. The only problem was, he knew that would take him by the docks unless they circled around and found the back way into Hamilton. The road they usually took went straight through and wound up ending in the country somewhere and they had never explored out that far to know exactly where, but he thought it was somewhere along the route they first took on their drive up. He had to think about it for a moment, but finally Route 501 stuck in his mind and he headed for those signs. 

"You're going South?" Carol asked, her voice a bit shocked and he shook his head. 

"Only for a couple miles. Route 501 connects to the road Hamilton is on, just from the back." 

Carol nodded, looking doubtful, but she trusted him and sat back to let him drive. Along the way they had to stop and clean up Judith as she spit up, not used to car rides, and give her some more to eat, but the road they were on seemed like the quickest way to get there without just cutting through the woods. With the baby, they had to take the safest route and though he wasn't sure if there were any walkers in front of them, there certainly were behind them so he kept a cautious eye out while they drove. Along the way, there was only one walker that Glenn had to avoid with the van, but other than that it was pretty smooth sailing. Being so lucky always made him nervous, but then again, most of the walkers that were around the area were probably at the docks by then. 

Finally he turned off the road they were on and onto Route 501 which would become Marion Road which was the main drag through Hamilton. If the group was in Hamilton, that road is where they would be. Time just crawled, but with the position of the sun and when they left the shed, it seemed to be about an hour since then putting it probably around eight or eight thirty in the morning. There were still many hours left in the day, but there was no way that Glenn was going to allow them to take another day to get there. So when he saw a sign that said  **Hamilton 5** and then eventually one that said  **Welcome to the town of Hamilton, NJ! Population 5204 EST 1940** , he knew that they would make it without a hitch. 

There was one more walker in the way and this one he stopped to kill it because he didn't want it following them into town, but then nothing else stopped them from getting to their destination. The first thing he saw was the green Hyundai at one of the houses that began after all the businesses ended. Eventually he saw a bike right next to it and he knew right away that it was them. The bike meant Daryl and Beth, and the Hyundai meant Amaleen and Maggie. 

He probably stopped the van too quickly, but the idea that he would be seeing Maggie again, that she was  _alive_ , had him moving quickly. A quick glance to Carol and a small nod from her told her that she was okay with the baby, so he followed the others and backed the van up before jumping out. The first person out was Daryl, crossbow raised, but it only took him a moment to see that it was Glenn. He lowered it and nodded inside so Glenn went past him. Maggie and Beth were in the kitchen and the moment she saw him, Maggie dropped what she was doing and ran for him. 

The relief was unimaginable as he wrapped his arms tightly around her waist, pulling her close as she began to cry into his shoulder. "I missed you," he breathed to her, fingers running over her back, and she didn't speak. She pulled back and cupped his face, pressing his lips against hers, and he couldn't help but smile against them. He actually found her again and even though he knew he would, he still couldn't believe it. So much had happened the day before that he was deep down beginning to doubt they would all come back together, but they were almost whole and that's what mattered. 

"Where's T?" Beth asked, causing Glenn's attention to break away from Maggie and look between her, Daryl, Amaleen, and Maggie who all looked worried. "He was with you guys, wasn't he? I thought I saw him." 

Glenn sighed and looked away, and by Amaleen's gasp, he knew that they understood what had happened. That's how he knew they would always be  _almost_ whole, and could never be  _fully_ whole again.

* * *

 The next car that pulled up brought Amaleen out of her misery from where she was clutching at Daryl. She honestly hadn't expected to lose anybody else, but T-Dog was dead now. There was only nine of them left; they lost a forth of their people. They gained Judith, but lost Hershel, Lori, and now T-Dog. The house felt so huge for only a few of them and Amaleen couldn't help but sniffle against Daryl's shoulder. His fingers soothed over her back as she cried, and she was thankful for his silence. She knew he was going through his own emotions, T-Dog was his friend, but he wouldn't talk about them with others around. They promised to tell each other, but she knew he would never let the others know what he was really thinking or feeling. Besides, there was not a whole lot that anybody could say in light of this. They lost a good man, a good fighter and friend and brother, and that would be something that they would never get over. 

But the sound of a car screeching to a stop outside and a door slam had Daryl tensing against her and grabbing for his crossbow. Amaleen put up a hand to stop him and she slowly peaked out the front window, eyes going wide when she saw who it was, relief flooding through her as her heart jumped into her throat. If the familiar truck wasn't enough, the kid flying up the front steps surely was.

"It's Rick!" she exclaimed, flinging open the door even as Daryl called to her to stop—which of course she didn't listen—and she flew down the front steps. She reached Carl first and drew him into a tight hug, crushing the kid to her as she nearly wept into his hair. She knew the others were crowding the door behind her to make sure their leader and his son were alright, but Amaleen wasn't ready to give them up yet. Carl hugged her even tighter, squeezing her and making her laugh, her fingers running through his shaggy hair. "God, I'm s'glad you're alright," she told him, her voice muffled against him, but she knew he heard her when he pulled back, eyes shining as he looked up at her. 

"You, too! We were so worried."

"Your dad okay?"

Carl nodded and turned just as Rick was climbing out of the driver's seat. Amaleen let out a squeak and ran towards him, feet flying over the few yards of pavement between them, and she threw herself at him, grateful he noticed her just in time. They were safe, they were all safe. Her boys were home, her boyfriend and her brother...they were safe and she could sleep better that night knowing that nobody was out in the world in danger. The night before was terrible, tossing and turning and unfortunately not even Daryl's safe, warm arms could keep her from worrying about the others. The stress seemed to just melt away leaving nothing but happy sobs coming from her mouth as she clung to Rick, glad that he caught her—knowing that he always would— and dampening the shoulder of his shirt once again. Rick laughed softly, his arms tight around her body as he held her, face pressed against her neck, and she felt his shoulders sag in relief. It seemed he was missing her, too.

"You're real," Rick murmured to her and Amaleen giggled softly, nodding as he finally set her back down on his feet. 

"I'm real, deputy, so you're just gonna hafta deal with me crying on you again." She reached up and wiped at his shirt. "Hopefully not too many more soggy shirts, though." They both laughed and he wrapped his arm around her shoulder, guiding her inside where everyone else was. Daryl nodded to Rick before glancing at Amaleen, making her go a soft pink and grin. Rick shot her a confused look, but she shook her head, indicating that she would tell him later. After all, she told him everything. 

Amaleen was so glad to have him back, all of them. Their family was almost whole, just like Glenn had said after he told them about T-Dog, and Amaleen knew she would do anything in her power to keep it that way.


	44. Back to Normal

The first thing that they told Rick about once things finally calmed down—well, once Amaleen stopped clinging and fussing over Rick and Carl—was about T-Dog. Carl cried with Amaleen, clinging to her over by the front door while Rick look absolutely devastated. Everyone stayed quiet as he paced around the living room, running a hand down his face. Amaleen knew the man blamed himself and there was really nothing that she could say to him to make him feel better, to tell him that it wasn't his fault. He was the leader and he took everything upon his own shoulders when really he should be blaming what killed him: walkers. Later perhaps she could talk to him and make him see the truth, make him realize that he doesn't have to take this one on his shoulders, but for now all she needed to do was get him past his sadness so they could focus on what they were going to do to try and survive. 

Softly Amaleen let go of Carl and had him hug Beth while she went over and put a hand on Rick's shoulder. He paused in his movements, but didn't look at her as if he knew what she was going to say and he didn't want to hear it. "Rick," she murmured. "Please. It happened, it's over. The rest of us are safe 'n alive. Now we hafta keep it that way. We need a plan 'n we need ta figure out what we wanna do while we're here." She paused. "Ya know T wouldn't wantcha ta blame yourself. C'mon, let's talk 'n figure things out, okay?"

Finally he turned to her, eyes cloudy with guilt and sadness, but he nodded and let out a sigh. He brought up a hand to gently squeeze her shoulder, but she saw that the leader they knew and loved was back, getting himself under control so they could talk about what needed to be accomplished. There was so much that could or needed to be done. With losing the ship, they lost so much of their stuff. Clothes, Daryl's extra arrows, other ammo and weapons, food, blankets, and Judith's baby stuff. That was definitely something Amaleen wanted to search for more of, because there was no way they could continue with just the one bottle of formula that Glenn managed to get—though she knew everyone was ever so grateful to him for getting it, because in hers and Maggie's search earlier, they didn't find anything other than what was sitting there in the living room with them.

"We need to be smarter than we were," Rick started, clearing his throat and turning to the rest of the group, hand still on Amaleen's shoulder and she was more than willing to stay right there if he needed her as support. She took a step closer and he subconsciously, wordlessly put his arm around her shoulders. "What happened before... It can't happen again. This is the second time a herd surprised us, and I won't put up with it again." Amaleen frowned for a moment, but remembered they were together at a farm before she came across them. _It must've happened there,_ she thought "We need watches at all hours of the day, at all entrances of the house." He looked over at Maggie. "How many are there?"

"Just two doors," Maggie said, pointing. "This one and one at the back of the kitchen."

Rick nodded. "Good. We'll board up the windows on the bottom floor of the house with the exception of this front one that we'll leave enough of a space to look out. No lights on after dark other than one candle and only if there are something covering the windows. Nobody will go anywhere alone outside this house, always with at least one other person. We'll stay here for a couple weeks at most and slowly work our way through the rest of the houses and stores to find everything that could possibly be useful. I don't want the herd to find their way here, so if we see any increase in walker activity, we'll leave right away. Once we find some more supplies, we'll keep half of it in the cars just in case we need to leave quicker than we have to gather everything." He looked around and nobody said a word. Amaleen's arm wrapped around his waist and she squeezed gently, showing him that she was with him. He glanced down and smiled before he nodded and sighed. "Alright. I just want us safe, guys. So we'll do a quick schedule now, and focus more on all the details tomorrow." He looked down at Amaleen. "What's the room situation?"

"Three bedrooms upstairs, one small office down here. There's an attic and a basement, one bathroom upstairs. There's one of the rooms upstairs that faces the street. I figured we could use it for watch."

"Good idea," Rick said. He looked like he was thinking for a second. "Okay, the room for watch nobody can sleep in so that leaves two bedrooms upstairs, one downstairs, and the attic. Amaleen and Daryl, you can have one of the rooms upstairs. Maggie and Glenn, the room downstairs. Beth and Carol, you can take the attic? And then Carl, Judith, and I will take the other room upstairs." He took a deep breath. "First watch, we'll have Carol, Beth, and Carl. Carl, you'll be upstairs. Beth, the back door. Carol, the front door. We'll take a couple hours to settle in, and then we'll start sending out raiding parties. We'll do a building a day, and we won't leave anything unturned. Anything you know we can use or even  _think_ we can use, bring it back and we'll decide. First party out will be Maggie and Glenn." He nodded. "Alright, go ahead and get to work and relax, we'll meet again down here in a couple hours." Everybody nodded in agreement and started to move off to do their own thing. It was around lunch time by then and there was a little bit of food that Amaleen and Maggie had found, so they should be able to make something out of that they all could make. 

Amaleen tugged Rick over to where Daryl was standing and glanced between the both of them. "Everythin' is fine," she murmured so the others couldn't hear her. "Between me 'n Daryl." Those words were directed at Rick who frowned slightly. "Really, Rick, I promise. M'sorry if I put you two at odds. But it's fine." She paused. "'N nobody else knows m'pregnant. I kind of wanna keep it that way for now." She glanced down at her flat stomach and then back up. "Considering I'm not showin', 'n if my memory serves, m'about two months or so. The first trimester is the most critical 'n I don't want them ta know if somethin' happens." Daryl frowned and opened his mouth to say something, but she shook her head. "It has nothin' ta do with protection, Daryl, it can just happen. When I was pregnant with Alex, I almost lost him at three months." Because of stress, but she didn't say that. "Once we know m'further along, once m'showin', then we can tell people."

Daryl and Rick exchanged a look, but finally they both nodded in agreement. She smiled and hugged Rick quickly before reaching for Daryl's hand and tugging him up the stairs. She grabbed a blanket on the way up along with her bag and made her way towards the smaller of the two available rooms. Rick and Carl would need enough room to put a bed for Judith in there along with two beds for the both of them, and Amaleen and Daryl were fine squeezing in a single bed together. They already slept so close that the size of the bed didn't matter as long as they were together. 

The room she chose definitely was small, even smaller than their room on the ship. There was a double bed pressed against one wall under the window that overlooked the side yard. There was an old laundry line out there and Amaleen was actually glad because that way they could get some clothes dried that way. Against the other wall, just barely two feet away from the bed, there was a dresser that was only a couple inches shorter than her with enough room for all their clothes—but then she remembered that was all back on the ship, so her shoulders slumped a little bit. The only clothes they had was what was on their back. The mens' clothes they had found might fit Glenn, but not the other two because they were too tall, and of course Carl needed kids sizes. And the womens' clothes might fit Carol, but it wouldn't fit Amaleen or Maggie or Beth for a couple different reasons. She faintly remembered that they might've found some kids clothes for Carl, but it wasn't a lot. They did have some books, though, which Amaleen was happy for. The food, pots, and pans they had found in the restaurant were already stored away in the kitchen.

Amaleen sighed and tossed the bag onto the bed by the wall, crawling over next to it and making herself comfortable, closing her eyes for a moment, before dumping the contents onto the bed. Ammo, an extra gun, the first aid kit, and one more can of food. Not a lot, but at least it's more than what she thought they had a couple moments ago. She looked up as she felt Daryl sit on the edge of the bed and she gave him a sad smile, reaching for his hand. 

"We're alive," she murmured. "But we lost s'much. 'N not just possessions. How're we supposed ta get it all back?"

Daryl shook his head and moved the stuff to the top of the dresser and the bag next to it before he kicked off his boots and moved himself next to her. She laid her head against his shoulder, closing her eyes as her fingers found his again. Despite everything, she still felt herself relaxing a bit more and she knew that if she really wanted to, she could probably fall asleep right there. But she didn't let herself because in a couple hours she would probably have to be on watch and if she relaxed, she would be too groggy to be of much use.

"Stuff we can get back," Daryl said to her, squeezing her fingers. "The people we can't. But we can honor 'em by survivin'."

Amaleen glanced up and sighed softly, leaning up to kiss his cheek. "You're right, baby. You're s'smart." She grinned cheekily and he simply grumbled to her and blushed, looking away. She giggled softly and moved herself around until she was sitting in his lap, hands on his shoulders. "M'serious. You're s'smart. 'N I love ya s'much." She didn't give him a chance to respond because her fingers moved to his cheeks and she leaned forward to press her lips against his. She had to hum against him because every time was like the first time, like she was way back in her early twenties, fresh from college and so naive, falling in love with the rough redneck from Round Rock that just swept her off her feet, and he still hasn't put her back down. It was like that every single time, and she never got tired of it. 

Without breaking the kiss, in fact she deepened it, she took his hand and pushed it past the coat she was wearing to press it against her flat stomach. Suddenly she couldn't wait until she was showing more and could feel the baby moving around; it was her favorite part of her pregnancy with Alex. Since ultrasounds were no longer, they would be forced to wait until it was born to find out gender, but truthfully she didn't mind as long as it was healthy and safe. She didn't tell Daryl, she could never tell him this, but if she died in the process—which she knew was a high possibility here in the apocalypse—then she would fine with it, as long as her baby was safe. If it was the other way around, she didn't think she could survive it, not again. 

She hadn't done that before so she felt him freeze and she pulled back, eyes worried as she looked over his face. "What's wrong?" she wondered. 

His eyes flickered over her and slowly he shook his head, gently moving her hand so he could press both of his hands against her stomach. "Nothin'," he murmured. "Just...s'real, isn't it?"

She smiled softly. "It is. We're havin' a baby, Daryl." She paused for a moment and frowned slightly. "You...you did mean what ya said, right? That ya want the baby..."

Immediately his frown matched hers and he kissed her again, just as deeply as she had kissed him, and for a moment she forgot all about absolutely everything going on around them, even her own insecurities. She believed what he said and forgave him, but that didn't mean that she forgot and his actions went away. She had watched him walk away from her after she told him she was pregnant, and though she understood that he walked away due to his own fear and insecurities and had nothing to do with her or not wanting the baby, the egg was hatched in her mind. Insecurities were always part of her downfall and she hated it, it wasn't fair to him to constantly be questioning whether or not he would be leaving her, but it was just something he had to deal with the same as she had to deal with his. 

Finally the kiss broke and his eyes looked into hers, clearly sad that that was still on her mind, his fingers stroking up and down her back soothingly. "I don't think ya understand how honored I am that your kid s'mine. Ya chose me, 'n ya had Alex 'n raised him beautifully, 'n now we have a chance to be a family with this one. Am, I want ya, 'n I want this baby. You're everythin' ta me. 'N this baby will be my life."

Amaleen felt tears press against her eyelids and she nodded, whimpering softly as she leaned forward and kissed him again as well, just like she had before. She moved his hand back to her stomach and the grin found its way back to her lips as she pulled away. "We're havin' a baby, Daryl," she repeated, her voice a whisper.

The laugh he bestowed onto her was beautiful and she couldn't help but giggle as well, tackling him back into the bed and kissing him like tomorrow would be her last.

* * *

Two hours went by too quickly and Amaleen actually pouted as Daryl pulled her from the room. They spent the whole two hours making out so they didn't fall asleep and she wanted to continue just that, but as Rick's right hand man, he was punctual and she should've known better than to try talking him into staying. Of course that included trying to seduce him and she never saw his jaw clench quite so tightly as it had then as he took her hands out of his pants and pulled her off the bed. Deep down she knew he never would've anyway because there were too many people around that could hear them, but she had to try something. Still, it didn't work and she was slouching downstairs where the others were already waiting.

Amaleen knew she would've gone down anyway, she wouldn't leave Rick hanging like that, not only because he was their leader, but he was also her friend. She still needed to tease Daryl, though, because it was fun. His blue hues blazed in such a way that promised she would pay for her actions later that night and she couldn't help but be absolutely thrilled at that prospect. 

Rick's eyes narrowed as he looked between Daryl's clenched jaw and Amaleen's pout and she knew he didn't have to think too long as his eyes sparkled with mirth a moment later and he chuckled quietly to himself. Amaleen couldn't help but smirk as well and glanced up at Daryl whose eyes were drilling holes into hers. She simply shook her head and stood against the wall, one hand around his waist and she snuck a hand down to squeeze his ass. She felt him jump, his body tensed and the fact that only Rick noticed as he was watching them in amusement. Daryl glared at her and looked away as she snickered behind a hand and finally relented a little and pulled her hand back. 

"Later," she murmured, smirking as she felt his eyes burn more into her head before looking away and trying to pay attention to what Rick was saying.

"Everyone did great," Rick started, turning his attention away from the flirty couple and back to the group. "Nothing out of the ordinary outside and Carl actually took some time to draw up some maps of Hamilton from what he saw up there that we can use during runs. We can add to it as we go if we need, but I want us to try and stick to Marion Road here as much as we can. Glenn, Maggie you can go ahead and grab all the bags and Carl's maps and head out whenever you're ready. Next watch will be me, Daryl, and Amaleen. I'll take the front door, Daryl go ahead to the back door, and Amaleen upstairs." Amaleen nodded. "Carol, if you could get Beth and Carl together to make some food for when Glenn and Maggie get back, we can eat. After dinner, we'll gather one more time for a switch in watch—Maggie, Glenn, and Carol—and we'll make a schedule for tomorrow as well. Any questions?"

"No questions, but we have a can of food up in our room because I took my bag up there to clean it out. We have some extra ammo that would probably fit your Colt 'n maybe the revolver. We also have a first aid kid, 'n I can get the bag ta Glenn 'n Maggie ta use. Just bring it back." She grinned at the couple who laughed and Rick smiled appreciatively. 

"Good. Thanks, Amaleen. Alright, people, let's get to work." 

Everybody started moving and Amaleen ran up to grab everything and bring it back down. They were stuck with only cans of food now and Daryl was a bit aggravated because they hadn't gotten a chance to eat any of that venison before the ship was taken, so they were back to just canned veggies and fruit. "We'll find something else," Amaleen murmured to him and kissed his cheek as she handed the can over to Carol and set the first aid kit on the table so it was in the general living area. Maggie and Glenn got her bag and headed out. 

Before she could head back upstairs, Daryl grabbed her hand to pause her movements, giving her a quick yet still deep kiss, making her grin. "Stay safe, yell down if you see anything, 'n don't do anything stupid."

"The same goes ta you, Dixon," she said with a smirk, causing him to roll his eyes. 

"Yes, ma'am," he drawled making her giggle. She stole another kiss from him before heading up the stairs and into the watch room, shutting the door behind her. Carl had moved the bed in front of the window which was a great idea so nobody was just standing there. Placing her knife and gun in front of her, she settled herself against the wall by the window and focused on her job, knowing just how important it was.


	45. Trust Your Instincts

"What do you think is wrong with Amaleen?" 

Maggie's voice interrupted Glenn's thoughts as they left the house and made their way across the street to the pharmacy that Amaleen had raided one time. The sun was high enough that it warmed the ground beneath their feet and considering how cold the winter was up there, they both soaked it up. Maggie still wasn't used to coldness like that so she had spent a lot of the winter shivering and pressing up against Glenn as they slept to soak in all of the heat that she could. Other than Amaleen and Glenn, the rest of them were all Georgia-born so they really stocked up before winter had hit. Finally, though, the sun was actually starting to warm things up and Maggie planned on taking full advantage of that. 

But Glenn was frowning at her, turning so his back was to her side as he kept his eye on anything that could be sneaking up on them. He didn't answer right away because he didn't know either, and frankly when it was time to know then she and Daryl would say something. But he wasn't going to go asking questions and sneaking into their business when he knew fully well that if it were the other way around, he would be upset if someone else tried it. 

He wouldn't lie and say that he didn't think about it as well, though. Something had changed in the air around her a couple days ago before she and Daryl left for Hamilton, and then the next day Daryl wouldn't speak to her or anyone. It felt like it did when Amaleen first joined them and it was a bit unsettling when they were all so close. Everybody had wanted to ask what was wrong, but nobody wanted to pry. They were already so physically close to each other that sometimes you just had to draw limits and keep your business to yourself and leave others to theirs. 

"I don't know," Glenn said quietly, pausing outside the pharmacy before he nodded to Maggie. Together they darted into the store, luckily hearing nothing around them, human or walker alike, and that made it easier to search for things they could find. A lot of the store was torn up so they had to dig through it to find anything useful. "They'll tell us when they're ready, Mags, if it's that important."

"But she was so quiet yesterday. And do you see the difference between her and Daryl?" Together they got the bags out and then split up to start searching. "I'm just worried. You didn't see the way she acted; I've never seen her act like that. She only snapped out of it when we saw the docks."

Glenn paused. "You went back?"

Maggie nodded. "Yeah, we were almost there when we saw the herd, so we turned around and came back here. Before that it was like she wasn't even really there."

"They'll tell us when they're ready," Glenn said again, nodding as he leaned down to grab some bandages, medical tape, and gauze. 

Maggie sighed. "I guess you're right."

"At least you're not pissed at her anymore." 

She frowned. "I was never really pissed at her. I was angry about Dad. I took it out on her when I shouldn't have." It was the first time she admitted she was wrong and Glenn knew that it would take time to get more out of her and so he didn't push it, but he was proud of her. 

There was nothing else there in that section that was useful so Glenn moved onto the small household items over in the corner. There were a couple lighters that he found and some other odds and ends that could be useful. The bags were slowly getting full and so he moved on towards the over-the-counter medicines to try and find not only stuff useful for the adults, but hopefully some baby medicine as well just on the off chance that, god forbid, Judith needed any of it. 

As he turned the corner, he accidentally kicked over a box of medicines that were left on the floor and it was then he heard a noise over behind the counter. Maggie heard it, too, as she paused in what she was doing and brought her gun up. If it were a walker, it would've come at them the moment it heard them talking, so it was either an animal that broke in, or human. Glenn didn't know which one he would rather have, but with all winter of just them and considering the last time they came across other humans it was Travis's guys, he was leaning more towards the animal.

Glenn gestured Maggie to go around the right side of the counter while he went around the left. He, too, had his gun up and he slowly counted to three before he darted forward along with Maggie, coming up behind the counter quickly to sneak up on whatever was back there. What he saw had him pausing, Maggie's eyes went wide, and Glenn just said, "Well damn."

* * *

Amaleen decided she rather liked taking watch up in that room. It was quieter than it was downstairs and it gave her more time to think. She knew it was impossible, the baby was too small, but she swore she felt a flutter around in her belly. She pressed a hand there and smiled, leaning her head against the wall as her eyes flickered out over the road. It was quiet in town and she was glad about that. There were no signs of walkers straggling down from the docks. Of course it was a few miles so it would take even a huge herd awhile to get there, walkers were slow, but that didn't mean that they should stop looking for them. Any sign and they were out of there.  

Part of her wanted to stay there, to make a home out of that place, but she knew that it was the pregnancy talking. It was too soon to be nesting, which she did for months when she was pregnant with Alex, but needing a solid and safe home for her baby was just in her maternal instincts. She had tried her hardest to give that to Alex while he was alive. Now that he was gone and she was pregnant again, the instincts were overwhelming. She was a mother without a child for five years, and that would be changing now, but she would do anything to make sure that this baby didn't meet the same fate as its older brother. 

"Alex, ya woulda loved this baby," she whispered. "Woulda been such a wonderful big brother. M'sorry ya can't be, sweetheart, but ya know Momma loves ya."

She sighed softly and pushed back at the tears that threatened. She cried so much over everything that she was just wrung out. Nothing could bring her Alex back to her, but she could make a life for this baby and she could tell it all about its big brother. She was glad Daryl still had Alex's picture; it never left his pocket. If it had been left on the ship, she would've fought to get it back no matter how many walkers were there or what the others said. That was all she had left of her baby, and she couldn't let go of it. 

Subconsciously, her hand continued to run over her belly, loving the feeling of a little life in there again. She still wished she could've shared it with Daryl, but her mistake was made and it was over with now. She couldn't dwell on it and she couldn't change it, but she could make up for it and share all of this with him this time. She was most excited for the baby to start kicking, it was the best feeling and once it happened, she had a feeling that Daryl wouldn't be able to stop touching her belly. On the flip side, she knew once it started and it was even  _more_ real for him, his protectiveness would go through the roof. Probably Rick's as well. 

Humming softly, the lullaby she used to sing to Alex in the hospital came to her mind and she knew once the baby was born, she could sing it to them as well. She was just so utterly happy and she was waiting for the other shoe to drop and something to happen, like with the way the docks fell, so she tried not to get her hopes up that things would continue to go the way she wanted them to even though she desperately wanted them to. This kind of life, you couldn't hope for much, even though she got more than most people ever would. She got the love of her life back after a decade of being apart, she found a family in the ragtag team of people around her, and now she was having a new baby. She was so lucky and the others lost so much that she didn't feel right being so happy, to want more. It made her feel guilty. 

Sighing, her eyes flickered open and she frowned, her mind a world of so many different kind of emotions that it was actually stressing her out more than she really should be. She knew she told Daryl they should be telling each other everything, but her internal stress and the thoughts of sacrificing herself for the baby if needed...the last thing she wanted to do was worry him more. It was like a double edged sword: tell him what was going on and risk him stressing out more, or keep it to herself and keep it all on her own shoulders and be a hypocrite. Her ultimate goal was to protect her family, and that included emotionally as well as physically, so she would just have to argue with herself for the rest of watch to figure out what she want to do.

Her eyes snapped up as she suddenly noticed something across the street towards the pharmacy that Maggie and Glenn had walked towards, the one she found out she was pregnant in. It was a bittersweet feeling for her, but that was the last thing on her mind as she watched them walk out. They had only been there fifteen or twenty minutes; why were they leaving? But then she realized there was more than just two figures...there were  _three_.

They had somebody with them.

Gasping, she grabbed her weapons and immediately jumped off the bed and ran for the door. Was this person holding them hostage? Was one of them hurt, is that why they were coming back? What was going on? She wasted no time in running out into the hallway, unsure if Rick had seen them from his position out front, but she wasn't willing to take the risk that he hadn't. 

"Rick!" she yelled, her voice panicked as she raced down the hall and practically flew down the stairs. She heard commotion downstairs and Rick looked over at her in shock as she ran into the room, gun at the ready as if a walker was chasing her. The others, Daryl included, all came crowding into the room to figure out what was going on. She was breathing a little heavily, and she leaned against the banister. The pregnancy was already taking a lot out of her, but she didn't acknowledge it as she gestured outside. "Glenn 'n Maggie are comin' back. But they're not alone, someone's with them. I dunno if it's against their will or not." 

Rick's face suddenly grew hard and he nodded, quickly gesturing to the others. "Everyone, weapons up and stay back. I'll open the door and find out what's going on."

"We've got your back," Amaleen said, shoving her knife in her belt and clicking the safety off on her gun. Daryl stood beside her, thinking he was being stealthy by stepping slightly in front of her, but of course everyone knew that was his way of putting himself in the line of fire to protect her. She rolled her eyes good-naturedly before putting herself in a protective stance. Everyone stayed quiet as they heard footsteps get closer to the door, voice soft and they didn't sound threatening so part of Amaleen wondered if the other person was a friendly, but there was no way they were going to take that chance. They couldn't. 

Once they were right outside, Rick held up a finger with his free hand and then yanked open the door, gun aimed at the only unfamiliar face. Amaleen saw all three of them gasp and the unknown person—a woman, she saw—stumbled back down the steps, raising her hands in surrender. She didn't even have any weapons out and Amaleen relaxed a little bit as did Carol, Beth, and Carl, but Rick and Daryl didn't. 

"Rick! Calm down, she's fine," Maggie said, stepping slightly in front of him causing him to lower the Colt immediately. Rick wouldn't risk hurting her. "We met her in the pharmacy, she was hiding out in there. She's alone, we didn't feel it was right to leave her there."

The ex-deputy's eyes narrowed as he looked between the people standing before him. It was clear the group was just about split on who wanted her gone and who was willing to give her a chance. Amaleen was split herself, after all there was nothing saying that she wouldn't run back to her group in the middle of the night and tell them where they were and try and take what they had. There were so many people like that now and they knew they had to fear the living more than the dead, if their experiences with Travis and Bulldozer were anything to go by. 

Rick glanced back at the group and Daryl shook his head, but Carol and Beth nodded. Amaleen and Carl didn't say anything which told her the kid was still on the fence as well. "Someone could be comin' for her," Daryl grunted, crossbow aimed at the ground as he took a step forward and narrowed his eyes at those in the doorway. "Can't risk it." Daryl's gaze caught Rick's and flickered back to Amaleen quickly. It was clear what he meant and Rick knew it, too, so he nodded slightly. 

"If she was going to hurt us, she would've done it already," Glenn said, crossing his arms over his chest. "She had us alone in there and we didn't know she was there for awhile. She won't be a threat."

Rick was still silent and Amaleen knew he wanted to send her away, as a survivor of the apocalypse and the leader of this group. But as a man, a good man, he wanted to allow her into their group at least on a probationary basis. 

"Rick," Amaleen said quietly, stepping forward causing Daryl to quickly grab her arm. She shook her head and stepped between the two of them so she was looking squarely up at the leader. She wasn't afraid to speak her mind to him. "Think about it... She's alone 'n she's in need. It's not easy to be alone out in this world. I remember it well 'n I was ready just ta let a walker eat me any moment. 'N ya guys took me in, remember? What if ya hadn't?"

The flinch she received from him and the tensing of Daryl's body behind her was enough to tell her what her answer was. She wouldn't have any of them, and that included this baby. God she didn't even want to think about it, about being on her own still. When she had found them in that little town in South Carolina, she had only been on her own for a couple weeks. But in this world, that was more than enough, because the only thing that occupied her mind was the groans of walkers and her own thoughts. It was maddening and she hated to think about any other good person out there having to experience the same thing. There was no real telling if this woman was good or bad just yet, but sometimes you just had to have a little bit of faith and go with your gut.

"You're right," Rick said and Daryl scoffed behind her. She glanced up at him and he just spun, stalking in the opposite direction towards the back of the house where his watch post was. Amaleen frowned; she wasn't doing this to go against him, she just thought this woman deserved a chance. She shook her head at Rick's look and turned to Maggie, Glenn, and the unknown woman, stepping in front of Rick which basically guaranteed that he would put the safety back on his gun and put it back in its holster. 

"What's your name?" Amaleen asked. 

The woman still looked doubtful, but she stepped closer to them and looked relieved that there was no longer a gun pointed in her direction. 

"Adie Quinn," she answered, her voice more confident than her body looked and Amaleen respected her for that. 

"Nice ta meet ya. I'm Amaleen Blake," she said with a smile. Maggie smiled at her gratefully as Amaleen pushed Rick back and allowed Adie into the house. She introduced Rick to her first and then Carol, Beth, and Carl. "Daryl's in the back." Adie looked uneasy when she mentioned him, so she just nodded. There was no real empty rooms so Amaleen offered the couch. "Everywhere else is full," she explained apologetically. 

"The couch will be fine," Adie said with a smile. "It's better than a rock." Amaleen laughed softly because she knew just what she was talking about. When she was alone, she stuck to the woods and found little caves and spaces under fallen trees to sleep or hide in. It was the best she could do, but she was alone and she only had a knife so she had to deal with it. Towns always seemed worse because the people that used to live there and died there and just stayed where they were. The woods were rather quiet and had more places to hide. When she found the group, she had been crossing through that town to the woods on the other side. But it seemed that fate had other plans for her that day.

"Tell me about it," Amaleen said with an answering grin of her own. Giving Adie the couch, though, was for an alternative reason as well: keeping her in the main living space meant that whoever had watch downstairs could keep an eye on her and make sure that she is what she seems like. Amaleen hated being so suspicious, but that was how you survived in this world. And she had so much to lose now, so she wouldn't take unnecessary risks. But sometimes you just needed to be human as well and go with your instincts. Amaleen usually had pretty good ones. 

"A few of us are on watch and a few are making dinner," Rick said, stepping up behind them with his hand on his holster as if it were a casual thing, whereas Amaleen actually knew it was from his days as a cop when he was around suspicious people. Amaleen rolled her eyes slightly, but she nodded to Adie. "You're welcome to join us. All we ask is you help contribute, like keeping watch and raids around town. We're going to be working on a schedule for watch after dinner and we can put you on the rotation." 

"I'd be happy to," Adie said immediately, looking eager. "Anything I can do to pay you all back for letting me stay here. And...if you want me out, whenever, just say so. I don't want to overstay my welcome."

Rick nodded slightly and glanced over to Glenn and Maggie standing in the door. "Go ahead back to the pharmacy. They're working on dinner now." He looked to Adie. "Why don't you go ahead back with them?"

"Okay." Adie nodded and followed Maggie and Glenn out the door. Amaleen let out a breath and turned to look at Rick. 

"I'm not trying to go against ya," she said quietly. "I just have a gut feelin' about her. I don't think she'll hurt us." 

Rick nodded, silent for a couple seconds, before rubbing at his beard. "I think you're right. But we still have to be cautious." 

"A'course," Amaleen said, smiling at him. She patted his shoulder and glanced over towards where Daryl had disappeared and sighed. She decided just to let him have his time there alone, even though she wanted to go confront him and make sure that he was okay. She always worried about him, but sometimes he just needed some time alone. By that night, he would be fine, or at least not as grumpy. Grumpy Daryl was a cute Daryl, but he was hard to talk to sometimes. So she let him be grumpy and promised to talk to him about it later. 

Back upstairs, she settled back onto the bed and focused herself on watching for walkers or threatening people instead of all of her troubling thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to note that Adie is pronounced as Add-E. :) Thanks for reading!


	46. Schedule

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Slight sexual content. Proceed with caution._

Dinner was done before Maggie, Glenn, and Adie got back so they all waited until they did so to eat. Amaleen was absolutely starving, hungrier than she had been in a long time, but she was eating for two so it wasn't surprising. She had eaten so much more during her first pregnancy than she did before or after it. Her stomach growled as she made her way back downstairs and started peaking at the food that sat around the kitchen table. The three had managed to make a nice stew and even though they had no meat, it smelled delicious, and her mouth began to water. She sat in one of the chairs close by, legs crossed underneath her. The others all went to wash up except for Daryl, who was still brooding by the back door, and Rick who came to join her. They could see the front door from where they were so they weren't too worried, though Rick's eyes kept darting in that direction. 

"Are you really sure about her?" Rick asked, not saying any names, but Amaleen knew exactly who she was talking about.

Amaleen nodded immediately. "I am. Just my instincts, ya know? Somethin' about her says she should be here." She shrugged, her voice lowering to a whisper. "Maybe it's maternal instincts kicking in, I dunno. But...s'just this feelin'."

Rick nodded and studied her for a moment before leaning closer as well, especially because Carol came back downstairs to clean up some of the bowls and spoons they had found just to make sure they were clean enough to be eaten off. "How're you feeling, by the way? Any morning sickness?"

She shook her head. "Not really, a little nausea, but nothin' huge. I only really had it once, the day I found out." She chuckled softly. "It's like my body was sayin', 'you're pregnant, moron.'" She shrugged. "But I'm okay. Promise." She smiled and reached over to squeeze his hand. "What about you? Ya don't regret letting her stay, do ya? I really didn't wanna over step ya, but she didn't even have any weapons out, she deserved a chance."

"You're right. This world just makes ya think a certain way. Sometimes it's nice to be reminded that you're human and not just survivors." He nodded as she smiled again. 

Their conversation was halted as the door opened and the other three walked in. Adie was no longer frowning or looking unsure, but she was smiling at something that Glenn was saying. There had been so much tension before that Amaleen didn't get a really good look at her before, but she studied her now. She was a couple inches taller than Maggie putting her at about five foot nine. Blonde hair was pulled back into a braid, blue eyes were bright, skin pale with a light layer of dirt over it, but it didn't take away from what was obviously her natural beauty. She really was, Amaleen would say she would've gathered her for a model or actress or something if it was before the fall, but now they were just all survivors. She wore a heavy coat over a sweater, torn and dirty jeans, and some hiking boots that looked well-worn. But the thing that made her the most beautiful was that kind smile across her face as she lugged a couple boxes of supplies through the door, setting them next to the other boxes and standing up with a sigh. 

"I tried my best to put things into categories," she said, wiping her hands off and crossing them over her chest, leaning against the stairwell as she looked at Rick. "One box is hygiene, another medicines. One is first aid items, the other is miscellaneous. I figured it would be easiest to categorize stuff that way; Maggie mentioned you guys did that." 

Even Rick looked impressed, looking between her, the boxes, and a smirking Maggie as if she was saying,  _"told you she'd be a useful member of the group."_ Amaleen snickered and went over to peak into the boxes, all of them different levels of full, and nodded eagerly. 

"Great job," she said, causing Adie to grin. "What we should do is put half of everything in some bags or other boxes ta keep here, 'n then put the other half in the cars." She looked to Rick. "That good for what ya had in mind?"

The ex-deputy nodded and shook off his shock and stepped closer, managing a grin for Adie as he, too, looked over all the boxes. "Sounds good to me. Let's eat first, then we can do that, and then make the schedule. It'll be dark soon and I don't want anyone out after dark for any reason, even to put the boxes in the cars." 

Amaleen trailed away from the group as they began to dish out dinner and went to find her elusive boyfriend. He hadn't come out at all since she came back downstairs and she knew that he didn't move from his spot their entire watch. Seeing him slumped up on top of the washing machine that sat there made her frown and she walked up next to him, gently touching his knee. For a moment she wondered if he would just brood for the rest of the day, but then he grabbed her hand and slowly looked down at her. The blank look on his face had her frowning even more and she sighed, leaning up to press a kiss to his lips, lingering there for a few moments because frankly, that was her most favorite place to be: in his arms, lips against his. She sighed softly and rose up on her tip toes, arms raising to wrap around his neck.

She heard him groan softly and pull back, making her frown change to a pout. "No," she murmured. "More kissin'." 

The chuckle he gave her made her smile; she put him in a good mood, which is exactly what she wanted to do, but it still made her proud. Setting her back, he jumped off the washing machine and wrapped his arms around her waist, tugging her closer and nearly off her feet so he could get back to her lips easier than he had before. She hummed and melted against him, hands raising to cup against his cheeks, moaning softly and wishing they could just disappear upstairs to be alone without alerting the others to what was going on. They weren't stupid, though, she was sure even Carl would understand what was going on. 

"Oh, shit! I'm sorry..." 

The voice made Daryl grunt and break away from her immediately, though his arms didn't let go so Amaleen could merely look over her shoulder. For a moment she was confused, but then realized that the face was that of their newest addition, Adie. Daryl's face fell into a glare and Amaleen saw her shift uncomfortably. 

"It's okay," Amaleen said, patting Daryl's chest and reluctantly he let her go enough so she could turn, an arm still around her waist, though, as if he felt the need to protect her. She didn't comment right then, unsure if Adie noticed or not, and she didn't want to bring attention to the actions, but she would definitely be talking to him about it once they were alone. "What's up?"

"Rick sent me. Wanted to make sure you guys came in to eat. Especially you, Amaleen." She shrugged as if she didn't know why, but of course the couple did and they both nodded. As if understanding that food was in the vicinity, her stomach growled causing the girls to laugh. 

"We'll be right out, Adie, thanks." The blonde nodded and walked back into the kitchen.

Amaleen turned back to Daryl and gave him a look causing him to shift on his feet. "What?" he demanded defensively. 

She shook her head. "Stop being grumpy 'n just go with it. She's a nice girl, we're all watching her, if something is wrong we'll just get her out. S'simple, Daryl, don't stress about it." She didn't let him answer, instead she leaned up and kissed him quickly once more before headed into the kitchen with the rest. Carol gave her a bowl of the veggie stew and her stomach growled again, making her grin. Rick, who was sitting in one of the kitchen chairs again, stood and gestured for Amaleen to sit. Normally she would argue, but considering things, she knew that Rick wouldn't listen. Instead she gave him a grateful smile and slid into the chair, crossing her legs and digging into her bowl. 

Daryl took a little bit longer to come in and when he did, she could tell he was still brooding, but he didn't slouch back to his post and instead stood against the wall next to her to eat, so that was a good thing. Pleasant small talk drifted through the room, all of the voices more hushed than they were a little while ago. Everyone knew it was close to dark and that's when it got really dangerous, so low voices and light were required. Amaleen didn't speak herself, just listened to the others conversation, including Adie who was talking with Maggie and Glenn. For a slight moment she was jealous, missing Lori something terribly because that used to be them. But the feeling of relief and happiness took her over that they were all able to find some friends that they could talk with. After the winter and what happened, that would never be her and Maggie, but that didn't mean she didn't deserve some friendship and happiness. Besides, Amaleen had her boys, and she was happy with that. 

Smiling softly, she poured out a small glass of water from one of the jugs of water Glenn had brought back, her throat parched. She suddenly wished for a good glass of some juice, preferably something like fruit punch with a lot of different flavors, and if she closed her eyes, she could just about taste it. But like a lot of things from the old world, it had been so long since it's happened that she was forgetting what it tasted like. 

For once things weren't tense between them all and it felt nice. Daryl was done eating before Amaleen was, so when he was, his fingers landed in her hair to softly stroke through the strands. If she were a cat, she would be purring because it felt so wonderful. She loved it when he was so loving like that, especially when he felt comfortable enough to do it around the others. She never pushed him with that, let him come to her, but that didn't mean she didn't want it, even something small like his touches to her hair.

Amaleen stood to help clear and start washing dishes, everything being placed by the sink, when they started hearing Judith crying from upstairs. She had been sleeping and the poor baby had enough happen to her already what with her mother dying and the docks falling, that they just let her nap when she needed, even though she might be awake longer at night. Somebody would be awake for watch so there would be somebody that could help take care of her, even though Rick usually took her all night long. 

Adie looked around, alarmed, and the others all glanced at each other to figure out whose turn it was. "I'll get her," Amaleen said immediately, jumping at the chance to be with the baby. She hadn't properly said hello to the baby since everyone came back together and she missed her. Rick smiled in thanks and Amaleen wiped her hands on her jeans before jogging up the stairs in the direction of Rick's room. Judith was asleep in the middle of one of the beds, blankets and some pillows surrounding her so she couldn't roll off. 

Trying not to startle her, she walked up quietly and gently lifted her out of her little bed. She figured for now, they could use a box for her at night with a bunch of blankets, that way Rick and Carl would have their own beds. Plus with the higher sides, there was no chance of her rolling off. She sat on the edge of the bed and grabbed for the bottle that had been mixed up earlier for her with formula. Amaleen grimaced because it definitely wasn't something they should use long term, it would give to many air bubbles in her tummy since the opening was larger than it should be. Clicking her tongue, she shook her head, but would have to use it for now because there was just no other way and she had to eat. 

Eagerly the baby began to drink and Amaleen was sorry that she had to pull it away so soon, but she didn't want to hurt her. Once the baby swallowed everything and didn't seem to be sucking in air, she began to feed her again.  _I can't wait,_ she decided excitedly, knowing that pregnancy was a wonderful feeling, but the need to hold her baby was overwhelming, nearly suffocating.  _Soon, Jellybean, when you grow big 'n healthy._ She smiled and pulled the bottle back again to perform the same routine. 

"Yours?" 

The voice made her jump and luckily the baby wasn't eating at the time as she would've jerked the bottle away from her and made her angry. She let out a breath when she saw Adie in the door and giving her a sad smile, she shook her head. Part of her wished she was, if only to give the girl a mother. But she could be her cool Aunt Amaleen and that was close enough. Judith would have a little cousin once Jellybean was born and that meant a lot that Amaleen could give her a family. 

"Rick's," she answered. "Carl's little sister." She paused. "Her mother died in childbirth." The question was going to come and it made Adie nod quietly. The blonde stood in the doorway for a few moments before Amaleen gestured her in and lowered the bottle back to Judith's mouth. "We lost all the baby bottles, so this will have to do until we can get some more."

Adie nodded. "I guess I'm a little surprised she's here. I haven't seen a baby in months." The frown on her face then said much more than Amaleen was willing to ask of her at that moment, but she had a feeling that she and Adie had a bit in common. "How old?"

"Two months. Her name is Judith."

"Beautiful name," Adie said.

Amaleen smiled and gently pulled the bottle away and brought her up to her shoulder to burp her. "How long have you been here in Hamilton?" she wondered, glancing over at the blonde as she patted the baby's back. 

Adie shrugged. "Just got here this morning, only about half an hour before Glenn and Maggie found me. Why?"

"Just wondering if you knew where we could get some baby supplies."

"Other than in the City? I don't."

"The City's too dangerous, too many walkers."

"Walkers?" Adie chuckled. "Interesting name. Guess I just always called them zombies." 

Amaleen grinned, hearing Judith finally burp and she moved her back down to feed her a little bit more. "Makes sense. I heard that from Rick when I joined 'em. Before that I just called 'em the dead." She shrugged some and they both laughed as she finally finished up with feeding Judith. She pulled her up to burp her again, standing while she looked around for the pile of sheets that they had cut up for some diapers. It wasn't ideal, but it was all they had. It's not as if they still had factories making them. "I might need ta tell Rick that we need ta branch out ta other houses around the town. We need more than just bottles." Frowning slightly, she finished up with burping and changing her and then found the carrier to tie around her body to keep her close. She probably wouldn't go back to sleep for a couple hours, which was fine by Amaleen because she would be awake. 

"You've only been to the ones on this road?" Adie asked, following her out. 

"So far, yeah. We only plan to stay here for a little bit, but we want to raid as much of the town as we can." There just had to be  _something_ there that would benefit the baby. 

Adie nodded, but didn't answer. There was a far away look on her face that Amaleen couldn't place and she frowned for a moment, but didn't press the woman as they walked together back down the stairs. Daryl had taken the chair she was in and when she walked up next to him, instead of her standing next to his chair, he tugged her onto his lap. She grinned and wrapped an arm around his neck, the other one resting on Judith's back just to make sure she was stable. Daryl looked down at her and she saw the smallest grin tug at his lips and she knew that he was thinking about their baby, too, she could see it on his face and it warmed her immensely. 

"Maggie, Glenn, and Carol are on watch for the next three hours," Rick said, quieting everyone's side conversations and bringing their attention to him. "After them it'll be Adie, Beth, and I. After them Daryl, Amaleen, and Carl. That should take care of the night. For tomorrow I want to get more of a routine down for shifts. We'll put everyone in a group of three and every three hours, a new group will take their place, so just remember who goes after you." Glancing around, he studied them all. "Alright, group one will be Maggie, Glenn, and Adie. Group two is Carl, Carol, and Beth. Group three is Amaleen, Daryl, and I. Since Amaleen, Daryl, and Carl are taking the latest shift tonight, after they're done then group one can take over. Once your group is done at watch, if it's daylight, you can go out for a raid. After that, you'll have some free time to do whatever you want or need to do. Any other suggestions?"

"Whenever there's a group on their free time, they're responsible for watching Judith," Amaleen said. 

"Unless it's nighttime, then I've usually got her," Rick said with a nod. "Daryl, a couple times a week during your free time, I'll have you go hunt and see if you can find us another deer."

Daryl grunted. "Took me over seven months ta find that one, but I'll try," he said with a shrug, a dark look crossing over his features and Amaleen ran her fingers through his hair. 

"It'll happen, brother," Rick said with a quick smile. "Alright, everyone to where you're supposed to be. Just remember for watches at night, remember to wake up the next group since alarm clocks no longer exist." That got a chuckle out of everyone, including Daryl and Rick himself, before they all started to depart. Rick came over to take Judith and Amaleen went to help Beth and Carl sort things into boxes to take out to the cars. It was almost dusk so they had to move quick. They hadn't decided yet whether or not they would need to keep the van, but they put some supplies in there anyway just in case. It had more room to sit than the truck or Hyundai, but it took just as much gas as the truck and didn't have the biggest trunk. They would have to talk it through with Rick in the morning.

Amaleen went right upstairs, saying goodnight to those she passed on the way, and entered hers and Daryl's room. He was already laying across the bed, staring up at the ceiling. She grinned and deposited her boots, coat, and outer sweater on the ground leaving her in jeans and a cami before climbing onto him. Immediately he grinned—she absolutely loved that she could do that to him—and his hands moved from behind his head to her waist where he held her tight. 

"Missed ya today, woman," he grunted, pulling her closer so he could kiss her. 

She giggled and kissed him back, her hands pressing against his chest so she didn't fall on him. Though he just kept tugging her closer so that touch became irrelevant, so it didn't seem like he minded. 

"I missed ya, too," she said to him, kissing him once more. "I'm glad Rick put us on the same watch team, that way one of us won't be off without the other." 

"Probably did that 'cause you're pregnant," he said. "But I ain't gonna argue if it keeps happening even after." 

She grinned. "Me either." She took his hand again, her whole body warming up when he mentioned Jellybean, and she pressed his hand against her belly. "Have you ever felt a baby kick?"

Pulling back for a moment, he slowly shook his head. "Never been around a baby 'til Little Asskicker." She grinned at his own personal nickname for Judith. 

"Well I have, 'n it's the best feelin'. Just wait 'til it grows, it's wonderful." 

Daryl hummed for a second and then with a quick movement, he spun her so she was laying against the bed with him hovering over her, making her squeal and laugh. He didn't say anything, just kissed her lips, jaw, neck, and slowly moved lower and lower until she was gasping and tugging at his hair, pleading with him and crying out in bliss. 


	47. Always Keep Watch

**-Two Weeks Later-**

Hamilton seemed to be kind to them and Amaleen really wished that they could stay. The house was a bit crowded, but the houses on Marion Road were cleared out of any walkers so they would be safe if the families wanted to spread out into them. But Rick was convinced it wouldn't be a good idea, that the herd from the docks would migrate and eventually wind up in Hamilton. Honestly, Amaleen knew he was right to worry, and for a very good reason because he was probably correct, but that didn't mean she was looking forward to getting back on the road and leaving the town. It was all vacant except for them, all of the supplies now theirs packed away in the back of the truck, Hyundai, and van. Rick had decided to keep the van for now, take out the very back seat, and give it a larger trunk to work with. He figured it would be safer for Judith once they got going so he and Carl would take the van with Adie joining them while Maggie, Glenn, and Beth would take the Hyundai and Amaleen, Daryl, and Carol would take the truck. There was enough room to put Daryl's bike in the back for now, which he was extremely grumpy about at first, but he saw the sense in having both the bigger vehicles for more room for supplies and people. 

The evening before they were leaving, Amaleen, Daryl, and Rick took the last raid out into town to make sure they got all of the supplies that they could. Thankfully, just a couple days after they first arrived, Carol, Beth, and Carl had found a house that had a room full of baby supplies in it. They came back not only with four or five bottles, but also diapers, wipes, burp clothes, a couple blankets, and even some toys. It seemed that the people that lived there just packed up and left in a hurry because the house was a mess, but it's also where they found the most food and supplies for the adults as well. The canned food was still good, but Daryl still went hunting during one of their breaks—and of course Amaleen insisted on going with him, no matter how much he tried to talk her out of it or how much he glared at her—and managed to find five rabbits and seven squirrels. Maggie knew how to can stuff and keep it for a longer period of time, so they did that as well as make some jerky out of it. It was delicious and Amaleen gave Daryl a special treat that night as she was so proud of him. 

"Got everythin'?" Daryl asked, stepping up in front of Amaleen as she loaded stuff up. They were downstairs waiting for Rick to finish feeding Judith and Amaleen had finished dressing in a sweater and coat and boots, but it was warm enough she didn't need extra socks or pants or even her gloves, though Daryl still shoved the gloves in her coat pockets grunting, "Just in case." Amaleen's bag had extra bags in it as well as extra ammo, the first aid kit, and an extra knife. Could never be too careful when it came to protection, it was life or death in most cases. 

Amaleen made sure her knife was shoved in its sheath along with her gun loaded, safety on, in the back of her belt. Hidden, but in reach if it was needed. Finally she nodded after she finished taking a quick inventory of herself and reached up to tug her long hair into a ponytail so she didn't need to worry about it. Looking up at him, she smiled and reached up to pat his chest. He, of course, was ready about an hour ago, but she had to shower and find what she wanted to wear and pack up. They waited long enough that Rick had to feed Judith again. 

"I'm ready. Rick should be almost done, too. She eats quick, but the girl refuses ta burp." She shook her head, knowing babies were different and knowing that Alex rarely did as a baby, but it was still better for them if they did so air bubbles didn't get caught in their bellies. It made them a lot more fussy if they didn't burp. "Rick told me he wanted to head over to Settler Road to search?" 

Daryl nodded. Settler Road was the road right behind Marion that basically was parallel. The area between Marion and Settler was a park full of trees and an old fountain, but they would take the long way around as the park had a few walkers in it that they hadn't notice from their house. It wasn't until Maggie, Glenn, and Adie tried to cross through there that they found them, but Rick didn't want to kill them just yet because they didn't notice the others, and the fight could just draw more to them. Luckily they were the only ones that were out on the streets; some other houses still had some locked inside, but they were easy to take out. 

"Yeah, those houses we haven't really hit yet 'cause of the park, but when Carl was out with Beth and Carol, he drew more on the map. There's another street, MacKenzie Ave, that connects the two roads 'n it goes around the park." Those were the houses that those three had been looking through and had found the baby supplies. Carl had wanted to walk through more streets to map it, but Rick wouldn't let him. He didn't want anyone going too far away, and the only reason that he let them go over to Settler Road is because if you look across the park, you can see the houses on the other side. 

"Hopefully there's some meds there," Amaleen said as the only thing that, strangely, wasn't at the pharmacy across the street no matter how hard they looked through the shelves and even down in the basement, was prenatal vitamins. Amaleen was healthy, but considering the fact that the end of the world meant sometimes not eating too much or even not at all, having the vitamins would help the baby be even healthier. It was a long shot to find them, but that was one thing that Amaleen was looking for through the houses as she searched them. 

"What'd they even do?" he wondered. 

"Well, they're multivitamins that're full of vitamins that have enough for the mother, but also has extra for the baby so the pregnancy 'n the baby after birth is healthier." She frowned slightly. "They don't help for everythin', though." Her voice was softer as her mind went back to poor little Alex at three months old. There was no real way to tell if he had that tumor while she was still pregnant with him or if it grew after he was born, but that didn't mean she didn't blame herself. She had taken them religiously while she was pregnant and kept a healthy diet recommended by her doctor, which caused her to avoid gestational diabetes thankfully, but her son still got sick and died.  _It's not fair,_ she thought stubbornly, wondering how different things would be if Alex were there with them, playing with Carl and being excited about being a big brother. 

Daryl glanced at her for a moment, a question on his face, but when he saw her look his jaw clenched and he understood as well. She saw him gulp and nod once before looking away and gathering his own supplies. He wasn't there when Alex died, but the subject was still incredibly sore for him. Amaleen wasn't sure if the feeling was just because of their son's death, or also because he wasn't there for it. She just didn't have the strength or confidence to ask him about it. Not because she didn't want him angry at her again, but because she didn't want to hurt him. 

"We'll find ya some, baby," he finally said, reaching over to wrap his arms around her waist and squeezed her in a gentle hug. The more things progressed, the softer he was with her and frankly she was a bit bothered by it. She didn't want him to change around her, but she would never hurt him by saying something. The actions were to protect her, and telling him not to protect her, in his mind, was basically telling him that she didn't want him. It's how he thought and the two had nothing to do with each other, but she couldn't and wouldn't change him for the world. She just had to try harder to reassure him she was fine and he wasn't hurting her. 

Smiling up at him, she leaned up and pressed her lips against his. "I love ya," she whispered. He gave her that beautiful smile she loved so much. It was so rare, even before the apocalypse, and she clung to it. Fingers raised and gently traced those soft lips she absolutely loved. This man was home to her.

"I love ya, too." Those words coming from him were her heaven.

She gave him another kiss and just as she did, they heard Rick starting to walk down the stairs so they reluctantly pulled apart, though Amaleen kept an arm around Daryl's body. Rick was wiping his hands on a burp cloth which he tossed over to where the bag of laundry was. Maggie and Adie had promised to do some before they left Hamilton right after they ate, and it looked like they were finishing up in the kitchen. Amaleen was glad Adie stayed with them, fitting right in with the group. After the first week, even Daryl seemed to relax around her a bit and they moved things around in the upstairs watch room so Glenn and Maggie could take that, and the smaller downstairs room was given to Adie. Since they were in that other room, they set up a sheet around their living area for privacy and kept the other part for watch. Everyone promised to keep quiet unless they saw something so they didn't wake them. 

"You two ready?" Rick asked. 

"We're set," Amaleen said as she reluctantly pulled away from Daryl. Rick grabbed the gear he was bringing and said goodbye to Carl before leading them outside. The wind was still cool, but the air wasn't too bad out when the sun was shining. It nearly made Amaleen want to take off her outer coat, but she could just picture the look on Daryl and Rick's faces so she didn't even try. She had to smile, though, as the wind brought over the smell of salty ocean air. It made Amaleen miss the docks terribly, if only for that beautiful view, but there was no going back and she was okay with that. 

Rick led the way down the road with Daryl at the rear, walking backwards to make sure that nothing or nobody snuck up behind them. Amaleen kept her hand on her knife just to make sure that she was covered if needed. There no sound except for their gentle footsteps and the rustle of wind through leaves. It made Amaleen miss her hometown. By that time of year, it was already close to eighty and she would be running around in shorts, cami, and flip-flops with picnics at the lake and planting in the garden. She had missed that when she was in New York, which is where she lived after she had left Daryl since that's where her parents were and where her mother was buried. It was times like this, feeling Jellybean fluttering in her belly, that she missed her momma something terrible. She had been so supportive when she was pregnant with Alex. Her daddy always called her a whore because she was unmarried and pregnant, but her momma always tried to hush him. She had been so excited to be a grandmother and was just as devastated as Amaleen was when Alex died. Amaleen was sure that contributed to her death, the stress and horror of watching her die causing weakening of her already weak heart. 

Shaking her head of her thoughts and tears from her eyes, she forced herself to push those thoughts away. She just wish she could've shown her home town to her son, shown him the country and the world, but he had been too sick travel other than to different treatment centers. Amaleen tried everything, spared no expense, but she saw when Alex got too tired and she simply had to let him go. 

 _Stop it,_ she begged herself, fingers falling on her belly where Jellybean fluttered again. Her other hand desperately pushed away her tears and was glad that Rick and Daryl were both turned away from her so they didn't notice her sudden distress. Of course they would've been worried and probably send her back home, but she knew it was just hormones mixing with her bad memories. She was fine, she would be, she _had_ to be. She had her Jellybean to think about now and she would be the best mother she could be even though she failed her son.  _I won't fail you, too, Jellybean,_ she vowed. 

Letting out a shaky breath, she gulped back her tears and worked to pay attention to her surroundings; it could be the difference between life and death. MacKenzie Avenue was four blocks away from their house and they went slow, so it took them about twenty minutes to get there. They could still see the park from where they were so they went quietly, hiding behind houses when a walker turned in their direction and waited until it turned away to move again. MacKenzie Avenue was even longer than Marion Road so that took them another half an hour, and then Settler Road came up. There were so many houses left that they didn't know where to begin, but Rick finally picked one on the left side of the street, using the theory that it was on the opposite the park so if there was some sort of noise or light or movement, the walkers wouldn't notice. It was still evening, though, so they still had to be careful.

Standing outside, Rick and Daryl faced the park while Amaleen knocked on the door and waited to see if there were any noises from inside the house. It seemed to be locked up tight so if there were any inside, it'd be the people that had once lived there. But there was no sounds coming from inside the house and Amaleen glanced at them to make sure that it was okay to go in. At the nod from the both of them, she pushed open the door, knife raised as she swept into the foyer. It was pretty empty other than a dead plant and a small table. The coat closet only had a broom inside and Amaleen sighed, shutting the door, disappointed as she had hoped to find more coats or sweaters for the group. Summer would be soon, but for now it was still chilly. Being the north east, that would continue for the next month or so. 

"I'll try upstairs," she said, pointing to the steps next to her. Daryl frowned, looking uneasy, and she just patted his shoulder. "I'll be fine, baby. I'll yell if I need ya." He continued to frown, but nodded as he and Rick headed into the kitchen. Food, at that point, was the most important thing they could get. It was the only thing that ran out quickly considering the size of the group. Amaleen wanted to check medicine cabinets and bedrooms to see if she could find those prenatal vitamins. 

She went slowly, knife raised and she carefully turned to look up at the landing to make sure nothing snuck up on her. Everything was quiet and bare and it made her kind of uneasy, like it was too good to be true, but if there was a walker, she would've heard it by then. They weren't exactly quiet even if nothing caught their attention, usually they were groaning at least a little and shuffling around. First place was the bathroom and there were a couple half-empty bottles of Tylenol which she couldn't take herself, but grabbed them anyway along with a tube of triple antibiotic ointment and some bandaids. She set her knife on the sink to tug out a bag from the larger one on her back. She also found a roll of toilet paper which was practically gold so she grabbed that as well, along with a couple older towels, but they would be useful anyway. 

Grabbing her knife, she went to the first bedroom which was a guest room that she stripped of sheets and blankets, and the second bedroom which was a kids room. She found some comics that she knew Carl would like along with a couple t-shirts and some more blankets. They were small, sized for kids, but you could never have enough blankets in the apocalypse. She filled up a couple of the extra bags and set them on the landing before taking her larger bag off her back and headed into the master bedroom. It took up most of the front of the house as it looked to be a suite with its own bathroom, something she thought was excessive but hey people are comfortable in different ways. Storing her knife away in its sheath, she saw there were some pill bottles over on the bedside table so she headed over to look at what they were in hopes she would get lucky. 

It wasn't until she sat down on the edge of the bed that she heard a noise behind her, a creek of the floorboards and the squeak of a door hinge. The pill bottle fell from her hand as she spun quickly to see what was behind her, eyes going wide and she jumped up in shock, gasping as the gun leveled itself at her and fired.


	48. Life or Death

They didn't bother looking at the labels of what was in the cans, they only looked at the expiration date and then just tossed them in the bags that they were carrying. It was the most precious asset they had right then, other than each other of course. The people that they had mattered the most, and Daryl knew that he didn't know what he would do if he didn't have them. He tried hard to ignore that fact, trying to pretend he didn't care, but he watched three people die and his heart actually ached each time he thought about them. But he never showed it, focusing on just living and protecting his family. They were the most important things in the world to him, and he would do anything to keep them safe. 

"Anything interesting?" Rick asked, stepping up behind him with his own bag. He had been searching through the attached garage for any tools that might be of use to them, or possibly anything that could be used as a weapon—you could never get enough of those. Adie had come to them without any weapons at all and they had no idea how she had survived that long without one, but it was imperative that each member of the group had one so Daryl knew that Rick had planned on giving one of them to Adie so she had something she could rely on for herself other than just those around her as she had been. At first they had been fine with her being unarmed while they learned to trust her, and now that they did, she had to start pulling her weight and not rely on others, but also they didn't want her to get hurt if she didn't have a weapon; she was one of them, and that's how they worked.

"Not really," Daryl grunted as he stood up from the bottom shelf of the pantry, tossing the rest of the cans in the bag and starting on the boxes of dried potatoes on the top shelf. They were still good, not for much longer, but they would be something they could use for their next meal if cooked right with some corn or peas, with a side of some rabbit or squirrel. It actually sounded delicious and Daryl, who had skipped dinner for watch, felt his stomach growling. He ignored it, though, as he looked to see if there was anything else they could use. There were some biscuit mixes and they called for milk, but Carol might be able to get water and some spices to make them edible, so he grabbed them as well. 

"We got food, that's what matters. Carol can work wonders with it. We'll manage." He nodded and showed Daryl that he had grabbed a couple hammers and a handful of screwdrivers. "There was a power drill, but I figured that was a bit much." Daryl snorted and nodded, tossing his bag over by the door. 

"Wanna try the basement?" the redneck asked causing the ex-deputy to nod. They headed for the door next to the pantry and Rick knocked on the wall, waiting for a few moments, before they agreed it was clear and headed down. The basement was old and smelled of dust and mildew, but they had both definitely smelled worse with dead people walking and all, so they headed down the creaky steps. There wasn't much down there except an old kitchen furniture set, washer and dryer, and some other random pieces of wood. Rick sighed, but shook his head and headed back up the stairs. 

"Let's go jo—"

That's when they heard the gunshot coming from the second floor. The two men took only a moment to glance at each other with twin looks of horror before they bolted towards the steps, taking two at a time as they ran for the woman. Daryl's heart beat quickly, anger and fear swirling in his body to make him the dangerous, deadly hunter that he was before he found Amaleen again. He would protect his family no matter what it cost him. She was pregnant with his child, and that meant nothing,  _nothing_ would get in his way.

" _Amaleen_!"

Together, in unison and with lethal intent, they kicked in the door, guns at the ready. Both of them quickly took in the scene, seeing an unknown man on the other side of the bed, hovering there with a gun pointed down towards the floor. Rick's eyes moved to kept the offender in his sights while Daryl's searched for his girlfriend, heart plummeting into his stomach when he saw a slumped figure there at the man's feet. Splatters of blood lingered and dripped down the wall and windowsill and across the light colored sheets, smearing as if someone was standing there and slid down the wall.  _Oh fuck no,_ he thought with dread. 

The man with the gun turned around and pointed it to the two men in the door and without a second though, Rick shot, getting the man in between his eyes. He slumped onto the floor in an instant, no chance to speak, but they barely gave him a second glance as the two men leaping over his body to get to the woman on the other side. 

* * *

Amaleen had fallen as soon as the gun fired, feeling the burning, white hot bolt of pain rip through her. For a single, terrified moment she thought it was her stomach that was shot, screaming silently for her unborn baby, but realized quickly that the pain was her right shoulder. A warm rush of hot blood fell down her skin and soaked her coat and sweater. She gasped, clutching at the wound, her first thought to make it stop bleeding. She wasn't sure if it went clean through or if it was still in there, but she did know that couldn't reach for her own gun. It was wedged between her body and the wall, and the man would obviously know what she was doing if she tried it. Plus her arm killed and any thought of moving it made her want to scream. 

As it was, she was trying hard not to pass out from the pain, seeing blackness creep into the edge of her vision as she fought to keep herself awake. If she passed out right then, she knew that she would die, or he would hurt her even worse. Faintly she remembered that Rick and Daryl were in the house, but the pain was too much to call out to them. Her voice was merely a squeak as she tried to speak and she watched as the man slowly came closer, a sick grin on his face. He was tall, even taller than Rick or Daryl, and skinnier than even Carl it seemed. He obviously was starving, his hair and skin covered in dirt and blood. His teeth seemed to be falling out of his head, and his eyes were more than a bit crazed. Clearly he had been by himself for awhile, and she wasn't sure if he just wanted to steal what she had found, or if he wanted a little bit more. 

Whimpering, she tried to scoot back, but the movement made her head spin and her back hit the bedside table anyway, making her wince. "Please, no..." she breathed out, the highest her voice could go. He simply laughed and brought the gun back up causing her hands to subconsciously move to protect her stomach.  _Not Jellybean, please no..._

"Just stay still, sweetheart, it'll all be over soon." He sounded as if he were actually trying to soothe her, but his voice was far too greasy for that. 

Amaleen whimpered and closed her eyes, begging God to apologize to Daryl for her knowing that she failed, when she heard the beautiful, angelic sound of his voice breaking through her thoughts and the man's voice, interrupting whatever he was about to do to her. Amaleen actually managed a small smile as fear flittered across the man's face. He turned towards the door just as it burst open, and her boys were standing there, angry and deadly and ready to fight. It was barely a second and the stranger lifted a gun towards them, ready to defend himself, when there was another burst of gunfire. 

She watched his body drop like a sack of potatoes near her feet. A sigh of relief left her lips and now that he was dead, her eyelids fluttered shut. She hadn't realized she had passed out because when she woke up again, her body was moving and she smelled the familiar scent of woods and cinnamon in her nose.  _Daryl._ She groaned softly as her arm was jostled and slowly her eyes opened, seeing the determined face above her as he jogged down the street. She could also hear footsteps next to them which told her that Rick was right along with them. 

"Daryl?" she mumbled, leaning over to bury her face in his chest and she heard him gasp sharply and the movements stopped. She was moved and set down on the ground, wincing as her shoulder pulsed, and gingerly she looked up. Her vision was still foggy, but she could see the images of Daryl and Rick floating above her, both of them looking angry and worried and deadly and terrified all at the same time. 

"Am," Daryl breathed, the relief obvious in his face as he brushed some loose tendrils of hair off her face. She blinked again and slowly they came into focus. Rick looked just as worried as Daryl did, but he kept himself standing upright to keep watch around them. She could see it on their faces: there was absolutely no way she was ever leaving their sight again. They had all stupidly assumed that because they heard nothing, there was no danger inside. If it was walkers, that would've been enough. But they hadn't taken other humans into consideration, they certainly wouldn't announce themselves if they heard knocking. 

"Where are we?" 

"Marion Road. Almost home." He ran his fingers over her cheek. "What the fuck happened?"

She shook her head. "Dunno really. Lookin' at some meds, tryin' ta find those vitamins. Didn't see or hear anythin' 'til the door shut. Turned around 'n he shot me." 

Daryl's jaw ticked and his eyes hardened. "Won't hurtcha again," he grunted before picking her up again and started back for the house. 

"I can walk, Daryl," she mumbled, but buried her face back in his shoulder and tried to ignore the searing pain in her own. He just merely shook his head as he and Rick picked back up to a jog. Amaleen frowned and she knew as soon as it had happened that he would blame himself. Of course she would talk to him about it and try to convince him that there was absolutely no reason for him to blame himself, she went up there on her own free will, but she knew her hunter wouldn't see it that way. He would see that bullet hole on her and not himself and no matter what, he would blame himself. Her eyes closed and she could smell the salty air once they got closer to the house and she couldn't help but smile. She would miss that. 

"Maggie, Glenn!" Rick called once the door opened and Daryl carefully carried her up the stairs and into the house. Beth, Carol, and Carl were the ones on watch so Carol was sitting in the living room and she jumped up in shock once she saw Daryl carrying in Amaleen. 

"What happened?!" she asked in alarm, moving stuff aside to let Daryl set Amaleen on the couch so her hurt shoulder wasn't pressed against the back. He tossed his crossbow, gun, and knife along with her weapons to the side and kneeled down next to her. Rick moved next to him and together they worked on getting her coat off along with her sweater. She let out a cry of pain as she had to lift her arm to get the sweater over her head, at least they tried it, but half-way through Daryl shook his head and stopped his and Rick's movements. 

"No," he growled out, his face twisted in anger and pain. Reaching for his knife, he began to cut away at it so she didn't have to pick her arm up. It would only cause more damage if she tried to and they could sacrifice one sweater if it meant not injuring her further. As it was, she was afraid she wouldn't be able to use it right anymore. She wasn't a doctor, but she had never felt pain like this before. Well, perhaps childbirth, but that was a completely different kind of pain. Her head floated again, drifting in and out of consciousness as finally they stopped moving her. She was left in just a cami so the guys didn't need to cut anything else off. Faintly she heard voices and movement of bags and supplies as she tried to force herself back to consciousness. 

Finally her eyes popped open again and saw that Daryl and Rick were still there along with Carol, along with Maggie, Glenn, and Adie now. 

"Are ya sure ya know what you're doin'?" Daryl was asking, his voice and face full of doubt as he looked at the blonde that was leaning over Amaleen.  _Adie?_ she wondered, gazing up at her dazedly. 

"I promise," Adie said with a nod, gently nudging the hunter out of the way and taking his place causing him to frown, but he didn't argue. "I was an ER nurse before all this. I've done it plenty of times. She'll be fine." She looked up at him and he still looked doubtful, but finally begrudgingly sighed and stood up, crossing his arms over his chest and standing by the arm of the couch. Adie looked back to Amaleen and nodded, reaching for something before handing her a bottle of tequila that Glenn had found awhile ago. "Drink this, you might need something. But not all, I need some for your wound." 

Amaleen's eyes flickered from the bottle to Daryl to Rick and back. Slowly she shook her head. "I-I can't drink that..." she said, causing a strange look from Adie which made Amaleen gulp. She still wasn't ready to tell the others so she sighed. "My daddy was a mean drunk. I don't touch the stuff." Which was the truth.

Adie frowned, but nodded and grabbed for some gauze. "Alright. Well, you'll have to keep as still as you can. Rick, Daryl...hold onto her to help keep her still." Daryl wrapped an arm around her upper chest while Rick was around her waist. Carol held her hand as Adie dumped some of the tequila on the gauze and started patting it on her shoulder. 

Immediately she whimpered and her body tensed while she tried her hardest not to scream again. She felt Daryl wince against her as he tried not to tell Adie to stop. The bullet couldn't stay in her shoulder, it could do way more damage than good if it did. They didn't have a whole lot of supplies, but Adie had Daryl's knife and some tweezers to help get it out. Once she cleaned it, she grabbed Rick's flashlight to check it out and see if she could find it. Luckily there was a glint meaning it was close to the surface, but it was stuck in some muscle. It looked like it was only a twenty-two caliber which is probably why it didn't go clean through, the round was too small and the assailant was too far away, but Amaleen might have issues with the shoulder for the rest of her life. Adie wasn't a physical therapist, but perhaps she could help her out a bit so it wasn't as bad as it could be. Between her job and watching family have it over the years, she might be the best option for her.

"Alright, I see it. I'm going to try and get it out now.  _Please_ stay still, I don't want to hurt you anymore than you already are." Amaleen slowly nodded and she squeezed her eyes shut. Adie dumped some of the tequila onto the tweezers and had some gauze handy, took a deep breath, and got to work. 

There was no way she could stop herself from screaming then. If Daryl and Rick weren't holding onto her, she definitely would've twisted away from it all. Her body felt white hot as cold sweat broke out along her forehead. 

"Stop!" Daryl pleaded, his voice breaking as he held her from twisting around too much. "Please, just stop!" 

"Daryl, if she stops now, Amaleen will be even worse. It could travel in her body. She needs to get it out." Rick's voice sounded strained though and he squeezed his eyes shut, too, turning away from it and trying to focus on anything except what was happening to his sister. Her screams would forever haunt him, binding the word _"failure"_ to his title. He was the leader, he let her go off alone, and she got shot. It was one hundred percent. 

Adie didn't say a word as her face was set in a grim line, pretending she was once more in the ER working on an anonymous gunshot victim instead of a woman who had become her friend. The light was held between her teeth and she had to dump some tequila on the knife to gingerly open the wound a little bit more, causing another pain-filled scream, but otherwise she wouldn't be able to get the bullet out. It was right there, but the wound had been very small considering the caliber of the bullet and it left no room to be able to get the tweezers open enough inside to get around the bullet. She wasn't sure why someone would carry such a small weapon, but then again even something small like a pencil to the brain of a walker would kill them instantly so the caliber of a gun wouldn't matter in that instance. With humans, though, because it was so small it rarely went all the way through and it could bounce around causing more damage. Adie had seen plenty of that in the ER and the last thing she wanted was for that to happen to this woman.

Working diligently, she finally secured the end of the tweezers around the end of the bullet. Slowly she twisted and pulled up, trying not to be too rough, but her movements earned another scream from Amaleen and Daryl and Rick's tight grips were the only thing that kept her from twisting away. With a grunt, finally the bullet was free and she was pulling it from her skin. Adie sighed and dropped the bullet into the bag sitting next to her that was for the garbage. Bloody gauze and rags were inside from when they tried to stop her bleeding. Now that the bullet was free, she could work on sewing her up. Frankly that was the easy part, but she might just be bias because she was so used to it. More tequila went on a bent needle along with some thread and within five minutes, the wound was sewed up cleanly. She dabbed some more tequila over it just to sterilize it and Daryl tried to give her some of the triple antibiotic ointment that Amaleen had found over on Settler Road, but Adie shook her head. 

"That'll heal the outside faster than the inside, but you don't want that. You want them to heal together or there's a higher chance for infection. Ideally we should've sewed the inside as well, but you need special sutures for that, ones that dissolve. We don't have that and the thread wouldn't work so we have to work with this. We'll just have to keep an eye on it and make sure there's no infection, that could almost be worse than the original bullet wound."

Daryl didn't look convinced, but he nodded and watched as Adie finished by putting some clean, dry gauze over it before taping it. The medical supplies they had wasn't extensive, but it was exactly what they needed. Adie's hands were covered in blood so she grabbed the bottle of tequila and another rag to go into the kitchen to wash her hands up. 

* * *

 Amaleen was still awake, but her eyes were fluttering as she fought more unconsciousness. More sweat dripped down her face and to her neck, which Daryl had grabbed a rag to ever so gently dab at her forehead, murmuring gently to her that she would be alright. Rick had never heard the hunter speak like that, never seen the tender look on his face, but this was the love of his life and Rick understood. It made him respect the man even more that he could put aside his own insecurities about public displays of affection and attend to his lover.

But the guilt on his face was clear and the leader was sure that his own face mirrored it. Rick finally let go of her waist and stood up, his jaw tensing as he looked over her. Dried blood crusted her cami and the skin of her right shoulder and arm, and even a bit on the couch underneath her. She clearly was still in pain, but since she was pregnant, she couldn't very well take any of the pain meds without risking the baby's health. It was like a double edged sword: take pain meds and hurt the baby, or not take them and leave her in extreme pain. Rick would rather cut off his right hand than watch her be in pain; maybe Adie would have some ideas, but that would require telling her of the pregnancy and he wouldn't risk Amaleen's trust like that. He would have to talk about it with her first and explain to her his worries.

They had been without a doctor for so long since Hershel had died, but now they had Adie and Rick was more than grateful to her for her help. As suspicious as he had been of her at first, he was certainly thankful for what she's done for their group. She could've just walked away as he and Daryl tried to interrogate her—though with Amaleen against them, they wouldn't have pushed it much—but she stayed and proved herself. And now, she saved Amaleen, which honestly besides his kids, she was the most important person in the world to him. And to him, that just told him that he was right to put his trust in the blonde.

Knowing that Daryl had her, he let the couple have some time alone and nodded Carol away to do the same. The others had already left once Adie had started her mini-surgery to give them some space, so the bottom floor was rather quiet. Rick glanced over at Adie as she scrubbed at her hands in the sink, the smell of tequila permeating the air. Quietly he stepped up beside her, leaning against the counter and causing her to look up at him. She gave him a soft smile as she turned the rag over to try and find a cleaner spot to use. "She'll be okay, Rick," she said, turning to lean her hip against the counter. "I know it's scary, but she'll be fine. Believe me, I've seen people survive much worse." 

Rick glanced away, wondering how this woman knew exactly what he was thinking. As the leader, he was a pro at keeping his true thoughts and feelings a secret, but considering the circumstances he supposed he couldn't exactly help it. Then again, Amaleen always seemed to know what he was thinking or feeling and called him out on it. Maybe it was just a woman thing, or maybe he just didn't hide them as well as he thought he did. Or maybe these two amazing women were just incredibly perceptive.

"I know. Thanks to you. I couldn't thank you enough, Adie. You really saved her."

"You and Daryl did. But I'm glad I could help. It's the least I could do for you letting me stay with your group."

" _Our_ group," Rick correctly gently with a smile. Adie perked up, her eyes actually watering a little bit, and she couldn't say anything as she tossed the dirty, ruined away to stare at her feet. Rick put a gentle hand on her shoulder before he headed back over to check on Amaleen. 

* * *

 

When Amaleen woke up next, she was no longer downstairs on the couch, but upstairs in hers and Daryl's bedroom. She groaned softly and for a moment forgot what happened, but when she tried to turn over, the searing pain in her arm that made her head spin made her groan. 

"Don't move." 

She froze in her spot and blinked away her sleep, trying to move enough to look at who spoke to her. But really, she knew who it was even without seeing them as the gruff Southern accent was more familiar to her than her own voice. Using her good arm, she struggled into a sitting position and heard him sigh before there were hands on her helping her and then pulling her against a strong chest. A sigh left her lips as she leaned back and let her body relax, glad that the bullet didn't go through all the way if only so she could still lean against him like this. Being there in his arms was exactly where she wanted to be, it was the only place that she really wanted to be. She took one of his arms with her good arm and tugged it closer around her, turning her head so she could press her face into his neck.

"How long've I been out?" she murmured. 

For a moment he didn't speak, but then he muttered, "Too long." He sighed and looked away. "About five hours."

Slowly she brought her head up to look at him, frowning as she saw that oh so familiar blank look on his face, jaw tense and his eyes refusing to look at her as he stared across at the bare wall. Shaking her head, she sighed sadly and pressed her face back where it was, nuzzling against him and pressing a kiss there underneath his jaw. She hated when he got like this, not because he tuned her out, but because he was so utterly guilty anything anything happened, even if she broke a nail, that he just constantly beat himself up internally. She desperately wanted to break him of that habit, but considering he had been doing it for his entire life, it would be hard to crack. 

"Daryl, please," she whispered. "Please don't do this."

"I letcha—"

" _No,_ " she interrupted as she sat up, turning to him even as her arm screamed to her, though she kept it tight to her body to try and lessen that. The next morning she would look through the supplies for a sling. "No, Daryl. Ya don't getta do that ta yourself. Why? Because it wasn't your fault. I went up there alone, I  _asked_ ta do it even though I knew very well that Rick had already said nobody goes anywhere alone. I was the one who didn't check the rooms well enough. 'N you weren't the one that pulled that trigger." She refused to tell her that the shot was the least horrible thing that man had on his mind, she could just tell. "It's not. Your fault." The words were said softly, slowly as she tried desperately to get her lover to understand. 

Finally his eyes flickered down to her and to her shock, they crumbled down with all the guilt and grief he felt. She was expecting more silence, more blank looks, that was his MO. But the look on his face tore her heart to shreds and she frowned sadly, moving around to sit on her knees to face him, though he winced and tried to get her to stop moving. Once she was settled, she raised her good hand to cup his cheek. 

"Oh, Daryl," she whispered thickly as a lump grew in her throat. God this man tore her up sometimes, just the look on his face made her want to sob. Normally she would throw her arms around his neck and snuggle into his lap, but she was very sure he would argue considering even a slight movement of her arm had it screaming with pain. "Baby, please.  _Please_ don't feel guilty. You didn't shoot me, that man did, 'n he's dead, remember? Rick killed him. We're safe 'n we're alive 'n we're together. 'N our baby is fine. That's what counts, right?"

Daryl didn't stay anything, staying silent as his blue hues flickered over her face. She could see that he didn't want to believe her and deep down he probably still didn't, still blamed herself, but he nodded anyway. She chose to believe him as well and let out a soft sigh, moving in to press a gentle kiss to his lips. 

"I love ya s'much. Seein' ya layin' there like that..." Daryl trailed off and when she heard the catch in his voice, she kissed him again, deeper this time and letting her lips answer for her. She wasn't going anywhere, she and Jellybean were there for life, and he would never ever have to be without them again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments are love!


	49. Heavy Thoughts Tonight

The next morning woke everyone bright and early as Rick had scheduled them for an early morning departure. Lighting was best at dawn and it would give them the whole day to drive. None of them were happy about the possibility of camping along the highway again out at night, least of all Rick and Daryl, but there just might not be a choice. When Amaleen had woken up, Daryl was already awake and getting himself dressed in some clothes that didn't have any of Amaleen's blood on it like his others did. Everything was tossed in a separate bag to be stored away in the back of the truck with the rest of their bags, his bike, and some other supplies. Once he saw she was up, he gave her a soft kiss and then helped her get up, change, and even put her hair into a neater ponytail before tying a sling around her arm to keep her shoulder from moving. She couldn't help the large grin that split her face because the hunter acted so rough and tough, acting like he didn't give a shit about anything, and yet he did things like this. He made her feel so special and safe and loved, like she was the only girl left in the world. She knew that he loved her, he loved her so much. Daryl Dixon loved her and she knew that she was the luckiest woman that ever lived, and her kids were the luckiest kids for having him as a daddy. Alex would never know that, but Jellybean sure as hell would.

After helping her downstairs, he sat her on the couch and Rick came over to join them. They discussed something quietly for a moment making Amaleen's eyebrow go up before Daryl nodded and they turned back to her. The serious looks on their faces made her eyes narrowed as the emerald hues flickered back and forth between the two men in suspicion. 

"You're not goin' anywhere," Daryl finally said causing her to frown. "I mean for right now, we're not leavin' ya behind, crazy woman." Of course he knew that's what she was thinking. "You'll sit back 'n let us finish packin' shit up, then we can go. There'll be no arguin', Am, m'serious. Just stay here 'n let us get everythin' done." 

For once in her life, she did just that, her face falling into an understanding smile and she nodded, reaching up with her good hand to pull him down to sit next to her. "I will. Long as I can sit up front with you on the drive 'n annoy ya." A mischievous grin fell over her face as his fell and he snorted, shaking his hand and standing up. 

"Like I said, crazy woman." But of course she knew that meant that he was going to listen to her request anyway. Rick gave her a quick hug and kiss to the forehead before heading outside to help them. She did want to help, but it was understandable that she not be able to help considering she only could lift with one arm, and not her dominant arm for that matter, plus it still screamed something terrible. She had always been good at hiding pain, emotionally and physically, so she didn't say a word as she sat on the couch watching everyone else go in and out the door with bags and boxes. She had a feeling Daryl, if not Rick as well, knew that she was in pain, but they chose not to say anything and for that she was glad. She knew she couldn't take any pain medication because of her Jellybean and for that she had to deal with it. And of course she would rather deal with that than be dead. 

But she was incredibly bored just sitting around on the couch so risking a little bit of Daryl's annoyance, she stood and went out to stand next to the house to watch the others finish the packing. She did indeed earn a frown from her lover, but she just grinned at him as she leaned against the railing and made small talk with those around them. Once things were almost finished, Adie sighed and leaned next to her to take a breather, running a hand through her blonde hair. Clearly it was in the way and Amaleen handed over one of her two hair ties so she could put it up and out of the way. 

"Oh my god, thank you. You're a lifesaver!" Adie exclaimed with a grin as she tugged her hair up out of her face. Amaleen giggled and glanced over her shoulder quickly, seeing that Rick was watching them and she gave him a strange look before he went a little red and looked away. She raised an amused eyebrow, but didn't say anything as she shook her head. 

"I keep ahold of those things better than my weapons, I think," she said with another laugh. Adie laughed as well. "But m'pretty sure you're the lifesaver here, not me." She paused. "I never did thank you for that, by the way. I owe you a lot for savin' my life."

Adie waved a hand and shook her head, even though she smiled. "You don't owe me anything. I was happy and glad to do it."

Amaleen could only smile and she looked down at her feet, shifting slightly. She could never really express how grateful she was to the other woman because unbeknownst to her, she saved two lives by pulling that bullet out of her shoulder, Amaleen and Jellybean. Grateful didn't begin to cover it, mostly for her lover and their baby. Protecting them was her biggest priority and for a moment she questioned her decision about keeping Jellybean a secret. It would only be a couple more weeks until her second trimester and then she was out of the real danger; that's when she planned on telling everyone. But Adie was a nurse, maybe things would've been different with her little surgery there if she had told her about Jellybean to begin with. For a moment her lips parted to say something, but then slammed shut. No, she just wasn't ready. She knew already what losing a child was like, and the last thing she needed was everyone's looks of pity and sympathy if she told them and then something horrible happened. She remembered getting them from coworkers and doctors and even her mother when Alex died, and she couldn't do that again. Amaleen would rather grieve in private.

Shaking herself slightly, she lifted her eyes again to the other woman and sighed softly. "I hafta tell ya... It might seem nice ta not hafta do any work, but it can kinda get borin', too." She paused. "'N I feel a bit useless."

"You're hurt, there's a big difference," Adie said. "And I'm sure the others don't feel that way. They all want you to feel better."

Amaleen sighed softly. "I know," she said simply, smiling wistfully over at her family milling around and finishing up on getting everything moved into the vehicles. Daryl glanced over and she smiled, waving slightly with her good hand and he merely scoffed and shook his head, which made her giggle. She knew he was still a bit miffed she was outside, but he would get over it. 

"Can I say something with upsetting or offending you?" Adie asked suddenly, causing Amaleen to look over in surprise. 

"Takes a lot to offend me." 

Adie nodded. "Okay, well... I guess it just kind of shocked me that you're with Daryl." Amaleen raised an eyebrow. "I don't mean that he's not a good guy, it's just I guess he just doesn't seem like the relationship type. Honestly, I thought you were with Rick." She chuckled as Amaleen wrinkled up her nose. "Come on now, he's not  _that_ bad looking." 

"Oh no, Rick is a sexy motherfucker." Adie smirked and her eyes slid not-so-conspicuously over to the ex-deputy. "But that don't mean I want him like that. That would be like doin' my brother." She shook her head. "Nope, we're close, but not like that. I've known Daryl for a long time 'n he's always been the man of my dreams."

Adie smiled as Amaleen's gaze flickered over to the redneck who was working with Glenn and Rick to shove a motorcycle in the back of the truck, a serene and tender look crossing the brunette's face. She had to admit, though a bit shocking, they looked absolutely adorable together. The protectiveness just swallowed this group whole and the possessiveness that they had over each other was shocking and astounding. It was no surprise that Adie had such a hard time for that first week; they were so used to each other and trusted each other and all outsiders were considered dangerous.

"Well, the love between you is obvious. The way he acted when you were brought in injured?" Adie shook her head. "I've never seen a man act like that before, like you cut off his air supply. It was scary, Amaleen. That boy loves you so much." 

"I know," she whispered, her hand delicately and inconspicuously creeping to her belly to feel Jellybean flutter. "I'm the luckiest girl in the world."

"Someday, if I'm half as happy as you, I'd be lucky, too." Adie and Amaleen grinned at each other before Adie pulled herself away and went over to finish up with shoving the rest of the supplies into the vehicles. There was actually less than Amaleen thought, but she supposed that was because their food supply was something that was nearly on a day-to-day basis versus having a large stock like they did back on the docks. Part of her wished they could dare to go back and get everything, but there was no way in hell Rick was going to let that happen. 

"We got a destination in mind?" Daryl asked as the trunks were closed. At the question, Amaleen joined the rest and stood next to her lover, her side pressed against his and his arm subconsciously fell around her waist. "Drivin' all willy-nilly's just stupid. We got a map now, let's take a look 'n find a route on there, find a small town 'n set our course for there. Hold up there for a day or two, or just a night, then head ta the next town."

Rick looked at him and then glanced around before shrugging. "Better plan than anything I had." He looked at Amaleen. "You lived in upstate New York for awhile, right?" She nodded. 

"Yeah, about ten years." 

"Anything there worth aiming for?" 

Amaleen shrugged. "Not much. I mean the City is just a big red X now, like ten times worse than Atlantic City. The bigger cities upstate are probably the same. But what people don't realize is there's a  _lot_ of farmland upstate as well, like so may small towns all shoved together. The one I lived in was big on horses 'n racin'." She laughed. "We could always just find a farm 'n lay low there for awhile." 

She didn't miss the nostalgic looks that passed between the others in the group. Amaleen had heard bits and pieces of the time the group spent on Hershel's farm before she got to them, back when they were still in Georgia, but when Hershel had been alive, he didn't like to talk about it much. Lori had once told her that Hershel had tried to defend the farm from a herd that invaded and vowed to die there, but Rick and Carl had dragged him into the truck and away from the farm. She had always felt horrible for the man and so she didn't bring it up much. But really, considering the small population in those towns, a farm might be a good idea to try. Build up some fences, put watches on like they had there in Hamilton, and they could survive there for awhile. 

"I guess we'll just have to see as we go and figure it out," Rick finally said. "I think upstate New York or Pennsylvania is a good idea for right now. No big cities, and no further south. The cold winters keep the walkers slow."

It was true, all winter there at the docks, they had seen one or two walkers, and their bodies were cracking from the ice that covered them and they fell apart where they walked so it was easy just to smash them to bits. Once you got even more north, like upstate, especially around the lakes, then it was bound to be even worse in the winter and even easier to kill walkers. 

"I know of this place," Adie said suddenly, "in a town called Sandmill, New York that used to be one of those survivalist camps, you know the people that were convinced the apocalypse was coming and they trained on how to survive afterwards, building and living in bunkers underground, shit like that. Who knew they would be right, but ironically enough, it was one of the first places to fall, at least that I saw. I'm from New Hampshire and was coming down through New York to visit in-laws when it first started." Amaleen glanced at her, realizing the term  _"in-laws"_ was the first sign that Adie had given them of her life before all this. "We passed it on the way and it was up in flames. Two days later, the televisions and radios went dead and the cities burned, too. So if that place is still there, then they have one of those underground bunkers we can use. And it's in the middle of nowhere, the town had about a thousand people at most as a population, and it's away from any big city. Could be worth looking into." 

Rick kept his eyes directly on the blonde and once she was done speaking, he glanced at Daryl who actually looked a bit surprised and the hunter nodded. Rick pulled the map out and turned it over to the larger one on the back, the one that was the whole north east instead of just New Jersey like it was on the reverse side. Adie took a step up to the map, in between Rick and Daryl and Amaleen didn't miss the way Rick glanced down at her and lingered a second longer than he should've before his eyes slammed back to the map and he refused to look up again. 

The woman smirked.  _Someone has a crush,_ she sang to herself, resisting the urge to just poke Rick into admitting it. But she sure as hell would later. 

"Here," Adie said, leaning closer to the map and pointing to a part in central New York. "This map is too broad to show the town, it's too small and too off the main highways, but I know it's there. We passed through this city, Utica, to get there. It's still a good hour or so away from there, but not all the way down here to Auburn or Cortland. If we can get to New York and find a gas station, then they should have a New York map and we should be able to find it. Once we get to that town, I can direct you through the roads." Blue eyes flickered up to meet blue eyes as Rick studied Adie and then slowly he smiled. 

"You're a lifesaver," he said and Amaleen grinned because that's the second time someone said that to Adie today and she watched the woman blush. "Everyone else okay with that?" Nobody argued, not even Daryl, and so he slid the map into the back of his jeans and tapped the hood of the truck. "Alright, since Adie's with me in the van, we'll lead the way. Glenn you'll be behind me, and Daryl you can take up the rear. If anything goes wrong just beep. Once for bathroom breaks, twice for gas issues, three times for emergencies." Everyone nodded and Beth and Carol headed back inside to make sure that everything that was useful was taken before they all climbed into their assigned vehicle. 

Judith had been sleeping in the van for an hour by that time so Amaleen and Carol helped mix up a couple bottles, knowing she would wake up hungry, and made sure that there were diapers in the backseat. Carl, luckily, had been interested to learn how to feed and change her, which was good since he would be in the back with her. The house that they found all the baby stuff at also had a car seat in the station wagon outside so she was buckled safely into that. 

Amaleen waved to Adie, Rick, and the others as everyone climbed in and got settled. Like Amaleen had demanded, she got the front seat and sat smugly next to Daryl who just narrowed his eyes and chose to ignore her. Part of her wished Carol had gone with Maggie, Glenn, and Beth simply so Amaleen would be free to tease Daryl in the driver's seat, after all her left arm was next to him and that one was perfectly fine, but if she tried to touch him while Carol was in the backseat, he would get so upset. And she didn't want to upset him. But she hadn't been able to tease him like that since they had very first gone out so she was antsy to be able to do something like that again. 

Still, she managed to keep her hands to herself as Rick beeped and pulled out onto Marion Road to head back to Route 501 which would take them up to Interstate 70 that would lead them north into New York.

* * *

The fact that the woman beside him was already crawling under his skin was a bit unsettling to the man. Rick hadn't dated anybody new since before he had been to the police academy which is when he met Lori. When he met her, he knew she was the one he would spend the rest of his life with and that was that. Of course, back then he never expected the dead to start walking and his wife to die in childbirth so shit happens and things change. He missed her every second of the day, always thinking about her and wondering what she would be doing if she was with them. For starters she would've flipped out when Amaleen had gotten shot. She would already be sewing clothes for Amaleen and Daryl's unborn baby. She would be proud of Carl for stepping up so easily and excitedly into the big brother role. Rick was proud of him for that, too. Rick knew that no matter what, he would always love Lori. 

So why was he unable to keep his thoughts or his eyes off of the newcomer beside him? The fact that she was beautiful was undeniable, but that couldn't just be it. He had been around beautiful women before—like Amaleen, for instance, though he would never admit that and risk Daryl's rage—and he never acted or felt like a teenager who just started noticing girls for the first time. That's what it felt like, maybe because it had been so long since he noticed anyone except Lori. She was fresh and new and young, smart and outgoing and strong, the beautiful part was just a bonus. And if she knew what he was thinking right then, she would probably laugh in his face because what kind of woman would want a man like him: distant, cold, ineffective at protecting his loved ones no matter how hard he tried. If he had done his job, then they would still have Hershel, Lori, and T-Dog. If he had done his job, then Amaleen wouldn't have gotten shot. 

He sighed quietly to himself as the silence in the car settled over them easily. He glanced over at Adie out of the corner of his eye, watching as she put the window down a couple inches and leaned over, smiling as the wind picked up loose tendrils of her hair and danced them around her face. The natural lighting bounced off and made them shimmer like gold, reflecting back at Rick and mesmerizing him as if she were a siren and he were a lost sailor. She didn't even have to open her mouth and he was just caught up in her.

And he only knew her for two goddamn weeks. 

_Get it together, Grimes. This world ain't the kind of world to be thinking about fairytale romances. Some people get them, but most don't. Just let it go and focus on keeping this people alive, that's all that matters right now._

Setting his face in a grim line, he tracked up to Route 501 which they would stay on for twenty miles before hitting Interstate 70. Getting to their first checkpoint was the goal for the day, and that's what he forced himself to think about, not the way that the sunlight made the woman next to him simply glow.

* * *

Amaleen had managed to fall asleep while still on Route 501. Interstate 70 would be the longest leg of their journey and unfortunately, because of cars in the way and herds they had to hide from, they knew that they wouldn't be making it the whole journey in one day, even though that would be ideal. Getting out of New Jersey and into Pennsylvania itself would take four hours on a normal drive, but things were never normal now. They just had to take each day as it came to them. Amaleen hadn't wanted to fall asleep, but Adie had warned her at one point not to be surprised if she slept a lot due to blood loss. She fought it, but eventually her head rested against the window even as her shoulder protested, and her exhaustion won over. 

Ever so slowly the world around her slipped away into one that wasn't so bright, wasn't so cheerful...

_Amaleen knew she was alone in the house, and she knew she was going to die. She wasn't sure what happened to Rick and Daryl and why they weren't there, but she knew that the house was vacant. Well, except for her and the greasy man currently advancing towards her. She could smell his foul breath and the stink from his clothes. Even in a walker-filled world, he still smelled like a landfill and she held her breath to keep from gagging. No matter how far she backed up, there was only the wall behind her and the bed in front of her._

_This seemed to excite him because, unlike what happened in reality, he didn't shoot her. He kept the gun trained on her, advancing towards her slowly like an animal on the prowl, bent on stalking and playing with its kill before it ate it. She supposed that was the worst part about it all, she remembered that predatory look in his eye that scared her even more than the gun leveled at her did._

_"Leave me alone," she tried to say, her voice coming out as a squeak and it only caused him to laugh. With a quick lunge, he had his arms around her wrists and she screamed, making him laugh even harder as he tugged her forward. His rank breath swept over her face and she gagged, eyes watering as he laughed right in her face, eyes full of promises of every evil thing he wanted to do to her. Her body landed against his and she tried to wiggle away from him, but it seemed to excite him and he just held her tighter, lips right next to her cheek._

_"Just stay still, sweetheart, it'll be over soon." He had actually said those words to her and to hear them again made her scream again, struggling under his gaze and his grip, his laugh raising in volume and sounding even more crazed than it had before._

_"No!" she screamed, heart pounding in terror, tears falling down her face. "No, please! Stop, don't touch me! Daryl, Daryl help me! He's gonna hurt me,_ please  _help me!"_

"Am!" 

_"Help!"_

"Amaleen!" 

She sat up with a gasp, violent and terror-filled tremors making their way down her spine as she trembled in the passenger seat. It took her a moment to come back to reality, to realize that those hands weren't really on her, that the man was dead and she was safe sitting next to her lover. She didn't know how long she was out, but that dream—that  _nightmare_ —shook her up more than she ever felt before. She had nightmares thousands of times of Alex's death, both made her feel absolutely helpless, but it was such a different feeling from the man's cold, greasy fingers on her and smelling that revolting breath so close to her face. She realized then she was sobbing, her fingers clutching the doorknob and a solid, warm arm that she realized belonged to Daryl. It was his voice that woke her up, that brought her out of that dream. She called to him to save her, and he was there to save her just like he always would be. 

 _We're stopped_ , she realized, glancing up to see the group pulled alongside the highway. She didn't know if it was still Route 501 or they were at Interstate 70, but the shutters running through her body stopped her from being able to think about anything other than that horrible nightmare. 

Slowly her gaze turned to her right, seeing a very worried Rick and Adie standing at the window. To the left was Daryl, terrified and staring at her with such helplessness and fear that more tear slid down her face. That look on his face...god, she would never forget that look for as long as she lived. 

"...Daryl?" she whimpered, her voice so much smaller than she wanted it to be. 

Daryl nodded, his fingers lifting to push escaped tendrils of hair behind her ears before he cupped her cheek, thumb gently stroking her cheekbone. "Baby, what is it? What happened?" 

She gulped and then slowly shook her head, unable to really discuss what it was that had happened. Nothing in that dream was real, the man never actually touched her. He wasn't there long enough to do anything other than shoot her. The way her body tensed made her shoulder ache, but she couldn't seem to calm down. 

"Nightmare," she managed to rasp out, leaning against his hand as if it were her lifeline. Of course, that's exactly what he was to her, the reason for her living and breathing. 

Clearly he could tell she didn't want to talk about it and he looked like he was going to ask again, but he clamped his lips shut and nodded once. She shuttered again and leaned closer, hating the console between them because all she needed right then was his arms around her. That's the only way she would know that she was safe. 

"Will you be okay?" she heard Rick ask.

Glancing over at Rick standing by the door still, she could tell he wouldn't be leaving until he knew. She nodded softly and sniffed, bringing up her good arm to wipe quickly at her tears. "I'll be fine," she whispered, but her voice sounded dull and she saw Rick's frown deepen. There was nothing that anybody could do about those nightmares except let them work themselves out and hopefully not take her down with them. "Promise." Her voice didn't sound at all convincing, and she couldn't even try a smile right then even though she knew her brother needed it, needed that reassurance.

He studied her for a few more moments before finally nodding once and leaning in to kiss her forehead. "Be careful," he whispered and she nodded before he finally turned and headed back to the van with Adie behind him, who glanced back at her a couple times. The others had also gotten out, but Rick waved them away from crowding the truck, even though they all looked worried. 

"Carol, can you drive?" Daryl asked and the woman nodded immediately. He held up a finger to Amaleen to make her wait where she was before quickly climbing out and jogging for Amaleen's door. Carol got out and slipped into the driver's seat as Daryl opened the door and took Amaleen out. He held her close to him for a moment, her good arm wrapping around him and instantly she felt the tension ebb from her body. Daryl's embrace just did that for it, it always did. Opening the back passenger door, he helped her in, shut that door, and then ran around to climb in behind the driver. Her body perked up a little as she realized what he was doing, squeezing himself into the backseat for her even though his knees shoved into the seat and he clearly looked uncomfortable. Carol re-started the truck and honked to let Rick know they were ready and off they went again. 

Faintly Amaleen noticed they were still on Route 501 and that she had only slept for about an hour. She was still so exhausted, but her eyes refused to close anymore as she huddled there in the seat. Once they were going and Daryl was able to glance over the gauges and at the road ahead—Amaleen knew that he hated not being able to see where they were going, which made this even more special—he turned his attention back to his girlfriend and tugged her closer to him. She understood why he went back to this side, because he could pull her against him without risking hurting her shoulder again. 

A sigh left her lips as she wiggled in between his legs and lay against him, his arms wrapping around her waist tightly and for once, he didn't seem scared he was going to hurt her. She pressed her face into his chest and sniffed again, realizing her tears were all wiping off on his shirt, but knowing he didn't mind. It seemed she had a habit of that, first Rick and now Daryl. It almost made her laugh if her mind wasn't too haunted of the images from her dream. She hadn't realized that she was so effected by the events that happened. In this world, shit happened and you just had to get over it. But it seemed like the trauma was even deeper than she was willing to admit to herself. But she knew she didn't want to talk about it, and that's why she lay curled up against Daryl's chest silently and waited for the tremors to pass. 

"Ya scared the shit outta me," he whispered to her suddenly, his voice so broken and so soft she knew that Carol wouldn't be able to hear him over the sounds of the engine and the wind whipping by the car. "Ya just started screaming for help. Then ya said my name... Fuck, Am, I was s'fuckin' scared." 

Amaleen sniffed and pressed closer to him, no energy to look up at him, but she did have enough energy to comfort him the best she could. Her fingers gripped his shirt and pressed tighter, wishing she was more useful at making him feel better. She had done her best to convince him it wasn't his fault, and it wasn't, but this was going to throw that all out the window. She could see on Rick's face as well that he blamed himself. 

 _Silly boys,_ she thought sadly.  _My knights in shining armor are so bent 'n broken that they don't see how amazin' they are._

"M'sorry," she whispered to him and he shook his head. 

"No apologies. Not your fault. I just... I never wanna hear ya scream like that again. Don't think I'll ever be able ta get it outta my head. 'N don't be scared, baby. I'll never let anything hurt ya again. I know I said that before 'n I ain't done it, but I promise. Nobody'll hurt ya, I'll die protectin' ya." 

"No," she said suddenly, sitting up to look into his eyes, her own full of fear. "No, you can't. Please don't even say it, Daryl. If you die, I die. I can't live without you. Dontcha know that? Wherever you go, I go. Live, die, I'll be there with ya. You're the love of my life, the man of my dreams. My protector, my partner, the father of my children." If Carol heard that, Amaleen didn't notice and at that moment, didn't care. "Please don't leave me—"

"Hey," he interrupted, voice cracking and he pulled her back to him as tears fell from her eyes again and she sobbed softly against his chest. "I ain't goin' nowhere. Ya hear me? I ain't goin' nowhere. Ya don't hafta worry, ya don't hafta be scared. Nothin' will take me away from ya. I'll always be here with ya." 

Amaleen nodded, throat too choked up to say anything. Instead she just brought her head up again, feeling Daryl's fingers fall to her cheek just like she loved. Whimpering, she leaned closer to him, lips finding his in a frenzied, searing, desperate kiss as she just told herself that he was right, that he would always be at her side and nothing would ever happen to him. She meant what she said, too—if he died, she died. It was that simple. She was desperately in love with this man and she kissed him like she was about to leave him, clinging to him and placing herself in his lap. And he kissed her back, telling her that everything she was feeling and thinking, he felt and thought as well. It was overwhelming to get that feeling from an amazing, incredibly beautiful man—inside and out—such as Daryl Dixon. 

"I love ya s'much," she whimpered to him, leaving him no time to answer as her lips lowered over his again.


	50. Pleasure's All Yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Sexual content included. Proceed with caution._
> 
> Happy chapter 50, everyone! I have a question: if I were to write an AU story of Amaleen and Daryl, which one would you rather?  
> A) Amaleen never left Daryl and so they've been together this whole time and into the apocalypse, but Alex still dies.  
> B) A happens, but Alex lives.  
> C) It's the same story as this, but with Alex alive.
> 
> If you reply, thank you very much! And thanks for reading! Comments are love!

While Amaleen was sitting there in his lap, she managed to get herself and her feelings relaxed. Of course, Daryl had absolutely everything to do with that. When they had stopped kissing, she lay there silently against his chest while his fingers softly moved through her hair and down her back, his other one settled gently against her belly. It was like Jellybean knew its daddy was there, because it began to flutter nonstop inside her belly and she couldn't help but eventually smile. Already their child knew Daryl, knew its daddy, knew its protector. She knew Daryl couldn't feel the fluttering because he would've said something, but she could and between that and his touches, she became calm, eyes closing and laying languidly against him, body relaxed.

With her body and mind relaxed, she managed to get herself under control. The next time she saw the others, she didn't want to be a terrified and weepy woman that they saw her as earlier. She wanted to be as she was, strong and in charge of her emotions and thoughts. In this world, there wasn't room for fear and uncertainty. You had to be strong and you had to be a fighter to survive. Amaleen knew that's who she was, but that nightmare lingered on her mind. The feelings and effects of it wouldn't ever go away, it changed her a bit, but she would put on that face and be who she needed to be for the sake of the others, for the sake of her survival. 

After the kiss, the truck had stayed silent other than the occasional sigh as Amaleen or Daryl shifted, and the sound of the wind and the truck's tires on the pavement. Normally somebody was talking, but the silence was comfortable and Amaleen didn't have enough energy to do anything more anyway. A couple times she felt herself nodding off, but then her body jerked itself awake as the memory of the nightmare. That wasn't something she ever wanted to experience again, so she tried to make herself forget that it ever happened, that the wound on her shoulder was from a simple accident on a run and there was nobody else involved. She would rather believe that she accidentally shot herself than remember that man anymore. 

When her body jerked, Daryl's fingers became more soothing in her hair and across her back. Gently, "Shh, baby," left his mouth, soft enough that she could barely hear it even sitting right there in his lap with him. Amaleen flickered her eyes open, deciding that keeping them closed wasn't such a good idea. She didn't want to accidentally fall asleep without realizing it and have the nightmare all over again, though with Daryl's arms there around her, she was certain that the nightmare wouldn't come to her easily. His arms always protected her from anything that would hurt her, and feeling them there as she slept, even subconsciously she would know that she was safe and he wouldn't let anything happen to her.

Amaleen was startled out of her thoughts when she heard a single beep ahead of them, coming from Rick's van. Carol began to slow down with the rest of them and pulled up to a stop, turning off the truck so they didn't waste gas by just idling there. She glanced back at them and smiled softly before climbing from the truck, leaving the couple alone at last. The brunette sighed and gingerly pulled herself away from Daryl's body, or at least she tried but his grip held fast and she turned to gaze up at him questioningly. 

"Don't go too far away," he murmured and the fact that she could still see his fear made her heart clench tight. Now that she relaxed, she managed to smile softly without making it look like a wince and she nodded, leaning in closer to him again to press her lips against his gently. 

"I won't. I can't..." She shook her head and kissed him again, seeing his grim nod before they both slid from their separate sides of the car. She jumped in surprise as she realized that Rick was standing close by and he quickly pulled her into a tight hug. 

"Going to be okay?"

She nodded against his shoulder and sighed. "I'll be okay. It was just a little bad dream." 

Rick frowned and pulled back, hands moving to her shoulders. "It's okay to have nightmares. It happens, this world is tough." 

"But I can't have nightmares, can't act like this. People need me." The flickered look up to his eyes told him that she meant Jellybean, more than anybody, her baby needed her. It was depending on her to live, and she refused to fail it. She wanted to make it happy, raise it to know how much it was loved, and to know how wonderful its big brother was. She wanted to give it so much more than what they had now, and maybe someday all of the walkers would be dead and they could try and make the world what it used to be, or at least begin the process for the future generations to live as the world once had. 

"Nobody thinks any less of you for having nightmares. We've all had them, even I have. It doesn't make you weak, it means that you can survive anything." Amaleen still didn't know if she believed him, but she smiled at him gratefully as she hugged him again. Daryl had rounded the end of the truck by then and she was passed from Rick over to Daryl, hugging her lover tightly and sighing against his chest. Rick nodded to Daryl over her head and when she wasn't looking, his face fell into a look of deep concern. He was worried about her, more than he ever was before. The dark circles under her eyes and the tremble deep in her body that she tried so hard not to show them how much it effected her. She was easy to read, at least for Rick and Daryl, and it was clear that if the gunshot didn't mess with her head, than the nightmares she was getting because of it certainly did. All they could do at that point was just be there for her, and both of them knew that as far as that went, they would never let her down. 

Being out of the truck and walking around, talking with the others, actually made her feel better. They were all still giving her sympathetic looks which is exactly what she had been trying to avoid, but as the minutes passed the looks did as well. Adie had put a hand against her forehead when they saw each other just to make sure she didn't have a fever, and smiled when Amaleen assured her that she was okay. 

"Let's just get things back to normal, it was no big deal, I'll be fine." She smiled at her and patted her shoulder, avoiding any questions the blonde wanted to throw her way, before heading over to check on Judith and Carl in the backseat of the van. Carl was just climbing back in from his bathroom break and was trying to make a bottle for Judith, but the powder fell half over his hands. He frowned and Amaleen laughed, climbing in next to him to help him out. 

"How can this be so difficult?" he wondered, watching as she flawlessly poured the powder into the bottle, mixed in some water, and started shaking it up.

Amaleen grinned over at him as she tested it real quick and decided that it was as warm as it was going to get before handing it over to him. "Ya just need practice," she said, sitting down on the floor of the van, crossing her legs under her as she watched Carl reach over to feed Judith who was settled back into her carseat. "Took me awhile to get the hang of it, too. At least you're not half asleep at two o'clock in the mornin' 'n realizin' you're pourin' orange juice in the formula instead of water." 

She winked at him as he looked up, causing him to laugh. "You didn't really do that, did you?" 

"Only once," she said with a sigh. "I didn't notice it until Alex was spitting it out 'n I could smell it." She snickered and shook her head fondly, if a bit sad. Carl went silent for a moment as he watched Judith drink greedily before he looked over at Amaleen, his expression sad. 

"What was he like?" he asked gently. "Alex, I mean. Was he nice?"

Amaleen opened her mouth to speak when she felt a presence behind her. She glanced up and saw Rick and Daryl standing there and she couldn't read the expression on Daryl's face, but he put a hand on her shoulder and gave her a single nod. The times she brought Alex up, he always changed the subject. It seemed that he was getting better, or at least he wasn't going to stop her from answering Carl's questions. 

Looking back to him, she nodded, reaching over to smooth Judith's short, wispy hair away from her face. "He was amazin'," she said softly, smiling at the brother and sister. "I think you two would've been friends. He was nice ta everyone he met, no matter if they were nice ta him'r not. 'N he always made everyone smile 'n laugh because he was always doin' it. Ya just couldn't be upset around him at all. Sad, angry... He wouldn't rest until you felt better. Even towards the end, my momma 'n I would just sit in his room cryin'. See he didn't like bein' in the hospital, even though he always was smilin', I could just tell. S'once we know that he was goin'," Daryl's hand tightened on her shoulder and she reached up to grip his fingers, "then we moved him back home. But me 'n my momma would sit there cryin' 'n he would wake up outta a deep sleep 'n tell us ta stop. S'like he knew. 'N it always worked, too." She gave a small chuckle and looked up to see Carl studying her, having stopped feeding Judith for a moment before starting again. "He would be ten now, just a little bit younger'n you."

"Wished I could've met him," he said softly, nodding as Judith finished off the bottle and Carl picked her up to burp her. 

"Me, too, kid," Daryl said roughly from behind them. Amaleen looked up again and was surprised to see that his face was crumpled in pain. That was what he had been trying to avoid, whether feeling it or showing it, and she hated that it was there because of her. Guilt really was the worst judge because she had so much of it for so many things. Leaving and keeping Alex a secret was just the start of it and truly she knew that it would always be there between it, she could never make it better or make it up to him. His son is dead and he never met him because of her. This baby was just a new chapter in their lives that they had to work with, and it wouldn't make up for Alex, but it was something she could give back to him to prove that she never stopped loving him. 

"Few more minutes," Rick said quietly and she glanced up at him, too. "We're about half-way to our first check point." He, too, squeezed her shoulder before leaning over to take Judith from her brother allowing Carl to get a quick drink of water. 

Once they were ready to go, Daryl gestured Carol to the driver's seat again and climbed into the back with Amaleen. She scooted closer and kissed his cheek, smiling at him gently. "I'm okay now, baby, really." He studied her silently before shaking his head, not saying a word, and pulling her into his lap. She sighed, but didn't argue, knowing that he wouldn't be swayed and quite frankly she enjoyed long car rides so much more curled up in his lap.

* * *

It was nearly dark when they finally got to a small town in central Pennsylvania called Richardton. It was a one-stoplight sort of town and just about free of any walkers save for a couple they could see moving around in nearby buildings. The cars all pulled up out in the middle of town so they could decide where they would like to go. There was a general store with what looked like apartments above it, there was a bank—which brought back memories of South Carolina for most of them—a restaurant, a library, city hall, and then the houses all lay beyond that. Amaleen stood next to Daryl, both of them with their weapons out and ready just in case anything or anyone came up to them. His hand was on the small of her back, keeping her slightly behind him as he used his other hand to keep his crossbow raised.

"We should clear out a house again," Rick said, his eyes narrowed as he looked around at the buildings, hands on his hips. "We could raid the buildings to see if there's anything we can take. I don't want to stay in them, though, it's too open. The houses will be easier to stay. We can take a day or two here depending on what we find. Biggest things we're looking for are food and baby supplies. I think we should stay at this one." He pointed to the nearest house and clearly the biggest. It had a ratty American flag outside it and dead flowerbeds that looked like they were once beautiful. It was right next to city hall and she had a feeling it was probably the old mayor's house or something. Either way it was larger than any house Amaleen has ever been in and she tried not to get too excited as they started heading for it. Glenn, Carol, and Rick all got back in the cars to move them in front of the house, backing them in just like always, and the others slowly headed over to keep a watch for anything. 

Inside it was just as grand as Amaleen expected and her mouth actually dropped open in shock. Long staircase up to a second floor there in the two-story foyer. Everything was white even the ceiling and railing, and the floors were white marble. There was a crystal chandelier above their heads and there was a doorway on each side of the foyer opening into a hallway. She could see a dining room on one side and a lounge on the other. Clearly there was much more house to see, but they were interrupted from gawking when they heard a groan and a walker came stumbling in from the dining room. Daryl yanked Amaleen behind him before quickly bringing up the crossbow and getting the walker between the eyes. It fell at their feet and Amaleen frowned, seeing splatters against the pristine wall behind it. 

"Split up," Rick said. "Same groups from Hamilton. Daryl, Amaleen, and I will take upstairs. Glenn, Maggie, and Adie you stay down here. Carl, I'm going to have you stay down here with Judith, but stay close to the doors and yell out if you hear anything so someone can come to you. Beth and Carol, see if there's a basement or an attic and if there is, search them, shouldn't take as much time as the other floors. Once we're all done, meet back here and we'll get set up. And nobody is to be left alone in a room, not for even a second. Always together." 

Everybody nodded and broke up into their groups. Maggie, Glenn, and Maggie broke off to the dining room. Carl sat down with Judith on her belly on the floor and gave her a couple toys for some tummy time. Carl and Beth went looking for a basement door, which was probably in the kitchen so that's what they went looking for. And Amaleen followed Rick and Daryl up the stairs. Of course they kept her behind them because she only had one arm to work with and defend herself. Even if she had both arms, they probably would've still done that anyway knowing her boys. 

There were so many doors along the upstairs hallway which gently curved in a half-moon type style. Daryl was sneering at it slightly and she wasn't sure if he thought it was too extravagant or if he was jealous, but she could tell the moment they even spotted the house that it wasn't him. Each room was still furnished, though, and looked to be in order. There wasn't even any clothes thrown around, and the beds were made. Clearly nobody had been in there since everything happened and the walker they took out downstairs was probably the owner of the house. Faintly she remembered seeing no bites meaning he died of natural causes and turned, so he had probably been older. That didn't make it any less depressing. Luckily they weren't finding any other walkers, though, at least not in the bedrooms. In the bathroom there was a walker in the tub that had no legs—and they still yanked her away from it anyway—so it just reached for them and got the taste of Daryl's arrow. 

About half an hour later, they decided that it was clear and headed back downstairs. Carl was still with Judith where they left him, but she was asleep curled up on the blanket and he was reading a comic book. Maggie, Glenn, and Adie came back in soon after followed by Carol and Beth. Maggie had a smear of blood on her cheek and she said, "There was one in the library. Teenager." She frowned and Amaleen perked up for a moment. 

"There's a library?" she wondered with excitement and Daryl scoffed at her. She nudged him and gave him an exasperated, amused look. "Hush, you, I like ta read." He rolled his eyes and she gave him a pressed lip, narrowed eyed look before turning her eyes back to the others. "I think we should get the three of them out ta the back yard 'n burn 'em." She told the others about the one they found in the bathroom as well. Together they got to work to get rid of the bodies and burn them. While some of them were doing that, the others worked on looking around the kitchen and pantry to find stuff that they could make for dinner as well as to take with them. Amaleen wanted to help Rick and Daryl with the bodies, but Glenn quietly pointed out her arm so she frowned and went to help Carol and Beth make food. Maggie and Adie were working on bringing in some other supplies. 

"I can't believe this works," Carol said in awe as the flames burst over the burners on the stove. Amaleen grinned and grabbed some of the pans that were hanging above them. 

"Probably gas," she said as she tried the kitchen lights and saw they weren't working, which meant the electricity wasn't on. But having the stove itself working was the best thing Amaleen had seen since they lost the docks a couple weeks ago because that meant they could have  _hot_ food instead of  _luke warm._ Amaleen grinned and held the can of frank and beans she had, using the can opener to get into it. She emptied that into one pan and some corn into another. It wasn't the best combination, but it was better than having fruit with it. 

"Look what I found!" Beth exclaimed as she walked out of the pantry where she and Carl were sorting through food. "Corn bread mix, all we need to do is add water. And we can actually bake it!" Amaleen's eyes lit up; corn bread was some of her favorite, especially with frank and beans or chili dogs. She made the best corn bread from scratch, at least she used to, but beggars couldn't be choosers. Having it would be better than not having it. The trick for moist corn bread was adding extra butter, but if there was any in the fridge, it would definitely not be any good. 

Eagerly she found a mixing bowl and a pan to start mixing it all together, pouring it into the pan, and handing it over to Carol to put into the oven. Amaleen was more excited for dinner than she had been in a long time and so she decided to find dishes and utensils to put around the table in the dining room. It would easily seat twenty people so they could all crowd around it without a problem. She would make sure Rick would get the head of the table with herself and Daryl on his right, Maggie and Glenn on his left, and Carol, Adie, Beth, and Carl around them. By then Judith would still be sleeping— _hopefully_ , she thought—so they could put her car seat up next to them to watch her. It wasn't a huge banquet, but it was a good meal and by the time the guys were done burning the walkers, they were already setting out the steaming piles of food. 

"Ya made corn bread?" Daryl asked, eyes lighting up as he looked over the dishes. Amaleen grinned and nodded, leading him for his seat next to Rick and sitting him down. 

"Not as good as my cornbread," she told him with a wink. 

"Nothin' ever is," he said as he remembered having it with a lot of their meals. 

Amaleen giggled. "But it's better than not having it, right?" He nodded quickly. "Now go ahead 'n start, Rick is just grabbin' Judith ta bring in." She gave him a kiss and while he spooned some frank and beans, and some corn onto his plate, she cut up the corn bread and gave him a piece, watching with a smile as her hunter dug in.

* * *

The master bedroom was given to Rick, Carl, and Judith while the others all wandered to find their own. Amaleen and Daryl wound up in one that was obviously once a guest room, but it was about as big as the trailer they had lived in together when they first were together. Daryl looked mighty uncomfortable and out of place amongst the plush furnishings and frilly linens, but Amaleen all but jumped on the bed as they closed the door up behind them. She grinned as she sunk into the fluffy duvet, careful of her shoulder, but rolling until she was curled up on her stomach. She rubbed her nose into the pillow, wishing they could take all this stuff with them, but it would be highly impractical for survival. 

Her eye snuck open as she felt the edge of the bed dip and saw that Daryl was sitting there next to her, studying her. She reached out to grab his arm, pulling him closer to her as she turned on her back. She tried to get him over top of her, but he hesitated, eyes flickering to from hers to her stomach, shoulder, and back to her emerald hues watching him closely. He looked away, but she reached up to cup his cheek, struggling to use her elbow and hip to sit herself up, frowning as she forced his eyes back to her own. Fear, guilt, sadness... God, would he ever stop feeling all that self-loathing for stuff that was out of his control?  _Probably not_ , she thought sadly, knowing him, even as much as she wanted him to. 

"Ya know ya won't hurt me, right? M'not gonna break because you're kissin' me."

"You're already hurt," he mumbled. 

"By a bullet." He winced. "That _you_ didn't shoot. M'hurt 'cause'a the asshole that shot me. 'N ya saved me. S'many times ya saved me, Daryl. I owe s'much ta ya." He mumbled something else that she couldn't hear and he didn't move, just continued to stare down at his fingers. Amaleen sighed and tugged his hands out of his laps, moving to press closer to his side and nuzzled her face against his neck. "I love ya, ya know that, right?" 

She felt him sigh and gingerly he looked up at her. "I know," he muttered. "Can feel it." He looked away again as if the words embarrassed him and she grinned, leaning over to kiss his cheek. "I love ya, too." 

Amaleen hummed and kissed along his cheek to his jaw and then neck, hearing him sigh under her ministrations. Her arm wrapped around his back and she tugged him closer to her. "I can feel it, too," she whispered, managing to get a smile on his lips. It was beautiful and she couldn't help but tug him closer. "Please, Daryl. I need you. Everythin's real shitty right now. We don't know if we're gonna make it 'til tomorrow. 'N I need ya, tonight." 

"Am..."

"Daryl, please. I'll beg ya if I need ta."

Daryl let out a shaky breath, almost helpless because she knew how much she was effecting him. She didn't even need to be touching him to know, she could just look at him, watch his facial expressions or the way his body tensed up. It was rather humbling to her watching such a man react that way to her, be effected in the way that he was when they were close to each other. She would never take it for granted, but when he was willing to offer it up, she was never going to dishonor him by denying or belittling him.

"Goddamn it, woman," he groaned. "I don't wanna hurtcha." But his arms reaching around to tug her over into his lap, before their lips met in a furious clash of lips, teeth, and tongue. She moaned against him, her body immediately responding as her knees landed on either side of his hips, her thighs squeezing him as she ground against him, good arm wrapping around his shoulders tightly.

"Nobody said I hafta be the one layin' down." She grinned as her back arched against him as his fingers ran up and gripped her dark hair, a shutter running down her body and she started pushing him back for the bed that lay behind him. He still hesitated for a moment before he followed her lead, allowing her to push him back against the feather-soft pillows and duvet behind them. 

She crawled with him, keeping astride so that once he was laid down completely, she was hovering over him, her good hand pressed against his chest. Pulling back for a second, she looking down at him, lips swollen and red from his kisses, but her focus was on him. He was absolutely beautiful with his dark hair a striking contrast against the white of the bedding, his skin discolored from dirt. But she didn't care if he had dipped himself in mud and then tried to touch her, she would always want him. Pulling her bottom lip up between her teeth, she grinned down at him and scooted down so she sat on his thighs. He hissed softly and she knew the motion against his hard length is what caused the sound, and she soothed him quickly with kiss to his shoulder blade, right over the tiny X tattoo that he always joked  _"marked his spot."_ His smirk after that always made her roll her eyes and scoff, but she knew from being with him for so long that he was telling the truth. 

He gasped against her as she rained kisses across his skin, fingers moving to his shirt and beginning to unbutton it. It was a bit awkward with only one hand, only getting a couple buttons open, when she had a great idea. Smirking against his skin, she slowly slid down his chest that she had revealed. While in most cases she was a bit self-conscious, she knew damn well that she was good with lips and teeth and tongue; she could prove it with the sounds that he was making, which were music to her ears. Eyes flickering up to his, her good arm kept her hovering above him, she caught his gaze so he would watch exactly what she was doing. The smirk on her face widened and slowly she began her trek down his body, using teeth and tongue to pop the buttons from their holes. She watched his mouth drop open and he let out a deep, guttural moan that broke out into a growl that she knew he normally wouldn't have done considering the others were nearby. So the fact that for that moment, she made him lose that precious control, it thrilled every part of her and she wiggled against his thighs, feeling heat pooling between her legs as she thought about doing it again.

She moved slowly, letting her lips caress his chest as she went, and she felt him moan every time she did it. Another glance up saw that he had let his head fall back against the pillow and quick, rough breaths of air were puffing from between his lips.  _Oh fuck,_ she groaned. It was such an erotic sight, the kind of situation she wished she had a camera for. She did that a couple times and he always hated it, got so embarrassed, but she loved to be able to look at him later to see what she did to him. She had thrown them out after she left because it was too painful to see—especially because she had been able to pick out the one where he had gotten her pregnant—but now more than ever, more than she wished for anything from the old world, she wished for a camera. 

"Where the fuck didja learn ta do that?" he groaned, picking his head up again to look at her. 

She raised her eyebrow and paused at the next to last button, making him grunt in annoyance, and she sat up a little bit. "Do ya really want me ta answer that question?"

He paused, eyes narrowing for a second as he frowned, before he scoffed and glanced away. "Probably not." 

"Good choice." The absolute  _last_ thing she wanted to do while she was unbuttoning his shirt to have sex with him was discuss the sexual encounters—the very very few, but still present—that she had while they were apart. The fact she still remembered the man's name was more than enough for her, but he was an oral person more than penetration so she learned stuff from him. Before she wanted to forget, but she supposed it was coming in handy. 

Pushing those thoughts way far away, back to the recesses of her mind that she didn't even consciously know even existed anymore, she went back to work on the last couple of buttons. They popped open easily and she sat back up, grinning down at him as she pushed the garment away with her good arm, helping him shrug it off, before pulling it off and tossing it behind her. Her hands darted towards his belt and pants next, but as she tugged at them to get them off, her lips descended back to his chest and she trekked her way across the expanse of it, playing special mind to his special spot on his neck and his nipples, which had him arching off the bed. 

"Baby, not gonna last long," he groaned and she couldn't help but snicker against him. Sitting up, she simply shook her head and finally just tugged everything off his body. As she figured, he had no boxers on—it was hard to find wearable ones during the apocalypse, that went for her bra and panties, too, of which she had none on—so she was left still clothed with a beautiful, sexy, naked Daryl at her mercy underneath her. 

His eyes were hooded and dark with lust, sweat clinging to his chest and forehead and she smiled as she rocked herself back against his hard length. She could tell the feel of her rough jeans against his naked, throbbing skin made him that much more sensitive and he squirmed, the high whimper he let out making her grin deepen. Those were her favorite sounds, she decided, the ones he let out when he was losing control. 

"Get those fuckin' clothes off already," he growled, trying to pretend he was still in charge and that he hadn't just whimpered, his cheeks actually were pink, so if it would make him make those noises again, she would relent and allow him to think he was in charge. 

"These clothes?" she murmured, taking one of his hands with hers and pressing it to her breast. He groaned and nodded, and she watched with delight as that  _"I'm still in charge despite the fact I'm on the bottom and I just whimpered"_ attitude faded and she took advantage of that, making his fingers squeeze her. She groaned and her head fell back so he took over, his other hand joining the one she put there making the fabric of her shirt scratch against sensitive nipples, her body squirming and she realized how he felt after she moved against his length. 

Taking a hand away, she kissed his fingers and sat up more, keeping her eyes locked on his as she began to tug her shirt up...and realized her sling was in the way. Not wanting to draw too much attention to it because that would stop him in his tracks, she leaned down to kiss him, distracting him with her lips as she reached up with her good hand to untie the sling at the top, wincing slightly for a millisecond, before getting the knot undone and tossing it aside. It was actually a bit of a relief not to feel that scratching at her neck; she could only hope that Daryl wouldn't be focusing too much on the bandage marring her shoulder. Luckily it wasn't dotted with blood, Adie did a good job stitching her up and stopping the bleeding. 

Sitting back again, she tugged her shirt off, closing her eyes in pain only in that second she knew her shirt was over her face and he couldn't see it, before tossing it behind her. Of course, just as she feared, Daryl's eyes zeroed right in on the bandage there taped to her skin. His jaw clenched and for a moment she feared he would push her away and try to make her lay down. But she captured his lips again, silently begging him not to do that, she needed him far too much. It was consuming her mind, body, and soul and she just wanted to cry with the thought of giving it up right then. 

Quickly, while he was still distracted, she scooted out of her pants as quick as she could, even though she used both hands and it killed her shoulder. But it was a small price to pay to be able to feel him inside her once again. She only broke away once she was completely bare, wiggling herself up his body until her hips were pressed against his. Daryl groaned loudly as she ground against him, her bottom lip pulling up between her teeth as she gazed at him. She took his hands again, both of them in hers like she knew she shouldn't do and he opened his mouth to argue, but she placed them on her breasts before putting one on his chest to keep herself up. The other one she reached down between them to take him in her fingers, stroking him a couple times before she slowly began to take him inside her.

" _Oh fuck_ ," he groaned, his head falling back again and his whole body went tense. She could see he was trying to get himself under control, but the muscles strained in his arms, legs, and torso. Her own body wasn't helping, moving slowly as she took him inside, eyes squeezing shut, clenching around him and feeling him get even more tense. Muscles were strained as she kept herself up, her fingers digging into his skin while his squeezed her breasts before moving down to her hips, deciding to help her guide along until she was all the way down, hips pressed tightly together. It felt like it had been forever since they made love, but she supposed part of her was still used to the fact that in their first relationship, they had sex nearly every day after they first started.

It didn't take her too long to get herself used to him being inside her again, and with the help of his hands on her hips, she guided herself up and down his length. She would pick herself up and just drop herself down, her moans growing in octave as she did so while his body became more and more strained. It was quite the sight to see and she wasn't sure if he wanted her to go faster, or if he was trying to hold himself back from coming so quickly. Probably a little bit of both.

"Least we don't need a condom anymore," she said huskily, grinning down at him as he gave her a look and scoffed, but she chose then to drop back down onto him and so that scoff quickly became a loud moan. Grinning and with her fingers clenching into the skin of his chest, she picked herself up all the way and began to crete a quick rhythm, dropping back down so their hips clashed together and the sound of skin slapping together reached their ears. She moved his hands back to her breasts and pressed them there, deciding that she absolutely loved them there with how much they ached from her pregnancy. 

"Gonna make me come if ya go s'fast," Daryl groaned. 

"That's kinda the point, baby." Her voice was just a pant and soon she began moving even quicker, clenching around him all wet and warm, her body begging to let it happen. But she wouldn't come without him, so she kept moving up and down quickly, bouncing in his lap as she got them both closer to the edge. "Come for me," she whined, falling down and staying there for a couple seconds to move her hips in a circle, before picking up her rhythm again.

"Long as ya come with me." 

"M'with ya." She grinned down at him, leaning down to kiss him, pressing her chest down so his hands had no choice but to stay where they were, rocking her hips to keep that pleasure up. Lips, cheeks, jaw, neck— _X marks the spot—_ shoulders, chest... Everywhere she could reach her lips fell to, taking in that masculine scent and taste, body clenching even more when she as close in hopes he would get her point across. 

"Am, gonna come," he groaned and she smiled against his skin, nodding and finally allowing herself to feel it. She cried out against his skin, body trembling as that white-hot ball of pleasure filled up her gut quickly and then burst through her entire being. She felt it in her very soul as she writhed and wiggled against him. She moaned again as she felt him come, too, groaning loudly agains the spot on her neck where his lips fell. She shuttered against him, fingers clinging tightly to him as she didn't want this moment or these feelings to end. 

But slowly they did, letting her come back from her fall and leaving her panting on top of her lover. Her eyelids fluttered as she gingerly moved so he slid out of her, grunting softly as she did, but she didn't remove herself from laying across his chest as she was. His hands moved to around her back, keeping her pressed tightly to him, kissing over her neck and hair as she tried to catch her breath. She hadn't come that hard in a long time it felt like and she was exhausted then, yawning against his skin and yearning then to go to sleep. There was a pleased smile on her face, happy that she took control for once and managed to talk him into making love with her. If she hadn't been able to, she was fully ready to pout the entire night. 

Fingers ran up and down her back and through her messy hair, pulling it off her shoulder before a blanket was tugged over them.

"Gonna sleep there?" he asked, his voice amused, but soft and she knew he didn't care if she did. He wasn't exactly the type of man to argue against a naked Amaleen laying on top of him all night long. Frankly, it was his favorite way to sleep. 

Amaleen nodded and yawned again, pressing her face into his neck and bringing her good arm up to run her fingers through his hair. When she felt him relax, his entire body just melting into her and the bed, she let herself begin to drift. She was in the most comfortable bed she's ever been in with the softest blankets in the world, curled up with the most beautiful and sexy and amazing man she's ever known. If heaven existed, this sure as hell would be it. 

"You're bleeding!" 

His voice brought her out of the spell of being half-asleep and she looked up groggily, frowning at his panicked face. For a second her heart stopped when she thought of Jellybean and suddenly,  _No no no no no_ was repeating over and over in her head.

"What?"

Daryl gently pushed her back and looked at her shoulder where the bullet wound was. She hadn't even felt it, whether the stitches had ripped or she was just bleeding again, and despite it she had to giggle. The hunter narrowed his eyes at her, sitting up and keeping her in his lap as he pulled the bandage away from her shoulder to take a look at it, causing her to wince. Those actions pretty much guaranteed this wouldn't happen again until her shoulder was fully healed, but one time was plenty honestly because damn did it feel fucking fantastic.

"Let's go find Adie," he said, gently pulling her with him, but setting her down on the edge of the bed and going in search of his clothes that she had flung god knows where. 

She grinned and stood, looking for hers as well and she also tied up the sling. "This will be fun explaining to her." The look on his face had her laughing loudly even as he took her hand and pulled her from the room, shaking his head in frustration.


	51. Consequences

"I fell 'n they ripped."

Adie didn't ask more about how she tore her stitches, but she sure as hell smirked the whole time she stitched them back up. Daryl stood watching the whole time, but the blush on his cheeks was so red that it eventually spread to the rest of his face as well. He stayed silent as the girls spoke and made some small talk between them, luckily not heading down the road of how things happened, but rather about everything else. For a moment he thought she was going to tell Adie about the baby, but it never came up. Daryl understood why Amaleen didn't want to tell anybody yet. He saw it buried deep in her eyes every time she talked about the baby, that fear that something would happen to it whether it was already born or not. And she didn't want to tell anyone and then have something happen. Because he knew it would break her to then have to go back around and say,  _"I lost it."_ It would probably break him, too. 

As terrified as he was about this baby, about her being pregnant, he couldn't help but admit how excited he was about becoming a father. He lost a son before he even knew him, and here he was getting a second chance at being a father. He wasn't father material, he knew that, he wasn't good enough. He was terrified of becoming his own father eventually, though he knew the difference between them was that he would sooner die than allow any harm come to his family. When he had seen her unconscious and bleeding with that man standing over her, he had seen red and if Rick hadn't shot him, he was prepared to beat him dead. He had been so scared and he felt like a failure; no matter what she said to him, he still felt that way, especially now when he was watching her wince through getting re-stitched after he had let himself get dragged into lust rather than thinking things through clearly. 

_Would she've been safer on the bottom? Would she've been safer if I sat up more against the headboard more 'n held her? Nah, she would've been safer if I just thought with my head 'stead of my dick 'n kept firm, she would be fine._

His thoughts twisted over and over again making him brood against the wall, staring at his feet with a frown deeply engraved in his features. As good as he felt, coming harder than he had in a long time, her safety wasn't worth the risk. What if her arm got infected because the stitches ripped? It was something she could die from and watching that woman fade away from him wouldn't be something he could come back from. His jaw clenched as he looked at her, watching Adie pat some of that tequila on her shoulder to keep it clean and he hoped that that was enough to work. Part of him thought it would be better to tell Adie about the baby, maybe she could check up on it somehow, and almost opened his mouth to say something, but the last thing he wanted was Amaleen upset with him. She was the most important thing in the world to him and all he wanted to do was make her happy, so if she wanted to wait to tell them, then that's exactly what he would do. 

"All done," Adie said back and Daryl watched Amaleen sigh with relief. He almost wished she could drink so she could take the edge of, but he knew she never would even if she wasn't pregnant. He only met her father once, but once was more than enough. Daryl had heard all the stories about him and while he didn't physically hurt her like his own father hurt him—if he had, he probably would've beat the shit out of him—the stories of words he said to her in his drunken stupors were more than enough to let Daryl know that he didn't want her around him. The fact that she and Alex spent ten years around him between the time she left and the time of the apocalypse didn't sit well with him, but he supposed kin was kin. He still stayed around his brother even though Merle was an asshole just because they were kin. He was ashamed to admit that he became a Merle Junior there for awhile.

An arm wrapped around her waist as he slowly helped her up, making sure the sling was tight around her shoulder as he did so. He wasn't taking anymore chances and even if she felt so good pressed against him like before, he wouldn't do it again. Not until those stitches were out and Adie gave her the fully clear sign. 

"Make sure to take some pain meds, and guys?" The couple paused and turned back to Adie who was smirking again. "Please try and refrain from all physical activity until those stitches are out."

Amaleen snickered and said, "You got it, Doc," as Daryl went even more red and ushered her out quickly, mumbling to himself as they went. 

* * *

As Amaleen expected, he barely touched her after they had gotten back in the bedroom later that night. He didn't even try and catch peaks of her as she was changing into one of his old t-shirt and some clean panties. But she did see his jaw tighten as he glanced at her and quickly looked away; this was the  _"outfit"_ that she wore during their first relationship when she wanted to seduce him.  A couple times when she knew Merle wouldn't be there with him, she would meet him at the door after he was out of work in that exact same outfit, and it never failed to work, he would just sweep her quite literally off her feet, carry her to their room, and have his way with her for hours until she was so sore the next day she couldn't walk without limping and made him all kinds of smug. 

But this time she saw how hard he fought not to do just that, and she wasn't about to make it easier for him. Yawning, she climbed into their bed with her back to him, angled her ass towards him so the shirt slipped up passed her hips which showed off the scrap of material attempting to cover her lower half. She could only smirk as she felt his eyes on her before he grumbled and cursed under his breath and turned on his back to stare up at the ceiling. She could merely sigh and turn back to him, shaking her head as she yanked the blankets up around them and laid her head on his chest. 

"Sorry, I had ta try." 

"Pain in my ass," he grunted even as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. She grinned into his neck and giggled before sighing as her body began to relax. 

"But ya love me anyway," she murmured. 

"Maybe," he mumbled and she just rolled her eyes as she knew he was joking. She could feel how he felt just by the way he was keeping them pressed so close together, the way his grip was protective and comforting at the same time. If she could push closer to him she would, needing his warmth and comfort to be able to fall asleep. For a moment she wouldn't let herself, remembering the nightmare she had on the way through and not wanting to go through that again. But her body was so exhausted, and no matter how hard she fought, she felt herself slipping away into sleep. 

 _This time it was dark out and she couldn't see anything going on in the room._ This isn't right, it was just light out,  _she thought as she crept through the house, a frown on her face as she felt the stairs creaking underneath her feet. The low murmur of voices told her Rick and Daryl were still in the house and that made her feel better. They would always be there to protect her and save her; they wouldn't let her get hurt._

 _Breathing out deeply, she reached the second floor and frowned as the hallway seemed to stretch on in front of her a lot longer than the house had looked from the outside._ That's weird _, she thought, but just shrugged and kept moving,_  maybe it's just the shadows. _She opened doors as she went, peaking inside to make sure she was alone because she didn't want a repeat of last time. That man still gave her shivers and she never wanted to experience something like that again. She was surprised she was allowed to go upstairs by herself again, but then again had she really asked?_ Oh they'll be so mad.  _She just left and didn't tell them._

_Letting out a sigh, she decided she should head back downstairs and make sure they knew she was alright. As she spun around, she realized quickly that she wasn't alone. It was a feeling rather than seeing anyone, but as soon as she did, she saw glowing eyes peaking out from behind a door to one of the rooms she already checked._

_"No," she whimpered and spun around to run back the other way, except she didn't get that far as arms wrapped around her waist. She screamed in terror and tried to struggle away, but they kept on holding tight. Looking down she saw they belonged to a walker, except there was maniacal laughing in her ear. The grip was so tight she was gasping for breath, struggling with everything she had. "Rick! Daryl!_ Help me _!" But she heard nothing from downstairs except soft voices and cans banging around in the kitchen._

_She cried out as the door slammed shut and she was tossed on the bed, a body immediately covering hers. It was the man all right, the one that shot her, except he was a walker. His milky eyes twinkled with mischief and he looked positively gleeful as she tried to wiggle out from under him to get away._

_"Just stay still, sweetheart, it'll all be over soon." The voice was dripping with malice, blood and goo falling into her face and chest, watching as he rotted quickly right in front of her so only half of his face was left. She gasped, gagging as she tried again in vain to wiggle away. He laughed again as he picked up a knife which only made her scream louder. "Now now, none of that."_

_And with a quick thrust, the knife was buried in her throat. It was then she knew she was dreaming because it didn't hurt, but her voice cut off anyway and she gasped for breath, blood gurgling out of her throat and dripping down her face._

_"Daryl," she gasped, more blood spilling from her mouth and for a few moment she panicked because her air was choked off. She could feel herself getting lightheaded, darkness crawling into her vision as she stared up at the walker over her, petting down her face and smearing more blood along her pale skin._

_"Nobody's going to save you," it hissed before it leaned down to bite her, and she screamed again, loud and at the top of her lungs._

"Amaleen!" 

She screamed again as she darted up in bed, her entire body covered in cold sweat as a headache pounded behind her eyes and her heart nearly broke her ribcage as it created a furious rhythm. A hand touched her good shoulder and she screamed again, struggling out of the blankets that had tangled around her limbs causing her to collapse over the side of the bed, bone-deep sobs wracking from her body as terror pounded through her. Emerald hues darted around blindly, uncomprehending that she was no longer in her nightmare for that walker, the man who was going to kill her. She quickly felt at her neck and only felt sweat; no knife wound, no bite wound. She was alive and safe, yet she couldn't crawl out of this one so easily. 

Her other arm had fallen out of the sling without her even realizing it and she scrambled backwards away from the bed so her back hit the wall and she pulled her legs up, hugging them to her chest as she buried her face in her knees and sobbed. She was trembling harder than she ever had before, gently rocking back and forth as she tried to get herself under control, but it wasn't working. All she could see was that horrible, rotten face standing over her. All she could feel were those dead hands caressing her skin and the feeling over drowning in her own blood. 

"Am... Am, come back to me."

The voice was close, oh so close and for a moment she thought she was dreaming again and she turned away from it. But she heard it again, soft and broken and oh so terrified that her mind actually began to let lose, let go of the grip it had on that nightmare, that it was reality. Part of her was wondering if it was and everything else was a defense mechanism to try and make herself survive the horrors she was going through. For a moment she didn't know what was real and what was just in her mind, but she felt the gentlest of touches on her arm, so soft that she didn't flinch that time, she didn't scream. Instead she crawled for it, realizing that the touch belonged with the voice murmuring to her. 

She brought her head up, her eyes blurry and swollen from her crying, but slowly a figure came into focus in front of her. The room was dark just as it had been in her nightmare and for a moment she gasped and tried to pull away and the grip let go, but her eyes cleared even more and she saw that it was someone she wanted to see,  _needed_ to see. Not a walker, but the figure of her lover. Daryl was crouched down next to her, eyes wide and terrified and sad as they flickered over her. And it was then she knew this was reality, the nightmare wasn't going to take over her life, she couldn't let it. She almost lost herself to it, but not again, not this time. 

"...Daryl?" she whimpered and she saw him let out a breath of relief as he nodded and held his arms apart. Immediately she scrambled forward, not even minding the pain in her arm as she curled up against his chest and cried some more, sniffling against his skin as she clung to him, unable to let him go even if she wanted to. She was actually surprised she had the nightmare with him there. She had figured that with him there with her, the feeling of his arms around her, her mind wouldn't go to that place.

"M's'sorry," he mumbled into her ear. The sound of his voice breaking had her clinging to him tighter. "I couldn't sleep. Thought since ya were already asleep, me leavin' wouldn't hurtcha 'n give ya nightmares. I went ta help with watch. I was downstairs talkin' with Carol when I heard ya screamin'." He shivered and pulled her tighter. "God, I thought ya were bein' ripped apart. Was s'fuckin' scared, Am. I got up here fast as I could 'n I couldn't getcha ta stop at first..." He shuttered and pressed his face into her neck. "If I'da known ya would'a had that nightmare with me gone, I never would'a left. 'N m's'sorry, baby. M's'sorry..." He sniffed and she realized that she was feeling tears,  _Daryl's_ tears, on her neck and more of her own spilled out. God, she scared him so badly. Her mind was still fighting reality versus nightmare, but the way she was feeling, she knew that couldn't be a nightmare. This was real, she wasn't in that house with that thing, she was here with Daryl wrapped up in his arms with him crying against her shoulder. 

"My beautiful man," she whispered to him, pressing a kiss to his hair and slowly her body stopped trembling with fear, though she ached all over and she felt cold shivers race down her spine even though she felt like she was on fire. The headache increased in intensity and she wasn't sure if it was the pain her shoulder was radiating or the after-effects of the dream hitting her, but she knew that a long sleep would make her good as new. "Wasn't your fault. Couldn't'a known."

"But—" 

"Daryl, stop. It's not your fault." She wished she could say she would be fine, but she knew damn well she wouldn't be sleeping anytime soon, even if she knew her body needed it. She felt him sigh against her, but luckily he didn't try and argue again. He merely nodded and gathered his legs under him to stand up.

It was only once she was laying against his chest that she realized there was someone else near the door. A quiet gasp left her and her body tensed, but a second look told her it was an extremely worried Rick, hand still hanging onto the gun he had grabbed, clad in only boxers and a t-shirt. Clearly her screams had woken him up which meant she probably woke everyone up and she frowned at that thought. She hadn't meant to wake everyone, she knew how hard a good nights sleep was to get these days. 

"M'sorry, I didn't mean ta wake ya, Rick," she said gently as Daryl set her on the bed and climbed in with her, pulling her back to him as a clear sign that he wasn't about to leave her side again that night, and probably not through the next day either. Not that she minded of course, she just clung to him again and pressed her face into his chest, one eye peaking out to see Rick slowly walk up and sat on the edge of the bed. 

"Don't apologize," Rick said, reaching over to set a hand on her arm. "You scared the shit out of me, but it's not your fault." Daryl looked away in shame and Amaleen squeezed him more. 

"It's the man that shot me," she said firmly, more to Daryl than to Rick. 

Rick nodded. "Exactly. You didn't ask for that." He paused, though, looking like he was going to say something, but shook his head. 

"What is it?" 

He sighed. "I don't know. So many things. I wish I never let you go upstairs alone. I wish we checked that house more thoroughly. I wish I had done more than just shot him. He hurt you, he was going to do more, and I let him get away with an easy death." 

She frowned. "What're wishin' ya done, torture him?" Rick shrugged. "But that's not you, that's not any'a us. He shot me, you shot him. Eye for an eye."

"Yet you just screamed so loud that every person in this house, including Beth at the back door, heard you because of the nightmares he gave you. That doesn't seem very 'eye for an eye' to me." He paused. "Plus, I care way more about you than I do him so it's not even in the least bit." 

Amaleen frowned and reached for the hand on her arm to squeeze his fingers. "It's not your fault either. I wish you boys would stop blamin' yourselves. Nobody asked for this world, we just gotta live with it. These nightmares'll go away,"  _Hopefully_ , "but the rest'a us never will." Even though it felt like every time she fell asleep from now on, she would see that face. She saw it then, the crazed maniac that shot her rotted away to nothing, but still alive somehow and still hurting her. But that didn't mean that it was real, that he would really get her. It haunted her, but it wouldn't hurt her. She just had to keep telling herself that, as much as she told them: he wouldn't hurt her, the nightmares wouldn't hurt her, and she would be okay. 

Rick sighed and didn't reply.  _Seems like he's takin' lessons from Daryl now,_ she thought wryly even as she squeezed his fingers once more. He leaned over to give her a gentle hug and kiss on the forehead before getting up and running a hand through his hair.

"Just get some rest, okay?" he said, glancing to Daryl quickly. 

Amaleen nodded. "Sure thing, deputy." He chuckled at her and she smiled, before he turned to head out of the room, grabbing his Colt on the way out.

After he was gone, the door clicking shut softly behind him, Daryl turned her head in his direction and kissed her. Just like he did in the truck, lips moving quickly and desperately over hers, letting them draw comfort out of each other. His arms tightened around her body, and only pulled back when he felt her wince, the movement making her shoulder throb. She was surprised it didn't start throbbing long before then considering she used it to take her weight across the floor and remembered falling on it when she had toppled off the bed. Pulling back slightly, Daryl peaked under the bandage quick and was satisfied that she didn't rip anything, before helping her put the sling back over her arm. He rubbed her side and closed his eyes, leaning his forehead against hers. 

"Fuckin' scarin' me, woman. Don't fuckin' like hearin' ya scream like that."

Her fingers ran through his hair and she kissed him again tenderly. "I try so hard to be okay. I'll try harder." 

"I know ya don't mean ta." He sighed. "C'mon, let's try 'n get back ta sleep. We were gonna go on watch next, but Rick's gonna have Maggie, Glenn, 'n Adie take next watch. Ya need ta be able ta get some real sleep s'don't try 'n argue."

Amaleen didn't like the others needing to make up for her own weaknesses and she frowned, but she didn't argue. Instead she tugged at him until he followed her back into the bed, laying down as they were before with her head on his shoulder and his arms tight around her body. "I'll try 'n sleep... Just don't leave me again." Her voice was soft and pathetic, whimpering to him as she clung to him tighter. She could feel the guilt and pain radiating off him as he shook his head against her, his arms tightening so much she was practically on top of him. 

"I promise," he said, voice cracking. "I promise I won't leave ya. I promise, Am." He kissed her hair and it was only then that she was able to try and relax, to forget everything she saw and focus on feeling Daryl right there around her, protecting her and loving her and promising her that nothing would ever happen to her. She knew him letting go allowed the nightmare to sneak in, but that didn't mean she blamed him. The fact that he saved her once again just made her love him even more. 

* * *

She slept on and off throughout the night, but the dream kept coming back to her making her body jerk itself awake, just as she had done in the truck. Luckily she didn't wake Daryl up in the process because it happened a lot. Once morning actually came around, she was exhausted, the aches and headache still drifting through her body, the feeling of cold while sweating like a sauna. She woke up first and had managed to wiggle herself out of Daryl's arms and crawl off the bed without waking him up, but only after she pushed his hair off his forehead and pressed her lips against his cheek. Finding their bag was easy and she sat down in front of it to dig out some new clothes. A bra was completely out of the question considering she needed two arms for that and there was no way she was getting her arm back there even a little to close it. So she just pulled out some pants and a t-shirt to change into along with a sweater. 

A knock on the door had her rushing for it in hopes that nobody woke up Daryl before he got in a full night, he deserved it as she could tell that he was fidgeting as well all night. She tried to sleep, but just couldn't. So her move to the door was more sluggish than usual and she pulled the door open, smiling softly yet tiredly up at Rick, who didn't look like he slept any better than Amaleen or Daryl had. His eyes moved over her to make sure that she was alright and frowned slightly as he saw her exhaustion, but she smiled at him to get him to focus on something else other than that. She pulled the sweater closer and nodded into the hall, stepping out and shutting the door most of the way so they didn't disturb him. 

"What's up, Rick?" she wondered softly. 

"We're heading out in an hour," he said. 

She frowned. "Thought we were gonna stay 'n search the buildings?" 

For a moment he looked guilty about something and she frowned harder, staring at him quizzically. He rubbed the back of his neck and he looked away, shoving his hands in his pockets. "We've all been up a couple hours. Walkers came out of the streets nearby and we've been taking them out. It's clear for now, but I don't want to take anymore chances. I didn't let anyone wake you two because I figured you had been sleepless enough as it is. Plus you're hurt and I wanted Daryl to stay here with you, if we'd have woken him, he would've gone with us." 

"Rick, I can kill some walkers, I know how ta use a gun." 

"We went in hand to hand to try and not draw too many to our location." Amaleen sighed, looking down at the ground. Well, if she didn't feel useless before she certainly did then. A world full of walkers and evil people, she couldn't even fight any of them off because people didn't want her to break. Or to fuck up and get any of them killed, honestly she wasn't sure which it was, probably a bit of both. "Amaleen, c'mon." He gripped her chin and turned her head to look back up at him. "Don't feel bad, okay? Please. We didn't do it to make you feel bad. We want you safe. If any had gotten inside, that's why we wanted Daryl with you. Once you're better, you can fight with us again. But for now, we're going to protect you." 

She nodded softly and gave him a little smile. "I love ya, Rick, ya know that?"

His eyes widened in shock and he started stuttering, "I-I... Amaleen, you're great... But... I-I... Daryl..." 

Amaleen giggled loudly and she shook her head, biting her lip. "Not like that, dork. M'not  _in_ love with ya, but I love ya. Like you're my brother." Rick visibly relaxed and gave her a sheepish grin. 

"I knew that," he said defensively. 

She rolled her eyes. "M'sorry, you're a great man, Rick, but m'in love with that grumpy redneck. Have been for twelve years, can't help it." She shrugged and his grin widened. 

"Lucky man." They both laughed and she leaned forward to wrap her good arm around his waist, squeezing him tightly as his arms went around her shoulders. He kissed the top of her head and she realized how easy it was for Rick, her best friend and brother, to make her feel better, so she squeezed him tighter, pressing her face into his chest. 

" _Am_!" The loud exclamation had her pulling back from Rick. 

"Speaking of," she said, turning to open the door just as Daryl was reaching for his crossbow, still only dressed in boxers, as he realized he was alone. "Daryl, I'm just talking to Rick." He turned around to the door quickly and they both saw his shoulders visibly sink with relief and he put the crossbow back down. He frowned at her and closed in the distance between them, quickly pulling her into a hug. 

"Don't fuckin' do that, woman," he grumbled. 

"Sorry, Rick knocked 'n I didn't wanna wake ya." She kissed his cheek and smiled up at him. "I guess they let us sleep 'n battled some walkers without us." He frowned deeper. "We're leavin' in an hour s'pack up, big guy." 

"Everyone okay?" Daryl asked as he stepped back into the room to start getting around. Rick and Amaleen followed him in and shut the door. Both of them knew Daryl was self-conscious about those scars on his back and never went around without a shirt, and the only reason he was then was because he was worried she wasn't there. Rick had seen them back when he got hurt at the farm—which is when Daryl explained the scar on his left side and the one on the head—so it wasn't a shock for him to see them, but he still respectfully turned away. Amaleen started to grab her own stuff to shove inside, but realizing it was that much harder as she was dragging herself from the door to the bed to her bag and back and forth, trying to find her clothes. The only thing she couldn't find was the shirt that she had taken off herself and tossed the night before and smirked when Rick plucked it off a light fixture and handed it to her. 

"Sex," she said as way of explanation causing Rick to smirk and shake his head, while Daryl turned to her quickly and looked at her like she just stabbed him. "Calm down, I'm sure Rick knows we have sex. That's how this," She pointed to her stomach, "happened. Considering he has two, it's not a secret."

Daryl just mumbled and yanked a shirt over his head after finally sniffing them all and went back to shoving stuff in his back. Amaleen rolled her eyes and finished up with her own, allowing Rick to pick it up when he saw she was going to. 

"I'll put this in the truck 'n make sure the kids get their stuff around, then we'll head out, okay?" 

"Okay. Thanks, deputy." He grinned and headed out with her bag. Daryl finished up rather quickly since he had even less than her and checked around quickly through their room to see if there was anything they could take and wound up grabbing the pillows and one of the blankets off the bed. She perked up because damn they were comfortable, and he allowed her to carry one of the pillows down to the truck.

"I'm s'glad you're trusting me with this. I mean what would I ever do without my protective pillow here? M'such a lucky girl that my man allows me ta carry things s'important like a pillow."

The glare he turned to her could've turned her to ice, but she grinned cheekily at him and helped him shove everything in the trunk where some boxes of food and her bag already were sitting. The other cars were packed up as well and the rest of them were just working on searching the house like Daryl had done with their room. The other rooms were all cleaned out of important items including the pantry and bathroom, and Maggie and Adie had clear the library of any good books they found, which Amaleen was excited for. Once they were all packed away, they all climbed into their cars to head out, which was just in time because they saw a pretty good size herd coming from the opposite way. 

Daryl was driving this time with Carol in the back and Amaleen in the passenger seat, just like they had when they first started out from Hamilton. He had hesitated, though, but Amaleen climbed in the passenger side herself so he took that as a sign. Quickly they navigated back to the highway and got back on schedule in hopes to reach the next checkpoint by that night.

* * *

Amaleen didn't sleep, but she felt more and more tired, more and more... _blah_ the further they drove. Her headache grew worse and worse, so bad she couldn't keep her eyes open because the sun was hurting them. She had to lay her head against the window to feel any sort of relief, but the vibrations of the vehicle soon changed that. She shivered so hard even Daryl was starting to notice and yet she couldn't focus on trying to reassure him that she felt okay. Because honestly she didn't, she felt like she had been through a washing machine and was laying out on the line to dry in a snow storm before being shot into the sun. She was sweating even more, but shivering in her sweater as she curled up against the door. In the side mirror all she could see was her paling face, dark rings under her eyes, looking like she could keel over at any moment. 

"Am, look at me." Daryl's voice finally brought her out of her thoughts and she shivered again, even though she wanted to rip her sweater off her because her skin burned. But she knew she would just keep shivering. She didn't realize she was shivering enough that she was actually shaking the car. " _Amaleen_. Now."

Sighing she glanced over at him, blinking her eyes open even as the sun glared at them so she had to squint. "M'fine, Daryl," she mumbled, but of course he didn't believe her. Before her eyes were forced to close again due to her headache, she saw his widen in shock. The horn beeped three times making her groan in pain, but it signaled the other two cars for an emergency. She felt a hand on her forehead, smaller than Daryl's so she knew it was Carol's, and she didn't have enough energy to push it away. The truck squealed to a stop and she heard the others ahead of her also stop quickly. Daryl's door slammed and she opened her eyes to try and figure out where he went but soon her door open and she slumped sideways, right into his waiting arms where she whimpered. She hadn't realized the body aches until right then, but soon she erupted with them and she nearly flinched away from him. But she didn't have the energy to do that and so she lay there, face pressed against his neck as she breathed in and out.

"When did this start?" Carol asked from the back as she maneuvered her way over into the driver's seat. 

"This mornin'," she mumbled and she felt Daryl tense. 

"Ya felt bad this whole time 'n ya didn't tell me?" he demanded. 

"Thought it was lack of sleep." She shivered again, violently as she tried to ignore it. "Thought I could ignore it 'n it would go away."

"Goddamn it, Amaleen!"

"No, sweetheart, it's a fever," Carol said, ignoring Daryl's little outburst as she began dabbing her forehead with a cold, damp cloth.  _Must be she poured some water on it,_ Amaleen thought randomly, but it felt good. Mostly. She was still shivering and she all but climbed onto Daryl's chest. Faintly she heard voices and running feet over to where they were at the side of the truck. 

"What is it? What happened?" It was Rick's worried voice demanding that after he told Beth, Carl, Glenn, and Maggie to keep an eye on for anything.

"Fever," Carol said with a sigh. 

"Shit. Adie! We need you, c'mere." His voice was as panicked as Daryl's, she could tell, but he was trying so hard to hold it in as he stepped up next to the redneck and felt along her forehead. "Fuck, kid, you're burning up. Why didn't you tell us?" She repeated what she said about sleep and he sighed. "Didn't sleep at all last night?"

She grunted. "Maybe n'hour'r two. Kept seein' him s'I kept wakin' up."

Rick sighed and looked up as Adie got to them, moving to the side. He tried to get Daryl to as well so Adie had some room to work, but he snarled so furiously at him that Rick actually backed up a couple steps. "Okay, okay then get her out and sit down with her. Adie needs some room." 

"I think I know what caused it," she said gravely, "so I'll need access to her wounded shoulder." 

Daryl and Rick frowned, but nodded and Daryl ever so gently picked her up off her seat, one arm around her back and the other under her knees. She whimpered as it made her body ache even more and he winced, but sat them down on the ground so her good arm was pressed against his body and her other arm was free for Adie to look at and work on if needed. 

"Ya think she popped 'em again?" Daryl asked and Adie silently shook her head. She tugged down Amaleen's shirt and sweater, having Rick help her keep them down. Daryl made sure her head was leaning against his shoulder so it wouldn't be in the way, but there was no doubt about that as she was having trouble keeping it up without her head hurting even more. 

Adie pulled away at the tape, peaking past the bandage to see. Her eyes grew grim and she sat back on her heels, mumbling out, " _fuck_!" before she put it back in place.

"What?!" Daryl demanded with a snarl as he squeezed Amaleen closer to him. Adie sighed and ran a hand through her blonde hair, disheveling it more than it was before. "Adie,  _what's wrong with her_?!" 

Adie looked up, her eyes sad and serious as she glanced from the wound to Daryl's scared, furious face. "It was just what I feared would happen... The fever is from an infection in her wounded shoulder. She got an infection, Daryl."


	52. I'd Do Anything

It had taken two hours after leaving the spot they stopped on the highway to find a safe place they could stop that was large enough for all of them to fit in, and with a bed that they could lay Amaleen in. She was good for most of the trip, at least as good as she could be shivering and aching, large bumps making her whimper enough that soon Daryl was beeping to the others again so he could switch with Carol and pull Amaleen into the back to hold her and keep her on his lap, which he knew the body aches got to her when she was being moved around, but his body would take the brunt of the bumps so she didn't ache quite as much once they started moving again. It was times like that he wished phones still existed, or even if they had some walkies, because she kept getting worse and worse, laying against him and breathing shakily, only making noise when a particularly hard bump made her body move.

Still, Daryl could tell she was conscious so when a hard bump shook the truck and she didn't make a sound, he knew that she had passed out, which made him even more worried. His body tensed and he pulled back to look down at her, fingers cupping her cheeks and wiping sweaty hair off her forehead. Eyes wide with worry, he gently tapped her skin before cursing loudly. 

"Carol, beep the horn. She passed out 'n Rick needs ta know ta go faster." 

Carol did so without complaining and once the deputy was out of the car, his own eyes full of worry, Daryl yelled what he needed out the window. Rick simply nodded and climbed back in, taking a moment probably to look at the map, before they started out again. What they found was another small town in Pennsylvania called West Oakwood that had a rather large house on the outskirts of town; they weren't there to go on a run, they needed a safe place to stay and that was it. Rick and Daryl got her set up in an upstairs bedroom and immediately Adie was in the room, pealing back the bandage so she could see the wound. It was still stitched, but Daryl could see the infection now. Her veins were severely discolored, dark and branching out from the wound. It was puffy and an angry red, and Daryl couldn't believe he didn't notice that before. It made him feel sick, but he didn't say anything as he watched Adie gently pat at it with tequila covered gauze.

"You guys realize we need more than some Tylenol and tequila to get rid of this, right?" Adie said gently, glancing over at the two highly over-protective men that were flanking either side of the bed. "We need antibiotics, some strong ones, or she won't survive this." Daryl's jaw tightened, his eyes hardening, and he tried his hardest not to just break right then and there. Rick wasn't having an easy of a time holding it all back, though, as he stared at Amaleen in guilt, terror, and defeat. He looked to be deep in thought and not just because of his emotions, but because they had a choice to make here. Daryl knew he wouldn't be giving her up without a fight, he would take her anywhere to find meds that would make her better and be safe for the baby. 

 _Oh fuck, the baby,_ he thought in horror. His eyes flickered over to Rick and the deputy clearly had thought of that already. Guilt crept into Daryl's throat that that wasn't the first thing on his mind, but rather saving his lover. Could she even take the antibiotics in her condition? God he really should've told Adie sooner and even as he looked at Amaleen laying there unconscious and fevered, he almost didn't because it was her wish that nobody else knew. But this was her  _life_ they were talking about and she could be mad at him later if she wanted, but he had to say something. 

"Adie, there's somethin' ya need ta know. Me 'n Amaleen...we haven't told ya everythin' 'bout her. She wanted ta wait, but now ya need ta know." He glanced at Rick who nodded and Daryl could see that he, too, knew it needed to be said. "Am's pregnant." Adie's eyes widened in shock. "'Bout three months'r so, we figure. She wanted ta wait for her second trimester before we said anythin', she was scared ta lose it 'n wanted ta wait ta make sure before sayin' anythin'. But with this..." He trailed off and slowly Adie nodded, beginning to chew on her lip. She was a nurse, but this was the apocalypse and she wasn't a miracle worker, much as she tried sometimes. 

"That changes everything," Adie said quietly. "She can still take meds, but it can't be a really strong antibiotic. It'll have to be closer to amoxicillin, which isn't guaranteed to act quickly or as well as some of the others. But if you want both of them to survive, then it's the best we can do. Otherwise—" She stopped. 

"Otherwise what?" Daryl growled. 

"Otherwise we save her and let go of the baby, or let them both die." 

"Save them," Rick and Daryl said immediately, both in unison with each other. They weren't willing to let go of either of them, not to mention how much Amaleen would hate them if they let the baby die to save her. There was no question about who would be saved and who would die because they _both_ would. They lost so much over the past few months and they managed to hold onto Amaleen, clinging to her as she seemed to give them all hope for survival. She watched her son waste away for five years, she was kidnapped and held captive in a freezer, she fell into the freezing Atlantic Ocean where she laid over night she was nearly traded over to the men who had ordered her kidnapping, Hershel died because of it and she incurred Maggie's blame all winter without a word in protest, she delivered Judith and watched Lori die because of it, she stayed strong as Daryl acted like a jerk when she told him she was pregnant, she survived a bullet wound... She went through so much and they wouldn't lose her over something this. They would save her and the baby, and they would do anything to make sure that it happened. 

Adie nodded and started dabbing at the wound with tequila-covered gauze again just to make sure it was cleaned before she covered it again with a new bandage. Guilt rose up to choke Daryl again, glancing over Amaleen laying there, so still and silent, so pale and it scared him more than anything had before. Before it never seemed real, like he just knew that he could save her now matter what it was. But this? It was silent and deadly, and he wasn't sure if he could get her passed this this time. 

"Last night," Daryl muttered, glaring at the woman just to keep himself from crying. "They popped open. Caused this, didn't it?" 

Adie quickly shook her head. "No, it probably happened soon after she got shot. It takes a couple days for an infection to set in and present itself. It could've been the fact we couldn't close the inside of the wound just the outside, or it could be the bullet had something on it that caused an infection." 

"You don't think...it couldn't be...walker blood?" It was Rick's voice that said it aloud and Daryl realized he hadn't even considered that and he stared at the two of them in horror. 

"Fuck no," he said thickly. "Why would anyone do that?" 

Rick shrugged. "Think about it...he shot her in the shoulder when he could've shot her in the head or the heart. Infecting her would kill her a hell of a lot slower than the bullet. And nobody would really consider checking for something like that. And...she has a fever."

"It's because'a the blood infection," Daryl snarled, his voice trembling. He just refused to even consider something like that. It was a normal blood infection because that could be dealt with and cured, but a walker infection couldn't. It would surely kill her and she would turn into one of those things. They had promised each other, hard as it was, that if something like that happened and one turned, they would put the other down. Daryl promised, but he knew he couldn't put a bullet in her brain. Just the idea of watching those beautiful emerald eyes fade to a dull milky gray, her loving voice fading to an every-hungry growl... Shaking his head, he said, "No, it's just a fuckin' blood infection. Do your fuckin' job 'n cure her." He turned to stalk from the room, but Rick called him back, the ex-deputy's voice tired. 

"We will, okay? Daryl, I don't want her to die either. She's the best person I know." His last word cut off a little and he swallowed down his emotion. "We'll find a nearby hospital and we'll send a group out to search for the antibiotics that Adie writes down for us. We'll try any or all of them we can to try and make her better." He paused and glanced between Amaleen and Daryl before saying, "We'll sent out Maggie, Glenn, Carol...and you."

Daryl's eyes flared with rage and he shook his head. "M'not fuckin' goin' anywhere," he growled, arms crossing over his chest as he stared down Rick, nose flaring. "M'not leavin' her. They can go by themselves, or you can go with 'em. But m'not goin' anywhere."

"You're the best fighter we have. You're a tracker, and you know how to get in quietly and do what you need. You're strong and you have a focus that will get you through."

"Rick,  _m'not leavin'._ " He paused, his jaw clenching. "I promised her I wouldn't leave her 'n m'not gonna."

"You're not, you're saving her." Rick was right, but Daryl still fought it, looking down to his woman. He sat down on the edge of the bed, careful not to jostle her body and cause her more pain, staring at her guiltily, sadly, tenderly before reaching over to tuck some sweaty hair behind her ear, hand pulling back quickly as she whimpered. He sighed and looked back up at Rick, his fight slowly fading as he watched the man begin to pace. 

"If this were Lori, would you've left her?" His voice was quiet as he knew it was a low blow, but he had to make Rick understand how he felt. "You can go, I belong here." 

Rick winced at the mention of Lori, but he paused his movements to look at the redneck. "If I could've saved her, I would've gone anywhere." 

And Daryl knew that he was right, of course. He would do anything and go anywhere to save her, even if that meant leaving her here without him. If she lived, if their baby lived, then it would all be worth it. She was too out of it to even notice and frankly that didn't make him feel any better, but he knew that it would save her life and she would be in good hands here with Adie and Rick. 

"Promise me you'll leave if somethin' happens. Walkers, other people...whatever ya need ta do ta protect her, just get out."

Rick studied him for a moment before slowly nodding. "You know that's not an issue. I won't let her die, Daryl." 

Daryl stayed quiet, jaw clenching as he looked back down to the woman in the bed. She was shivering something awful, curled up in the blankets that they had wrapped around her tightly even as she sweated profusely. Adie was gently mopping up her forehead and even though Daryl loathed to leave her alone, he knew that Rick was right. Rick was needed here to hold down the fort and make decisions like leaving if needed, and Daryl was needed where he was best: in the field, fighting and working to get what they needed. He could keep Maggie, Glenn, and Carol safe and get the meds that Adie needed to help make Amaleen better. Maybe they could even find the prenatal vitamins that Amaleen had been looking for so intensely.

"Fine," he bit out, running his fingers through Amaleen's hair once more. His eyes crumpled up as he looked at her, watching her shift uncomfortably in her sleep as the aches and shivers assaulted her body. It was too much for him to see her like that, and for his own selfish reasons of not wanting to see her pain, he welcomed the chance to get out. But he hated himself for thinking that because he belonged at her side, helping her and making sure she was better. He knew that this would be the best way to do that, to get those meds so she wouldn't succumb to the infection. 

"Head out as soon as we talk with the other three. It might be tomorrow that you get back; don't push it, if it gets dark, find somewhere to lay low. She'll be fine until tomorrow. Keep yourselves safe."

Daryl stroked her hair once more before he nodded curtly and stood up, reaching for his crossbow that was sitting on a nearby chair. "Long as ya keep her safe," he grunted. Rick nodded and clapped a hand on his shoulder. 

"You know I won't let her die," he said, his voice catching ever so slightly causing Daryl's eyes to flicker up to his face. He could see the emotion gathered in the ex-deputy's eyes and knew how much Rick cared for her. At the very beginning, when he realized how close they were getting, he was a bit suspicious, but that lasted all of five minutes when he also realized that neither of them would ever do something like that to him, and that the feelings there was that more of brother and sister than lovers. So he came to terms with their relationship pretty quickly, and more than anything he was grateful for it, because he knew that meant that Rick would do anything to keep her alive. 

Daryl nodded once before looking away finally. He paused long enough to lean down to her and whisper, "I'll be back, sweetheart. Rick'll keep ya safe. Dontcha dare die on me, woman. I love ya." He kissed her temple softly and stood up, face set in stone as he gestured out the door. "Let's get this shit done."

* * *

The other three had agreed without an complaint to help him out and go with him. They used a map they found at a nearby convenience store of the area to search for a hospital and found that the closest one was a good forty miles away. Daryl gritted his teeth at that because that definitely meant they would most likely be gone overnight, and that just didn't sit well with him. He might be able to talk the others into driving all night, but they weren't sure what they would find in this other town so they would have to play it by sight. If this place was too overrun, they would have to find another hospital. Before they left, Adie found a pen and paper and wrote down the meds that would be safe for a pregnant woman. He didn't reveal that part to the other three still, but he knew they wouldn't know any different. They also had a list of some other supplies they needed like more bandages, sutures, IVs, and other medical supplies that Daryl had no clue what they were, so he hoped the others could help him figure it out. 

Getting there took a lot longer than expected because they had to stop part-way there to move about five cars out of the way so they could get through. They had taken the Hyundai which was the smallest of their three vehicles, but Daryl knew even his bike would've had a hard time getting through that jam. That took up at least half an hour of their time, and after it was done, he grumbled to himself for the next hour. Luckily Glenn was in the passenger seat with the map next to him to help him navigate through to the best and easiest route to get them there as quick as possible. Barely anybody had spoken outside of Glenn's directions; they were all somber as the situation was a bit urgent, so their focus was purely on getting to the hospital and getting the meds needed to heal Amaleen. 

Daryl couldn't help but think about the fact that her shoulder was getting worse and worse and he didn't even realize it. He stupidly let her seduce him and he couldn't help but feel like that's what pushed things over the edge. Adie said that it would take more than just that, but that didn't make Daryl feel less guilty. He felt like he should've known, should've done something sooner. But it just hadn't look infected until just earlier that day and she didn't have any signs of it. Now, though, Daryl felt stupid for not seeing it and so he pushed on the gas just a little bit harder to get them to the hospital; they needed to find that medication and heal her. He couldn't lose her, he just couldn't. That's one thing he would never survive.

* * *

After the others had left, Rick brought Carl and Beth up into the room that he and Adie were in with Amaleen. Both of them looked rather shocked at the state she was in as they hadn't really seen her during the quick movement where Daryl had scooped her out of the truck and ran her upstairs to a room, but Rick didn't comment on it and allowed the look on his face to show that he wasn't willing to talk about it other than the fact she was sick. Everybody could see how effected he was by it, even Adie and she was the newest to the group, how much it tore him up that he was powerless to what was going on, but of course nobody said anything as they waited for him to gather himself. It took a couple minutes of just watching her shiver before he finally just nodded and looked up at Carl and Beth. 

"Carl, I'm keeping you in charge of Judith," he started finally, putting his hands on his hips. "You know what to do, just come to me if you need some help. Beth, I'm going to have you go back and forth between assisting Adie in taking care of Amaleen, and making sure we have some food. I'm going to keep watch." He paused and looked down at Amaleen, sighing softly. "Hopefully this town stays silent. If not, we'll have to leave."

"Without the others?" Beth asked, her eyes widening in alarm. 

Slowly Rick nodded even as he frowned. "I promised Daryl I'd look after her, and I'm going to keep my word. If we have to leave, we'll find them again. I won't let this group split up." He put a gentle hand on Beth's shoulder. "Don't worry, Beth, you won't lose Maggie." The teenager didn't look convinced, but she nodded and slowly everyone got to work. Carl went to the room that he and Rick were sharing with Judith to check on her while Beth helped Adie get Amaleen settled comfortably, checking her bandage again and trying to clean it up. Once that was done, Beth quietly excused herself to go make dinner. Rick took her place next to Adie as she gently worked on pressing a cool, wet rag to her forehead to mop up the sweat. The look on her face was tense and guilty and Rick could see that she blamed herself for this happening. 

 _She really belongs with this group,_ he thought wryly as he sat down next to Amaleen. Everyone seemed to be blaming themselves for something even though they should be blaming the man that shot her. Still, he couldn't help but keep going back to the fact that he let her go up there alone after repeatedly saying they had to all stick together because that's how they survived. Now here she was on her death bed fighting for not only her life, but that of her baby as well. 

"I won't lose them," Adie muttered and he looked over at her as she reached for the bottle of water on the bedside table. He frowned, but she didn't say anything else as she gestured to him. "Help me with her for a second? We have to keep her hydrated as much as we can." Rick nodded silently and reached over to gently pulled Amaleen partway against his body. She groaned and he winced at the noise, pausing as she slowly settled back down again, before he moved her again and helped tip her head back. Her eyelids fluttered and her green eyes stared up at him, slowly trying to focus before finally taking him in as if unrecognizing of who he was. 

Rick smiled softly and stroked a finger down her cheek. "Hi, there," he murmured gently. "We need to keep you hydrated. Adie has some water and you need to drink some for us, okay?" For a moment she didn't look like she understood, but slowly she nodded and together Adie and Rick helped her get part of the bottle down. It seemed to tire her out, though, because as soon as the bottle was pulled away, she fell back into a restless slumber. He sighed and carefully settled her back into the pillows. Luckily she didn't make any noises and Rick was relieved; the last thing he wanted to do was cause her anymore pain. "I hope they get back soon. I can't stand to see her like that." 

Adie nodded, but didn't say anything and Rick knew it was still that guilt that was taking her over. They sat in silence for a few moments as Adie continued to pat at her forehead and Rick stroked her cheek. But soon Carl ran in, Judith held tight to his chest as he looked at Rick in alarm. Immediately the ex-deputy stood up, face set in a neutral line as he fell into leader mode. 

"What is it, Carl?" he asked. 

"Our room overlooks the front of the house. I was putting Judy down and saw that there's walkers outside, Dad. I don't think they've noticed us, but there's like eight of them." 

Rick cursed softly and shook his head, running a hand down his face and rubbing at his beard. "We should probably take them out, but we have to do so quietly. Gunshots could attract more walkers and so can the noises of the walkers themselves. We need to try and hold down the fort here as much as possible at least until the others get back." Carl nodded and together the father and son walked from the room, only after Rick glanced quickly at Adie to make sure that she had Amaleen. The baby was given to Beth to watch while the Grimes men went to take care of the walkers at the front of the house and keep their group safe.

* * *

It was close enough to dark by the time that they got to the hospital that they all knew they would have to camp out somewhere or find a house to hold up in for the night. It made Daryl curse quietly, but there was nothing they could do about it at that point. He quietly brought the car closest to the ambulance bay as that was the best way in and out of the building. So far they hadn't seen any movement around, human or walker, but Daryl remembered what Rick had told them about him trying to get out of the hospital when all this shit first started so he wasn't going to let his guard down. 

They all climbed from the car and stood outside, glancing around for a moment just to take in the area, before he gestured them closer. He kept his voice soft as he began talking. "A'righ', Adie said that usually the pharmacy is in the lower floors. We'll find the stairs first ta get us down there. I have the list she gave us 'n Amaleen's big bag. We'll throw everything in there that we can, 'n I have plastic bags if we need 'em. We get in, we get the supplies, we get out. No side trips, no fallin' behind, no goin' off by yourself. Am's countin' on us."  _She's countin' on me,_ he thought. "Ready?" Everybody nodded and Daryl took the lead inside, the women behind him, and Glenn taking up the rear. 

Inside, the hospital was a disaster area, but luckily it didn't look like the building itself was unsound. There was ripped up furniture, papers scattered all over the place. Bullet holes in the wall and ceiling, and splatters of blood across the floor. It looked like there was a fight as there was also some broken glass, and a few bodies that luckily had been put down for good, but Daryl stomped the heads flat just to make sure. But there weren't any signs of walkers or humans so Daryl gestured to split into two groups, Maggie and Glenn and then him and Carol. 

"Stay in each other's sights, though," he murmured as he led Carol over to the other side of the big lobby. They found the gift shop and there was nothing in there that would be useful to them, just a bunch of dead flowers and stuffed animals tossed around. His eyes lingered on the  **It's A Boy!** bears and resisted the urge to pick one up for Amaleen, though they weren't sure if it was a girl or boy yet, but he just had a feeling. The idea of having a girl scared him, but on the flip side he loved the idea of having a daddy's girl. Keeping his face neutral, he walked away from it and headed with Carol along one wall of doors, opening them all to try and find the door to the stairwell. Eventually he heard Glenn call his name softly and he gestured Daryl and Carol over. The couple was standing in front of an open door and it was dark inside, but Glenn had a flashlight out that he was shining inside to show the stairs going both up and down. Daryl glanced over at Carol and she nodded so they headed over to make their way downstairs. 

Daryl went first again, Maggie behind him with the flashlight so he could see, but Daryl made sure to keep his crossbow aimed over the railing just in case anything happened to come at them. There were other bodies in the stairwell as well, but Daryl stomped the heads again to make sure. Other than that, they didn't come across anything and that made Daryl even more nervous than he was before because most likely that meant they were all somewhere else in the hospital. He just hoped they weren't around the pharmacy. 

Finally they made it down to the floor that said  **BASEMENT** on the sign next to it and Daryl paused outside it. He held up a hand to stop the others behind him before gesturing to them that he would open the door and go out first. They all agreed and Daryl took a deep breath, silently counting to three, before he threw the door open and stepped out into the hallway. 

* * *

Rick spent the night keeping watch and worrying until early morning when Carl and Beth insisted he sleep and they took over for him. He only agreed when they said they would wake him if they saw something. Adie was staying with Amaleen the whole time to keep an eye on her and make sure that nothing happened to her while everyone was away. Rick had been surprised when he fell asleep so quickly, but he hadn't slept well in a long time and his body was exhausted even as his mind was wound up too tight with everything going on. Half of his group was gone, the woman he thought of as a sister was fighting for her life, he had the others to worry about, and then there were those confusing thoughts he had about Adie... None of it made any sense together so he just pushed it to the back of his mind and stopped thinking about it. The only thing that mattered was getting Amaleen better and the others back home. 

" _Dad_!"

The voice startled him from his sleep making him jump in surprise. He was out of the bed in an instant, Colt in his hand, as he ran for the direction Carl's voice was coming from. The boy was downstairs it seemed and Rick took the stairs two at a time to get down there. The house wasn't nearly as large as the last one they were in, but he had trouble finding him in the darkened rooms. Finally he saw him outlined in the rising morning sun by the front window, looking scared and ashen as he peaked out between the curtains. 

"Carl, what is is?" he asked hurriedly, his voice a hiss, and Carl gestured him closer. 

"I-I fell asleep... I'm so sorry, Dad, I didn't mean to. I just woke up and... _look_." Rick frowned and took steps up closer to Carl and leaned over him, looking through the curtains.

He went ashen as well, a rough, "Oh fuck," leaving his lips as he saw it: a herd of walkers, easily a hundred, gathered around outside the house.


	53. All Songs Must End

"Get away from the window!" 

The words hissed out of Rick's mouth and he took Carl's arm, tugging him away from the curtains which quickly fell back into place where they were before. He was glad there were no flashlights or candles lit in the room to attract them, and the movement of the curtains was so small. But that didn't stop him from feeling the panic that flared up when he saw what Carl showed him. Because it seemed like from first glance that there was no way to get to the cars then to try and get them out like he had promised Daryl he would. They were stuck there and even if they could try and take out some of the walkers from the windows, all the rifles save for one were in the back of the truck and the ammo they had wouldn't even put a dent in the amount of walkers that were out there. His only thought was to try and take out those on the way to the truck, get the rifles, and then run back inside, but he would have to do it himself. Carl needed to be here for Judith, and Adie and Beth for Amaleen in case anything happened to him. 

But when he suggested it to Carl, the boy shook his head, gripping Rick's arm tightly to try and stop him from going outside. "No, that's a bad idea. There's too many of them. We have to stick together. You said so yourself, remember? Let's go upstairs with the others and we'll come up with a pan. Maybe once Daryl gets back, they can help get through. But we're stuck here unless we make a plan." 

Rick knew he was right, but it didn't settle right with him. He had promised Daryl to get out if anything happened, but he supposed they didn't factor this in when they made those plans.  _Another regret to add to the list,_ he thought sadly with a shake of his head. But finally he sighed and nodded, putting his arm around Carl's shoulders. "Grab Judy and let's get upstairs," he said quietly. Carl nodded and picked the baby up from the bed they had made in an empty box and held her tightly. The movement woke her up, causing her to start fussing so they moved quickly and headed back up the stairs down to the room where Adie was taking care of Amaleen. Beth was in there already luckily and they were getting the bandage changed and some more water in her system. Ideally they could get her to eat, but she was unconscious most of the time so that would be impossible. Rick made a quick mental note that once she was well, they would make sure she ate as much as she could. 

The two of them quickly shut the door behind them once they were both inside and Adie looked up at them, frowning. She handed the water bottle up to Beth who finished up with Amaleen while Adie herself stood and brushed her hands against her jeans. "What's going on?" she wondered, looking between them as they worked together to pull a dresser in front of the door. None of the walkers had noticed them, but he didn't want to take any chances. He shouldn't have let Carl take watch when things were so tense and it was so dire that they stay there, when protection was more important than ever before.  _We should've checked the town first before we stayed here,_ he thought. But he had just wanted to stop so badly, find a safe place they could lay low in while they get Amaleen better, that it wasn't thorough enough. That always seemed to be his downfall, to just act before he really thought about the consequences. Sometimes actions had to be done, right or wrong, to teach people a lesson in one way or another. Things like that, though, couldn't be afforded much in this world and he had to simply remember that. Everything had to be thought out before they did anything from now on no matter what he felt. 

"Walkers," he hissed, heading over to the window to peak out. It was facing the side yard, but he could see that the walkers surrounded this side as well which meant that they were probably around the back and other side as well. Any chance they had to get out just went from slight to absolute zero and he looked over his shoulder, watching Adie's face slowly drain of color. She stepped up next to him and cursed quietly, moving away and going over to Amaleen's side as if that would keep her safe from all the walkers outside. "We need a plan." He kept his voice low just in case and made sure everybody was away from the windows so their movements couldn't be seen from the ground. 

"There's no way ta get ta the cars?" Beth asked, her voice desperate as she began to pace a little in her place. 

Rick shook his head. "Too many out there and too much for us to risk. We're going to try and take them out from in here, and try to do it as quietly as we can. We don't want to attract too many. If we can clear out enough in front of the cars, we can try and get to them. But I won't lose anybody, okay? We're all going to be safe and do this smart." Everyone nodded to him, their faces set in a determined line just like Rick's was. "Everyone can help shoot. I'm going to carry Amaleen downstairs, Carl you get Judy. We'll put them on the couch and then we'll shoot out the front windows. We won't have time to dawdle once we're out there, so Adie's going to drive the van with Carl and Judith, and I'll take the truck with Amaleen and Beth. Only run once they're cleared out of the way. Only take them down one at a time, but make sure to go quickly. Don't make any other noises, hopefully they wouldn't be able to tell for sure which way the sound is coming from, and don't turn on any kinds of lights. Don't move around a lot or attract attention in any other way. And above all else: be careful. Don't be a hero, if you're noticed or run out of bullets, back up behind the couch and wait." 

Quickly they all got to work. Rick took the only rifle, but he gave his Colt over to Adie. Beth and Carl each had their own guns that they always carried around with them to use and Rick gave them some more rounds just in case they ran out. It wasn't the most ideal situation, they would still be taking a great risk, but it was better than doing nothing, they had to try something. Staying there wasn't an option, one sight of movement in the windows would bring the house down. Ever so gently he pulled Amaleen into his arms, keeping the blanket around her and she whimpered, but he moved them quickly and quietly through the house. The others followed him closely as he scaled the stairs down to the first floor and into the living room. Luckily for them the sun was coming up more so it would be less likely that the walkers would see their movements, and they would be able to see the walkers themselves more easily to take them out.

The couch he moved closer to the window both so he could lean against the arm for better leverage, and so he knew that Amaleen would be closer to him once they needed to run. The others got into position, Carl next to him, and Beth and Adie in the other window. They all glanced to him, waiting for his confirmation and slowly he nodded his head. Together they started firing, taking down the walkers one by one.

* * *

Daryl cursed under his breath and stepped back into the stairwell, gesturing the other three back as he slowly shut the door. It was stupid of him to go out so quickly because barely five seconds later, there were groans and slapping against the other side of the door. He sighed and glanced back at the others, an apology across his silent face as he held the door shut even though the handle clicked back into place.  _Just my luck,_ he thought as he tried his hardest to think over what to do. There was really only one option because they needed to get to that pharmacy and that meant they had to go through those doors. He supposed they could go up and look for another door, but that would take more time than they actually had or wanted to take. Gritting his teeth, he finally nodded. 

"I'll open the door 'n if there's more'n one, I'll let one in at a time. It'll be easier ta deal with." He waited for the others confirmation before he planted himself behind the door, enough so he would be able to slam it shut if there were anymore walkers out there, and so he could keep his eye on the others. Plus if he needed to jump in and help, it would be easy to do that. Maggie gave the light to Carol and she climbed a couple steps up so she wouldn't get in their way, but give them light to be able to fight. Glenn grabbed out his gun and Maggie her knife, nodding to Daryl that they were ready. Using his legs to brace himself, he tugged the door open.

The first walker in clearly used to be a doctor as it had a lab coat and scrubs on, but long ago Daryl stopped thinking that they used to be people. They were dangerous and that was that, so he ignored it as he slammed the door before another one could get in. Maggie stabbed this one through the forehead, nearly being brought down as the knife wouldn't come out of the bone, so Daryl moved over and stomped on its face as she pulled so it would come free. The woman nodded to him in thanks and he merely grunted before going back to behind the door so he could let the others in.

The next one was another doctor, but after that there was a janitor, a couple patients, and then one in a suit. They piled up rather quickly so Daryl kicked them over into the corner of the stairwell before he opened the door again. There were two more doctors, a nurse, and one more patient before the hallway was clear. Luckily they managed to keep it under control, but they all had splatters of blood on them. Daryl had to wipe away his hands on his pants after he moved those over in the pile by the others, but he picked up his crossbow and slowly peaked out into the hall. Luckily it was all clear other than some clutter like what was upstairs in the lobby. But he wasn't going to take the chance and signaled to go slow and quiet down the hall. The signs for the rooms were all rather damaged, but mostly legible and Carol's flashlight was helping. Glancing at her, he gestured for her to hand it to him because it would be easier to hold it while he was aiming his crossbow, that way she wouldn't be unarmed just in case something snuck up on them. 

The hallway around the basement was very twisty and Daryl hoped they could find a way to get back to the stairwell they came up. It hadn't occurred to him at first to make some kind of mark on the wall so they knew the way back. Huffing slightly, he looked around a corner and saw one lone walker there so he got it quickly with his arrow, which he took back when they walked past it. It felt like a labyrinth down there and for a moment he paused and glanced around to try and see if he could find a room that might have a map or something, but then he heard Glenn say, "There, does that say pharmacy down there?"

Daryl looked over quickly and squinted his eyes to try and see what it said before moving closer slowly and letting out a breath when he saw that it did indeed say  **PHARMACY** in big letters. A lot of it was worn off, but it was clear what it said. Daryl pulled the list out of his pocket and Amaleen's bag off his back, knocking on the door and waiting a couple minutes to see if there was anything inside, but luckily they didn't hear anything. Nodding he pushed through the door and together they got started looking for the meds and other supplies that Adie had listed. Daryl grabbed every bottle of the meds that he could, whether they were pills or liquid, and then many different IV bags and needles. Maggie, Glenn, and Carol grabbed for the bandages, sutures, scissors, needles, and some other stuff that it took them all awhile to find, but finally managed to shove in the bag. 

"That it?" Maggie said as she helped Daryl try and close the bag and eventually they had to move all of the IVs over into a plastic bag, which honestly Daryl thought was better anyway so they wouldn't pop or get punctured. Daryl put Amaleen's bag on his back again while with the help of Glenn, Maggie tied the plastic bag to a rope around her back so that way she had both hands free while they got out. 

Finally Daryl nodded. "Yep. All set. Let's get the fuck outta here. I figure we could drive 'til it's totally dark then find somewhere ta camp'r a house ta hold up in for the night." 

"Shouldn't we just drive all night?" Carol wondered with a frown. "We have a clear path now."

Daryl shook his head, jaw clenching because he agreed, but if they showed up earlier than the next morning, Rick would be pissed. "We have to be careful 'n stop. We'll get home tomorrow." None of them liked it, but that's just what they had to do. Making sure weapons were at the ready and the bags were closed up tight without any possibility of rips or tears, Daryl led them out of the pharmacy and on the trek back up to the lobby.

* * *

"We're almost there!" Rick hissed to the others as he took out yet another walker at the door of the truck. "Beth, come over here and take over for me and Carl and finish with the walkers on the left. Adie, you finish the walkers on the right. Carl, get Judy ready to go, and I'll get Amaleen. We have to go quick and straight to the cars. Carl, one you have her go over behind Adie so you can run out together. Keep each other safe and close, you know the drill." Everybody nodded, their eyes determined and face set in a grim line as they moved to follow Rick's orders.

Rick gathered Amaleen up in his arms quickly and tried desperately to ignore the fact—at least for right then—that Amaleen seemed to be growing even warmer in his arms even though she was still shivering, bone-deep trembles that shook him as well, though he wasn't positive it was just that or his fear gripping his body as well. So much could go wrong and he was just praying that he was doing the right thing for what needed to be done. He peaked over Beth's head and saw that she and Adie were doing a great job. Carl had Judith ready to go and he glanced at his son who nodded once before he took a deep breath. It wasn't completely clear by any means, but they could get to the cars and get out, and that's what mattered. 

"Okay, we have enough cleared to get out there, but we have to be as fast as we can. We have less than a minute to get in and go. Stick together. Adie, you and Carl go out first to the van and then Beth and I will follow you out to the truck. Don't look back, just get to the cars. On the count of three, stop shooting and run. Ready?" Everybody nodded and he could tell everybody was afraid, but none of them wanted to die. "Okay. Let's go. Three, two..." He nodded and pointed for the door. 

Quickly Adie and Carl moved for the door, Adie opening it and keeping the gun she held tight in her hand as she darted out the door with Carl at her heels. He arched his hand around keeping everything in his sights, only shooting if he needed to and Rick was proud of his son for learning what he had so quickly. Rick nodded to Beth and he went out first with Amaleen in his arms, careful to dart quickly in ways that the walkers still around couldn't grab him. He heard Beth panting behind him as they ran for the truck. He stopped first at the back door, quickly putting Amaleen in and slamming the door shut. The gun in the back of his jeans was out a second later, satisfied that Amaleen was safe if anything were to happen to him, and he could defend himself finally, shooting at a couple walkers that came closer. He glanced over and saw the van peeling away and he let out a breath that Adie, Carl, and Judith were safe. He shot a couple more walkers as he went to run around the front of the truck for the driver's seat in hopes that Beth would know to take the passenger side.

For a moment, though, he heard something that he didn't understand what it was. A high-pitched noise that sent a shiver down his spine. Blinking quickly he did what he told the others not to do and spun around, but the sight made his blood run cold. Beth had gotten out behind him, but in his dash to put Amaleen in the car, he hadn't realized that she had gotten backed up against the door. He shot quickly, taking a couple steps forward as his heart pounded quickly in his throat, tense desperation clawing at him as he tried to shoot quickly at the walkers around her to save her. He saw red the moment her throat was bit, blood gurgling out up through her lips as she clawed desperately at the walker that held her, trying to get it off her. Her eyes were full of so much pain and agony, fear and a glaze of misunderstanding that he nearly dropped to his knees and begged those things to take him instead, but things just didn't work like that anymore. 

" _Nooo! No! No! No!_ " Were those noises coming from his own mouth? He shot off a couple more rounds and more walkers turned in his direction away from Beth, but the damage was already done. She was gone, lost as more walkers jumped on her and she was drowned under the sea of the hungry dead. "No, Beth, god..." he rasped, tears filling his eyes and he could just barely see blurry shapes coming for him. Swallowing down thickly, the guilt nearly made him collapse, but the thought of getting Amaleen to safety, saving  _someone_ , made him stumble away and lean against the hood. There was a large whooshing sound in his head before his ears started ringing and blindly he shot at more walkers. 

Taking a deep breath, even as shaky as it was, he darted for the driver's side door and yanked the door open, kicking at a walker that tried to grab him, and he was inside with the door slammed a moment later. He was sweating and trembling, fingers barely able to turn the key, but finally it roared to a start and he spun away, tires squealing on the broken pavement as they lurched away from the house. He decided rather quickly that he never wanted to go back there, just like he never wanted to go back to North Morton or the docks. They were graves of people he loved, the signs of his failures as a leader and a man, and he couldn't take looking at them and knowing that Hershel, Lori, T-Dog, and now Beth... They would never be back, never breathe fresh air of the woods again, smell flowers or feed birds, never know what it's like to again live without the walkers. Rick believed that someday that would happen, whether in his lifetime or his kids' lives he wasn't sure, but it would. They would never have that again and it was all because of him. 

Somehow he navigated his way out of town. The way that the others went was covered in walkers, even more than were outside the house, so he had to swing around and go back the way they came to try and find a way past the herd. He was going fast enough that he caught up with the van rather quickly. They were too close to stop right away even as the walkers disappeared in his rearview mirror. He blinked back at his tears, knuckles going white as he gripped the steering wheel, and he waited until they were a couple miles away to beep the horn three times. 

The van slowed down to a stop and Rick pulled up behind it, gulping down quickly as he thought of what he was going to say to them.  _"I'm sorry, Beth is dead, I failed you all again..."_ That sounded just about appropriate. He could see how pale he was in the mirror, eyes glazed with pain and sweat coating his face, but there was no way he could really fix that. He felt himself growing numb as the tears dried up and slowly he stumbled from the car, seeing Adie and Carl already standing outside, guns in their hands just in case. 

Both of them looked confused at his state, glancing between him and the truck. As he paused right in front of them, he opened his mouth to speak, but that lump grew in his throat again and he looked at his feet, hands going to his hips as he shook his head. Both of them gasped, trying to figure out which it was, but they noticed that Beth hadn't gotten out with him rather quickl, the only other one that was conscious and able to walk.

"No, Dad," Carl said, his voice thick. Rick knew how close Carl and Beth were and Rick looked up again, frowning sadly and he reached to put a hand on his shoulder. Carl quickly pulled away, giving him a furious glare even as tears started slipping down his face, and he turned around to stomp back to the passenger side of the van. Rick closed his eyes for a second before looking down to his feet again, his hands shaking. He only looked up when he felt a hand on his shoulder and he caught Adie's eyes as he looked up. 

"It's not your fault," she whispered gently. "He's upset and hurt, but he knows it's not your fault either. We couldn't stay there and we had to take the risk; we all knew what could possibly happen. So don't blame yourself." 

"I'm supposed to be the leader," he said, voice just a croak. 

Adie shook her head. "Doesn't matter. We're all human. There are way more walkers than there are us out there. So don't blame yourself, because I know Beth wouldn't want you to either. Be proud of what you've done. Look at how many people are still alive. There's nine of us in this group, and you're just one man. You're an amazing leader. Don't sell yourself short on that." 

"But Amaleen... Beth... Adie, I let my wife die. Beth and Maggie's father. Another good man named T-Dog... They're all dead, I couldn't save them. Maybe I shouldn't be leader anymore..." 

"Now that's not the Rick Grimes I know. I might only have meet you a couple weeks ago, but I'm a fast learner. I see what you do for this group, the burden you bear. Your shoulders are so heavy, like you have the entire world on them. You don't need to do that, you can let that guilt go, let some of us help you bear it."

She took a step closer and Rick's breath caught in his throat as he was looking straight down into her blue eyes. It had been so easy to push aside ridiculous thoughts and feelings when he had to focus on getting them out of the house. He actually welcomed it because those thoughts he had about her were so confusing that he didn't want to deal with them. But now they were right there, nothing around them and no one to interrupt, and all he could focus on was her. Bright blue eyes, beautiful wavy blonde hair, fair skin...  _Grimes, what are you thinking?_ he scolded himself. But he still didn't pull away. 

"Adie—"

"Shh," she interrupted, her voice just a murmur. "Let us help." 

It was when she leaned up on her toes that he realized where she was going with it and he quickly was slammed back to the present. Beth just died, what in the world was he doing? He needed to mourn, needed to get the others safe and focus on how to get back to the rest of the group. Quickly he took a step back, blinking rapidly and looking away as he felt Adie sway for a moment and then step away from him as well. Quickly he cleared his throat and gestured back to the truck, refusing to look at her. 

"We should get going. We need to find a way back to the highway so we can find the others. Amaleen needs those meds and we can't just leave them. I have the map so I'll go ahead of you and we'll work our way around; the herd is too big to go through." Adie was quiet and Rick internally winced, knowing he probably hurt her. That was the last thing he wanted to do, but there was too much in his mind to focus on something like the ramifications came with her kissing him and him kissing back, because he definitely would've. 

"We should try and stick to back roads, too," Adie said quietly and he could hear the hurt in her voice and that made his guilt nearly cripple him. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment before he nodded to her. 

"Good idea. They probably connect to the highway again. We have to get back on at least to find them."

"Right." Her voice seemed a bit hollow and that time he winced externally. "Well, on you go, lead the way." She spun on her heel and headed back for the van and all Rick could do was sigh then, slowly turning back for the truck. Everybody was upset with him then, and it was only about eight o'clock in the morning. And he knew once they found the others, Maggie would be hating him as well, falling back into her anger that she had at Amaleen all winter, but this time directed at him.

He leaned his forehead against the steering wheel for a moment before he dug out the map and spread it out on the seat beside him. He left Amaleen in the back because it gave her room to actually lay down instead of leaning against the window. He found where they were and a road that would connect them back to the highway. It would take about an hour it looked like so he hoped they made it before the others got back; he didn't want the chance of them getting caught up in the herd. Sighing softly, he murmured back to Amaleen, "I hope that when you wake up, you don't hate me, too." Shaking his head, he pulled around Adie and started in the direction of the road that would connect them back to the highway.


	54. Breathe Easy

They had wound up camping along the side of the road because none of the nearby houses seemed safe enough considering the towns themselves were pretty full of walkers. Daryl knew he wouldn't get a lot of sleep, he didn't sleep well without Amaleen by his side, so he offered to take watch first. Glenn made him promise to wake someone for second watch in a couple hours, but of course he didn't, so it was the rise of the sun that woke them. The look on the younger man's face probably could've killed him on the spot, but Daryl just shrugged and got back behind the wheel. He was actually pretty tired, but he was wound too tightly to sleep. He had to get back to Amaleen and he had to get her healthy again. She and the baby were the only thing on his mind the whole time they were gone, wishing it was him that was there instead of Rick, but the decision had been a good one. Rick was the leader and did what he did best there making decisions while Daryl did his job and went out on the run. 

"Do you see something up ahead?" Glenn asked, drawing Daryl from his thoughts. He shook himself for a second and frowned, slowing the Hyundai down a bit and squinted to try and figure out what they were seeing. 

"Yeah. Can ya tell what it is?" 

Glenn shook his head. "Not yet. Get closer, but don't go too fast." 

Daryl nodded in agreement and inched forward, slowing down even more as they got closer. About half a mile outside of town, he slammed to a stop when he saw the writhing herd ahead of him, knowing exactly what it was and what that meant. There was no way to get back to the house, and the walkers went as far as the eye could see, which meant that they were surrounding the house. The house where his pregnant woman was. 

"Oh fuck," he cursed, quickly putting the car into reverse before the walkers saw and backed up out of their view so the herd didn't come after them. Everybody was tense as he quietly pulled up by some trees to hide them from the herd and wait to see if anybody tried to come through the middle of it, though that would be incredibly stupid if they tried. Beside him, Glenn already had the map out and was looking through it and after five minutes of studying it, he finally pointed something out. 

"There's a road here, Wyatt Lane, and it connects back to the highway we came into town on. Let's try that road and see if we can circle around to find the rest of our group." He showed Daryl where the road was and the hunter realized that it was back the way they came, about half-way back to the hospital. It would be a bit longer of a drive, but it would be worth it if they could get to that house and get their people out. Maggie and Carol hadn't said a word in the back, but a glance in the rearview mirror told him that they were just as worried as they had clasped hands between them tightly. 

Daryl grunted and slowly pulled back onto the road, stepping on the gas pedal to get them away from the herd quickly and back for that road. His face was set in a grim line, jaw clenched the whole time he drove and he couldn't help but thinking,  _Hold on, baby. I'll be there soon. Don't give up on me. I'll find ya. Just hold on._  

* * *

Half-way along Wyatt Lane, Adie beeped three times and Rick slowed to a stop in front of her. He panicked for a moment wondering if something was wrong with Carl or Judith, but a glance at Amaleen in the backseat told him that it was probably Adie needing to check on her patient. He stepped out of the truck just as Adie arrived to the backseat and he gave her a small nod. The almost-kiss they had made him very tense around her and he realized as soon as they had driven away that he regretted it. Why shouldn't he kiss her? Why shouldn't he do something that felt right to make them both feel better? They were both single, she was an amazing and caring person, and she was beautiful. But he could tell by the look on her face that she would just get upset if he brought it up so he opened the door for her, making sure that Amaleen was in such a place that she didn't just tumble out, but luckily she was curled up near the middle of the seat. 

"Did she wake up or say anything on the way?" Adie asked, falling into nurse mode as she pulled a rag out of her pocket and began to dab at the woman's forehead. 

Rick shook his head, leaning one shoulder against the truck as he put a hand on his hip. "No, not even a sound. I...don't know if that's good or not." 

Adie said nothing, but the grim look on her face told him that it wasn't good. Amaleen was still shivering, but it wasn't as violently as before. Her skin was still like a furnace, sweat dotting her forehead, her skin and lips looking pale, but the bags under her eyes darker which made the contrast with the rest of her skin startling. Rick wasn't a doctor or a nurse, but he could tell that she was getting worse quicker than she was before. Adie grabbed Rick's bottle of water to help Amaleen take some sips, but the worry on her face made him look away.  _I can't lose her, too,_ he thought as his fear began to suffocate him, growing in his throat and choking off his air. Beth's absence was felt with every breath he took, and the thought of losing Amaleen, too... No, he couldn't let that happen. The woman meant the world to him, and he wasn't being dramatic when he said she was the best person he knew. He never met anyone like her before. Kind and funny, sassy and sarcastic, strong and beautiful. She was the sister he never had, and the one he always wanted. She wouldn't die. She  _couldn't_. 

"Get back in the van," Rick said suddenly, startling Adie enough to drip some water down Amaleen's cheek.

She glared at him and gently wiped it away with the rag before putting her free hand on her hip. "What's wrong with you?" 

"We need to get back to the others. She's not going to die, I won't let her. I will do anything to save her, and so we have to go. Once we have the meds, we can save her. We have to, Adie. Nobody else is dying." His voice was passionate and firm, but she still kept glaring at him. It changed a bit, however, as if something dawned on her that hadn't before and the wattage of her glare fell just a tad as she took a step back. 

"If we don't find them in the next hour, we're going to stop again so I can get her some more water." Rick simply nodded and Adie just turned around to head back to the van, shaking her head as she went. Rick climbed in the driver's seat, looking in the rearview mirror at Amaleen. He didn't say anything because he felt like he already said it all. She was his first and only priority right then and he refused to fail her. 

A half an hour later they were nearing the end of the road, at least according to the map, which meant they were getting closer to finding the others and getting those meds that she so desperately needed. He had been expecting walkers around every turn, wondering if they were following them in the woods or catching up with them from town, but what he wasn't expecting was another car suddenly there in front of him. Rick's eyes widened quickly and he slammed on the brakes—reaching back to hold Amaleen from tumbling off the seat—just as the other one did as well, both of them screeching to a halt just five feet from each other. For a moment the ex-deputy just stared, but soon he realized that he recognized the car and the driver both.

 _Daryl,_ he thought with relief. Rick quickly jumped from the truck, leaving the engine running just as the others all climbed from the Hyundai. He could hear Adie climb out of the van behind him, door slamming as her footsteps neared them quickly. Daryl reached Rick, his eyes wide as he glanced between them. 

"You're here," he said, his voice full of shock. "Saw the herd, thought we would need ta come getcha." 

Rick shook his head. "We got out earlier, been on this road for a bit to try and come to you guys." 

"Am?" he demanded. 

Rick frowned. "Same. She really needs those meds. I don't think Adie is too optimistic."

Daryl's jaw clenched and he simply nodded as Rick pointed out the backseat of the truck and Daryl ran in that direction. Adie followed to speak with him and Rick turned to look at the others who had climbed out of the Hyundai. Immediately his eyes fell to Maggie and they crumpled, his heart beating in his chest wickedly as that guilt he had been pushing away with his thoughts of saving Amaleen clutched at his throat. He gulped and glanced at his feet before he took a step up to the woman. She frowned up at him and slowly he met her eyes, lifting a hand to put gently and comfortingly on her shoulder.

"Maggie—"

Her eyes widened in alarm. "No," she interrupted, her voice full on denial, eyes flickering behind him in an immediate, desperate search to find her sister.

Rick looked away again. "I'm so sorry." 

" _No_!" With a cry she fell to her knees, a deep sob erupting from her lips, and Glenn was by her side in a second, pulling her against his chest as she cried. Rick felt his bottom lip tremble and he quietly left her alone to grieve with Glenn. Her cries were sent straight to his heart and each step away made his legs feel weaker and weaker, enough he had to put a hand on the hood of the Hyundai to keep himself standing. Carol looked at him in horror and even Daryl was staring at him with sadness deep in his eyes. Rick stood in between the group, refusing to meet any of their eyes as he stared at the ground. His jaw ticked for a moment as a lump grew in his throat and he begged it not to let loose. He had to be strong here, he couldn't lose it there in front of everyone. 

"I have any idea." It was Adie who said it, voice quiet as she let Maggie grieve, and Rick glanced up at her, grateful relief washing through him and he gave her a nod and a small, pressed smile. "We can start getting those meds into her on the go. Maggie and Glenn can drive the Hyundai, Carol can drive with Carl and Judith in the van, and then the rest of us can go in the truck. Rick, you drive. Daryl, you can be in the passenger seat or the backseat with me. But we'll crush up those meds into the IVs and I can get it into her veins. We can put the bag on the hook above her, and Daryl and I can take turns keeping her hydrated as well." She paused. "But first, I need to restitch her." That earned a confused look from Rick and Daryl. "Remember I said we should've stitched inside? Well some of the sutures I had them get are internal, so if we take out the other ones, I can sew her up inside and then resew outside. Because of the infection, she hasn't been healing outside so it won't be hard to take them out. And she's unconscious so she shouldn't feel the pain." 

Neither Rick nor Daryl liked the idea of her being in anymore pain, but a few minutes of it would be better than anymore days of body aches, shivers, fever, or worse...death. Rick gave Adie another grateful look as he gathered himself and stepped up. 

"Adie has a good plan. Let's—"

"Why're we spending anymore time on her?" Maggie's voice interrupted him again and everyone looked over in shock. She had staggered to her feet and tears were still falling down her face, but she was looking at them angrily. "This is all her fault, and you guys know it is." 

Daryl's face immediately grew with red-hot anger as he took threatening steps up next to Rick, the man holding him back from stepping up to her closer as Glenn, eyes wide with alarm, pulled Maggie away. Daryl would never have hurt her, but Rick didn't want the fighting to accelerate.

"Daryl—"

"You don't know what the hell you're talkin' about!" he roared, ignoring Rick's warning. "You hate her so much? Fuckin' leave then! We listened to you bitch all damn winter, 'n I don't wanna hear it again. S'either fuckin' deal with it 'n keep your mouth shut, or get the fuck outta here." He snarled at her and spun back around, clearly ending the conversation as he left no room for her to reply and went back over to Amaleen's side. Everyone looked at him in shock; he hadn't raised his voice like that to anyone since Shane at the farm, and he had hated Shane. Even Maggie looked taken aback, but she masked it with more anger as she turned to stomp to the car, slamming the door behind her. Clearly she wasn't leaving, but all conversations with her were over. Rick just wished that Maggie hated him instead, after all it was him that turned his back and let Beth run out by herself. She was armed, but he still should've kept an eye on her, that was his job as leader to protect them all.

He gritted his teeth and stiffly walked back over to help with Amaleen. They had to get her turned around so her head was towards the other door which left her hurt shoulder hanging over the edge of the seat, and they pushed the passenger seat forward all the way so Adie could sit behind it. That meant Daryl couldn't sit there, so he climbed in and put Amaleen's feet over his lap, gently stroking her leg softly as Adie got to work. Glenn let Maggie have her time in the car as he helped keep watch with Carol, and Carl also got out of the van to keep watch, though he pointedly ignored Rick. The man let it go for right then and made a note to talk to him about it later, but for right then he gave him some space and helped Adie do what she needed to do to take care of Amaleen. 

The first thing that went in was the needle for the IV—the meds were already crushed up and injected inside—and Rick held the bag up so it could drip down into her veins. The fact that she didn't even wince didn't make them feel better about the situation. Moving her around didn't make her wince either, and Daryl's face had fallen from a stoic, pressed lipped look into one of pain and despair. Her shivers were nearly gone and her breathing was more shallow, but the heat was picking up more and more and Rick knew that if they didn't stop this infection soon, then she would succumb to the fever. Already it had been too long and so he silently prayed that for just this once, they were able to save someone. 

"Daryl, hold her still if she moves," Adie said softly as she washed her hands with some of the tequila before picking up the scissors to begin cutting away at the stitches already there. Immediately it began to drool blood and Rick knew that that wasn't normal. Normally it would be a lot more healed by then, but it seemed that the infection was preventing it. To their horror, she didn't move a muscle, didn't even wince or cry out at all, not even as Adie pulled the old threads out and used Rick's knife to cut the wound open a little bit more to sew up inside. Once that was done, she sewed up the outside again and patted tequila-covered gauze over it to clean it, then bandaged it back up cleanly and tightly. She washed off her blood-covered hands once she was done and sat back, sighing softly as she picked up a rag and patted at her forehead again. "She's stitched up so we can head out. The bag will need to be changed out every couple hours with some more meds put in." She paused and glanced around, making sure that nobody else was listening in before saying softly, "We can only give her half the normal dose, that way we won't be risking the baby." 

Rick nodded and hooked the bag up to the hook above them on the ceiling, glad it fit through the hole on the bag, and stood back with his hands on his hips, running a quick hand over his face to rub at his beard. It didn't sit well with him not to just shove as much antibiotics as was safe into her veins, but the idea of causing harm to the baby she was carrying was even worse. Amaleen would hate them if they let that happen and Rick would never forget himself for letting a baby die. The need to save her was overwhelming and they would, but it would just have to be slowly. 

"Let's get going," Rick said, looking over to Carol and Glenn to gesture them into the cars. Rick was glad that it would be Glenn alone with Maggie that way he could talk with her like they had tried to do all winter. But honestly Rick didn't blame her for her anger because she lost her whole family. He felt something very similar when Lori died, but he just knew what to take it out on and what not to. Blaming the unconscious woman wouldn't get them anywhere, and Rick would speak with her later about what happened, but she just needed some time. Pushing the passenger seat back in place, Adie climbed in while Daryl moved around to sit with Amaleen's head in his lap.

As they started to drive, Daryl took over taking care of his woman. He had the rag Adie had been using so he could dab at her forehead, now and then checking her pulse and her breathing. She was so still and it scared all of them so much so most of the ride was silent other than the rumble of the engine and now and then some soft words from Daryl to Amaleen. It seemed like the first two hours was a long stretch, but soon they were stopping and Adie was switching out the IV to another one with more meds. 

"Once she's awake, she can take the meds orally. Until then, we have to do this," she explained as she finished hooking the tubes up. Rick nodded and watched as she checked under the bandage, surprised when a slight smile lifted her lips. "Look, the discoloration is going down." She pulled it aside more so they could take a look. "It's not a whole lot, but this means it's working." 

Rick and Daryl both glanced at each other and the hunter actually gave him a slight smile as Adie patted some more tequila on the wound and covered it back up. When Amaleen whimpered and tried to wiggle out of the way, they all felt the relief run through them. It meant that she was getting better and hopefully soon she would be opening her eyes again. Daryl helped her drink some more water and she wiggled slightly, sighing and turning into Daryl's chest. He let out a sigh and patted her forehead again, running his fingers through her hair. No more shivers and it seemed like she wasn't feeling quite as warm as she had been. They still had a long road ahead of them with her healing, but this was a start and that's all they could ask for. Because she would live; they actually saved someone this time. Rick couldn't help but grin as they started back up down the road, hoping to reach their checkpoint closer to the New York/Pennsylvania boarder by that night. 


	55. It'll All Be Okay

At almost dark, they finally made it to their next checkpoint. The town was quiet, but Rick wasn't going to take it for granted this time. They spent about an hour just looking around through the houses and trees to make sure that there were no walkers hiding around there. Luckily there was only a couple and they took them out with knives and Daryl's crossbow so they didn't attract anymore. Rick found a large barn just outside town that would be big enough and safe enough to hold them all over night. Ideally they could stay a little bit longer because moving around isn't good for Amaleen while she's trying to heal. She still hadn't woken up and that made them all nervous, but her fever was going down along with the discoloration in her veins so Adie was more optimistic. 

"Sleeping is better during healing anyway," she said as she helped Rick and Carol set up some bales of hay so they could make a bed for Amaleen out of it. "It helps to reset her body and while sleeping, she's not moving around a lot to disturb the stitches or the IV." She paused as she tossed another blanket over the hay, the one they took in that huge house a couple towns back that she really liked. It was warm and it would be comfortable for her to sleep on. If Adie had any say in it, they wouldn't be leaving for a couple days. She wanted Amaleen to wake up before they moved again, but it was up to Rick and the walkers around them as to whether they could stay longer. "Besides, remember how much pain she was in? Right now she's not feeling that." 

Rick slowly nodded and Adie had noticed him wincing when she mentioned Amaleen's pain. She understood how close they were. It seemed that there was some tension amongst them and she didn't understand Maggie's immediate reaction to blame Amaleen when clearly it wasn't her fault—and it wasn't Rick's fault either, much as he didn't believe that—but they all clearly would die for each other. Adie was glad to be apart of that, even though sometimes she still felt like an outsider. She didn't know what they went through and they didn't know what she went through, though sometimes she was glad of the later. She didn't want to think about Thom, Jason, or Halo. Recently she had only allowed herself to think about them at night, when she was alone and she could cry without anybody noticing. And right then, she was needed, and it felt good to be needed for the first time in what felt like so long. 

Glancing up at the man, she watched as he fluffed a pillow and put it down before heading out to help Daryl bring Amaleen inside. It had taken her awhile to figure him out, but she realized she finally understood. His reaction to Amaleen's situation only proved her suspicions: he had feelings for her, stronger than he was probably willing to admit to himself much less anybody else. That's why he was always so deep in thought, why he backed away from kissing Adie, and why he refused to leave Amaleen's side for a second. It was true, men and women could be friends without feelings, but he was just so... _intense_ about it. And they weren't related, so that had to be the only explanation, right? She felt like a fool for believing that maybe he might want to kiss her, too. It just happened so suddenly, an urge that crept up on her and made her act without thinking. She hadn't done that in a long time, ever since she met Thom when she was thirteen years old. She hadn't even realized that she wanted it until she was leaning closer. So his backing off actually saved her from making an even bigger fool of herself. And she beat herself up the whole time they drove apart for not seeing things sooner. 

She had set up a hook on a nearby pillar so they could put the IV up there which would make it easier to take care of everything. Daryl could stay right there with her as she knew that the hunter wouldn't be leaving her anytime soon, not again, and Adie would be close by as well just to check up on her. The doors opened and Daryl walked in with her cradled delicately against his chest, Rick behind them with her IV bag held high in the air so it could keep dripping. Adie directed them over and helped pull back blankets so she could be laid down and then covered her up once Daryl set her amongst them. Even with a fever, she needed the blankets over her, but Adie could tell it was nearing the safe zone quicker than she expected. She checked her wound quickly along with dabbing at her forehead before she turned back to the others around them. Carol was helping Maggie and Glenn bring in some basic supplies while Carl was making a quick bed for Judith. The boy had been far too quiet, but she supposed all this death was taking its tole on him. She wasn't surprised, he was so young and he lost so much. According to what the others had said, Beth had been the forth of the group to die in just a few months. It made her heart ache for Thom, Jason, and Halo, but she pushed it aside as she set up some blankets a few feet away for her own bed. 

"She's good for now. I suspect she'll be waking up sometime soon, hopefully by tomorrow morning. Don't be discouraged if she doesn't, but in my experience that's when it'll happen." Daryl looked relieved as he sat down on a blanket next to Amaleen's bed, his hand reaching for hers to hold tightly. Looking at them, thinking back on her suspicions of Rick...she knew nothing would come between the couple. She knew Rick would never act on anything, if she was even right. Chances are she was very wrong, but still as a bit of an outsider, that's just what she saw. Shaking her thoughts away, she went back to laying out her blankets and sorting out the medical supplies, silently taking the role as nurse for the group; it was the least she could do for what they've done for her.

* * *

Daryl wound up falling asleep a couple hours after they got there. Rick had him down for third watch so it wasn't a bad thing, especially considering the night before he hadn't slept at all, but he had wanted to stay awake and wait for her to wake up. Still, sleep seemed to grip him and drag him under, his head laying gently on her stomach as his fingers still clutched hers. None of the sounds around woke him up, not even when they changed watch, but a movement under his palm finally broke him out of slumber's clutches. He blinked in confusion, his free hand reaching up to rub at his eyes and he grunted, looking around trying to figure out what it was that moved, when he heard a noise, something he feared he never would again, the most beautiful sound in the world. 

"...Daryl?" 

 _Amaleen_. He looked up quickly, head turning for the woman sleeping next to him, wondering if he had just dreamt it because he wished it so much, but instead he was met with the gorgeous sight of confused, exhausted emerald green eyes meeting his. He let out a shaky, relieved breath and he refused to acknowledge that it actually sounded a bit like a sob. He should wake Rick and tell him that she was awake, the man was going through the agony of her sickness as well, but he was going to be selfish and take advantage of being alone with her for a few moments. He reached up to stroke her hair back from her sweaty forehead, her eyes slowly focusing on what was around her and he realized that she was slowly taking in the barn. It was much less private than the houses they had found and stayed in, but it was large enough that they weren't all shoved together. 

"Baby," he finally said, his voice soft and only loud enough so she could hear him. "Fuck... M's'fuckin' glad you're awake. Scared me half ta fuckin' death." His voice was a bit thick, but it didn't stop him from speaking to her. He leaned over and kissed her forehead, smiling down at her softly. 

"What happened?" she asked, her voice raspy from disuse. "Where're we?" 

"Barn, few hours away from the last place. Ya've been out for a couple'a days now." He shook his head and brought up the hand he was holding and kissed it tenderly. "But Adie said you're gonna be fine. Ya ain't gonna die, Am, I promised ya that 'n I meant it."

"The baby?" she murmured, moving their hands to her belly. 

"Fine," he whispered. "Adie's been checkin' in best she can. We've been givin' ya meds, but they're safe for the baby, 'n we haven't been givin' ya a full dose." He paused and reached for her bag that he kept close to him, reluctantly letting go of her hand, but taking it again after he had dug through it and found what he was looking for. He showed her the bottle and watched as her eyes lit up, a smile pulling at her lips. "I found these for ya, too. I know how badly ya wanted 'em. Ta get the meds, few'a us went to a hospital. Found 'em there in the pharmacy 'n I got 'em for ya. I know how important it is to ya." He handed them over to her and she looked at them, her grin widening. 

"Thank ya, sweetheart," she said, her voice cracking and she tugged him closer so she could kiss him. "You're amazin', ya know that?" 

Daryl blushed and grunted, mumbling something as he shook his head, denying her words. If she were right, she wouldn't be laying there after having been in a mini-coma for a couple days. Nothing could stop him from feeling guilty about that, but she was awake and she was alive, and that's what mattered to him. He leaned over to kiss her again and he put the bottle of vitamins back in the bag. "Adie's gonna wanna check ya out ta make sure. 'N Rick's been goin' crazy, too." She simply smiled and pulled him down into another kiss. 

"Hey, you're awake!" The exclamation is what finally broke them apart and Daryl looked up, his face twisted into an annoyed glare as he looked up at the source. Adie and Rick were the ones now on watch so he wasn't surprised to see Adie standing over them. She must've seen them from her spot at the front doors. Daryl glanced up to the loft above them and saw Rick looking over with a grin, obviously having heard Adie's words. Quickly he scaled down the ladder and came to stand next to them as Daryl pulled back, gesturing for Adie and Rick to take his spot beside her. Immediately Adie jumped into nurse mode, practically fluttering over her as she checked her wound, pulse, and temperature. The smile on her face was enough for Daryl to be happy and so he mirrored it, glancing up as Rick stepped up next to them. Adie's smile faltered a bit, though Daryl was thinking he imagined it as it was there and gone that quickly, but she stepped back and let Rick lean down next to Amaleen. 

Amaleen smiled and her other hand was taken by Rick's, gripping tightly as the ex-deputy's sapphire gaze flickered over her body. "You have no idea happy I am to see that you're awake. We were so worried that you'd slip away from us."

"Can't get rid'a me that easy." She grinned and the other three laughed, Daryl reaching up to push some hair off her forehead. 

"Good," Rick said, squeezing her hand. "Daryl tell ya what happened?"

Amaleen shrugged. "Mostly. Been out a couple days?" 

Rick nodded. "Yeah..." He trailed off for a moment, glancing from Adie to Daryl. 

"What?" she demanded, face losing its smile as she looked between them. Rick took a deep breath and told her about losing Beth. The brunette gasped, eyes slamming shut and so the guys squeezed her hands tighter. Clearly it was a struggle over her face to keep herself calm, but some tears slipped down her face and slowly she nodded. "Poor Maggie," she said, her voice sad. Rick and Daryl exchanged a quick look, but she had opened her eyes right then and she caught it. A sigh left her lips and she frowned sadly. "She blamin' me again, ain't she?"

"I'm going to talk to her tomorrow," Rick said softly. "Because it's not fair to blame you, it was my fault not yours." 

"Rick, it ain't yours either." 

"If she's going to blame anyone, it should be me," Rick continued as if Amaleen hadn't spoken. "It's not fair of her to blame you. I'm so sorry she is, I know how disoriented you probably are right now. I remember waking up in a whole new place without knowing what was happening." 

Rick had told her the story a couple of times and so she nodded. "Yeah, it sucks. But ya don't hafta blame yourself, 'n ya don't hafta talk ta her. With the shit over the winter, I knew we would never be good friends. Not like Lori 'n I were, 'n not like you 'n I are now." She smiled at him sadly and he squeezed her hand again. "M'okay with that, I got my boys... 'N Adie." She looked over at the blonde who matched her grin. "M'good." Daryl could tell that she wasn't actually  _"good"_ as she claimed. The news of more blame and backlash directed at her weighed heavily on her, but she continued to smile even as her eyes drooped even more in sadness. It made him squeeze her hand again, his other moving pieces of hair off her forehead tenderly. "How long're we stayin' here?" 

"Well, originally we were just 'til ya woke," Daryl said. "But I think we should for another day. Letcha getcha strength back." Daryl and Rick exchanged another look before Rick nodded. 

"Daryl's right. We'll stay here for an extra day so you can finish healing and getting your strength back. You just have to promise that you'll stay put here, even if you think you feel better." His voice was firm and his gaze left no room for argument. Luckily she just nodded in agreement, yawning softly and it was clear that she was still off her game as her eyes were drooping. "Go back to sleep, Am, we'll wake you in the morning to see how you're doing." 

The looks from Amaleen and Daryl made him realized what he had called her, something that only Daryl had ever done before and ever had been allowed to do, but luckily enough, she simply brightened up a little smiled at him and that made him feel so special. She allowed him to call her a name that only the person closest to her had ever called her. Not even Lori had ever called her that. And even Daryl didn't look too upset about it, it was her decision anyway, and to Rick that meant that they were as close as Amaleen and Daryl were, in a completely different way of course, but he held onto it tightly. Carl was still upset with him, Adie was angry with him for backing away and still looking at him as if she figured out some huge secret—it was rather unnerving, truthfully—Maggie would probably be upset with him once he spoke with her... He found himself clinging to Amaleen, his fingers around her hand tightening enough that he actually saw her wince, which made him ease up and pat her arm gently. 

"M'tired. I'll sleep. But ya better wake me up." She took her hand back to point between the two of them and they had to laugh, nodding to her as Daryl tucked the blankets back up around her. 

"We swear, baby," he said, kissing her cheek. Amaleen smiled and snuggled more into the blankets, yawning as her eyelids fluttered shut. She was out a moment later and Rick sighed, sitting back on his heels as Adie began to change out the IV bag to put some more meds in her veins. 

"It's probably the antibiotics making her sleepy," she said. "Or just her body fighting off the fever still." She put a hand to her forehead and smiled. "Her fever is breaking. I think tomorrow taking it easy will be good, but the next day she should be ready for travel. I don't want her doing anything like keeping watch or going on runs—"

"Ain't gotta worry about that," Daryl cut in with a frown. 

"—but riding in the truck shouldn't do her anymore harm. We'll keep her on antibiotics until she's completely healed just to make sure there's no other complications." She paused and glanced up at them. "I hope you guys realize how lucky she is. She was a breath away from the point of no return." 

The men frowned and Daryl's fingers tightened on hers. He could feel it whenever he had held her during her sickness that she was slipping away from him, and ultimately that's what got him to leave and go to the hospital to get the meds and other supplies. He wished he had been there to help get them out of the house, but if he hadn't gone she probably would be dead by then so he couldn't really be to upset about not being there. He would always wish he could've saved Beth, but if he had been there instead of Rick, there was no telling that he could've done anything to change the outcome of what happened. Rick's call was the best that could've been made; he never could've done that. The man would never believe it wasn't his fault even if Beth herself came back and told him that. But Daryl knew that nobody—except perhaps Maggie—blamed him for what happened. Hard decisions had to be made, and if he hadn't made the decision to get them out, they all could be dead. And Daryl was damn glad that that isn't what happened.

Neither of them said anything to her words as she finished up and quietly went back to her spot by the front door. The two men continued to watch her sleep, just for a couple moments, before Rick gave him a friendly pat on the shoulder and headed back up to his spot for watch. Daryl kept his hand enclosed around hers as he laid back against her hay-bed, yawning as he let sleep take him over again, but kept his awareness just on the edge in case she woke up again.

* * *

There was a small room to one side of the barn where some farming tools had been kept that Maggie and Glenn cleaned out and stayed in by themselves. Amaleen knew it was Maggie's idea to keep them far away from herself as her  _"bed"_ had been set up on the opposite side, but truthfully she really didn't mind. Part of her had actually believed that she and Maggie could finally be friends, but she shouldn't have fooled herself. She had wanted to forgive and forget the winter, but this was just too much. She understood Maggie's anger and sadness, the pain of losing her family. Amaleen watched her son die and then her mother, and spent her whole life never being good enough for her father. She knew what loss was, that's all her life was.

Maybe all this loss and pain and death really was all her fault... Alex wouldn't have died if she had been a better mother. Her mother wouldn't have died if she hadn't caused her so much stress which weakened her heart. Hershel wouldn't have died if they hadn't had to go to North Morton to pretend-exchange her. Beth wouldn't have died if they hadn't needed to stop in the last town because she was sick. Lori wouldn't have died if she had kept them all calm and waited for the others to get to them to help out. Maybe even T-Dog was her fault, they could've helped fight if they had stayed at the docks. 

Waking up with that on her mind really sucked and so she pretended she was still asleep, allowing herself to feel it all and cry silently as the others moved around her. Nobody even noticed what was going on with her even though she could tell by the sounds of the voices that they were all awake. If she had any say in the matter, it would be her gone and the others would all still be alive. She truly didn't mean to cause so much pain and death, and she had to fight herself not to just rip the IV out of her arm and stop the medications from healing her body. How could she deserve that when she did so much damage to those she cared about? 

Sniffling softly, she raised her good arm to scrub quickly and furiously at her eyes so nobody noticed what was happening. If she and Daryl got a chance to talk alone, or even her and Rick, maybe she could explain to one of them her feelings. She knew they would see the sadness in her anyway, but she refused to let it out in the open, the last thing she needed was to give Maggie more ammunition to come at her. The best thing the younger woman could do for her would be to just ignore her. 

"Am?" 

The voice startled her from her thoughts and she jumped, sitting up on her good elbow quickly and looking up as Rick stood above her, eyebrows furrowed. They deepened when he saw the look on her face, but she managed to plaster a smile across her lips as she let the blankets fall and slowly swing her legs around so she was sitting up. She was still a bit shaky, but mostly good, though her arm ached. It was easy to ignore, though, as she could still feel some meds drifting through her body. She patted the seat next to her and the ex-deputy studied her for a moment before slowly sitting next to her, his eyes never leaving her face. 

"So tell me what's been goin' on," she said. "Ya guys told me some last night." She frowned at the memory. "But my brain was still a bit foggy."

Rick sighed and put an arm around her shoulders. "Well...I talked to Maggie this morning like I said I would. But now she blames the both of us instead of just you..." He shrugged and she frowned sadly, leaning against his side comfortingly. Out of the corner of her eye, Amaleen saw her walking from her little room, pausing to glare at the pair of them, before continuing her way outside. She supposed she wasn't too surprised, mostly because she was starting to truly believe this was inadvertently all her, but she also knew Maggie and what happened when Hershel died. Frankly she wished it was still her, Rick didn't deserve all of her wrath, but she could see from the stubborn jut of his jaw that he wasn't going to allow her to chase Maggie down and try and talk her out of of blaming him. 

"M'sorry," she whispered, seeing him look down at her about to argue, but she quickly dove on before he could. "It's not fair of her to be mad at you like that. You've done so much for this group, and she's been apart of it a lot longer than I have. Maybe it would've been better if—"

"No," his voice was soft as he interrupted, but firm and resolved and more than a bit sad with a hint of desperation thrown in. "I'm not willing to let you go. They could've died anywhere at anytime; you just don't know in this world. Deep down Maggie knows they wouldn't want her to be angry at you. I think that's how her depression comes out. We'll have to just give her some time." He gently rubbed her arm and she reached up with her good one to hug him, giving him a sad smile against his shoulder. 

"I guess," she murmured doubtfully, nearly blurting out her guilty feelings that she knew it was all her fault, but she didn't want to bring up any other emotions that would put that look back on the ex-deputy's face. That hurt a hell of a lot worse than anything Maggie threw at her. Pulling back, she pushed a kiss to his cheek and he smiled at her, pushing some hair behind her ear. 

"Good. Don't think like that. Please. You're one of the only good things in my life right now." 

Amaleen let out a small laugh, shaking her head. "You, Rick Grimes, are somethin' else." She didn't truly answer him because honestly part of her wished that they had let Bulldozer kill her and all of this could've been avoided. Deep down she knew they cared for her and she would never express that out loud. She pulled back fully just as Adie arrived to them, an odd sort of half-smile on her face and Amaleen frowned, the other woman shaking her head as she said good morning and began to fuss over Amaleen, checking up on her and confirming her fever was nearly gone, at one hundred degrees even meaning by that night, she should be back to normal.

Secretly Amaleen knew that she would never truly be back to normal. The group was haunted by the ghosts of their dead and they would never truly be put to rest. But that was okay, Amaleen didn't want them to, the world would be that much sadder if they did.


End file.
